The Pirates set a record!

In case no one noticed, the Pittsburgh Pirates now have the longest consecutive losing streak of any team in the MLB, NBA, NFL or NHL.

On Monday, the Pirates earned their 82nd loss of the season in a game against the Cubs. With that loss, the Bucs clinched a dubious honor -- 17 consecutive losing seasons.

They came into the season tied with the Philadelphia Phillies -- a team that managed to lose 16 consecutive seasons from 1933-1949. Pittsburgh hasn't had a winning season since 1992 and seems doomed to consistent failure in the foreseeable future.

How bad is Pittsburgh? Read all about it right here. That article sums it all up better than I ever could. Besides, I'm too tired to give a damn. I've rooted for the Pirates for years and I'm about sick of caring how the team does.

In fact, the rotten Pirates are one of the reasons I don't follow baseball liked I did once upon a time. In fact, the last time I watched a full Pirates game was a few years ago. After hurling a few empty beer cans at the screen and cursing the team for being so clueless and awful, I pretty much quit watching Pittsburgh and haven't paid much attention to baseball since.

I've just about concluded that the way to get a team to turn rotten is to convince me to room for it. I've pulled for the Pirates since about 1977 and look what's happened to them. Around that same time I started rooting for the Denver Broncos and they've been getting worse since John Elway retired a decade ago.

Oh, don't get me started on Denver. They fired Mike Shanahan and alienated quarterback Jay Cutler until he made up his mind to leave. Shanahan was replaced by a punk, nothing kid of a coach named Josh McDaniels and Cutler was traded to Chicago for Kyle Orton -- a loser who is so anonymous that Denver might have been better off pulling a fan out of the stands and making him quarterback.

Denver will suck this year. Count on it. In fact, I'd be stunned if the Broncos did anything but stink up the field over the next few seasons.

As for Basketball, I followed the Bulls quite a bit. The Bulls, of course, ran off Phil Jackson, Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen and haven't done much since then. Even my beloved Arkansas Razorbacks -- once a force to be reckoned with in the 1960s through the 1980s -- have been reduced to a fair-to-middling team since joining the SEC.

Hell, even my beloved Benton Panthers are terrible at football these days.

My wife isn't a huge sports fan. I'm starting to think she's got a point.

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

This post is part of the famed Wordless Wednesday event. Hit that dandy link to see some other entries or (better yet) add something of your own.

Funniest thing I’ve seen in at least a week

Take a good look at that photo over to the left that was taken by a radar camera in Arizona.

That’s right – that’s a fellow driving a Subaru and wearing a monkey mask. Why? According to this story, the man is Dave VonTesmar and he has racked up 37 tickets in Arizona as cameras have caught him speeding and engaging in various traffic-related shenanigans.

Apparently, he’s been trying to avoid detection by putting on a mask while breaking the law (that ploy hasn’t worked as the police have, obviously, identified him). VonTesmar enjoys variety, seemingly, as he’ll put on a giraffe or gazelle mask from time to time.

Of course, the authorities in Arizona have dubbed him an outlaw and he has somehow evaded the law so far. Some people call him a menace. However, all I can say is, “Go, monkey man. Go!”

Truly, few things could be funnier than frustrated the police by driving around and breaking traffic laws while wearing a mask. They’ve got a few cameras in Pulaski County (home of our state capitol) but none in my beloved town of Benton. I doubt I’d have the guts to do it, but I’d love to drive around with a Bill Clinton mask on and annoy traffic police here in Arkansas.

So, my hat’s off to VonTesmar for having the stones to actually pull such a thing. He’ll be brought to justice eventually, of course, but couldn’t you imagine the judge and prosecutor trying to keep a straight face in that case?

Music Monday – new Ace Frehley!

Yes, the Ace Frehley album, Anomaly, comes out on Sept. 15. You know you’re excited, kids, so here’s a song off the album to tide you over.

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. One simple rule, leave ONLY the actual post link here. You can grab this code at LJL Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.




PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

Having too much fun with that Guitar Link…

A few days ago, I wrote all about the joy that is the Behringer Guitar Link.

I’m having more fun than should be allowed with that thing as I’ve been learning how to use it. All you need to use it is a free USB port on your computer and an ASIO compatible soundcard (for best results).

You can hear my pitiful rendition of Moon Over Marin by the Dead Kennedys by scrolling to the end of this post and streaming it.

The best thing about this guitar link is that I paid about $40 and have been finding plenty of free software to model amps and mix tracks on the Internet (I mentioned a lot of that in the post I just referenced). Yes, you can spend a lot of cash using commercial products set up for recording, but how many of us are professionals? My guitar playing stinks and I’m just having fun – the free stuff is more than good enough for me.

