Take that, you bastard!

I hate cell phones. I've always hated cell phones and resent having to use them.

Now, there are times when they are very useful, but usually they're just annoying. I hate the way mine rings four times before slipping into voice mail, thus not giving me enough time to find the thing and answer it. I hate voice mail, too, and I rarely listen to it.

I hate how my voice mails stack up and I have to wade through 15 of the things to get to one that I want. I hate the fact that anyone can reach me at any time through my cell and I hate the fact that I can't bring myself to turn the cell phone off because I might miss an important call.

I hate the fact that 80 percent of the calls I get are ones I don't want and that more than one peaceful drive has been shattered by that blasted thing ringing while I'm trying to listen to KISS' Love Gun album or something equally inspirational.

So, my cell phone got the hell beaten out of it today. Yeah, look at it in that picture. The LCD screen is a mess because it's too flimsy to hold up to the shock of being thrown against a wall. The battery on that thing has been going out for some time, and the blasted thing cut off on me during the middle of an important conversation tonight. So I threw it. Three times. Kicked it at least twice and stomped it once, too. I put the pieces back together after I threw my fit and the damn thing still works.

Sadly, it appears I'll be getting a new one in the morning. I've had my phone for over three years and my office has a contract under which I can get a new cell every two years. I was warming up to the idea of living without a cell phone, but it looks like I'll have another one of the damned things to seethe at and despise. Alas!

I think I might actually miss my phone because it's pretty basic. It pretty much allows me to store phone numbers and make phone calls. That's about it. You can't take photos with it, there's no blue tooth connectivity so you can't grab annoying snippets of music out of the air and use them for ring tones and one of those obnoxious blue tooth headsets is out of the question, too.

I hate those blue tooth headsets, you know? There's nothing worse than someone who walks around talking in one of those things constantly. Are they on the phone? Talking to me? Crazy as hell and talking to no one? It's often hard to tell. I hate text messaging, too, primarily because of the idiotic "shorthand" that has become common with that junk. Messages like "C U l8er" and "What r u doing?" make me want to find the person sending that junk, put his phone through a wall and send him to a remedial English class. Here's one for you, text boy -- "U R A GD dick." Heh, heh.

I fear I'll get one of those awful flip phones like my wife has. Yes, they come in "custom" colors, take horrible little photos and allows her to customize ring tones for everyone. It does a lot of other junk I'm not interested in, too.

I really just want something I dial numbers with and will take being thrown against a wall. With all the crap they stuff in phones these days, you'd think they'd make at least one that was hate resistant and could take being stomped, thrown off a three-story building or kicked across a parking lot, wouldn't you? No, it seems the phone companies are more interested in catering to people who are too cheap to buy a laptop than building a phone that can take a good, honest beating.

Take the iPhone, for example. It just feels like it could be destroyed with one, weak blow from a baseball bat. A friend of mine at work got an iPhone and he can't stop talking about it. I'd destroy one of those in about five minutes. They are thin and flat, however -- perfect for skipping across a pond.

I once paid $400 for a phone that was pretty flimsy. It didn't survive being thrown out of my car window when I was driving down the interstate at 80 miles per hour. Piece of junk. Must have been made in China. Another one didn't survive a trip through a washing machine. Garbage.

I actually got away with not carrying a cell phone from about 1997 (the time I tossed one out of my car window) until around 2000. My wife decided I needed one and she made me carry a cell. My office requires me to carry one, too. Thank goodness they pay the bill. I might "forget" to do that.

Someone asked an idiotic question not long ago -- "What did we do without cell phones?" We talked to each other during lunch without being interrupted, could actually get away from the office and were generally happier. Those blasted cell phones are evil, even if they are convenient and useful about once every couple of months. The devil came up with those things. I'm convinced of it.

Now, that I've ranted and raved a bit, I'll reward you folks who have read through this mess with a soothing picture of The Kitten trying to figure out how to approach the train we've got running around the base of one of our Christmas trees. Enjoy!

Christmas means The Hawg is put to work

My wife, Marci, just loves decorating the fool out of the house for Christmas.

That means a couple of things. First of all, the first weekend after Thanksgiving is spent decorating. Second, the kids (12-year-old Michael and 7-year-old Brenda SueCarol) and I wind up doing a lot of work.

We pretty much spent the entire day following Marci's order and I've got to say the house looks pretty great. We've been married long enough at this point to have accumulated quite a few Christmas ornaments.

This year, then, we put up three Christmas trees. threw a garland on the mantle, put those blue, hanging icicle light thingies on the front of the house. It was a busy day, indeed, but Marci is happy and that just makes life easier around here. So why not?

My day started at 9:30 a.m. when Marci got my out of bed (I may have gotten up on my own, but I can't remember -- I have trouble recalling how I get out of bed in the morning as I'm usually in a haze). I had a little breakfast, took a shower, got dressed and then headed up to the attic.

We've got one of those wooden, folding ladders leading up to the attic and I'm amazed every year when I don't fall off of it while hauling down trees, the ornaments that go on them and everything else that's stored up there. I only smashed my finger once this year. That's pretty good.

I then headed outside to put up the hanging icicle light thingies. We did that for the first time last year and it was a chore as I had to screw a bunch of hooks into the awnings to hold the lights. Naturally, those were already in place so all I had to do was hang the lights.

That was easy enough until I realized that I put the lights on backward and wouldn't be able to plug them into the outlet in the garage. I cussed, threw a couple of things, went inside, got some water, cussed some more and headed back outside. My neighbor across the street asked me if I needed a ladder to reach the hooks easier.

I told her I had a ladder, but I was too tall and too stubborn to use it. The job got a lot easier after I pulled the ladder out of the garage.

We always wind up forgetting something and have to go to the store on the day we put up Christmas decorations. This year, we only had to go to the store twice for supplies this year. That's a record. The fact we had enough hooks for ornaments this year is a first, too.

Another first for us is a train I bought back in October to go around the base of one of our trees. That's a nifty addition and I'm proud that my son put an Army man on it.

Why? My little brother and I used to hide Army men in our Christmas trees when we were growing up, so I'm glad to see that tradition continue.

In the end, we got the house decorated and can enjoy the season. What's even better is the fact that most of our Christmas shopping is already done, so there will be no last minute rushing and stewing over finances (a common condition back years ago when my wife and I were struggling financially).

It appears that we'll have a great Christmas season and I hope the same is true of you folks. Thank goodness for trees that come with the lights already installed. That's the only way to go.

Back from Thanksgiving

My wife, our kids and I traveled from our home in central Arkansas to the northwest corner of the state for Thanksgiving and had a great time.

The trip back was rainy, a bit cold and everyone was tired. We made it back just fine, however, and it's great to be home.

We always go to northwest Arkansas for Thanksgiving because that's the holiday when my wife's family all gets together. Some of them come from the Fort Worth, Texas, area for the holiday, in fact, and we always have a great time.

