Tell Me Thursday -- Ditto

For my Wordless Wednesday submission yesterday, I posted a photo of a house that was heavily decorated for Christmas and showed how a smarty pants neighbor totally exploited the situation.

Frankly, I’m a bit envious of the neighbor who simply wrote “Ditto” in lights and pointed an arrow at the worker bee’s home. I almost wish I could get away with that little effort.

Ah, but my wife is completely wacky about Christmas. We’ve got three trees that we put up inside and we got a ton of new lights for the outside of our home (this big, colorful outdoor bulbs that were common when I was a kid). It takes the better part of a day to decorate around here, in fact.

Our collection grows annually. This year my wife got heavily into ceramics so we’ve got Mr. and Mrs. Claus to add to our collection and a new nativity set that looks absolutely amazing. By the way, I learned my wife doesn’t think it’s funny to suggest adding a snowman to a nativity set. Go figure.

Honestly, her obsession with Christmas decorations is a good thing. Christmas is the one time of year when you almost can’t go overboard on decorations, so why not spread a bit of cheer, right? We’ve got kids and I’m certain they’ll think fondly of our hyper-decorated house when they’re older. Hopefully they’ll follow in their mother’s footsteps when it comes to decorating when they have homes of their own.

If they take after their lazy old dad, the chances are good they’ll be like that “ditto” neighbor. That might not be bad, either.

This submission is part of the famed Tell Me Thursday event. Click the link to check out the other entries or submit something of your own.

Wordless Wednesday – gearing up for Christmas

This entry is part of the time-honored Wordless Wednesday event. Head on over to check out the other entries or post something of your own.

Music Monday – the Mekons!

Ah, yes. The video for “Memphis, Egypt.” Elvis imagery, up-tempo rock and some guy dressed up like an Arab playing bass. Who could ask for more?

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Wordless Wednesday -- gun control

This entry is part of the Wordless Wednesday fun. Head on over to post something of your own.

One of the coolest free guitar suites out there?

As I’ve mentioned a time or two on here, I bought a Behringer Guitar Link not too long ago and have been recording tracks on my computer ever since then (click the player above to hear my latest bit of nonsense).

I wanted to get a free mixer and some VST plug-ins for amplifiers (all of that is detailed here) as I figured on finding what was available at no cost before jumping into buying expensive amp modelers and such. I’m happy to report that there is a lot of great stuff available for absolutely free and that anyone with a modern computer and a Behringer Guitar Link can find more effects and guitar models than you can shake a stick at.

One of the best free packages I’ve found out there is the SimulAnalog Guitar Suite (click the link to read more about it and hear some tracks generated with it). Truth be told, the suite models the Marshall JCM900 Dual Reverb and that’s the only thing I use (I’ve got the modeled Fender Twin and the distortion pedals covered with other packages).

That Marshall model is fantastic, indeed. When you combine that with the D.I.G. suite from AcmeBarGig, you’ve got a heck of a lot of range at your fingertips.

Want proof? I’ve attached the above clip to show you what I mean. The lead and distorted chords in the chorus were recorded through the aforementioned JCM900 model and the rhythm guitar track was recorded through a rockabilly setting in the D.I.G. suite (because that “slap back” echo is too cool, but fret not – that D.I.G. suite can get as heavy, distorted and filthy as you want it). The bass track was recorded through the FreeAmp3 package from Fretted Synth (also free).

My guitar is a Fender Stratocaster Deluxe (the only thing in my setup that cost any real money) and my bass is some cheap copy of a Fender Jazz Bass.

Who says you’ve got to spend a lot of money to get good tone? Enjoy the clip!

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Welcome aboard, young Samuel Kirk Nobles!

Well, my little brother Zack and his wife Alev now have two children running around the house.

Well, their oldest son – Isaac – is running. Samuel Kirk was born just this week, so I doubt he’s doing much of anything other than crying, eating and being – well – a baby.

The little nipper was born at 4:16 a.m. on Oct. 26 and weighed 6 pounds, 13 ounces (he was a few days early). Oddly, my brother and his wife didn’t name the kid until about Wednesday and that came after months of struggling to find a name.

We’re glad to see young Samuel and – as you can see from the photo above – he seems healthy enough (and notice how tired my brother looks). With Alev and Zack in charge, I have no doubt he’ll grow into a fine young man before long. Those two can take care of all problems from “A” to “Z",” after all. Heh. “A” to “Z.” Zack and Alev. Funny stuff.

It’s late and I’m tired, so have a little mercy, huh?

A fascinating thing about this kid is that my brother and sister-in-law opted to have him at home. That sounded a bit on the pioneerish side, but the child was delivered with no problems and Alev got to rest comfortably at home instead of in a hospital. Perhaps those two knew what they were doing.

I love the middle name of “Kirk,” too. Every time I hear that, I’ll think of the Spizzenergie song in the below video:

Sexual misconduct with a horse?

Being a former newspaperman and a current public relations guy means that I still know a lot of journalists.

Thankfully those folks send me some articles from time to time. A friend of mine sent over an article today about a man who is accused of engaging in sexual misconduct with a horse and then fleeing.

I assume he was fleeing from the cops rather than a possible relationship with the horse.

Now, all this took place in Texarkana. I had hoped it took place on the Texas side. No such luck. The whole thing is being heard on the Arkansas side of the city in Miller County, so we’ve got ourselves a Natural State crime.

Good grief.

I’ve noticed the accused – 57-year-old Harry Johnson – has turned down a pretty good plea bargain. In exchange for a no-contest plea, the defendant was to receive a 60-day sentence in jail with credit for 53 days served.

Not a bad deal as Johnson could go to prison for up to a year if convicted. He has refused to take the plea and I can’t say I blame him. Who wants to go around being known as a horse rapist?

By the way, I wonder if people accused of sexually assaulting animals in Arkansas has to register as a sex offender? Fortunately I don’t practice law anymore so I have the luxury of not giving a damn.

Music Monday – Generation X!

Yes, it’s a young Billy Idol…

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Razorbacks should never play in the morning

Yes, the Arkansas Razorbacks utterly failed against Ole Miss today to the tune of 30-17 on Saturday.