For the record, I recorded my guitar and bass parts on the aforementioned song through Kristal Audio Engine. The lead and rhythm guitar parts were recorded through the D.I.G. 2.0 amp modeler from AcmeBarGig VST plug-in and I ran my bass through  FreeAmp3 from Fretted Synth. The mixdown in Kristal was in that weird Ogg Vorbis format so I converted the song to MP3 through Audacity.

While it’s obvious I need a better sound card and learning how to play worth a damn would be nice, I was able to lay down some tracks that sound good enough for me through a bunch of absolutely free programs. That’s great stuff.

Now all I need to do is finish my country song that’s sure to be a big hit one day -- “I’m Wearing a Hawaiian Shirt (But there’s no Luau in my Heart).” Go ahead and laugh but that song will be huge one day. Yes, there will come a day when my song will establish a fad – a bunch of people will be wearing Hawaiian shirts and acting sad. Count on it.

Here’s my awful attempt at covering a Dead Kennedys song. Enjoy!

7-5 for the Hogs this year…

Yes, football season is upon us once again and we Arkansans are hoping our beloved Razorbacks do something this year.

My dad tells me that he was in a restaurant last year when the Hogs were in the midst of their 5-7 season and two fellow (who had obviously been drinking a lot) boldly predicted the Razorbacks wouldn’t lose a game this season.

Most of us haven’t lost our heads and are hoping for the team to have a decent season. And we’ve got some reasons to be excited. First and foremost, there’s Ryan Mallett – the Batesville, Ark., native who went to Michigan and then came back home to Arkansas. He was a heavily recruited quarterback in 2006 and we’re hoping the fellow follows through on his promise this season at Arkansas.

Hey, we’re not used to having top-notch quarterbacks at the University of Arkansas, so seeing one on the field will be a bit of a novelty for us. Our former head coach, that damned Houston Nutt, didn’t go out of his way to recruit quarterbacks and managed to ruin some good ones when they fell in his lap. Let’s see what Arkansas Coach Bobby Petrino can do with a talented passer, huh?

Let’s not forget that Michael Smith – the running back who was one of the few highlights on the offense last year – will be back this season. He’ll be joined by Dennis Johnson in the backfield and here’s hoping the running game will be solid.

Yes, Michael Smith was pretty much the running game last year and the offense was just plain dreadful. It appears that the passing game will be solid, too, provided Mallett can find some targets. Last year, those quarterbacking brothers Casey and Nathan Dick had trouble finding receivers. We’re not sure if the receivers were just terrible or if the Dick brothers were just lousy quarterbacks.

The receivers are improved this year and perhaps the most impressive of all is tight end D.J. Williams. Of course, the question remains – will the offensive line hold up long enough to protect Mallett so he can throw to a receiver or two? That was a problem last year as that offensive line folded faster than Superman on laundry day. Here’s hoping Petrino has beaten the line into shape.

The defense was terribly weak last year, but I always wondered – was it really just bad or were the players worn out because the pitiful offense never gave them a chance to rest? Again, that’s a question that will have to be answered throughout the season.

Having said all of that, here are my predictions for the season. These, I’m sure, will hold up pretty well.

Sept. 5 – Missouri State. Arkansas will whip the socks off of Missouri State. That’s why teams like Missouri State are on the schedule. That one will be an easy win.

Sept. 19 – Georgia. It’s rarely good when Georgia comes to town. They dominated the Hogs during the Nutt years and there’s no reason to think that will change this season. There’s a loss.

Sept. 26 – at Alabama. It’s no fluke that Alabama is ranked #5 in the preseason polls. Playing Alabama this season will be bad enough for almost anyone and you can double the misery when a team faces the Crimson Tide at home. There’s a loss.

Oct. 3 – at Texas A&M. Ah, the Aggies are rebuilding, too. Still, considering the weak showing by the Hogs last year in almost every game, I’ll have to call that one a loss.

Oct. 10 – Auburn. Yes, another team that’s rebuilding. Fortunately, they’re coming to Arkansas. Home field advantage will be a big factor here. And, we’ll have a win.

Oct. 17 – at Florida. Arkansas beat Florida once upon a time. Honest! The losing streak will continue this season against the preseason No. 1. That’s a loss.

Oct. 24 – at Ole Miss. Yes, the Rebels are ranked No. 8 in the country right now. However, that ranking doesn’t take the team’s biggest liability into account – head coach Houston “Boxcar” Nut. Nutt frustrated Arkansas fans for years while he goofed off in this state and he’ll annoy Ole Miss fans before long. There’s a win for the Hogs because that’s the kind of game that Nutt has fumbled with inept coaching for years. By the way, I chose the “Boxcar” nickname for Nutt around 2002 because the man is a straight up bum.

Oct. 31 – Eastern Michigan. Another rent-a-win.

Nov. 7 – South Carolina. Poor old South Carolina. That team never can get it together. The Hogs will win this one.