My family, on the other hand, tends to wander all over the place for Thanksgiving. Sadly, the holiday used to be a big deal in my family, but that's no longer the case. We all get together for Christmas, however.

I had a few random thoughts while away for the holiday, and I'll torment you good people with those right now:

1. Seeing old friends is great. We had dinner with a couple of old friends of mine and their families while in northwest Arkansas. One of them is with a company exploring oil and gas fields in the north central part of the state, while another is a lobbyist in Washington, D.C. I knew both of those fellows back when we all lived in Fayetteville and two of us were practicing law. The three of us drank like fish and raised a lot of hell back then. When on earth did we all get so responsible? It seems like just yesterday that we were up to no good. Now I'm married with two children, another one is married and the third has a wedding set for May.

Hitting our 30s seems to have forced all of us to settle down, get real jobs and stay out of bars. That's probably a good thing.

2. Family is important. On Thanksgiving, the emphasis is on visiting with family members, some of whom we don't see but once a year. I enjoy that "low pressure" holiday quite a bit. Yes, Christmas is still my favorite holiday, but there's something to be said for a day that's set aside when there are no presents to give and the only thing we're required to do is bring a pie and an appetite.

3. My brother-in-law makes the best smoked turkey in the world. That's no lie. I start craving that stuff around Halloween.

4. People who wake up at 3:30 a.m. to go shopping are insane. My wife, her mother, her sister and our niece all hit the black Friday sales. That's crazy. We got home to Benton around 4 p.m. that day and my wife was so tired that she went to bed after we had dinner and bought a few groceries for the week. What did I do? I stayed in bed until 9:30 a.m. while those maniacs went out shopping and I feel great.

5. Northwest Arkansas has grown a hell of a lot. I left northwest Arkansas and moved back home to Benton in 2004 and I barely recognize the area of the state where I lived for 13 years. A lot of the population growth is due to a boom in the Hispanic population. A lot of people gripe about the Hispanics in northwest Arkansas, but many of them fail to mention those folks were invited -- Tyson Foods (the largest poultry producer in the nation) starting looking to Mexico and beyond for their labor force almost two decades ago. The results were pretty predictable.

Besides, most of the Hispanics in the area work hard and want nothing more than to provide for their families. What in the world is wrong with that? Besides, northwest Arkansas is now home to some of the best Mexican restaurants outside of Texas. Hot dog!

6. There's a liquor store on U.S. 412 in Springdale that sells Lone Star Beer! That wonderful brew is hard to find in central Arkansas. I've got about half a case of the "National Beer of Texas" chilling in my refrigerator right now because I made sure to grab some beer on my way out of northwest Arkansas. I couldn't be happier.

7. Sometimes, the absolute wrong people get those "pro life" license plates. I was dealing with a jerk in a Ford Expedition that appeared to be intent on causing a wreck. He honestly drove like he was stinking drunk and barely knew where he was. I turned off the cruise control, let him get safely in front of me and noticed he had one of those Arkansas "Choose Life" license plates. Don't get a pro life license plate if your driving causes fellow motorists to wish your mother had aborted you. That's just stupid.

8. Wednesday and Saturday are the worst times to travel during the week of Thanksgiving. We traveled to northwest Arkansas on Tuesday and came back home on Friday. My wife planned it that way. I do adore that woman.

9. There really is no place like home. We had a great trip, but now I'm home sucking down a cold Lone Star, watching an old episode of Baa Baa Black Sheep and I've got one of my dogs cuddled up next to me. That, folks, is living.

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. We're going to get a jump on the Christmas season in the morning by putting some lights on the house and three Christmas trees inside. We'll be busy.

Happy Thanksgiving, a pig farmer and Black Friday

Yes, indeed! In just a couple of hours I, The Hawg, will be heading up to northwest Arkansas with the wife, the kids and our incredibly spoiled dog to spend Thanksgiving with my in-laws.

What does that mean? Well it means I'll be offline for a few days. I won't be dropping Entrecards on this blog or The All Arkie Army, either (hopefully, some of my fellow Army members will be posting some new stuff over there, however).

I'll be back with my usual nonsense this weekend. I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving and I have just the joke that will make each and every one of you a hit at your family gatherings for the holiday.

Before I begin the joke, I should mention it's partially visual -- when you get to the point about the pig farmer and his kid weighing a swine, make sure to act like you're clinching the tail of the pig between your teeth, spread your arms out and act all scale-like. So, without further ado:

Pork for Thanksgiving

Once upon a time, a fellow decided he would have pork instead of turkey for Thanksgiving one year. Wanted fresh pork, so he went to a pig farm to purchase his swine.

The pig farmer greeted him at the farm and the fellow told him that he thought a 40-pound pig would suit his needs perfectly. The pig farmer looked around his farm a bit and grabbed a pig. The farmer put the pig's tale between his teeth, spread his arms out and weighed the pig.

"Mister, that's about a 40-pound pig right there," the pig farmer said.

"Wait a minute," the shopper replied. "There's no way you can weigh a pig like that!"

"If you don't believe me, I'll get my son over here. He can weigh this pig, too."

The pig farmer's son was raking leaves just a bit away.

"Boy! Get over here and weigh this pig for this fella!"

"Yes, dad," the kid said as he ran over to the farmer and the shopper.

The kid picked up the pig (he struggled a bit with it because he was a little fellow), stuck the tail between his teeth, spread his arms out and weighed the pig.

"That pig weighs 40 pounds and 5 ounces," the kid said.

"You see? It works," the pig farmer said. "The boy's a little more accurate than I am, though."

The shopper still wasn't convinced.

"I still say no one can weigh a pig like that."

"OK, mister. My wife can do it, too. Boy, go get your mother and tell her to come down here and weigh this pig," the pig farmer said.

The boy ran up the path to the farmhouse and then ran back -- without his mother.

"Where's your mother, boy?"

"She's busy, pa."

"Busy doing what?"

"She's weighing the milkman!"

Y'all have a great Thanksgiving and, if you're traveling, be safe!

Black Friday Sales

The day after Thanksgiving, my wife and her mother will get up far to early and head out to all the Black Friday sales. I, The Hawg, hope to still be sleeping soundly as I hate crowds, particularly when they're full of angry shoppers.

You can avoid all that wildness, too, and still save money by shopping over at Amazon.com during their Black Friday Sales zaniness.

If you want to vote on what items should be sold for insane prices, go right here and take part in that promotion through Dec. 4. I've voted. My wife has voted, too. I'll never pass up the chance to save money.

Good luck!

What the heck is a dachsador?

We are fortunate enough to have a cleaning company come in every couple of weeks and keep Casa de Hawg from getting filthy.

Why? Because the house needs to be cleaned and I'm not going to do it. My wife works as hard as I do and she doesn't want to clean house, either. The kids? It would be less effort to clean it ourselves than fight with them until they did what needed to be done.

So, a cleaning service is a great investment. Now, they were scheduled to show up the day after Thanksgiving, but that's not a good plan for obvious reasons -- most people prefer not to work on that day, and who can blame them?