Sadly for the fans of the perinially underachieving Razorbacks, the game started at 11 a.m. Why’s that unfortunate?

Because most of us simply can’t start drinking so early in the day and watching that game sober was a true chore. Yes, it might be easy for a bunch of college kids and 20-somethings to tie on a healthy buzz that early in the day, but some of us have kids and responsibilities to worry about and can’t get good and liquored up to endure a Razorbacks game.

And this game was a horrible one, folks. Watching the Razorbacks lose to a team coached by Houston Nutt is humiliating. That man is about as sharp as a sack of dog poop, yet his team managed to make the Razorbacks look like straight-up fools.

Nutt coached here for a decade and you’d think we’d know better than anyone that he would run the ball constantly. Regardless, Dexter McCluster managed to rack up 332 rushing yards against the Hogs and the defense often looked shocked that a Nutt-coached team would run the damned ball most of the time.

Bobby Petrino was highly touted when he took the head coaching job before last season. He’s now been beaten twice by that moronic Nutt. Twice. The mind boggles. That’s rather like being consistently pranked by the retarded kid in high school.

Meanwhile, I do believe I’ll skip those morning games for the time being.

‘Pet blessing’ photo explained

About a week ago I posted the photo over to the left as part of the famed Wordless Wednesday event.

I meant to post something the next day for Tell Me Thursday, but – didn’t. So I’m getting around to that now.

Frankly, the above photo is one of the better ones that’s been sent to my email address in some time. What’s going on? That was a photo from last year’s pet blessing at Hendrix College in Conway, Ark. (my alma mater).

Now, Hendrix is a Methodist school and it turns out that a lot of churches subscribing to that denomination tend to hold pet blessings annually. The one at Hendrix was cancelled this year due to rain, but it’s great to see that the pup in the photo above appreciated the one last year and gave the college chaplain a little love. The chaplain appears to be a good sport about it all, so kudos to him.

We supposed to take our three-legged dog, Bella, to a Methodist church here in Benton we’ve been attending last week so she could get good and blessed. We missed that event, however, as it was on a Saturday and weekends here tend to get a bit nuts (this past weekend was busier than usual as my wife’s family was in town).

I asked my wife if a freshly-blessed Bella would suddenly have a functioning fourth leg like all the other dogs. I was told such a miraculous event was unlikely and my wife practically called me a heretic for suggesting such a thing.

I keep that wife of mine on her toes, see?

At any rate, I do believe the pet blessing is a nifty little practice and was pleased to hear that Catholics do it, too. It only makes sense that we Methodists would follow suit for what is the Methodist faith but Catholic Lite (most of the ceremony, none of the guilt)?

I’m sure we’ll take Bella to a pet blessing next year. Hopefully she’ll be as appreciative as the dog in the photo.

Hey, Pandora! What if I hate the entire band?

One of the coolest things out there on that Internet (the device all the kids are just wild about) is Pandora.

If you’re not familiar with Pandora, you need to click that link up above and sign up for it. Pandora, essentially, is an Internet radio station that is completely shaped by your tastes in music.

The service is free but you’ll have to pay for some useful upgrades like more hours and such. Here’s how it works – when you first sign up, Pandora will ask you what your favorite band is. From there you are played songs based on your initial preferences so that you can expand into other bands. For example, if you like the Beatles, Pandora might play a Rolling Stones song to see if you like that particular tune, too. If you like it, you can select the “thumbs up” button and it will find similar songs. If you don’t you can select “thumbs down” and it won’t play that song again (and will modify your profile accordingly).

Along the way you have the option of adding other bands and songs to the service to further build your profile. After I chose the Beatles, I went ahead and added some of my other favorites such as the Clash, KISS, Camper van Beethoven, the Pixies, Hank Williams Sr., Howlin’ Wolf, Black Flag, the Sex Pistols, Tom Petty, Carl Perkins, the Darling Buds, etc. While you are encouraged to build various stations for various genres, I kind of like having a Hank Williams Jr. song play immediately following something abrasive by the Pixies.

Hey, that’s what we call variety, right? It keeps things interesting and helps move the day along.

For the most part, Pandora works very well. Based on my initial selections it has picked songs from the Ramones, Buddy Holly, Chuck Berry, Blondie, Led Zeppelin, Motley Crue and a lot of other stuff that I do like. In fact, Pandora has directed me to some great bands that I’ve either forgotten about or haven’t heard of at all – that’s a great thing.

One thing that drives me nuts about the service is that it keeps dredging up bands that I absolutely hate. At this point, I think it’s cycled all the way through Nirvana’s Nevermind in spite of the fact that (I think) I’ve made it clear that I detest almost everything on that album (it is very gratifying to hit the “thumbs down” button when you truly hate something). Regardless, it keeps throwing Nirvana songs at me.

It’s rather like Pandora is saying, “Come on, The Hawg. You really do like Nirvana. I promise!” I’ve gotten the same kind of treatment with Green Day (I’ve always hated that pack of spoiled brats) and Simon & Garfunkel (an act that actually makes me angry when one of its sappy, pointless hits starts playing). The disturbing thing, of course, is that Pandora has played exactly two Beatles songs for me, no Black Flag and no Sex Pistols – those are bands I like, so why the hell do I keep hearing Nirvana instead of them?

I realize there are some folks out there who regard a strong dislike of Nirvana, Green Day or Simon and Garfunkel as heresy, but that’s not the point. To those folks I say this – just think of a band you really, really hate and imagine the fun you’d have if Pandora played them at you regularly.

Yeah. See what I mean? Sucks, doesn’t it?

Is there a point to all this? Sure there is. I think it would be great if Pandora offered an “I hate this band” button in addition to an “I don’t like this song” one. That would save a lot of trouble.

By the way, there is a very nifty device out there that has to do with Pandora. It’s a portable radio that streams Pandora wherever you have an Internet connection. It’s the Livio Pandora Internet Radio and you can read a review of it here.

This is not, by the way, a paid post. I just think that radio is pretty cool even though my wife declared it’s a “waste of money.” Thought it might make a nice Christmas present for her. I’m glad I asked her about it before I bought it.