Nov. 14 – Troy. The third – and final – rent-a-win of the year.

Nov. 21 – Mississippi State. Remember when Mississippi State fielded great teams? I can’t recall when exactly that was, either. There’s nothing impressive about them this year, so the Hogs will win that one.

Nov. 29 – at LSU. The preseason No. 11 will clobber the Hogs unless half the team comes down with swine flu. There’s a loss for the Razorbacks.

So, we’re looking at a 7-5 season with three wins against nonconference opponents, meaning the Razorbacks should rack up a 4-5 SEC record this year. Ugly but true. Bank on it. Hey, they’ll get better.

Recording guitar tracks on the cheap

“Gee, The Hawg,” a lot of people have asked me. “I want to hook my guitar up to my computer and record some tracks. How, how – oh, how – is that to be done?”

Actually, no one has asked me that question, but I thought I’d be helpful and answer it just the same. Last week, I got a brand new Behringer Guitar Link off of eBay for the low, low price of about $40. The Guitar Link is a nifty little device that lets me plug my guitar into my computer through a USB port.

The Guitar Link is a wonderful thing, to be sure, but the software that comes with it – the stuff that can actually make it useful – is complete garbage. First of all, there’s a scaled back package of guitar amp models from Native Instruments (the people who brought us the formidable Guitar Rig 3 package that will honestly allow you to pull about any sound you want out of your guitar.

The “Behringer edition” of that software gives you but three models and no “pedal effects” at all. To make matters worse, you can demo the models for 30 days and can only keep one. Want more? You’ve got to pay for it, folks.

The mixer – EnergyXT2 – is just about to bad. In addition to being hard as hell to use, you’ve got to send in some cash if you want to unlock some of the better features of the software (that includes plugging in drum tracks and other things). Seeing how terrible the scaled back version of the software is, I don’t think I’m going to send them any money.

In fact, I decided that spending a lot to be able to record tracks on my computer is ridiculous. Once you drop about $300 for Guitar Rig and a decent mixing/recording package, spend some more cash on monitors and do something about the crummy stock soundcard in your computer, you’re starting to talk about some real money. Oh, and plan on spending some more if you want a pedal to easily control those effects in Guitar Rig.

For that kind of cash, you could get a heck of a good modeling amp, a four-track recorder and a microphone. You could record and mix all day long the old fashioned way (and the way I prefer, frankly).

No, what I want to do is just bang out some ideas, loop some guitar tracks I can practice against and generally mess around with my beloved Fender Deluxe Stratocaster. I’m not going to spend a lot of money to do that. Besides, it just plain irritates me when I buy a piece of hardware and a lot of crippled software comes with it. Bah!

So I looked around and found some free recording solutions. First of all, you’ve got have a good mixer and the best free one out there for my purposes is Kristal Audio Engine. It doesn’t cost a dime unless you’re going to use it commercially and it supports both ASIO and VST.

ASIO a great sound driver for instruments that features wonderfully low latency – high latency means you’ll hit a note and wait a bit for the computer to process it. That’s a pain to deal with if you’re recording multiple tracks (and, yes, Kristal is great at handling multiple tracks). VST is a standard plug-in format and it’s a wonderful thing. There are a lot of great, free amp packages and effects for guitar and bass in that VST format.

The amp package I picked up is FreeAmp 2.5 – it’s got seven amplifier models to choose from and plenty of effects – compressors, wah pedals, overdrive, chorus, delay, reverb, flanger and phaser. It’s a very solid package that is more than good enough for fleshing out ideas and making your guitar sound like everything from a fine instrument to a piece of trash with a couple of strings missing and a short in the electronics.

Thanks to Kristal’s ability to easily handle VST effects, there are plenty of free amp models and effects. Yeah, most of them suck, but there are some really great ones if you’re willing to dig around for them.

There are a couple of major drawbacks to Kristal. First of all, you can’t record what the VST plug-in is processing. You record clean and then slap effects on later. That’s not that much of an issue for me, really, as I’ve spent so much time practicing with my guitar unplugged that I’m used to it. Besides, you can run the VST-processed tone through your headphones after you’ve stopped recording it – great for multitracking purposes as you can lay down a basic track, process the right hell out of it and then play along with it on additional tracks.

Second, you can't output a track to MP3. Fortunately, Audacity is free and I can output tracks in Kristal to Ogg Vorbis (or WAV) and convert them to MP3 in Audacity (that requires the LAME MP3 encoder, but that's also free).

Also, Kristal is very easy to use and that’s a great thing. Back when my roommate had a four-track recorder, it was an easy to matter to mic up my guitar and play some tracks. Kristal makes things just about that easy.