The cleaning service folks, then, showed up on Saturday. It was a different team than the one that usually comes by and the husband in that team went nuts over our dog, Bella. She's a dachshund/black Labrador retriever. That's her at the top of this post doing what she does best -- catching some rest after chasing cats through the house.

We all know that people have been going crazy over the past few years by creating mutts and selling them as desirable breeds. One of those "designer mutts" ("hybrid breed" seems to be the preferred term) is called a dachsador -- go ahead and look at some great photos of the "breed" by clicking right here. It seems the breed is sometimes referred to as doxador. So cute. I think I'm going to be ill.

The fellow who liked Bella so well told us he's been looking for a dog like her, but hasn't been able to find one around here for less than $500. He didn't even care that she only has three good legs due to a birth defect.

Folks, this whole thing is nuts to me. Bella is a great dog, to be sure, but she's a mutt. We got her from the pound for $50 because she's a sweet dog who needed a home. When did people start breeding mutts and selling them for a lot of money?

I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Bottled water sounded like an insane idea, too, but people loved it.

I guess I need to get with the times and breed my registered rat terrier, Cobb, to something and develop a hybrid breed of my own. Here are a few ideas:

1. A rat terrier plus a beagle = a Reagle (or, a "Brat" as FeeFiFoto observed)

2. A rat terrier plus a Scottish terrier = a Scottish Rat

3. A rat terrier plus a Labrador retriever = a Rat Retriever or a Labrator Retriever (just call it a Lab Rat for short)

4. A rat terrier plus a great Dane = a Great Rat

5. A rat terrier plus a catahoula = a Ratahoula

6. A rat terrier plus a blue tick hound = a Blue Tick Rat or a Blue Rat Hound

7. A rat terrier plus a boxer = a Box Rat (that one is from my seven-year-old daughter!)

8. A rat terrier plus a Saint Bernard = a Saint Rat

9. A rat terrier plus a rottweiler = a Rattweiler (that one was obvious, yeah?)

10. A rat terrier plus a poodle = a Rattle (or, as Soge Shirts has suggested, a Rat Poo)

11. A rat terrier plus a dachshund = a Drat (another suggestion from the glib FeeFiFoto!)

12. A rat terrier plus a Shih-Tzu = a Rat-Shiht (thanks, HebsFarm!)

13. A rat terrier and any mutt = a Rat Bastard (thanks, again, to HebsFarm)

Wish me luck!

King of the stump and dad wrote a book

A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned that our huge pine tree, Ol' Coney, was getting cut down because it had been struck by lightning a couple of times and was dying.

When I say Ol' Coney was a huge tree, I mean it. Here's the stump with Winston, our boxer/St. Bernard mix, standing on it.

That dog weighs around 140 pounds and he looked small while playing "King of the Stump." He loves to stand on the stump and bark. Perhaps he figures his voice projects farther due to the elevation. Who knows?

The company that cut down Ol' Coney also took out another huge pine tree and accidentally took out a black walnut tree and a mimosa while they were at it. Several of our bushes were "accidnetally" ruined, too.

I was mad about all that until that same company dropped a tree on top of my parents' house, causing $100,000 in damages. Mom and dad, fortunately, are fine and the maniacs that crushed their home were insured. My parents have a great house to stay in until the damage is repaired.

The whole incident bothered me to the core. Mom and dad live across town from me and I grew up in that house. What a mess.

Dad wrote a book!

My mom and dad, understandably, have been irate since their house got crushed by a tree. So, I've been trying to buy some unusual, fun Christmas gifts that they might enjoy -- kind of keep their minds off of things, right?

In dad's case, I found a great MP3 player and a bunch of old time radio shows from the fantastic OTRCat.com. However, it occurs to me that something that would really make my dad happy is if more people bought his book, Poems from a Baseball Fan by Howard A. Nobles.

Now, dad's retired and he's set for money, so there are no problems there. He's been a baseball nut all of his life and published poems about the sport he's put together for about the past 40 years. This book, then, is something he regards as a hobby that he'd like to share with other folks.

So, if you know a baseball fan who might like something unique, why not click the Amazon.com ad up there and pick up a copy of my dad's book? Come on, folks! Make a retired educator's day!


The Razorbacks fail ... again.

The Hawg's plan to stimulate the economy

It seems that everyone and their dog has been wanting a big pile of free money from the government these days.

Companies in the financial sector have been getting a bailout lately and the auto industry is begging for money, too.

Here's the thing -- most of those companies claiming they need a bailout are doing so because they did something stupid that got them into trouble.

What about those of us who have avoided being idiotic with our money and are in pretty good shape? Shouldn't we be rewarded for our responsible behavior?

I sure think so. Therefore, I plan on asking the government for $10 million. Hey, everyone else wants free money from the feds, so where's my cut? I can get by just fine on my own, but perhaps I need some of that bailout money, too. I could greatly improve my standard of living for $10 million, so why not?

Besides, I could stimulate the economy like nobody's business. When I go to Washington and start begging for money, I'll tell them exactly how that $10 million will be spend and how any bailout money I receive can help the economy:

1. I'll help out the airlines. I'll start helping the U.S. economy even before I get any free government money. Yes, I'll buy a round-trip ticket from an airline, thereby sending some cash to an American business. There will be no private jets for me. And, hell, it just looks bad to take a private jet when you're heading off to Washington to beg for cash, right?

2. I'll help provide jobs to unemployed Americans. Should I get $10 million, neither my wife nor I will have to go to work anymore. So we'll promptly quit our jobs, thus freeing them up for people who are unemployed and want to go to work. What's wrong with that?

3. I'll help the U.S. auto industry. My wife wants one of those new Ford Mustangs. Should the government makes us stinking rich, she can buy one. Furthermore, I'll purchase a Pontiac Solstice (because I've always wanted a roadster) and a Dodge Caravan (so we'll have a vehicle to haul our kids around in).

So, there are three purchases we'll make, and you'll notice that we'll spread the wealth around to all three major U.S. auto manufacturers.

Ah, but it gets even better -- we'll help out specialty car salesmen and the parts business, too. How? I'll purchase that 1969 Oldsmobile 442 I've always wanted. I have no practical skills so finding and Olds somewhere and restoring it myself is out of the question. I'd have to find it from one of those individuals or car lots that specialize in old muscle cars. So, there's some money for them. Also, 40-year-old cars generally need a lot of parts -- that's particularly true when we're talking about a car that I would drive like a bat out of hell. So, there's some money for the parts industry, too.

Oh, and let's not forget that the 455 V8 that comes in the 442 burns gas like crazy. The convenience store owner down the street would love me because I'd always be stopping by there to buy some more fuel for that gas-guzzler. So, I'd help her business out, too.

4. I'd help out the financial industry. I've got a mortgage on my house, so I'd pay that off immediately. Furthermore, I'd have to keep my money in some bank somewhere, so the lucky bank (or group of them) would benefit from my largess. Also, I'd probably want to invest that money somewhere, so I'd help out a financial advisor, too.