At any rate, I would encourage everyone to rise up and demand from Pandora an “I hate this band” button. The world would be a better place, wouldn’t it?

Music Monday -- “She Cracked” by the Modern Lovers

From way on back in 1972!

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Thanks for nothing, AT&T U-Verse

For the past year or so, AT&T U-verse has been calling my house and trying to get us to become customers.

For those unfamiliar with U-Verse, it’s pretty slick. I finally said “OK” to AT&T and arranged to drop my AT&T DSL, AT&T phone service and Dish Network satellite for a U-Verse bundle. We were all set to pick up phone, Internet access and TV service – complete with a DVR and 80 high definition channels – for about $130 a month (for the first year, anyhow).

That’s a heck of a deal, kids. Unfortunately, we’re not able to get U-Verse. Why? They sent some folks out here and told us we live too far from the U-Verse switch to activate the service.

In other words, I’ve been hounded on a weekly basis for something I can’t get. Didn’t it occur to them to check and see whether I could actually get U-Verse before they started their relentless calls? What the hell is going on over there? Have they heard of the public relations pitfalls of pulling such things?

The sad thing about this is that the U-Verse service looks very, very cool. Up to four televisions can utilize the receiver and happy U-Verse customers can record up to four shows while watching another one.

Sadly, I’m not a happy U-Verse customer. I’m not a U-Verse customer at all, in fact. Instead, I’m stuck paying $90 per month for a standard definition digital DVR (and two additional receivers) through Dish Network.

So now I’m mad at U-Verse (because I can’t get that service) and Dish Network (for offering an expensive service that isn’t that great).

AT&T should have left well enough alone. Ignorance is bliss, after all.

Wordless Wednesday – Hendrix College Pet Blessing

This post is part of the time-honored Wordless Wednesday event. Head on over there to check out the other submissions or (better yet) send in something of your own.

Get happy – Franken Berry and Boo Berry are back!

I’ve got the greatest wife in the world. Seriously. I mean it.

Why? Because she understands me and hasn’t thrown me out in the yard yet. I think the girl likes me, in fact.

Here’s an example. I was in my office the other day when I got an email from my wife that simply said “Guess what I bought?”

I didn’t have a clue so I called her. She said she was shopping at Target and found boxes and boxes of Franken Berry and Boo Berry. Since she knows Franken Berry is one of my favorite cereals she grabbed a box of it for me.

She didn’t even flinch when we all got home and I told the kids I’d take out a spoon and whop the first one that got near my beloved Franken Berry.

When I was a kid I was practically addicted to Franken Berry and even grabbed some Boo Berry every now and again. Back in the 1970s Franken Berry and Boo Berry were available all year long at almost any grocery store you’d care to name.

Count Chocula – truly rotten trash – was available, too. These days,  the filthy County Chocula garbage is available all year and all over the place while Franken Berry and Boo Berry tend to only show up at stores like Wal-Mart and Target during Halloween.

So what happened? Why is it that the clearly superior Frank Berry and Boo Berry have been relegated to seasonal status while you can’t swing a dead cat in a cereal aisle at Kroger in June without hitting a box of Count Chocula?

Simply put, that scheming Count Chocula fascist simply used his mastery over evil to win the cereal wars against his foes. To understand the Cereal Wars that started in the 1970s – and the intense competition between the players – just watch this short documentary that’s available at YouTube:

Clearly, the competition between the three was fierce. It’s impossible to fathom the notion that chocolate won out – fair and square – over strawberry and blueberry.

The answer has to do with political intrigue. You’ll notice that Count Chocula is a member of the aristocracy while Frank Berry and Boo Berry are mere commoners. Those two may have been able to make and push superior cereals and – in an ideal world – they would have emerged victorious in the Cereal Wars.

Ah, but we don’t live in an ideal world, do we? No, we live in a world where political clout trumps mere skill and ambition on a regular basis. Count Chocula was able to crush former rivals Fruit Brute in 1983 and Fruity Yummy Mummy in 1993. Franken Berry and Boo Berry are still hanging in there, but just barely.

Folks, this little conflict has extended far beyond cereal, I’m afraid. Just head to Applebee’s, for example, and take a look at the dessert menu sometime. You’ve got all kinds of chocolate crud on there – triple chocolate cake covered with 30 different kinds of hot fudge, milk chocolate chips (the most evil form of chocolate) and topped with quadra chocolate ice cream, etc. What if you hate chocolate? Here, have shot glass full of barely edible crud or a piece of stale something that’s vanilla, cake like and covered with tan, sugary goop. No lemon meringue pie or a decent piece of cheesecake. No, just about 50 chocolate items and some non-chocolate afterthoughts. Yuck.

Count Chocula and his fiendish allies, seemingly, have formed a true Axis of Evil and are systematically eradicating any non-chocolate dessert and/or cereal on the planet. Believe it.

And rumor has it that County Chocula was the only food available to HItler and his flunkies down in that bunker.

Think about that for a minute. Then go buy a box of Franken Berry or Boo Berry like a freedom-loving American. While you’re at it, why not resist Count Chocula and his acolytes? Read up on the joy of Franken Berry here and the wonder that is Boo Berry here. If you want to read about what a monster Count Chocula truly is go here.

Music Monday – Ana!

One of the best from the Pixies…

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A rotten week for this blog

I’ve run this particular blog for over a year now and it has been mostly a pleasant experience.

This week, however, two events occurred which make me really question how enthusiastic I’ll be about posting my usual brand of nonsense in the future.

It seems the old ways of generating a little traffic and making some cash are swiftly becoming things of the past. Let me explain.

Entrecard

One of the most effective ways I found to generate traffic is to participate in Entrecard. For those not familiar with that site, subscribers simply put an Entrecard widget on their sites (you can see the widget over in my right sidebar) so that other bloggers can run small “calling cards” on their sites.

Attractive cards bring in some traffic and Entrecard members earn credits through clicking on cards, visiting sites, etc. that can be used to purchase space on all those Entrecard widgets scattered on blogs here and there. The system worked very well for awhile.