I’ll admit I was very tempted by all the guitar models available in Guitar Rig after fooling with the scaled down version of it. Then I remembered something – back when I was actually halfway decent at playing guitar, I got by with a simple amp with reverb on it and a Boss HM-2 distortion pedal. What am I really going to do with a ton of effects, anyway? I’ve got more sounds available through my FreeAmp than I’ve ever had and that’s more than good enough.

So, there it is. Save that money and grab a copy of Kristal and some VST effects/amps that cost you absolutely nothing. You’ll be glad you did.

If you'd like an awful example of my lame guitar skills, just click the player below. We've got three tracks in there (main pitiful riff, terrible lead and some jangly thing at the end) that I processed through Kristal and FreeAmp then converted in Audacity. Yeah, I know I need to practice and learn how to use Kristal, but I hope to be able to brag about being competent or reasonably decent on guitar one of these days.

Credit – something everyone’s talking about these days…

One thing that people have been talking about a lot these days is credit repair.

No, this isn’t like 2005 when all you had to do to get a loan was have a job and a pulse. If you want to get a loan for a house, car or just about anything else, a clean credit history is helpful – lenders, it seems, have adopted the attitude that they want to loan money to people who are likely to pay it back.

That’s probably better for the economy in the long run, but what about those folks who just ran into a little bad luck and need to find a way to improve credit scores? That’s where DSI Solutions can help.

The site is free to visit and you’ll find plenty of testimonies from people the company has helped and the business offers a money back guarantee. It’s worth a look.

My new hero…

It’s true – I, The Hawg, have a new hero.

I couldn’t tell you the name of my hero (I’ll explain why later), but he is truly The Man We All Wish We Could Be.

Dig this.

One of the girls in my daughter’s Brownies troop was having a birthday party. To celebrate, the little girl decided to have a bunch of friends over to her house for a sleepover.

Yeah, that sounds like fun, doesn’t it? About a dozen girls who are about eight-years-old running nuts and screaming their heads off for hours on end (my daughter tells me she didn’t get to sleep until 3:30 a.m.)

When we dropped my daughter off for the party we asked the mother of the birthday girl where her husband was. It seems he took off before the girls arrived and was nowhere to be found.

Ah, but he didn’t become my hero then. No, he became my hero when my daughter came home from the party and I asked her if he came home and she said, “No he didn’t.”

That’s right. That heroic cat fled the scene and – apparently – didn’t come back home until the party was over and everyone was gone. Where did he go? Who cares? He got out of there and saved himself an evening of aggravation. None of us fathers met the man but I’d like to think that all of us thought the same thing -- “Man, I wish I could do that.”

That takes some guts, folks. My hat goes off to my hero because he achieved something that I never could. If my daughter decides to have a sleepover with a ton of squealing girls, I imagine my conversation with my wife would go something like this:

The Wife: Well, she wants to have a sleepover.

The Hawg: Really? God. What do you think?

The Wife: I think we should let her do it.

The Hawg: I don’t. That’s a terrible idea. All that yelling…

The Wife: Well, I’ve already told her she could have a sleepover. So…

The Hawg: Y’all have fun. I don’t really like kids unless I’m related to them, you know?

The Wife: What do you mean, “Y’all have fun?”

The Hawg: I figure I’ll be down the street at a hotel until it’s over. I’ll watch some television and just relax for awhile. I’ll tell our son he can flee with me if he wants…

The Wife: The hell you will! You’re not going to leave me with all those kids! You’re going to stay here and help me! Your daughter would be crushed if she knew her father wanted to run out on her instead of helping her enjoy her party. Grow up. You’re a father. Fathers have to do things like this.

The Hawg: Yes dear…

You see? I’d cave in an instant. My wife would win the day through an effective combination of intimidation and guilt.

Ah, but my hero didn’t cave. I suspect that most of us fathers would like to flee sleepovers. My hero had the guts to actually do it.

That, friends, makes him a manly man of the first order and an inspiration to us all. God bless you, hero! Long may you reign…

Blanche Lincoln in trouble?

Here’s one of those stories that actually concerns me a bit. According to a recent poll, U.S. Sen. Blanche Lincoln (D-Ark.) enjoys a miserable 36 percent approval rating in this state.

Uh, Lincoln’s got an election coming up next year. The poll numbers can’t be good news for her.

Now, I’m a Republican so I should view that as good news, right? Actually, I’m not so sure.

Let me explain. First of all, Lincoln is a hell of a lot better than our other senator, Mark Pryor. He epitomizes the phrase “empty suit” and apparently believes that he is representing his party simply by voting the way the national Democrats want him to on each and every issue.

Lincoln, by contrast, is more than a bit different. I headed to Washington, D.C., back in 2006 with the organization I work for (they howl every time I mention them on this little blog, so they’ll remain nameless) and we were concerned about some health care legislation that died on the Senate floor. We asked both Pryor and Lincoln why they voted against the bill.