5. I'd help out the construction industry. I could finally afford that "man room" I've always wanted, so I'd have that build onto the house. It would be a pretty big room, of course, and would be packed with essentials such as pool tables, a refrigerator for my beer (American beer, of course) and etc. The retail industry would benefit as I went spend happy, of course, and I'd also try to buy as many American-made products as I could for my man room (we don't make much in this country anymore, but I'd got out of my way to pick up those items that are manufactured here).

6. The recreation industry in central Arkansas would love The Hawg. After I've selflessly given up my job so that someone else could have it, I'd be stuck with a lot of free time on my hands. So, I'd throw the clubs in the Olds and head out to play golf. A lot of golf. Tennis, too.

Oh, and I'd be able to better support my hobby of banging on guitars until my wife tells me to stop it. Dillion Guitars would make a killing off of me. That's a fantastic, American company. A lot of their guitars are made in the U.S., they make a great copy of the rosewood Telecaster (the "Rosie") that George Harrison played on the Beatles' Let it Be album (very cool). Also, I know from experience that the owner of the company will e-mail you back when you send in questions. There's something to be said for solid customer service, right?

They've got some great stuff over at Dillion and I'd probably be tempted to buy one of everything. I could afford it, so why not? I'd need to pick up a new amplifier or two and you'd better believe I'd be buying American. That Fender Twin Reverb I've always wanted would have a prominent place in my new man room

So, there's my plan. Wish me luck.

Norris and The Nuge for president?

When I'm driving to my office in Little Rock from my home in Benton, I generally listen to our local news radio station, KARN 102.9 FM/AM 920.

That's about a 30-minute commute, so I've got plenty of time to listen to the news of the day. While I was listening yesterday, I heard a live phone interview with Chuck Norris in which he talked about all things political and mentioned his new book, Black Belt Patriotism.

Yes, Norris went and wrote a book in which he discusses the problems facing the country and offered up some solutions for them. Have I read the book yet? No, but rest assured that I will (and I'll write all about it when I do). I did check out the description on Amazon.com, and here's what I found:

"Martial arts master, actor, and political activist--there is no job Chuck Norris can't do. Now the original tough guy is at it again, stepping back into the role of bestselling author with his new book, Black Belt Patriotism. In Black Belt Patriotism Norris gives a no-holds-barred assessment of American culture, tackling everything from family values to national security. More than a cultural critique of what's wrong with our nation, Black Belt Patriotism provides real solutions for solving our problems, moving our country forward, and changing our nation's course for the better. Chuck Norris--the hero, icon, and legend--is back, packing a political and cultural punch, as only he can deliver."

Who could resist that, right? I looked around and noticed that none other than that wild Ted Nugent had also written a right-leaning political book called Ted White and Blue: The Nugent Manifesto:

"Straight from the Motor-City Madman comes the wildest, most politically incorrect book yet. In The Nugent Manifesto, rocker/hunter extraordinaire Ted Nugent is taking aim and setting his sights on our country. In his trademark unapologetic style, Nugent will praise God, guns, and red-blooded, full-throated Americanism against pantywaist politicians, nanny-state judges, and tofu-eating Obamamaniacs, calling on readers to 'Roll up your damn sleeves, sharpen your crowbars, and think hardcore.' The Nugent Manifesto follows up his New York Times bestseller God, Guns, and Rock 'N' Roll and his wildly successful cookbook, Kill It & Grill It. Look out America, 'The Nuge' is back--and with a whole new arsenal of 'Tedisms' ready for launch!"

"Full-throated Americanism?" Yeah, I'll probably pick that one up, too. Expect a review. One of these days.

Why would I want to pick those books up? Because I'm willing to bet they're both a hoot, that's why. Yes, there are some that might argue that both of those books are "anti intellectual" and should be avoided. However, the people who would make those arguments are probably among the people who made that moron Michael Moore rich and don't flinch when that dunderheaded Al Gore files all over the planet preaching his gospel that suggests that the world is being ruined by people who do things like hopping in jets and flying all over the planet (let's see you row boats and hop on bicycles if you want us to take you seriously, Al). So screw 'em.

At any rate, both of those books got me thinking. They were both written and published prior to the election so I'll assume that both Norris and Nugent could tell there were a lot of disgruntled conservatives out there because we really didn't have a candidate this year -- Barack Obama is, well, Barack Obama and John McCain simply isn't a small government, fiscal conservative (pushing for that $700 billion bailout for the financial industry is proof of that).

I've noticed, too, that Norris did endorse Mike Huckabee, the former governor of Arkansas and an alleged Republican. I won't hold that against old Chuck as he's been pretty solid the rest of the time.

Norris has also spent a lot of time advocating for the formation of a populist third party. I love the idea of a third party as I'm convinced neither Republicans or Democrats are worth a damn at representing the bulk of the electorate.

That got me to thinking. How about the Chuck Norris/Ted Nugent dream ticket in 2012? They couldn't make things any worse than they already are or how they will be when Obama and his miscreants are done. Besides, Norris' wacky calls to return to the vision of the nation's founding fathers and pay attention to what the Constitution says from time to time might do a lot of good.

A Norris/Nugent ticket may sound nuts on the surface, but think about it. That's the kind of thing that could happen in today's political climate. After all, we just put a man in office because he taught a bunch of angry voters whipped into a frenzy with vacuous slogans like "we want change," "we want hope," "we want to realize our dreams" and (my favorite) "yes we can!"

You want slogans? Try this on for size -- "Vote for Norris/Nugent if you want to see your country swagger rather than swish." Ah, yeah! How do you like them apples, bucko?

Also, we learned from the Obama campaign that distributing posters which featured the prospective leader looking eerily like Latin American Marxist Che Guevara generated plenty of excitement.

Want some propaganda to inspire the masses? How about a poster featuring Nugent radiating with energy and bravely triumphing over a dragon (or something both terrifying and cool) that represents an economic recession? The slogan could be something along the lines of "The Nuge vs. The Economy." Yeah, that'll pack them in.

What got me thinking along these lines? That Norris interview on KARN and a conversation I had with a friend of mine about 15 years ago. He said he should run for office and base his campaign around a single slogan -- "Free booze and hookers!" That would be his answer to every question and he'd plaster that slogan all over billboards. In the case of a debate, he would simply let his opponent make a detailed argument, then he'd walk up to the microphone, yell his slogan and watch the crowd go nuts.

I told him he was crazy. After this year's set of elections, it's become pretty obvious that getting attention by offering people something they want -- however vague that might be -- translates into votes. Furthermore, celebrity appeal is important. If you happen to be a rock star, that might be even better.

Wordless Wednesday -- The Clash!

This was the perfect thing to listen to as my wife was corrupting our seven-year-old daughter with the Country Music Awards (yuck!) last week.

Click right here to visit the other Wordless Wednesday participants or submit something of your own.

Rev up that Technorati authority!