A few months ago, Entrecard started allowing advertisers to purchase spots on those aforementioned widgets. The primary problem with that arrangement (as far as I’m concerned) is that it does take away from the exposure Entrecard members bought with their hard-earned credits.

Entrecard came up with a partial solution to the “paid ads” problem by allowing users to refuse to accept any of them at all. That, seemingly, is about to change. Apparently, on Oct. 5 all members will be required to carry paid ads unless they send Entrecard $50 per blog to opt out of the program. If you want to read more about that plan, just click here.

Entrecard has been trying hard lately to run off its members and the plan seems to be working. That’s a shame – Entrecard is made up of a great community of bloggers and I fear a lot of them will simply choose to take off rather than waiting around to see what kind of weird policy comes next.

Frankly, I’d suggest avoiding Entrecard at this point and go with a service that generates traffic without a whole of strings attached – BlogExplosion.com.

The Google hates The Hawg

For close to a year now this blog has sported a Google PageRank of 3. Last night, Google decided to change that rank to a big, fat zero.

Why? I did some research and – seemingly – it has to do with the fact that I do accept paid posts. The focus of this blog remains on my original, non-commercial content, so why not? What’s wrong with making a buck or two?

From what I can tell, Google is worried about the links in those paid posts – they might not yield solid search results. For example, let’s say someone is looking for some information on the history and development of the big thermos. If I’ve got a post talking about the latest thermos from Big Thermos Inc., then that could lead someone astray – they might come over to my blog based on the Google search engine picking up my “Big Thermos” link.

That issue gets down to the quality of the content – if someone is looking for the history of the big thermos, shouldn’t they be able to do that without having to slog through a bunch of links sprayed all over the place through paid posting? That’s a pretty admirable goal, to be sure.

Ah, but wait. Google’s argument loses more than a little steam when you consider all the junk sites that Google’s AdSense sends people to. Yes, it’s very common for blogs to run AdSense ads, so it does appear that Google might be worried less about protecting consumers and more about protecting itself from competition.

Still, it’s Google’s kennel, so why not leave it to Lassie? The main problem I have with the policy is that it’s simply not enforced consistently. There are a lot of sites out there that host nothing but affiliate ads and some of those have achieved a far superior page rank to mine.

Also, my rank was reduced without warning and I’ve heard nothing back from the “request to reevaluate site” application I’ve made. In addition, I have a problem with the notion that AdSense links are just fine and dandy but other commercial ones are not. I hate thinking along those lines because AdSense is truly terrible. Since July last year, I’ve made around $155 through AdSense because no one clicks on the blasted links. That stinks.

And – last but not least – I make some great money from taking paid posts. That will dry up soon with a rank of zero because who would want to pay for a post on a site that is – in the eyes of Google – pretty well worthless? So, Google has cut off a bit of money for me and I’m not sure I’ll ever know exactly why that is.

Again, I’m not saying that Google sucks or anything like that. I am saying, however, that it’s disturbing to know that the company that seems to be well on its way to owning the Internet has essentially determined my blog is useless.

Tell Me Thursday – Beer theft!

For my Wordless Wednesday submission this week, I posted the dandy photo over to the left.

That photo is a bit cryptic, to be sure. What does it all mean? The good folks over at Tell Me Thursday have inspired me to explain these random photos I tend to throw at my blog from time to time so I’ll do just that.

We had our Arkansas Realtors Association (ARA) convention in Hot Springs this week. I’ve mentioned a time or two that I handle public relations for that group, right? On the first night of the convention, the ARA hosted a party and we bought about 25 cases (actually, 30 packs) of beer for the event.

We bought far too much. In fact, over half of it was left at the end of the night. So my friend and co-worker Dave and I had to keep up with it all.

Now, Dave drives a pickup truck. On Wednesday – about an hour before we were set to leave and head back to the office in Little Rock – we parked his pickup across the street from the Hot Springs Convention Center.

The bed was full of beer so we concealed it with a couple of black tablecloths. By the time we got back to the truck, we noticed one of the tablecloths was missing. We noticed about five cases of beer were missing, too.

Oh, and they grabbed our dolly cart while they were at it (that’s pictured in the photo, too).

Dave and I thought about that a little bit and realized something – we provided the thieves with beer, a dolly to haul it off with and a way to conceal what they were carrying. We did everything except load it up for the miscreants, in fact. We did drive around a bit to see if we could spot anyone pushing a concealed dolly around Hot Springs somewhere but we had no luck.

I just bet someone in Hot Springs is – at this very moment – drunk as hell and laughing at us. Rats.

Meanwhile…

We went and started a blog at the ARA – The Arkansas Realtor. One of the dandy fun things we do over there is podcasting. The most recent one concerns Wade Rivers – a Realtor in Mena, Ark., and author who is promoting his book (it’s a thriller, and a good one, too!) Click here to read a bit about Rivers and access the podcast. Fun, fun.

Wordless Wednesday – this will all be explained later…

This post is part of the Wordless Wednesday event. Why not check out the other entries over there or leave one of your own?

Music Monday -- The Pursuit of Happiness!

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Sadly, the Benton Panthers stink this year

My dad and I both watch as many Benton Panthers home games as we can.

Why? We both graduated from Benton and high school football is still a big deal here in Arkansas. Besides, I do enjoy going and hanging out with my dad and that’s a great excuse to do it. The most important thing about those games – as far as I’m concerned – is that I watch them with dad.

I’m glad that’s my priority because the Panthers are flat out terrible this year. How terrible? We saw the first home game and the fourth game of the season on Friday and Benton absolutely got crushed by Pine Bluff. In fact, the Panthers were so small that it looked like Pine Bluff was facing a junior high team.

Here in Arkansas, there’s such a thing as the mercy rule. When a team gets 35 points ahead, then the officials just let the clock run and stop it for nothing but time outs. We learned on Friday that the mercy rule doesn’t apply until the third quarter as Pine Bluff had run up enough points by the first part of the second quarter to invoke the rule.

The Panthers wound up losing 42-7 and that’s only because Pine Bluff pulled their starters in the second half (Benton couldn’t even move the ball well against the second string). That, folks, is some bad football.