Pryor danced around the issue for awhile, claimed we didn’t have a health care bill allowing small businesses to join together and take advantage of the group rates large corporations enjoy because the Republicans were being unfair. Yes, it was all the fault of the Republicans, see, that the bill failed – they wouldn’t let the Democrats add any amendments and blah, blah, bloppity blah. Pryor’s whining and finger pointing are, sadly, commonplace. His father was equally mealy-mouthed and unimpressive as a U.S. senator.

When we asked Lincoln the same question, she looked us square in the eyes and said, “I didn’t vote for it because it’s a bad bill.” She then outlined what she thought a better bill would be and laid out her position very well. While we didn’t agree with her, she at least had the gumption to explain her vote and why she didn’t like the legislation at issue rather than blaming the Republicans and taking no responsibility for her vote. I can respect that.

Lincoln has, over the years, has demonstrated that she does have the interest of her constituents at heart and has typically attempted to listen to what we say instead of just following the party line. In short, I like the woman and I’ve voted for her twice.

Now, here’s the problem with her being in a potential rotten spot right before the November elections. I might feel a bit better about things if the Republicans could field a top notch candidate against her. However, there are nine Republicans (as of this writing) who may or may not run in the primaries and they range from trouble making gadflies to quality candidates that are a bit unknown.

If we were just talking about a straight-up race against the Republican primary winner and Lincoln, than that’s one thing. Hey, I’d love to see Gilbert Baker (who seems to change his mind daily about running) or Tom Cotton jump in the race and wind up in the Senate.

Ah, but we may not be talking about a race against Lincoln at all. No, State Sen. Bob Johnson (D-Bigelow) may run against Lincoln in the primaries. Given this state’s knack of voting for Republicans in presidential elections and sticking with Democrats in congressional races (out of our six-member congressional delegation, only one of them is a Republican), that worries me.

Frankly, Johnson sucks. Let’s look at some of the things he’s done that I absolutely detest:

* He sponsored legislation in 2005 allowing Hot Springs and West Memphis to hold elections allowing electronic games at those city’s race tracks (horse in the case of Hot Springs, greyhounds in the case of West Memphis). Those machines were approved, thus allowing us to continue the odd practice of allowing gambling in two cities but no other ones in Arkansas. Either ban it completely or let everyone have it. There’s no sense in allowing two groups to hold a monopoly and allowing them to make it more profitable by coming up with new ways to rip off the public is appalling.

* Also in 2005 (a banner year for Johnson, seemingly), he sponsored legislation that would allow Deltic Timber to to stick a housing development in the watershed of Lake Maumelle. The problem with that, of course, is that Lake Maumelle is central Arkansas’ primary water source. What the hell? Why back something that will clearly lead to more pollution of drinking water in the area? That effort – fortunately – failed.

* In 2006, he was in the middle of a controversy in the Arkansas Supreme Court. Justices found the Legislature’s method of providing funding for local projects violated the state constitution and pointed to Johnson’s $400,000 appropriate for road projects in Bigelow (his hometown) as a particularly glaring example of how the system was broken. Uh, Bigelow has about 300 people in it. What was that $400,000 used for and what kind of road project costs that much in Bigelow?

* Johnson backed that blasted cigarette tax last year to pay for a statewide trauma system (necessary) and a lot of other health-related stuff (probably not necessary). That measure passed and I’ve always had an objection to it. We voted to hold a statewide lottery that will generate cash for college scholarships. If, indeed, the money that is used for those scholarships now is replaced by lottery revenue, why not take that surplus and use it for a trauma system? He may call himself a conservative Democrat, but he’s sure as hell not a fiscal conservative. We could use a few of those right now.

* A few years ago when Republican Mike Huckabee was governor, Johnson – yet again – proved he loves spending those taxpayer dollars. He backed the governor’s plan to float $1 billion in bonds to pay for road repairs, see – a notion that infuriated a lot of us Republicans who’d like to see the government cut spending rather than increasing it and taking on more debt.

Again, Lincoln’s weak position in the polls may turn out to be a blessing if we get a strong Republican running for her Senate seat. However, I could well see a situation where that Johnson character gets in office and continues his spendthrift, pork-barreling ways on a national level.

He claims to be a conservative, rebel Democrat who is hard to define. That’s a bunch of nonsense as he’s fairly easy to define. If a project involves spending taxpayer dollars, you can bet he’ll be there pushing for it.

I think I’d prefer to see Lincoln have another term if Johnson is the alternative, honestly. I may not always agree with Lincoln, but I do like her and believe she’s looking out for the best interests of her constituents. I’m not quite sure what that Johnson character would do.

Get well, Crotchety!

Folks, one of the finest bloggers out there – the Crotchety Old Man – is laid up in the hospital.