Brownie Mom has started a program through which participants can raise their Technorati authority.

Just like Eric Cartman, The Hawg needs more authoritah so you'd better believe I'm joining. Perhaps you should, too. Interested? Here's all you need to do:

1. Copy The List Below into a blog post on your blog(s).
2. Add Your Link(s) To The List on your website.
3. Comment On This Post stating the blog address(es) you want listed so Brownie Mom can update the list to include your link(s).
(Comments on this blog are moderated. She will add all of the waiting links once per day so come back to be sure you have the full list and your blog is listed on your blog as the correct number)
4. Watch Your Authority Rise!


Copy Here -

1. THE MOM WITH BROWNIES

2. Our High School Homeschool

3. THE BIG DOG

4. ARE YOU PART OF THE SERIOUS BLOGGER ADlog?

5. Thoughts From The Front Porch

6. My Opinion Counts

7. The Pond

8. Your Fun Family

9. 1stopmom

10. Juicy Alligator

11. Coupon Queen of Corning

12. Life Of A Star

13. The Life Of A Mom

14. Not Just A Mom Site

15. Red Dahlia in Bloom

16. Lyndonology

17. All Arkie Army

18. The Natural State Hawg

19. Healthy Moms

20. Idiot On A Stick

Don't forget to comment on Brownie Mom's Original post!

End Copy -

Time from some Arko-centric news

Every now and again, I feel it necessary to torment the folks who read this little blog with a few items that are of interest to Arkansans.

Why? Well, I do like it here in the Natural State and love to pass on a bit of information about it from time to time. Plus, I've got a raging head cold and posting a few items about my beloved state just seems pretty easy right now.

So, here we go!

The City Wire

Not too long ago, The Hawg was a journalist. Prior to entering the fun filled world of public relations, I worked at The Morning News of Northwest Arkansas as a business writer (I've worked for three other newspapers through the years, but I won't get into all that right now).

At any rate, my old boss, Michael Tilley has left his job as a business editor and is now the editor of The City Wire, an Internet-based publication focusing Arkansas' River Valley area in general and the Fort Smith/Van Buren areas in particular.

And if you want to read some of my, uh, wisdom, click right here and visit The City Wire to check out some quotes from me about the housing market in Arkansas.

So, thanks for the press, Tilley, and good luck with your new endeavor!

The Smithsonian Channel takes a look at Arkansas

Apparently, yelling constantly about how much you love Arkansas will get some attention. I got an e-mail last week from Chrissie Hsu about a series her client, the Smithsonian Channel, is working on called Aerial America. That series is set to air next year and will feature aerial photography from all 50 states.

Arkansas is the first on the list and I'm glad to hear that. What better way would there be to kick off a series filmed in high definition than to highlight some of this state's great scenery? I've stuck a small photo shot in the Ozarks as a bit of a teaser. You can learn more about the series by clicking right here and take a look at the blog about what's in store for the Arkansas segment by clicking right here.

Former Razorbacks turn heads

First of all, Benton's own Cliff Lee won the American League Cy Young Award. As I've howled about plenty of times on here, I'm a Benton, Ark., native and we're all proud of Lee down here. He's pitched for the Benton Panthers, the Arkansas Razorbacks and he's coming off an impressive season with the Cleveland Indians.

And he still calls Benton home. Way to go, Lee!

And here's a little tidbit I love. Conway, Ark., native Peyton Hillis was instrumental in helping the Denver Broncos defeat the Atlanta Falcons on Sunday (he rushed for 44 yards and two touchdowns).

I've been a Broncos fan since I was seven-years-old. The fact that a former Razorback and fellow Arkansan helped Denver pull off a victory makes me like the team even more.

Mom and dad meet the insurance adjuster

As some of you know, my childhood home was mangled by a tree. How did that happen? The tree service hired to cut down some pine trees in my parents' yard managed to drop one right on top of the house (see some photos right here and read the whole sordid tale right here).

Fortunately, mom and dad have a great place to live until their home is repaired (the house is 100 years old, has a claw foot tub and features a great view of the Saline County Courthouse and most of downtown Benton).

Mom and dad met with the adjuster who insures the goons that ruined their home yesterday. He estimated the cost of repairing their home at $100,000. The company contracted to do the work got started today.

Fortunately, the company doing the work will clean everything up, repair the home, replace the furniture that needs to be replaced and even store my parents' stuff in a climate-controlled facility.

It appears that all might end well. My parents bought that home in 1976. Losing that house would be the same as losing a huge chunk of my childhood. I'm very happy my parents weren't home when the tree fell on their house.

Where were they? They stopped by my house, noticed the door was open for some reason, shut the door and played with our kitten. Thank God for sons who accidentally leave their doors open and ultra cute kittens, huh?

The All Arkie Army

If you are an Arkansan or have ties here, head right on over here and take a look at The All Arkie Army. If you like what you see, hit the "contact" link on top of the blog and say something like, "Let me join up, Hawg!"

We've got some great writers over there, and that blog allows participants to promote their own sites. Not a bad deal as the site has a growing Alexa rating -- that can help boost your blog's stats, right?

Oh, and that earlier bit of information about Peyton Hillis was posted at the All Arkie Army by the incomparable Paul Eilers over at Paul's Health Blog. If you don't visit his blog regularly, you should!

The U.S. auto industry could use some change

If you want to read one of the most insightful posts about what's wrong with the auto industry in the United States, click right here.

I'm not going to rehash that great post over at Arohan's investing life, but I am prepared on adding a bit to his superb analysis -- unions are a large part of what's wrong with the auto industry. We've heard Barack Obama holler about change for quite some time now, but is he willing to do something about the stifling contracts negotiated between the auto industry and the United Auto Workers?

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that the Democrats aren't ready for that much change -- unions send a lot of money to Democrats and provide the party with a huge base of support. It's about time, however, for the government to quit protecting unions and let the free market control their fate.

We all know how that would work out, don't we?

The truth of the matter is this -- unions are obsolete. The abuses that gave rise to them have been largely legislated out of existence. Minimum wage laws, child labor laws, regulations that mandate safe working conditions, etc. all add up to one thing -- the unions have been extremely successful in representing workers. They've been so successful, in fact, that it's hard to find a good reason for them to wield the power that they do here in 2008.

We are well past the era in which powerful corporations were able to treat employees as poorly paid slave labor. That era is gone and the only purpose unions really serve is to demand more money for their members.

So, we're left with very expensive labor in the United States, which makes it a problem for American industries trying to compete with the rest of the world. We can send all the bailout money to the auto industry that we want, but it will always struggle so long as unions are around to artificially inflate labor costs.

The problem, of course, is that Democrats are afraid to limit the power of unions one bit as they would alienate a huge block of support. To be fair, the Republicans haven't shown they're willing to tackle the unions, either.

That's a rotten situation, indeed. Here in Saline County, Ark., we know exactly how it plays out when corporations have the choice of either doing what unions demand or closing up shop.