In addition to the Pine Bluff game, Benton has been slaughtered by Bryant, humiliated by Catholic High and embarrassed by Conway. So far this season, the Panthers have scored 28 points while their opponents have scored 168.

Ouch.

Yes, this is the first year for new head coach Steve Quinn and a bad season was expected. However, Benton is severely lacking in the talent department and there is a reason for that.

Benton wins championships in baseball and golf and is even competitive in track and field, tennis, soccer and basketball (well, they do well from time to time in basketball, at least). It seems, then, that there are a lot of sports that appeal to students so it’s no wonder you just don’t see as many kids trying out to play football these days.

After all, players feel like they’ve been in a major car wreck after a football game. That’s not true in baseball. I can’t say I’m surprised at the lack of talent, then.

Still, it just kills me to watch the Panthers get slaughtered. A lot of my dad’s classmates feel the same way, it seems.

Last night, a lot of members of the Class of 1960 attended the game. I sat up in their section with dad and we were the only ones left at the end of the game.

“They’re losing faith, dad!” I yelled as each of his classmates left.

It’s hard to watch. I hope the team is better next year, but who knows?

Why leaving a camera at home is a bad idea

If you’ve got a blog, there is absolutely no excuse for not carrying a camera around with you because you’ll never know when you need it.

 

For example, I was driving past the Hummer lot here in Benton the other day. Now, the Hummer lot is a very sad thing in town. It’s not that old, of course, as the Hummer fad ended as abruptly as it started and that left a lot of similar lots with a bunch of vehicles and few people wanting to buy them.

The Hummer lot in town used to be brimming with activity – you had people roaming around all the time looking at a large lot full of vehicles that I still think resemble oversized Hot Wheels cars. Most of those vehicles are gone now and the lot just reeks of a place that’s about to be abandoned.

The lot is located right next to a Chevrolet lot. I saw a bunch of fuel efficient Chevrolets clustered around the Hummer sign and thought that would make a great photo. I didn’t have my camera, but I figured I’d just drive by with it later in the day, take a picture and post the photo here for everyone’s amusement.

By the time I got back to the Hummer lot, the Chevrolets had been moved. That’s a shame. I doubt I’ll run across such an opportunity again. That photo would have lined up both the future of the automotive industry and its past, but I blew the chance to capture that picture.

Damn.

“Y” City by Wade Rivers

While shopping at the Harps here in scenic Benton the other day, we met a fellow Arkansan who is an author.

His name is Wade Rivers and he is a Realtor over in the west Arkansas town of Mena. He’s a heck of a nice guy and his novel is “Y” City, a thriller set in the small Arkansas town of (you guessed it!) “Y” City.

Rivers said his book relies on plot, action and such like rather than a bunch of crude language and suggestive situations to move along the story. My wife and I picked up a couple of copies (one as a gift) and Rivers was kind enough to sign them.

What was he doing at Harps Foods? The CEO of that Arkansas-based outfit said he wanted to carry Rivers’ books in all of his stores. Hastings Entertainment here in Arkansas has picked up his book, too.

I’ll have to admit I haven’t gotten through the novel yet (my wife has decided that she will read it first, see?) but I have read the prologue and the first chapter. Good stuff so far.

If you’d like to take a look at that first chapter, head on over to WadeRivers.com and read, read, read. If the book appears to be something you’d like, order a copy while you’re at Rivers’ site.

I’m mentioning all this, of course, because Rivers is a nice guy and I always like to see nice guys do well (particularly if they are from Arkansas).

Yay for The Boy!

My son has been pestering me for a guitar for years.

He’s 12-years-old and is in the school band, so I figure maybe he’s old enough and has the musical inclination to learn how to play guitar. We went to a local guitar shop, looked around at what they had to offer and he settled on an Affinity Telecaster by Fender.

Folks, I couldn’t be happier. I’ve got an American Deluxe Stratocaster but I’ve always missed the Japanese Fender Standard Telecaster I had through college, law school and through my years of practicing law (I finally had to sell it to pay rent – that just about killed me).

That little Telecaster my son likes looks exactly like the one pictured at the top of the article. The neck feels great, the thing looks great and the guitar sounds a lot like my standard Telecaster did (well, before I changed out the pickups, at least).

It did my heart good to see the kid get so excited when I plugged in the Telecaster and banged out a few chords on it. The kids got good taste and he seems to prefer that vintage, single-coil vibe to a guitar that’s set up to scream like a banshee. Good for him.

The trick to picking out a starter guitar for a child has to do with balance. If you get a guitar that’s too cheap, the kid will lose interest in playing. If you buy one that’s too expensive, you’ll hate yourself if the kid loses interest.

The Telecaster my son picked out seems to be the perfect guitar for a kid in my son’s situation. It’s a nice little guitar that sounds and feels great and – at a mere $180 or so – it’s not one that will break the bank. If the kid does get good at playing guitar, he can run that one through just about any amp and it will sound good. He can change out the pickups if he wants a “better” sound or he could graduate to a full-blown American Standard Telecaster (or whatever else he wants) one day.

So, he’s got his Christmas present picked out and that’s a great thing. I reminded him that he won’t get it if Santa thinks he hasn’t been a good boy – it might wind up with me instead.

Or, I could just buy my own Telecaster and customize it so it sounds exactly like the one I pawned off years ago. There’s an idea…

Music Monday – Surf Punks!

Ah, yes. The good old Surf Punks. It seemed all they cared about was surfing, running off outsiders who were trying to surf on their waves, simply soaking a bass guitar with treble and generally being a hoot.

Oh, and the drummer is Dennis Dragon – brother of the famed Daryl Dragon (the “Captain” in the Captain and Tennille). Enjoy the video!

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. One simple rule, leave ONLY the actual post link here. You can grab this code at LJL Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.




PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

Cheap booze reviews? Seriously? Seriously!

For some reason, I’ve run across a couple of sites lately that do nothing but review the cheapest, nastiest wine and malt liquor on the planet.

While other “booze review” sites tend to portray a sophisticated image, BumWine.com and 40ozMaltLiquor.com go in the opposite direction. Those sites, of course, stick with the nastiest hooch they can find and gleefully review it.