I gave him a call today to check up on him and to wow him with my thick, hickish Arkansas drawl. He told me he’s without Internet access and will be for a bit because he’s quite ill. However, he mentioned that his wife is taking dictation so he can put up some posts and let us know how he’s doing.

I assume, then, that Mrs. Crotchety is also taking a peek at the man’s comments and reporting back to her ailing husband. To that end, I’d like to encourage each of you to head on over to Crotchety’s blog and post a comment.

Who knows? That might let him know a lot of people are thinking of him. At the very least, a slew of kind comments may cheer him up.

Think about it, huh? And, of course, I hope Crotchety is back and railing on his blog against things that annoy him. The blogosphere just isn’t the same without him.

Wordless Wednesday – back to school

Well, my entry is a bit late but I figure it’s Wednesday somewhere, right? This photo is part of the famed Wordless Wednesday event, so click the link and head on over there to visit some of the other participants, huh?

Well, at least I don’t have to buy a new amplifier yet

I’ve been wanting a new guitar amplifier for the past few years.

See, I used to have a decent guitar amp and a couple of great guitars – a Fender Japanese Telecaster and an Alvarez acoustic.

My amp, wonderfully customized Telecaster and Alvarez were hauled down to the pawn shop over a decade ago when I was practicing law and needed to pay my rent. Yes, people who owed me money put me off back then, but my creditors didn’t extend the same courtesy. Bastards.

At any rate, I’ve since replaced my beloved Telecaster with a Fender Deluxe Stratocaster and have been playing through a Danelectro Nifty 50 practice amp for the past few years. The Danelectro is fine (the thing is an absolute tone monster), but it is very limited.

Rather than spending about $600 on one of those great Vox Valvetronix modeling amps I’ve been wanting for some time, I decided to drop about $40 on eBay for a Behringer Guitar Link. That’s a nifty little device that allows you to hook up your guitar (or bass) through your computer’s USB port and wail away.

The device came packaged with some recording software, an audio editor and some amp models – all of that stuff is OK and is good enough to get you started. The amp modeling phenomenon is great, indeed, in that you’ve got software that will mimic various amplifiers. The very limited package that came with the Guitar Link is made by Native Sounds and mimics three amps – the famed Vox that was used by the likes of the Beatles, what appears to be some kind of Fender tube amp and something that attempts to mimic a Marshall tube amp (Native Sounds, apparently, hasn’t bought the rights to “swipe” the legitimate names of the amps their software attempts to emulate).

Of course, the combo package is limited in that you can try three models for 30 days and can get one for free by typing in a serial number that comes with the Guitar Link. Native Sounds is obviously hoping people will move on up to it’s allegedly good (and certainly expensive) Guitar Rig 3 which contains a ton of amp models, a lot of effects and all sorts of things that sound great.

At any rate, I’ve learned a few things while messing with the Behringer Guitar Link and figured I’d bore you good people with all that now:

1. A lot of critics out there claim that these software modelers will never sound as good as real amplifiers. They’re probably right. Hey, there’s no substitute for owning a huge amp, turning it up as loud as you can without the cops showing up and beating your guitar to death. However, this Behringer stuff is great for practicing and recording some demo tracks. One of my favorite features of the package I’ve got is that I can lay down a rhythm track, play it back and solo over it. My 12-year-old son has asked for a Epiphone SG for Christmas and I’m glad to know he’ll be able to do something I never did – bang out a chord progression and practice playing leads over it. Pretty cool. If the kid gets good at playing guitar, maybe he’ll get a “big boy” Gibson SG and an expensive amp. He’s got to learn to walk before he can run, however, and the Behringer Guitar Link (and his practice amp) will serve him well for now.

2. I suck at guitar and I’m mad about it. As a young The Hawg, I took guitar lessons from a fellow in Benton who was well versed in classic country, another fellow here in Benton who could play anything from classic rock to angry punk noise and an aging hippy in Fayetteville who proved just how intricate, complex and absolutely exciting playing rhythm guitar on a Telecaster through a Fender Twin Reverb amp can be.

I never was a great guitarist, but I could at least hold my own. My timing has gone to hell, my fingers won’t do what I know they can do and my poor Strat sounds like it’s being mangled by a sloppy cat who doesn’t give a damn. Obviously, things are different now -- when I was in college I had plenty of time to play guitar. However, being married, having a job and raising kids changes things quite a bit. Also, I can't exactly justify cranking up an amp when people in the house are doing other things (homework, watching television -- living, you know?)

I haven’t practiced regularly in years, see, but the Guitar Link will (hopefully) allow me to make up for a lot of lost time. Who knows? Maybe I’ll get back in the form I was in back when I sang (yelped?) and played rhythm guitar in my college band – the famed Wacky Savages. Yes, you can here my golden Telecaster running clean through a Fender Twin Reverb by clicking here. Ignore my Johnny Rotten-inspired yelp, though. What the hell was I thinking?