Yes, we had a thriving aluminum industry here in Saline County for a number of years. The Alcoa and Reynolds plants extracted and processed bauxite ore and provided some of the best jobs in the county.

At one point, however, that bauxite became harder to extract, leaving the plants with a problem -- they were losing money. Around 1980, it was common for people working at Alcoa and Reynolds to make $18 or $19 per hour (a lot of money back then) and it was apparent that the plants simply couldn't foot the labor costs and still stay in business.

Of course, the union wouldn't budge, so the plants pretty much pulled out of Saline County in 1981 and set up in Jamaica. The great jobs that were available were lost and most of us in Saline County work in Little Rock these days as we've never recovered those jobs.

It's seems apparent the American auto industry is about to suffer the same fate. Take a good, hard look at the American textile industry for evidence about what's about to happen to automobile manufacturers in the U.S.

Here's an eye opening statistic that just drives the point home. The average GM worker, according to February estimates, pulled in $78.21 per hour, including benefits. Your average employee at a Toyota plant in the U.S. pulled in $48 an hour, including benefits.

No wonder Toyota is the largest auto manufacturer in both the U.S. and the world. The company is stomping Chrysler, Ford and GM on American soil with American labor. The difference, of course, is that unions are strangling the Big 3, whereas Japanese companies like Honda, Subaru and Toyota are able to put up plants free of union labor, pay their employees well and turn out great products.

The conclusion to this tale seems pretty obvious. I wonder if anyone in Washington has the guts to stand up and address this issue.

One of the best weekends this season for the Arkansas Razorbacks

This weekend was a perfect one for the Arkansas Razorbacks.

Why? Because the team didn't play. Yes, it's a bye week and the struggling Hogs (4-6 overall, 1-5 in the SEC West) got a much needed week off.

Now, I know it sounds cynical to think it's good when your favorite team doesn't have to play. Phooey on that. The Hawg is a pragmatist and there are plenty of practical reasons to see a week off for the Razorbacks as a good thing.

Yes, it's time for the Razorbacks to reflect on the season and figure out what to do next. Let's take a look at what a rotten season it's been. The team started out by barely beating a couple of scrubs -- Western Illinois and Louisiana Monroe. The third game of the season was supposed to be against the Texas Longhorns, but that was postponed due to hurricanes making a mess of the Lone Star State.

Arkansas got slaughtered at home by Alabama the week after that, got absolutely butchered by Texas the next game and then Florida came to town and murdered the Hogs. Thing looked up when the Razorbacks went to Auburn and beat a team that was ranked 20th in the nation at the time.

That victory was followed by a loss against Kentucky and then Ole Miss. The loss to Ole Miss was particularly painful as the Razorbacks had that game won and then blew it. Also, the Razorbacks lost to its former head coach, Houston Nutt -- a man that didn't exactly leave Arkansas under friendly circumstances (a lot of us can't stand him and we'll loathe him for many years to come).

Arkansas rebounded when Tulsa, a team ranked 19th at the time, came to town. That was a victory for the Razorbacks and it came against an offense coached by Gus Malzahn, the former offensive coordinator for Arkansas. Malzahn, by the way, is still thought of highly by a lot of people in this state.

That brings us to last week when Arkansas lost to South Carolina.

So, what's the season been like? The offensive line has been terrible, the defensive secondary is a wreck and the special teams have struggled. The only really bright spot has been running back Michael Smith and he got hurt in the South Carolina game.

Now, here's the deal with the Razorbacks -- if the team wins the next two games, it will be bowl eligible. The next two games are against Mississippi State and LSU. The one against Mississippi State is winnable, whereas the one against LSU will be very difficult.

However, if Arkansas can pull off two more victories and go to a minor bowl, the season will be considered a success. In spite of everything, a bowl appearance is considered to be a major deal in this state.

And, head coach Bobby Petrino could use a bit of success right now. He inherited a team from Nutt that is shy on talent, he caught hell from the national media when he left the Atlanta Falcons to come here and some sports writers out there still hate him.

It's also a fact that Arkansas fans are notoriously fickle. A bowl appearance translates into success and that will make the fact that the Hogs are currently dead last in the SEC West OK.

So, good luck to the Razorbacks in the next two games. Hopefully, this bye week will allow the young team to rest and keep their eye on an bowl appearance.

Clinton might become Obama's secretary!

Good news, everyone!

According to a report from CNN, Hillary Clinton might become Barack Obama's secretary.

As an Arkansan, I couldn't be happier. Clinton does have some Arkansas ties and I wish her well, even if she does hate 95 percent of the people who live in this state.

A lot of us remember Clinton from back in those days when she wore glasses that were half the size of her head, still went by her maiden name of "Rodham" and used her super shyster skills to defend Tyson Foods when they were polluting lakes and streams in Arkansas. Hillary, you've come a long way, baby!

Who would have guessed that Clinton would be on the verge of becoming a president's secretary? Indeed, she could make Obama's coffee, schedule his appointments, answer his phone, take dictation (a term that took on a whole new meaning when Bill Clinton was president) and all those other secretarial things.

And remember back during the primaries when Hillary kept talking about answering that 3 a.m. phone call? Remember her claiming Obama didn't have the experience to deal with that phone call?

With Hillary around, that phone call might now even be Obama's problem. As president, he'll need a good night's sleep so he could let Hillary screen his calls for him and order her to get in touch if it's something important. If its just the ambassador from Derkaderkastan calling in an opium-induced rage or a prank call from Osama bin Laden, Hillary can take care of it. There's no reason to bother the president with something so trivial, is there?

Now, an Associated Press story states that Obama is also thinking about hiring Bill Richardson as his secretary. I hope not. Hillary has a much nicer phone voice and projects a more professional image.

Also, I hear that Obama hasn't forgotten about John McCain. The rumor is that he's thinking about hiring his former rival as the White House gardener. Good luck, McCain!

Meanwhile...

Remember when Joe Biden warned that Obama would be tested by the International community shortly after the new president took office? I, The Hawg, have possibly figured out what that test might be.

Call me crazy, but I do believe the Soviet Union will invade Georgia again in order to test Obama's resolve.

That will, truly, test Obama's claims that he will do his best to represent each and every American. Georgia, after all, was firmly in the McCain camp on election day.

If Joe Stalin and his wild Soviets invade Georgia, will Obama send troops to Atlanta or be spiteful and just let the Russians keep it? Here's hoping Obama does the right thing and kicks those reds out of Georgia.

The Hawg shares Eric Cartman's dream

Every South Park fans knows that Eric Cartman's dream is to have $10 million.

Notice I said his dream is to have $10 million, not make $10 million. How Cartman gets his money is immaterial.

I, The Hawg, would also like to have $10 million and I've figured out how to get some E-Z cash. How? I'm going to start a business and fail spectacularly.

The government, of course, has been talking about bailouts a lot lately. The auto industry, for example, wants some of that bailout money that was set aside for banks although it has done absolutely nothing to deserve it (in my mind, no business in a capitalist nation deserves a handout from the government -- rotten businesses should fail). Even credit card companies that are in the business of irresponsible lending want some of the action, too.

Yes, it appears that companies like Honda and Toyota were completely unfair to our U.S. auto manufacturers. Those foreign (pronounced "fern" in these parts) companies analyzed the market, projected the future needs of consumers and met them. GM, on the other hand, boldly spent more money on Hummer advertising rather than pay attention to rising gas prices.

Hell, this government would have bailed out buggy manufacturers when automobiles made them obsolete. The current government would have sent some money to companies that insisted on building propeller-driven airplanes in the jet age. It makes sense, then, that auto manufacturers who cranked out SUVs like there was no tomorrow may well get some of the wonderful bailout money (which is backed by a bunch of bonds purchased by the likes of the red Chinese, by the way).

I, too, plan to have a business that's not viable and try to get some of that government money. My plan? I'll start a company that prints and sells tee shirts that have the slogan "Obama is my president" on them. I'll have those printed up in time for the presidential inauguration in January.

We all know that ObamaMania is sweeping the nation, so I figure I'll be able to sell a heck of a lot of those things and grow my business quickly. I'll need some employees, so I'll hire some of those. I'll be a kind boss and make sure they join a union, too. We all know that good Democrats (and a lot of Republicans) wouldn't let a company fail and put unionized employees out of work, don't we?

Of course, ObamaMania will wane at some point and that should cause my business to tank. If it doesn't tank, I'll simply mismanage it into the ground. Whether it goes broke naturally or through my horrible management doesn't matter one whit. It will go broke. That's a promise.

At that point, I can demand a bailout. I'll get on television and cry, claiming something has to be done to save all the jobs my company provides. Yes, I'll say the economy is tough and the government needs to step in and prevent more Americans from losing their jobs.

So, I'll get my money. Of course, the company will fail anyway because there won't be enough money in the world to make that dog a winner. At the end of the day, I'll have my $10 million, the federal government will be just a little further in debt to the Chinese and everything will be peachy.

Welcome to the new economy! All you have to do is fail spectacularly and the feds will rush in and save you. That's a hell of a deal!

Wordless Wednesday -- Pulp!

Here's a couple of versions of Pulp's "Common People." First, we've got the proper one by Pulp:


And, then there's one by William Shatner (with Joe Jackson providing some vocals, too):


Make sure to visit the other participants (or post something of your own) by clicking right here.

Also, make sure to click right here to help some kids in Conway, Ark., win a "high tech makeover" of their classroom. Watch the video, register and vote. They're winning with their Devo-inspired video now, so help put them over the top!

Three cheers for veterans!

I always feel a bit sheepish on Veterans Day as I never served in the military.

However, I also share Ronald Reagan's opinion of the value of an all volunteer army. The late, great Reagan suggested that an all volunteer army is valuable, indeed, as it is filled with people who want to be there, whereas a draft can result in a lot of resentful soldiers.

There's a certain wisdom to that.

My family's history in the service is rather slight. My great-great-grandfather fought in the War Between the States (he was an Arkansan who owned land in the Southern part of this state, so I'll let you guess which side he fought on) and he was the last one to take up arms until my father's generation.

Why? Because the War Between the States and the Reconstruction were still fresh in the minds of people in these parts for at least a couple of generations. Fighting for the United States was, believe it or not, considered the same as fighting for a foreign, invading power. No, I'm not kidding.

Now, my grandfather on my dad's side missed out on World War II by a couple of weeks. He was making the arrangements to leave his Arkansas home and report for duty when the Enola Gay dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima. As we all know, that attack (and the one on Nagasaki shortly thereafter) brought the war to a close. With the war being over, granddad got to stay home.

My father broke the mold a bit by voluntarily joining the Navy after he graduated from college. He wound up touring Europe on an aircraft carrier. By joining when he did, my dad managed to miss Vietnam. His brother wasn't so lucky. My uncle enlisted in the Marines and spent two tours of duty in Vietnam. The experience literally drove him insane.

Obviously, the men in my family have never been quick to enlist. On my mother's side, I had an uncle in the Navy and his children also joined the military. Those people were the exceptions rather than the rule.

It's a completely different thing in my wife's family. My wife is an Army veteran and almost anyone in her generation and the one before it served in the Army or Navy. Why did they join? The felt it was their duty to do so.

That's admirable, folks. That type of dedication to this country is worthy of praise. That kind of dedication is the very thing that inspired by father to enlist rather than go directly to graduate school. It is the reason my uncle lost his sanity in Vietnam. My brother-in-law saw a friend of his killed in front of him in the first war in Iraq and another brother-in-law was among the first troops to invade in the current Iraq conflict.

None of the people I mentioned had any idea they would wind up at war, but they joined up and served, regardless. They knew they might be called on to fight for our nation and they volunteered to join the military, anyway. I appreciate their dedication and any American -- regardless on his or her view of the current war in Iraq -- should admire our troops, too.

So, my hat's off to our troops -- those who have served and those who are now serving -- for keeping our country safe.

Time to make the wife mad

Now, I've just got to tell a couple of stories related to my wife's time in the military. On our first date, she told me she was in the Army. I asked, "Well, did you ever kill a man?"

She saw that as an inappropriate question, but I thought it was the kind of thing you'd want to know about a woman you were on a date with. In spite of my rude behavior, we did end up married. She's used to my quirks and odd sense of humor at this point.

Also, my wife still carries her dog tag with her. I was looking at it before we were married, and I noticed the word "Roman Catholic" was stamped on it.

"You're not a Catholic," I said. "You told me you've always been a Baptist!"

For the record, we're laid-back Methodists now.

Anyway, she replied, "Well, I did that because of something my brother told me. He said I should say I'm Catholic because, in boot camp, you get out an hour early for mass on some days."

"So, did you actually go to mass?" I asked.

"No. I went to the PX and drank whiskey."

I do adore that woman.

So long, Ol' Coney

Folks, we experienced a loss today here at Casa de Hawg.

We bought our house here in scenic Benton, Ark., a couple of years ago and it came with two of the largest pine trees I've ever seen. The one in the back yard was dubbed Ol' Coney by me and my wife called the one in the front yard Ol' Piney (I told her the name I came up with great and the one she developed was, well, not).

Now, those pine trees are old. How old? I do believe they hung Yankee spies from them during the War Between the States.

Well, maybe not that old. But they were around 100 years old, and that's pretty aged when it comes to pine trees.

Unfortunately, those two wonderful trees were so old and tall that Ol' Coney got struck by lightening at least twice and Ol' Piney got hit once. Those two trees are the highest points in the neighborhood and lightening strikes around here are common as there are magnetic deposits in the bedrock around here.

So, Ol' Piney was dying and could have fallen on the house one day. Ol' Coney was in poor shape, too, so we had them both cut down today. That's just sad, really, particularly when you consider those huge trees were so hard to take down that they took a black walnut tree and some scrubby tree my kids used to climb out with them.