Let’s take a look first a BumWine. If you haven’t hit the link to head over there yet, you really should – the banner alone is worth the price of admission. Rarely has a take-off on the illustration representing the evolution of man been such a hoot.

The entire site is knee-slapping funny, in fact, as the folks at BumWine review some of the worst wines imaginable. Yes, Night Train, Cisco, Thunderbird, MD “Mad Dog” 2020 and Thunderbird are all given the “this stuff is cheap and nasty, but we love it” treatment and the reviews and features will provide a heck of a lot of entertainment.

I’ve got a great Night Train story, by the way. When I was in college, I drove to the liquor store with a couple of friends of mine. One of them bought two huge bottle of Night Train and he chugged one in the back seat of my Subaru before we got back to campus.

“Hey, shut the hell up!” I demanded.

“Take it easy on him, man,” my sober friend in the front seat said. “This is his first train ride.”

The other site – 40ozMaltLiquor.com – sticks with reviewing cheap  wine’s raunchy sibling. The reviews over there are a heck of a lot of fun, too, and I particularly appreciate the occasional videos in which one of the site owners knocks back a bottle of malt liquor and describes the experience in great detail.

Again, I’ve got another great story about malt liquor from my college days. See, we adored Olde English 800 (and cheap wine, for that matter) as we did like to drink a little bit. Back then, you could get a 40-ounce bottle of 8-ball for around $1.25. If you drank one of those, you were feeling OK. If you drank two, you forgot where you were, who you were and how to walk. That’s a lot of damage done for $2.50.

I’m mentioning all of this for a couple of reasons. First of all, I just think those two sites are a hoot. Second, they do remind me of my drinking days back in college.

When I think back to those, I recall the time I went with some friends to an off-campus party. One of those fellows decided he was going to keep up with how much he drank, so he brought along a pen and decided to make a mark on his arm for every beer he drank.

At the first of the evening, the lines were neat and vertical. As the night wore on, those lines got larger, more horizontal and downright impossible to count.

I am certain that we couldn’t abuse ourselves to that extent and get away with it these days – we’re just too damned old. Still, nostalgia is a good thing.

Tell Me Thursday – Michael’s broken arm

Welcome to the “The Hawg is a moron” edition of Tell Me Thursday!

Why is The Hawg so dumb? Because I lost track of the days somehow and put up my Wordless Wednesday post on Thursday and am now writing my Tell Me Thursday post on a Friday.

Works been, well, slightly hellish as of late and I lost track of the days somewhere in all of that. Perhaps just a nice, relaxing weekend will help set things right. I’m also using my fall-back excuse – I turned 40-years-old this year and I’m inclined to forget things as a result (that’s the only thing I like about turning 40 – I can whip out the “old, tired man” thing from time to time).

At any rate, the lad in the picture I posted above (and in my Wordless Wednesday post) is my 12-year-old son, Michael. The poor fellow broke his arm at school while (apparently) goofing off. He’ll have to stay in that cast until sometime in October and the thing itches like crazy every now and again. I feel bad for the boy.

Still, he has learned some valuable lessons from all of this. For example, casts are really hard and can do some damage when you hit people with them. Also, just because you’re sporting a cast does not necessarily mean you’ve gotten out of mowing the lawn (hey, I’m not going to do it – that’s one of the things I love about having a son who can mow it for me).

Michael’s been a trooper throughout his broken arm ordeal and will, hopefully, heal up just fine so he can get rid of that cast next month.

As for me, something I learned years ago has been reinforced – when it comes to kids, you just never know what those little rascals are going to do.

This post is part of the famed Tell Me Thursday event. If you participate in Wordless Wednesday, then you should certainly consider taking part in Tell Me Thursday so you can tell the story behind that Wednesday post. Head on over to the Tell Me Thursday site for more details.

Wordless Wednesday – poor Michael!

This entry is part of the famed Wordless Wednesday event. Click here to see the other entries or (better yet) submit something of your own.

The sewer rat!

As I’ve probably mentioned on here before, my dad was a middle school assistant principal for years.

He’s retired now so that whole experience seems – to him – to be a lot funnier than it was when he was grinding through it. Dad has a lot of stories to tell – everything from almost being hit in the head with a pickle when walking out of his office one day to a troublemaking kid saying his biggest ambition in life was to go on welfare and have folks like my father pay for it all. Education be damned, right? What a little punk.

At any rate, one of my dad’s favorite stories involves a kid who ran off from school one day. I’ll call the kid Jerry because I can’t recall the boy’s real name. Besides, he died doing something stupid years ago (apparently) so I don’t see that it matters all that much.

Young Jerry, see, decided to wander around town instead of going to school on this particular day. While he was at it, the kid broke into a house that was near the school, stole a dog and took to the sewers.

Dad became aware of all this when the cops showed up investigating the break-in. For whatever reason, young Jerry was running through the sewers near the school and was quickly discovered by the cops due to the barking, stolen dog that was with him.

None of the adults could get down in the sewer, seemingly, without calling in someone from the city to pull a manhole cover off somewhere – I rather doubt anyone regarded that move as anything but a last resort. You can see their point, right? Who wants to run around through a sewer after a troubled kid and a stolen dog?So the police decided to track Jerry’s progress and yell at him when they could.

Dad said he managed to strike up a conversation with Jerry as the kid and the dog were running through the sewers.

“Jerry, get out of there!” dad demanded.

“Oh, no,” the kid replied (I imagine that dog was barking, too). “I’m never coming out.”

Jerry did eventually surface, the dog was returned to its owner and the police likely filed something somewhere with the juvenile court in an attempt to convince Jerry to see the error of his ways. Everything was fine, right?

No. No. Of course not.

A few days after Jerry was running through the sewers, his mother showed up in my dad’s office and was outraged.

“The kids keep calling Jerry ‘The Sewer Rat’,” she fumed. “You’ve got to do something about it!”

“Ma’am, I hate to tell you this, but your son is probably stuck with that name through high school,” dad replied.

Great stuff. Sewer rat. Heh.

Happy ‘Anomaly’ day!

After a mere 20 years, Ace Frehley has finally released a new album.

That’s right – Anomaly is now in the stores. Actually, it’s a pretty good album – my expectations were too high after so long a wait, but that little album I initially viewed as fair-to-middling has turned out to be pretty good. It seems that the former lead guitarist for KISS still has a few tricks up his sleeve.

To find out more information about the new disc, watch the “electronic press kit” above or head on over to Ace’s site – AceFrehley.com.

By the way, I’ve had the urge to pick up a guitar with humbucking pickups in it since I started fooling around with recording tracks on my computer. I love my Fender Deluxe Stratocaster, but those single coils just can’t crank out the “chunka, chunka, chunka” distortion I’d like to get from time to time.

Like any red-blooded American boy who was raised on the likes of KISS, I’ve always wanted a Gibson Les Paul.Sadly, those are quite expensive and I can’t see running out and buying one until I can at least learn how to play worth a damn. Furthermore, I’ve always loved the Ace Frehley signature series Les Pauls, but those are even more expensive than the typical ones (I believe one of those went for $3,500 the last time I checked).

I ran across a Chinese company, however, called Zxcmusic that makes an Ace Frehley model Les Paul that looks pretty darn great. You can find out the details about that particular guitar by clicking here.

The thing costs a mere $219 plus $100 for shipping. That’s one of those “too good to be true” prices and I suspect that’s exactly the case. Still, I’ve read a couple of good things on the Internet about that company.

If anyone has had any experience with the stuff Zxcmusic produces, I’d love to hear from you.

Meanwhile, rush out and buy that new Ace Frehley album. Any old time KISS fan will love it.

Music Monday – 'Clint Eastwood' by the Gorillaz!

Gorillaz - Clint Eastwood - Watch more Music Videos at Vodpod.

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. One simple rule, leave ONLY the actual post link here. You can grab this code at LJL Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.




PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

Apparently, people are still willing to buy compact discs

Since the days when Napster and those “music-stealers” that used it were in the news, we’ve heard about the forthcoming demise of compact discs.

Compact discs appear to have some life left in them yet. Just last week, all of the Beatles studio recordings were released in both mono and stereo formats and the things have sold like crazy.

That’s really no surprise. The Beatles are – after all – the greatest rock band of all time (in my opinion, at least, and I’m not alone) and the band’s catalogue was completely remastered. People have demanded such a remastering job for years and they’ve finally gotten it – it’s no shock these two boxed sets have sold so well.

Ah, but there’s something about these collections that also points out why so many people love stealing music through torrents or anywhere else they can find it. Here’s the deal – the stereo box set costs $260 and the mono boxed set costs $299. Wow.

Hey, the remasters sound great and you do get a lot of albums in those sets (the original British studio albums plus volumes 1 and 2 of the Past Masters series in the stereo set, a little bit less in the mono edition) and the remasters do sound great. But the price seems a bit steep.

That’s particularly true for those of us who bought all the CD remasters that came out in 1987, and more expensive still to those of us who bought albums and tapes before the catalogue was put on CD. Tommy Lee Jones in Men In Black referenced “having to buy the White Album – again” and I know exactly how he felt.

I’ll probably wind up buying the stereo remasters, but one has to wonder – how many times do we have to pay for the same songs over and over again? Those music pirates may have a point.

…and you thought we were just messing around

Well, well, well, well and well.

It seems that the woman who teaches my son’s advanced English class has decided that it would be a good exercise for her students to start their own blogs. My boy is in the seventh grade now and I can’t help but think his teacher has a great idea.

Yes, indeed. She views blogging as a great writing exercise and figures there’s some great networking potential there, too. It seems teacher is going to monitor the kids’ blogs so as to check up on their progress and will host a few events through Mr. Linky so the kids can participate in a few things.

I couldn’t be happier. I feel almost vindicated – like all that time I spent typing away on this here blog may be viewed as useful in some quarters.

Besides, I’ve learned enough by now (I hope) to help my son put together a blog that will kick ass. Other students will have those homemade banners and such, of course, but phooey on that. I work with a graphic designer (you can see his handiwork on my banner that he slapped together in about five minutes or take a look at the blog template he designed for our company by clicking here).

I haven’t pestered Dave the Designer about helping me out with my blog template (obviously), but I’d bet he’d be willing to help The Boy design something that will put whatever the other kids come up with to shame.

Furthermore, I can help my kid get some traffic by participating in fun-filled events such as Music Monday, Wordless Wednesday and Tell Me Thursday.

Yes, the lad will simply rule the blogosphere at his school. Hey, I sucked at making those wooden race cars in Cub Scouts and have been a failure at most mechanical projects I’ve tried. However, I can teach that kid a thing or two about blogging.

Before long, the lad will be posting drivel and annoying people just like his old man. That’s a beautiful thing…

My plan to help my girl sell cookies was rejected!

For my Wordless Wednesday post yesterday, I put up a photo of a cute little girl who had – apparently – just set fire to a house full of people who refused to place an order for Girl Scouts cookies with her.

There was a point to all of that. Well, there was sort of a point to that, at least.

I’ve got an eight-year-old girl who sells cookies for her Girl Scouts troop every year. The competition is fierce, folks. She generally manages to sell around 300 boxes or so, but that amount pales in comparison to sales totals from some of the other girls.

My daughter holds her own and generates a lot of money for her troop, but there’s always room for improvement. So I came up with a plan. I figured on having young Brenda go from door to door with a sales pitch that people simply can’t resist.

“My daddy says if I don’t sell a lot of cookies this year, I won’t get a Christmas,” she would say through her quivering lips.

My wife rejected my plan immediately. She figures the neighbors will think I’m horrible. She might be right.

However, my daughter would sell the heck out of some cookies, huh?

This entry is part of the soon-to-be-famous Tell Me Thursday event. If you participate in Wordless Wednesday, why not come back the next day and tell us the story behind your entry. It’s dandy fun. Head on over to the Tell Me Thursday site for details!

“I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”

Yeah, it’s a cheesy title – I know.

Ah, but there’s a point here. Back in the 1980s, there were these commercials featuring a woman who fell and was saved because she pushed a button and alerted someone.

What if that woman would have fallen and – for whatever reason – couldn’t have pushed a button and summoned help? That’s where Brickhouse Alert comes in. Sure, their customers get a Life Alert system which features a button that can be pressed to summon help.