3. The Behringer unit was cheap, but setting up right might cost a bit of money. I’ve already had to buy a 1/8” to 1/4” adapter to plug some headphones into this thing (the unit will absolutely not play through my computer speakers). The headphones sound OK as do my computer speakers when I plug it into the unit, but what about feedback and all sorts of fun racket? That will likely require a decent set of monitors and they don’t exactly give those things away for free. Furthermore, I’ll have to get some decent amp modeling software as the package that came with the Behringer is decidedly limited. That costs some money, too. And what if I want to use a foot pedal to switch from, say, running distortion to running a clean channel? There’s some money as well.

You can wind up spending quite a bit to be able to play your guitar through your computer, mix tracks together and come up with some decent recordings. Is it worth it? Well, I don’t know. For now, I’m just happy I can practice whenever I want and I don’t bother people when beating on a guitar when I’m listening to my sloppy playing through headphones. That’s good enough for now.

The Behringer is a lot of fun and it didn’t cost much. As much as I’ve cussed computers since I got my first one in 1982 (a TRS-80 Color Computer!), I’m still regularly impressed with the applications that come out for the trouble-prone things.

Music Monday – Linda Rondstadt

I never much cared for Linda Rondstadt. This song, however, is nothing short of great.

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PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

Bank of America does us a favor

I’m kind of an odd Republican in that I simply don’t trust corporations.

Yes, I know they have their place and we need them to provide jobs and keep the economy going. However, I’ve spent most of my life with the feeling that some company or another was trying to get its hand in my wallet without providing just a whole lot in return.

For example, my home insurer loves to collect payments but tends to drag its feet when it comes to actually paying claims for damages. My mortgage bank has an annoying habit of increasing my monthly payment on my 30-year, fixed rate mortgage for no good reason. And, back when I was broke, I had my auto financing company swipe two car payments out of my checking account one month.

The company acknowledged its mistake and my bank did, too. Regardless, I was pretty much left to fend for myself – the money was gone and neither my bank or the finance company did a damn thing to help me get it back (and that’s one of the reasons I never let any company set up an autodraft on my bank account).

The company that stole my money, by the way, was Ford and I’ll be damned if I’ll ever buy one of their crappy cars again. I’ve had problems with financing through General Motors, too. Perhaps it’s no surprise that a couple of Toyotas are sitting in my driveway and I figure on buying a Volkswagen in a couple of years when I need a new car.

Yesterday morning my wife woke me up and told me that someone got her debit card number and tried to spend about half the money in our checking account. The surprise here is that our bank – Bank of America – called her, said they suspected there was a problem and offered to cancel her debit card.

Furthermore, my wife will get a new debit card and the bank will put back the money that was stolen from our account. Based on my past experiences with those sleazy bastards who tend to start financial institutions, that’s not the result I expected.

“It looks like someone stole your debit card and took all your money,” I would expect to hear. “That’s too bad. By the way, you owe us $2,000 to cover the fees, costs and the amount of the transactions that cut into your overdraft protection. When do you think you can pay us that?”

Seeing how I expect most banks to figure out new and creative ways to steal from me or throw me to the wolves if someone steals my account information, Bank of America’s proactive, helpful attitude simply shocks me. I don’t care what anyone says about that particular institution – Bank of America has just earned a customer for life.

I’ve found a bank that’s honest and genuinely looks out for the best interests of its customers. What a pleasant surprise.

Wordless Wednesday – animal control and … barbecue grills?

Yes, here's my entry for the esteemed Wordless Wednesday event. Click the link and check out the other entries or submit something of your own.

Health care reform? What happened to this plan?

The news was – as usual – full of the latest information about the health care debate that’s been raging for, oh, at least a few months now.

It seems the Obama administration is backing off the so-called public option – that would put the government in competition with private health insurance agencies – and is looking into setting up a private system of health care cooperatives that work like electric co-ops.

Or, maybe not.

What I’ve been wondering for awhile now is what happened to the Small Business Health Options Plan (SHOP) that was all the rage a year ago. Actually, I first heard about that plan in about 2001 when John Boozman – a Republican congressman from Arkansas’ 3rd District – talked about an early version of it during a meeting at the famed Catfish Hole in Fayetteville, Ark.

Under the terms of that plan, small businesses would be able to band together in statewide or national pools and obtain group health insurance rates that larger corporations currently enjoy. The idea, of course, was that such pooling would bring down health insurance costs and make plans affordable to even businesses with one employee.

A plan that would accomplish just that went before Congress in 2006 and was defeated in the Senate. At the time, senators from Arkansas said that the problem with the bill was that the Republicans blocked any attempts to add amendments to the Senate bill, thus prohibiting members from addressing the very real concerns they had about the legislation. Fair enough.