Sadly, I don't have any decent pictures of the trees -- they were just too big to photograph effectively.

Is there a point to all this rambling? Why, yes there is! I've learned a few things from our tree removal experience:

1. Keep an eye on those trees. I didn't know Ol' Piney was on his last legs until we had some limbs cut off earlier this year and the tree guy pointed out the extensive damage to the pine. Had he not warned us of that damage, I have a feeling the tree would have fallen through my roof one day.

I have never been in the habit of looking for damage to my trees. I sure as heck am now.

2. Insurance companies can be difficult, but they can be persuaded. We're insured by Allstate, which I was starting to believe acted more like a collection agency than an insurance company. Why? We initially called about having our home insurance pay to remove the trees, but were told that they weren't covered.

"If a tree falls through my roof, will you repair my house?" I asked.

"Yes," the Allstate person replied.

"But you won't pay to cut down a tree that's dying and could fall through my roof."

"No we won't," was the reply.

That struck me as odd. However, the insurance company eventually did agree to send some money to remove the trees. The lesson here is that insurance companies don't want to pay anything initially, but they can be convinced to change their minds. Remember that if you have a tree that needs to be removed.

3. Big trees tear up things when they are cut down. My yard looks like hell right now and, as I mentioned, we lost two trees other than the pines that we wanted removed. We all know that there's a certain group out there that thinks cutting down a tree is almost as bad as killing a person.

Ignore them. Removing those trees before they get so huge that getting rid of them is a problem is a great idea. Had our pines been cut down before they got too large to handle, two healthy trees in our yard would have been spared and my yard wouldn't look like the surface of the moon right now.

The tree guys swear they'll be back in the morning to clean up most of the mess. I sure hope so. I felt like I was walking through a war zone when I came home today as wood chips, pine needles, limbs and sawdust was everywhere.

4. Huge trees can tear up things when they're growing, too. Ol' Piney was right next to my driveway and the root system has just about ruined the end of my driveway. It doesn't cost much to repair a driveway, but what if one of those trees was too close to my house? Driveways are cheap to fix, but repairing a foundation isn't.

5. It costs a lot of money to remove huge trees. How much? About $3,000 to cut down both of those trees. The insurance company didn't cover all of that, either (they contributed $1,000).

That really makes sense. There were four people sent out to cut down our trees, so they have to be paid. Also, there's a lot of heavy equipment involved and that stuff is expensive to run. The crew also had to take down part of our privacy fence to get to the trees, and they'll have to put it back, too.

The whole operation will take two days. The trees are down, but there's a lot of cleanup involved.

There's yet another reason to consider taking out those trees before they get too big.

6. Cutting down those native trees means we can plant some that we like better. We have no shortage of pine trees here in Arkansas. I don't think they're particularly attractive, but that could be because this part of the country is dominated by them. They're common as sin, see?

With Ol' Piney and Ol' Coney gone, my wife and I are free to replace them with some trees that we like better. Perhaps a magnolia tree or a willow would work out well.

In other words, we're losing two huge, ugly pine trees and we can replace them with whatever we want. That's not altogether bad.

Regardless, I'll miss my pine trees a bit. The size of those things was impressive. However, I'm glad I don't have to worry about one of them falling through my home or crushing a neighbor's house and I look forward to picking out some new trees with my wife.

All in all, then, it hasn't been a bad day.

Update! The jerks that cut down my trees managed to mangle my parents' house! Click right here to read all about it.

Arkansas' bowl hopes dim

For a good shot at a bowl game, the Arkansas Razorbacks really needed to beat the South Carolina Gamecocks on Saturday.

That didn't happen. Arkansas lost 21-34 to South Carolina, dropping their record to 4-6 (1-5 in the SEC). South Carolina wound up 7-3 (4-3 in the SEC) after the game.

Of course, the Hogs needed to reach that mystical 6 wins mark to make it to even a crummy bowl. To get there, they'll have to win against both Mississippi State (3-6, 1-4) and LSU (6-3, 3-3 in the SEC).

Arkansas has a shot next week on Nov. 22 when the Hogs travel to Miss State. Arkansas is sixth in the SEC West and Miss State is fifth -- neither team is that good, honestly.

However, LSU comes to Little Rock the day after Thanksgiving to take on the Hogs. Uh, that game is problematic. LSU ought to stomp Arkansas unless those Tigers are so full of turkey that they're slow and falling asleep. Well, Arkansas might pull off a miracle, but that seems unlikely this year. The season hasn't exactly been one filled with miracles, has it?

There was something that came out of the South Carolina game that gives us Hogs fans hope, however. The much maligned Casey Dick did manage to hit receiver Jarius Wright for a 70-yard play that ended in a touchdown. Arkansas hasn't done that yet this year.

There were some concerns, however. Once again, the offensive line was terrible and Dick got sacked six times. When he wasn't getting sack, poor Dick was running for his life. This is a young team so, hopefully, they'll learn a thing or two about pass protection by next season.

That will be too late for Dick, however, as he's a senior.

Also, Michael Smith got hurt. He's the running back that has been the only truly great player on the team this year. Arkansas has a bye week coming up, so let's hope those two weeks give Smith plenty of time to heal and he'll be effective against Miss State.

Now, I know a lot of my fellow Arkansans are complaining about new head coach Bobby Petrino. They need to shut the hell up. Houston Nutt, master recruiter that he is, left Petrino with nothing. Nutt's over in Ole Miss with a very talented team and Petrino is making do at Arkansas.

Give Petrino some time. He'll right the ship soon enough.

I have a feeling that Arkansas will wind up 5-7 and they'll miss out on bowl season. Anyone who knew anything about who would be left on the team this year and that a new coach would be coming in should have known things could wind up like this. You don't lose two outstanding running backs like Darren McFadden (he's playing for the Oakland Raiders now) and Felix Jones (who plays for the Dallas Cowboys) and bounce back quickly.

Meanwhile, here in Benton...

My beloved Benton Panthers took a beating on Thursday and are out of the playoff picture. Benton got stomped by Watson Chapel, 19-57. Watson Chapel isn't that great, currently ranked fifth in the 6A South with a conference record of 3-4 (4-5 overall).

I love high school football (it's a big deal here in Arkansas), but it's been hard to watch Benton this year. The team is just awful.

Now, the 6A South is an eight-team division and six of those teams are going to the playoffs. Benton finished seventh in the league with a conference record of 1-6 (2-8 overall). It's pretty pitiful when you can't even go to the playoffs when six teams in an eight-team division are going. You've got to be pretty rotten to to miss that very big boat, indeed.

Thank God for Little Rock's J.A. Fair. They came in dead last in the division by not winning a game all year. Benton beat them, and the Panthers beat Conway earlier this season.

My dad and I go to almost all of Benton's home games (we're both proud Benton graduates, so we like to see how our alma mater is doing). Neither one of us can remember a time when Benton looked so disorganized, undersized and just plain uncompetitive.

Well, there's always next year, right?