In addition to that Life Alert “big button” system with which were are all familiar, Brickhouse also offers fall detection. If a client falls and can’t push a button, the fall detection system alerts Brickhouse and help is sent.

Want more? They’ve got it. How about a monitored smoke detector, medication reminders, inactivity detector and other hand services? They’ve got it and some other stuff, too.

Now, there’s a very useful application for the latest technology, huh? Check it out.

The Pirates set a record!

In case no one noticed, the Pittsburgh Pirates now have the longest consecutive losing streak of any team in the MLB, NBA, NFL or NHL.

On Monday, the Pirates earned their 82nd loss of the season in a game against the Cubs. With that loss, the Bucs clinched a dubious honor -- 17 consecutive losing seasons.

They came into the season tied with the Philadelphia Phillies -- a team that managed to lose 16 consecutive seasons from 1933-1949. Pittsburgh hasn't had a winning season since 1992 and seems doomed to consistent failure in the foreseeable future.

How bad is Pittsburgh? Read all about it right here. That article sums it all up better than I ever could. Besides, I'm too tired to give a damn. I've rooted for the Pirates for years and I'm about sick of caring how the team does.

In fact, the rotten Pirates are one of the reasons I don't follow baseball liked I did once upon a time. In fact, the last time I watched a full Pirates game was a few years ago. After hurling a few empty beer cans at the screen and cursing the team for being so clueless and awful, I pretty much quit watching Pittsburgh and haven't paid much attention to baseball since.

I've just about concluded that the way to get a team to turn rotten is to convince me to room for it. I've pulled for the Pirates since about 1977 and look what's happened to them. Around that same time I started rooting for the Denver Broncos and they've been getting worse since John Elway retired a decade ago.

Oh, don't get me started on Denver. They fired Mike Shanahan and alienated quarterback Jay Cutler until he made up his mind to leave. Shanahan was replaced by a punk, nothing kid of a coach named Josh McDaniels and Cutler was traded to Chicago for Kyle Orton -- a loser who is so anonymous that Denver might have been better off pulling a fan out of the stands and making him quarterback.

Denver will suck this year. Count on it. In fact, I'd be stunned if the Broncos did anything but stink up the field over the next few seasons.

As for Basketball, I followed the Bulls quite a bit. The Bulls, of course, ran off Phil Jackson, Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen and haven't done much since then. Even my beloved Arkansas Razorbacks -- once a force to be reckoned with in the 1960s through the 1980s -- have been reduced to a fair-to-middling team since joining the SEC.

Hell, even my beloved Benton Panthers are terrible at football these days.

My wife isn't a huge sports fan. I'm starting to think she's got a point.

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

This post is part of the famed Wordless Wednesday event. Hit that dandy link to see some other entries or (better yet) add something of your own.

Funniest thing I’ve seen in at least a week

Take a good look at that photo over to the left that was taken by a radar camera in Arizona.

That’s right – that’s a fellow driving a Subaru and wearing a monkey mask. Why? According to this story, the man is Dave VonTesmar and he has racked up 37 tickets in Arizona as cameras have caught him speeding and engaging in various traffic-related shenanigans.

Apparently, he’s been trying to avoid detection by putting on a mask while breaking the law (that ploy hasn’t worked as the police have, obviously, identified him). VonTesmar enjoys variety, seemingly, as he’ll put on a giraffe or gazelle mask from time to time.

Of course, the authorities in Arizona have dubbed him an outlaw and he has somehow evaded the law so far. Some people call him a menace. However, all I can say is, “Go, monkey man. Go!”

Truly, few things could be funnier than frustrated the police by driving around and breaking traffic laws while wearing a mask. They’ve got a few cameras in Pulaski County (home of our state capitol) but none in my beloved town of Benton. I doubt I’d have the guts to do it, but I’d love to drive around with a Bill Clinton mask on and annoy traffic police here in Arkansas.

So, my hat’s off to VonTesmar for having the stones to actually pull such a thing. He’ll be brought to justice eventually, of course, but couldn’t you imagine the judge and prosecutor trying to keep a straight face in that case?

Music Monday – new Ace Frehley!

Yes, the Ace Frehley album, Anomaly, comes out on Sept. 15. You know you’re excited, kids, so here’s a song off the album to tide you over.

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. One simple rule, leave ONLY the actual post link here. You can grab this code at LJL Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.




PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

Having too much fun with that Guitar Link…

A few days ago, I wrote all about the joy that is the Behringer Guitar Link.

I’m having more fun than should be allowed with that thing as I’ve been learning how to use it. All you need to use it is a free USB port on your computer and an ASIO compatible soundcard (for best results).

You can hear my pitiful rendition of Moon Over Marin by the Dead Kennedys by scrolling to the end of this post and streaming it.

The best thing about this guitar link is that I paid about $40 and have been finding plenty of free software to model amps and mix tracks on the Internet (I mentioned a lot of that in the post I just referenced). Yes, you can spend a lot of cash using commercial products set up for recording, but how many of us are professionals? My guitar playing stinks and I’m just having fun – the free stuff is more than good enough for me.

For the record, I recorded my guitar and bass parts on the aforementioned song through Kristal Audio Engine. The lead and rhythm guitar parts were recorded through the D.I.G. 2.0 amp modeler from AcmeBarGig VST plug-in and I ran my bass through  FreeAmp3 from Fretted Synth. The mixdown in Kristal was in that weird Ogg Vorbis format so I converted the song to MP3 through Audacity.

While it’s obvious I need a better sound card and learning how to play worth a damn would be nice, I was able to lay down some tracks that sound good enough for me through a bunch of absolutely free programs. That’s great stuff.

Now all I need to do is finish my country song that’s sure to be a big hit one day -- “I’m Wearing a Hawaiian Shirt (But there’s no Luau in my Heart).” Go ahead and laugh but that song will be huge one day. Yes, there will come a day when my song will establish a fad – a bunch of people will be wearing Hawaiian shirts and acting sad. Count on it.

Here’s my awful attempt at covering a Dead Kennedys song. Enjoy!