Last year, U.S. Sen. Blanche Lincoln (D-Ark.) was in Arkansas drumming up support for the legislation, which appeared in the Senate as S.2759 with a companion bill in the House as H.R.5918. After hearing of bipartisan support and support from such heavy hitters as the National Association of Realtors and the National Federation of Independent Business, both bills got stuck in committee and apparently perished there.

Perhaps it’s no coincidence that all the noise over SHOP died almost completely as soon as it was obvious that Obama whipped Hillary Clinton in the primaries and became the Democrats’ presidential nominee. Still, one has to wonder what happened to all that support for SHOP and why aren’t we hearing a peep about it these days?

We’re talking about a piece of legislation that had been worked on for at least seven years and was full of tax incentives for small businesses that offered health care insurance to employees. It was a mature bill and one that appeared to have a solid chance of becoming law. We’re talking about a piece of legislation in which both Democrats and Republicans had the chance to put in provisions they liked and raise hell about parts of the plan they didn’t like. Support was lined up from the private sector and attempts were made to address the concerns of the insurance industry.

All that work, seemingly, has been tossed aside in favor of a plan that just looks rushed and has certainly caused plenty of divided public opinion and hurt feelings.

Here’s the point to all this rambling – the ideas behind SHOP started to form back in the 1990s when Hillary Clinton’s attempt to reform health care failed completely. How did we get to the point when we threw over a mature, comprehensive bill in favor of “the next big thing?”

Furthermore, where the hell are those members of Congress who rallied behind SHOP and why aren’t they saying a thing about the legislation now? If the Obama plan fails, what do our representatives say to the people that SHOP could have helped?

Music Monday – Cheesy Elvis!

For some reason, I’ve always loved some of Elvis’ cheesier movies and Blue Hawaii is one of the worst of the lot. Ignore those critics – this little bit of bliss is one of the funniest things Elvis ever did. So, in honor of the day after the 32nd anniversary of The King’s death, I present one of the worst rock and roll songs from that particular movie and of all time. Enjoy!

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. One simple rule, leave ONLY the actual post link here. You can grab this code at LJL Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.




PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

Remembering Elvis...

August 16 marks the 32nd anniversary of Elvis Preley's death. I thought it only appropriate, then, to post a clip from Elvis' 68 Comeback Special. Great stuff.

Sadly, it seems a lot of people have lately been comparing Elvis' legacy to Michael Jackson's. Come on. Seriously? Stop it...

“Highway to Health Care?”

If you want to get annoyed almost daily, get a job and post your email address somewhere on the Internet.

Yes, you’re sure to receive one obnoxious message after another by companies trying to sell you things or convert you over to their point of view. There are times, however, when some of those cheesy messages provide a lot of entertainment. Just yesterday I received an email from the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees that is nothing short of a full-blown hoot.

Here are the relevant parts of that email:

‘Highway to Health Care’ – a rock-n-roll themed RV tour bolstering efforts for health care reform – will make a pit stop in Little Rock on August 18 at 10:30 A.M. to provide Arkansans the chance to climb aboard and contact their Members of Congress to demand real health insurance reform now.

Community leaders will host a press conference at The Arkansas State Capital at 10:30 A.M. to talk about the tour and how health care reform will improve the lives of Arkansans.

The Highway to Health Care tour, sponsored by the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees (AFSCME), features an RV outfitted as a mobile activism center, complete with on-board laptop computers, cell phones and postcards for participants to contact their senators and representatives. The tour includes health care-related posters and literature that pay homage to famous rock musicians and a video that urges local residents to write and call their members of Congress.

Initially, I thought the AFSCME (even the acronym is cumbersome) was against the Obama Administration’s health care reforms. Why else would someone come up with a name for a campaign that is obviously based on AC/DC’s “Highway to Hell?” What's next? "Heal You Like a Hurricane?"

After doing a bit of research, however, the group is obviously in support of those reforms. Odd. Go ahead and read all about their program by clicking here. The AFSCME, by the way, is a union that includes a lot of people working in the health care industry. One can’t help but wonder what the group’s interest is in this – a lot of union dues have obviously been spent on this campaign and you’ve got to believe they’ve got something substantial at stake here.

At any rate, I handle public relations for a living and can’t help but think that a slogan like “Highway to Health Care” is ideal for a group that opposes the Obama plan, but is terrible for one that is in support of it. David Lowery (of Camper Van Beethoven and Cracker fame) once observed that Americans simply don’t have a good handle on the concept of irony. He may be right.

It could be my imagination, but it does seem this health care debate is making people on both sides a little nuts. I’ve seen two doctors in the past couple of days (one for a checkup and one because I’m sick as a dog with a respiratory infection) and I’m kicking myself for not asking them what they think of this whole issue.

Oh well. Here’s a relevant AC/DC video to enjoy: