This ain't no 'LOL cats' blog

So I went and posted a picture of one of our cats, The Kitten, for my Wordless Wednesday submission yesterday.

Don't worry, now. The Hawg hasn't gone soft. I still prefer dogs to cats and I'll not take to posting photos of cats with cute slogans on them such as "You will respekt me authoritah" or "Awl you birdz are be long to me" or "I will cill u in u sleep."

No, I just really like The Kitten. She's a fine animal. I just wonder what we'll call her in July when she's a full grown cat rather than just a kitten.

Is there a point to all this rambling? Is there ever? Does it matter?

Actually, I do have a point. For one thing, I'm out to promote one of my favorite ideas as of late, Tell Me Thursday (click, click, clickety, click that link, kids). The purpose of that site is to provide a spot for people to explain their Wordless Wednesday entries. Honestly, more people need to participate in that fine endeavor.

Second, that composite photo of The Kitten was made possible by a little program called The Gimp -- an open source program that's a lot like Photoshop. Unlike Photoshop, however, The Gimp is totally free.

I'm constantly amazed there are a lot of people out there who aren't aware of all the great, free programs that are available on the Internet. For example, one of my favorite programs is Evernote, a handy little program I use to take notes and access them from anywhere I have an Internet connection. As I've mentioned before, I'm a public relations guy and do some freelance reporting, so the ability to take notes at home or at work and access them later is invaluable.

Oh, and if there's a Web site with some great information on it, I can just clip it into Evernote. The same goes for emails, photos and -- heck -- just about anything. Since getting Evernote, I rarely use a notebook unless I'm going out of the office for an interview.

Meanwhile, my systems stay virus free thanks to Avira AntiVir, spyware is kept at bay with Spybot and I rather regret buying Microsoft Office when the very good OpenOffice is available.

I love cool, free stuff. Who doesn't?

Wordless Wednesday -- The Kitten

Head on over to Wordless Wednesday and submit something of your own!

How the hell does this happen?

You've got to give it to Iran -- when they go out and put a nut in charge, they don't mess around.

That President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (hereinafter referred to as "Jed" because I don't want to type "Ahmadinejad" again) is a piece of work, isn't he? I won't get too deep into the merits of the U.S. entering negotiations with a man who's crazier than a sack of rabid weasels too much because that topic has been beaten to death.

I can't help but point out, however, that he seems to be consulting a Magic 8-Ball when it comes to foreign policy, however. How else can you explain the actions of a fellow who's talking about conciliation with the U.S. when he's not tossing racist remarks out at a U.N. anti-racism conference or his government is tossing journalists in jail?

How conciliatory can this cat be? Is compromise even possible when you're dealing with a guy who's ape-shit crazy? Should the U.S. even trust this fellow when he says the sky is blue?

Again, Jed's sanity and trustworthiness has been questioned for years and I won't bother hashing through all of that again. Here's my question, however. Let's say you're the guy who gets to plan the U.N. anti-racism conference. You've got world leaders in Geneva for a week to talk about racism and (ideally) how to get rid of it.

At what point do you think, "Hey, let's let ol' Jed speak before any other government officials. That's a great idea!"

Wasn't it obvious that Jed would open his fat yap and ruin the whole event for everyone? Did someone think he'd back off the Jews this one time and play nice? Did Jed even understand that the conference wasn't designed to promote racism? So that one week conference ended pretty early as a bunch of ambassadors walked out of the thing in disgust before the event even got off the ground.

Honestly, how the hell does stuff like this happen? No wonder the world's a mess.

Entrecard

Raise your hand if you're completely confused by the stuff that Entrecard is up to these days. Yeah, that's what I thought.

Your old friend, The Hawg, is rather at a loss. My traffic has dropped quite a bit, my ad rates are low and a lot of Entrecard members just seem irate. Frankly, I'm starting to wonder if that whole site is worth the trouble anymore.

I'll recap the events of the past few weeks for those asking "huh?" and "what?" out there. Entrecard, once upon a time, was based on the simple idea that people would get credit for visiting members' sites and could purchase "ads" with those credits. People were happy and there was much rejoicing.

Ah, but sites can't function forever without money, seemingly, so the Enterecard folks got the idea to start selling paid ads. The only problem, of course, is that the paid ads knock out the ads purchased with Entrecard credits half the time. This has caused much grumbling and strife -- that healthy Entrecard traffic has slowed down and even blogs like this one that don't accept paid ads are watching their ad rates dwindle.

There's enough grumbling out there, in fact, to cause people to look for other sources of traffic. I've been doing a bit of that and have found some luck with BlogExplosion and I'm hoping to get a bit of traffic from Facebook.

I've run across some great blogs on Entrecard and will likely spend some days dropping cards, some days not giving a damn and some days just dropping cards on blogs I like. I'm having trouble staying too serious about the site, however, and the old days of dropping 300 cards have ended.

Frankly, that's probably for the best -- I'd rather linger around and read blogs than do a bunch of reciprocal dropping, anyway.

Music Monday -- Cameo

For extra triple fun, see if you can spot LeVar Burton (who played Geordi La Forge on Star Trek: The Next Generation) running around in this video. Long live the 1980s!

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. One simple rule, leave ONLY the actual post link here. You can grab this code at LJL Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.

Controversial Burger King commercial is nothing short of successful

Well, Burger King went and got a bunch of people mad by releasing a commercial featuring SpongeBob Squarepants about the chain's fantabulous kids meals.

Go ahead and give it a look. Go ahead and head to the bottom of this post to see the absolutely mind-numbingly bizarre extended version of the commercial. Is it appropriate for children? Absolutely not. Is it funny as hell? Definitely. Hey, Sir Mix-A-Lot's "Baby Got Back" was funny when it was released, and a slightly sanitized version of the original is also a hoot.

Of course, you've got groups all over the place riled up about that television commercial. Here in beautiful Arkansas, KTHV (a CBS affiliate in Little Rock) has asked viewers what they think of the commercial. The Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood started a petition drive asking people to demand that the ads be pulled.

My wife tells me that the commercial has, in fact, been pulled. I can't find anything out there on these here Interwebs to confirm that, other than a story claiming Burger King has denied the television commercial is aimed at children and that the company is developing a different SpongeBob ad to air during kids' shows.

Here at Casa de Hawg we reacted with our usual "uh, OK" attitude when we saw the commercial, rewound it on our DVR and called out eight-year-old daughter to watch it. She has, after all, gotten a kick out of that "Baby Got Back" song since she originally heard it at the end of Shrek several years ago (remember the Donkey character singing it about his dragon girlfriend?)

Where, by the way, was the outrage when that song was used in Shrek? There was a show directly aimed at children and was roughly as controversial as the SpongeBob ad. Odd.

Still, I'd argue this commercial has been very successful. Why? People sure as heck have talked about it a lot and that just increases Burger King's visibility. There are times when bad publicity is better than no publicity at all. This may be one of those times.

Don't mess with Texas

Things seem to get odder every day in this great republic.

The latest bit of oddness involves a story I read on CNN in which Texas Gov. Rick Perry said secession is possible. That's right -- the governor of Texas, while addressing an angry "tea party crowd" in Austin on Wednesday -- said his state might one day get fed up and secede from the Union should the federal government not change its ways.

Of course, Perry didn't suggest such a possibility is likely, but he did say such a thing could come to pass. That's a hell of a notion folks.

When you add to that notion a tongue-in-cheek column in WorldNetDaily column in which none other than the great Chuck Norris suggested he may run for president of Texas, you've got a heck of a hypothetical scenario, don't you? Just imagine waking up one morning, opening up the newspaper and reading that Texas had seceded from the Union and had elected Walker, Texas Ranger as its president.

Incredible, huh? Would the newly-liberated country still be called Texas or would her people switch the name of the new republic to The Nation of Awesome (and insist that it always be printed in a bold font)? What impact would an independent Texas have on the rest of the nation? Would more states follow suit and declare their independence? Would other states join The Nation of Awesome and form a new confederacy or would some states declare independence and form their own sovereign countries (if so, my vote for the new name of Arkansas is Hawgland)? Would Norris and his military start attacking and annexing states on the Texas borders? The possibilities are endless.

If Texas secedes and elects Norris as president, I might have to abandon my beloved Arkansas and go help out The Nation of Awesome. Of course, any government led by Norris would have at least two cabinet positions dedicated to maintaining law and order in extreme and entertaining ways. I'm not sure who would be picked to be the Secretary of Kicking Ass, but I'd want the title of Secretary of Taking Names. Yes, we could run around The Nation of Awesome kicking ass and taking names and that activity would, no doubt, keep us very busy.

Seriously, however, I do love the state of Texas and regard it as second on only my native Arkansas as the best state in the union. My wife and I both have a lot of family down there and Texas is, well, different. How different? Back in 2001, the popular thing for states to do was to ban smoking in whatever areas were deemed "public." What were they arguing over in Texas at the time? Whether it should be against the law for passengers to drink alcohol in moving cars.

And, just go look at some businesses in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. I've often noticed that some of them will have both a Texas flag and a U.S. flag out front -- every now and again, you'll notice the Texas flag is just a little bit larger and is flown just a bit higher than the United States one.

Of course, I doubt Texas will secede from the Union. That was tried by a few states in the South once upon a time and things didn't turn out too well for the rebels. Of course, with the U.S. military out policing the world...

Still, news out of Texas is often fun. The little CNN item about secession is no exception.

A bit of an apology

You good folks may have noticed a lot of paid posts as of late. For some reason, I've been getting sent a lot of opportunities to take those and I'm not good about turning down money. I'm sure my good fortune won't last long, so please be patient.

Before you know it, I'll be back to the same old rotten posts that I've always written.

The Man gives The Hawg a speeding ticket

For those of you who haven't visited the beautiful South, let me warn y'all of something -- small towns love setting up speed traps so that outsiders are forced to shell out some revenue.

What's the definition of an outsider in a small town? Someone who grew up outside of a two-county area seems to be a rule of thumb.

Sadly, I forgot that rule as I was heading up to Batesville, Ark., today to give one of my awe-inspiring presentations (well, it wasn't exactly awe inspiring, but everyone seemed to have a good time and I was able to fill up about 40 minutes on my given topics with little problem). Now, Batesville is about two hours away from my beautiful city of Benton, and there's a little town called Pleasant Plains (population 267) tucked away on U.S. 167 just south of Batesville.

I found out today that there's a very good place in Pleasant Plains where state troopers like to hide and catch unwary speeders. Folks, I didn't notice the trooper until he roared up behind me, turned his lights on and started waving me over to the shoulder. Had I been on my home turf in Saline County rather than driving through Independence County, I would have known where the cops were hidden.

So I got clocked at 70 MPH in a 55 MPH zone and I've got a nice, fat ticket to show for it (the fine will run about $175, I'm told). Damn. I haven't had a speeding ticket since 1991, so perhaps it was just time for me to get one. The upsetting part about this is that my wife got a speeding ticket a few months ago and I teased her without mercy over that.

She's been exacting revenge today and I deserve it. However, I did point out to her that "speedy" is certainly not an appropriate nickname for a woman to give her husband. She told me to "get my mind out of the gutter," but she knows I'm right.

I also regret not using a couple of choice excuses on the State Trooper:

"Well, officer, a bee flew in my window and landed on my accelerator. I was trying to mash him with my foot."

"I was going so fast because I was trying to get away from you. My wife ran off with a state trooper last week and I thought he was trying to return her to me!"

Maybe next time.

By the way, "mash" is one of my favorite words that rural Arkansans tend to use. To pronounce it correctly, you got to throw a "y" in there so it sounds like "maysh." Give it a try. It's fun.

Update -- Bob is upset

Heh, heh, ho, heh and triple-heh. The other day, good old Bob -- proprietor of the painstakingly named Bob's Blog -- left some comments over here and got attacked. Evidently, he thought people were being too mean to him so now he's now sulking about it over on his blog.

Apparently, Bob doesn't want to come over here and play any more. He wants to rant on his own turf where he can control the content and not have to deal with people who disagree with him -- to ridicule posts he doesn't like in a forum where he can shut off all comments challenging his skewed view of the world. That's a shame as his poorly-constructed and personal attacks (all based on laughably false assumptions) in my comments section provided scads of amusement. Come on back, Bob. I thought we were friends now.

Why is Fox News hiding the truth?

One of the fellows in my office just loves to watch Fox News during lunch.

I was watching some news with him when Fox told us to stay tuned as the truth of Area 51 would finally be told! How could I resist sticking around to watch the fun? After all, we all know that the government has been hiding space aliens in Area 51 since the 1950s. That's common knowledge.

Yeah, I've seen the truth about Area 51 revealed in countless movies, including that fine bit of film that always seems to be on television somewhere -- Independence Day (in which the Fresh Prince and that guy from Jurassic Park fight off an alien invasion).

So we hung around waiting to learn the truth of Area 51 when the Fox types came back and started interviewing a former employee of the facility. Yes, we were excited. At long last, the truth would be told!

The former Area 51 employee said that all of the activity can be attributed to a top-secret aircraft. Go ahead and take a look. Take a look at the sad little report in which a former Area 51 employee shares his secrets.

What? Airplanes? Government airplanes based in the Nevada desert were causing all that commotion? We're supposed to believe that? Seriously?

It is well known that aliens have invaded the top levels of government and are out to conquer this planet for -- well, I don't know what they want from us earthlings. Those aliens are sneaky and they're certainly up to no good. That much is clear.

I'm disappointed in Fox for hiding the truth so shamelessly. Fox News has been shooting for credibility for years and I'm sad to say the network has missed the boat with this "alien UFOs are really airplanes" story.

Perhaps the folks over at Fox could learn a lesson or two from that pillar of journalism ethics, the Weekly World News. That fine publication has been revealing the truth for years. Just take a look at these photos of aliens -- courtesy of the Weekly World News -- that I've scattered throughout this post.

That's photographic proof, folks. What's more, the Weekly World News actually wrote and printed detailed accounts of how aliens were directing national and state elections all over the country. If someone bothers to write something down and sell it at every grocery store checkout stand in the nation, it must be true, right?

Aliens have been slowly moving against this great nation (and world, if you want to get technical about it) for decades. The fearless journalists at the Weekly World News get it, but the folks at Fox News do not. That's just a shame.

Want to know a bigger shame? Want to know more proof of this alien-run conspiracy? You'll notice that the Weekly World News -- once as common as sin -- has been reduced to a lowly Internet publication. Why? Why would that be?

The space aliens wanted it that way, that's why. Perhaps the good people at Fox News are afraid the aliens will shut them down, too. Perhaps they're afraid that Raygar (the one I'm told is the alien mastermind) will use his atomic-powered death disruptor® on them. Perhaps they've been promised control over a U.S. state (maybe Nevada or Oklahoma) if they play ball with the invading aliens.

I don't know why the Fox News team is perfectly willing to air the white-washed, government version of what really happened at Area 51 as the truth, frankly. But the fact remains that Fox News has let all of us earthlings down. When those moon men and Martians attack the planet, Fox will share part of the blame.

All of this reminds me of the brilliant rantings of one Reverend Dallas Masterson, a fellow who spread the truth around Fayetteville when I was in law school at the University of Arkansas. It wasn't uncommon to see his literature exposing the dastardly plans of those aliens posted near campus (particularly on telephone poles near bars on Dickson Street, oddly enough).

Masterson's warning were put tossed aside by people who will -- one day -- wish they had heeded his warning before it was too late. Masterson hasn't been heard from in years. Perhaps the aliens nabbed him before someone took him seriously.

Want to hear some of Masterson's fevered wisdom for yourself, do you? Back around 1991, he did howl away on this track by the famed rock n' roll combo, Before I Fall. He knew the truth. It's sad that Fox doesn't (or doesn't want to admit it, at least).

What about Bob?

Have a look at the comment section, folks! Apparently, some fellow named Bob has taken exception to the fact that I, The Hawg, have made light of Barack Obama with this humble little post.

Apparently, taking a couple of shots at a sitting U.S. president is verboten. Unless, of course, that president happens to be one that Bob doesn't like.

Well, phooey on that.

This one's for you, Bob. Enjoy it, ace!

Did everyone have a good Easter?

Well, another Easter has come and gone.

That makes 40 of them for me now and that seems like a pretty big number. Apparently, such thoughts occur to a man who is about to turn 40-years-old. A few friends of mine who have hit that magical age told me this would happen and they were right. It sucks.

I hope everyone had a great time with the holiday. An increasing number of people don't observe Easter, of course, but the holiday still holds quite a bit of meaning for a lot of us. It is, after all, the holiday that does define Christianity and ought to be played up a lot more than it is. Christmas is the dominant Christian holiday, to be sure, and that's somewhat of a shame.

I grew up Baptist, but my wife and I turned renegade years ago by joining the Methodist faith. While out driving today, I saw a sign in front of a Baptist church here in Benton, Ark., that pretty much pegged where we ought to be focusing our attention on Easter (that sign, of course, is pictured here).

I never much cared for the legalism that was common in Baptist churches I've attended over the years. There are times, however, when they'll sum something up perfectly in just a few words. Often, those bits of wisdom are posted on lighted signs near busy roads. There are times they are eye-rollingly bad, times when they're an absolute hoot and times when they are right on target.

You've got to give them credit -- the on target messages make the rest of them forgivable.

I tend to think of my Baptist roots on Easter as I learned what I know about religion at the First United Baptist Church of Benton. While my knowledge of Christianity was refined and sharpened through hours of comparative religions classes at Hendrix College (a Methodist institution, by the way) and I'm less worried about being right than trying to live well, my outlook was shaped by those Southern Baptists who used to holler at me on Sunday morning.

The Bible I carry with me to church is the same Army green one that was presented to me at the First Baptist Church back in 1977, in fact. The leather bound cover has more than a few tears in it and the edges of the pages are more than a bit faded. It's showing its age, to be sure, but I've lugged that Revised Standard Edition along with me through childhood, college and law school, two marriages, two children and more moves than I can remember easily. I think I'll keep it around for awhile.

That old Bible, see, is familiar and I do love the familiar. Easter has always been one of those holidays that celebrates the familiar. I spend it with my family, hear the same story of the Resurrection, deal with getting stubborn children who'd rather play with their new toys and eat candy than deal with church and dread the start of the week.

The only change, really, is that I used to be the stubborn kid who wanted to duck church on Easter and hated putting on dress clothes and heading to church. Now I'm the parent who has to deal with unruly kids. My mom and dad have more patience than I realized. Another change is that I now dread heading to work rather than going to school. I really should have enjoyed those school days a bit more. Perhaps my children will. I somehow doubt it.

This Easter was familiar, of course, but there were some unique things about it that are worth mentioning. The most significant thing is that our children managed to dye Easter eggs without fighting. That's right -- they were able to stay near each other for close to an hour without bickering. That's worth mentioning.

Speaking of the kids, they put a set of bunny ears on Winston, our 140-pound Boxer-Rottweiler mix. Once again, Winston proved that he's a good sport. He did look miserable until they were taken off, however.

Also, it rained all day long. I can't remember an Easter that wasn't sunny. Ideally, Easter should be sunny and warm, but we had no such luck here in central Arkansas this year.

Finally, my wife made the best lemon icebox pie on the planet. That woman can cook like nobody's business. I'm a fan of just about any citrus based pie, and that one she made to day blows everything else out of the water. We're going to buy a new refrigerator in a few weeks and I've about decided that we need to get one that's large enough to store plenty of those things.

See, I saw a refrigerator that is the greatest thing ever because it's got the ability to make shaved ice. Who wouldn't want such a refrigerator on a hot summer day? Just grab some syrup, put the shave ice thingie to work and you've got instant refreshment. So what if the refrigerator with the ability to crank out that treat costs $1,800 (a significant number when you never use credit to purchase anything, by the way)? If there's another refrigerator that gives my wife the space to store up plenty of those dandy pies, I can do without the shave ice making machine.

At any rate, I hope everyone had a great Easter. Hopefully I won't be mired in self reflection when Easter rolls around next year.

Are Twitter's days numbered?

I'm sick of hearing about Twitter.

Everyone and their dog seems to be using Twitter these days and I can't, for the life of me, figure out why. Why in God's name would anyone want to keep up with the most mundane details of anyone's life? I'd argue there is no one interesting enough to deserve an audience that cares about short updates such as "I just got out of bed -- great day ahead" or "I'm waiting in line to buy tickets to go see St. Louis vs. Pittsburgh at the new Busch Stadium."

Furthermore, I can't see myself going around sending out "tweets" to people. Is there anything more effeminate than that? Plus, an avid fan of Twitter is Arkansas State Rep. Robbie Wills. That petulant, glad-handing, hatchet-faced little bastard wormed his way into the position of the Arkansas Speaker of the House and uses Twitter to send in such fantastic updates such as when he's taking his kids to ball games and that kind of rot.

If Wills is in support of something, the chances are good I'm going to hate it. That's certainly true with that latest in obnoxious fads, Twitter.

Ah, but I believe in jumping on trends and making some cash on my own. I plan on developing a system that's even more sissified and obnoxious than Twitter -- I'll call it Pretty Pink Pony and people will just love the hell out of it.

How will Pretty Pink Pony be even more obnoxious and sissified than Twitter? For one thing, Twitter users send "tweets" all over the damned place, whereas Pretty Pink Pony members will send "neighs."

While a lot of those neighs will be the familiar, short messages full of nothing that you Twitter fans love so much, Pretty Pink Pony will have an additional feature -- video neighs.

Yes, through Pretty Pink Pony, you will be able to send a short, video message that's absolutely worthless rather than just relying on text (reading is so 2008, after all).

Think of it. Let's say you were one of my fans (I'll still have think of what fans are called -- maybe I'll just call them fans and then can sign up to play in my stable or something) and you logged onto Pretty Pink Pony to see what I was up to. You might see a short video of me shaving, eating a sandwich, dropping my daughter off to school or maybe even something more exciting (like me talking on the phone at work while sending a neigh of me talking on the phone at work -- bonus!)

Yes, I'll take that self-worship that drives Twitter to a whole new level with Pretty Pink Pony. You may hate the idea now, but you'll love it soon enough. When all your friends start calling you a Luddite because you're not on PPP, you'll cave in and go for it.

And, yes, I'm aware that "PPP" is the common acronym for PayPerPost -- I might as well piss them off, too, while I'm out stomping on toes.

So, look for me to inflict Pretty Pink Pony on an unsuspecting world soon. You'll love it, dammit.

My little brother hates the ice cream man

How do you know when spring has arrived and warmer, less gloomy days are ahead?

Just watch for the happy-go-lucky ice cream man! Yes, when you see him driving down the road and blaring that "happy" music, you know warm weather is here to stay awhile.

Ah, the jolly ice cream man! He brings delight to both easily excitable children and adults alike, doesn't he? Everyone just loves the ice cream man.

Well, everyone loves him except for my little brother. My brother loathes the ice cream man, in fact, and would love to ban the alleged menace from his neighborhood.

Why does my brother hate the ice cream man so much? Because he has a full-time job and a toddler, that's why. That means my brother is often tired, but can only get a nap when he's at home when he gets my nephew to consent to a nap.

So, the nephew is snoozing, my brother is taking a refreshing nap and what happens? The ice cream man will often show up, park right in front of my brother's driveway and simply shatter those relaxing naps. That's happened to my brother more than a few times, seemingly, as I've heard my brother describe the ice cream man with language that would make a sailor blush.

According to my brother, the ice cream man parks in front of his driveway because of those "blankety, blank, blank kids next door" who flock to the ice cream man and buy his "blankety, blank, blank, blanking blank overpriced, frozen blankety blank garbage."

Screaming kids, that oppressively loud ice cream truck music and the general commotion that surrounds the ice cream man drives my brother up the wall. That proves one thing -- my brother is even grumpier than I am. I've got some catching up to do.

It's going to be a long summer for my brother, I'm afraid. I wish him well.

In the meantime, my daughter was singing a song about the ice cream man the other day and I actually found a version of it on YouTube. If I were you, I'd go ahead and watch it -- it's only about 30 seconds long and you'll laugh so hard you'll break all your furniture. Enjoy:

My daughter is wacky for cows

Everyone participating in the weekly Wordless Wednesday fun should consider getting involved with Tell Me Thursday, too.

Why? Well, the point of Tell Me Thursday is to get people to explain their Wordless Wednesday submissions. So, I'm going to explain my most recent submission right now.

That cute little girl in the photo is none other than my eight-year-old daughter, Brenda SueCarol. Since she was tall enough to peer out of the car window from her child's seat she's been fascinated by cows.

And I mean a screaming-laughing-pointing fascination with cows. A "look, look, look, Daddy -- COWS!" kind of obsession. Here in Arkansas, you pass a lot of fields full of cows when you're out driving. Brenda, since she was old enough to look through her window from her child's seat, has loved pointing out cows as we've driven by them.

Last month, then, my wife took her to see some real, live cows. My wife works with a woman who owns some pasture land and the cows that go with it. She was kind enough to host Brenda's cow-watching expedition.

The enthusiasm evident in the photo makes it clear that Brenda enjoyed her visit.

Make mine StarMaster

I was over at Blogging Ideas the other day and (as the name of the site implies) I picked up an idea for a post that wasn't as terrible as mine typically are.

The particular idea over there that I figured I'd steal is this -- write about your favorite video game. Being a child of the 1970s and 1980s, it only makes sense to pick one of those games I played constantly on my old Atari 2600 -- StarMaster by Activision.

Yes, I've played a lot of video games in my life and still have a slew of functioning systems around here -- my old Atari 2600, an Atari 7800, a Nintendo Entertainment System, a Super Nintendo Entertainment System, a couple of Sega Genesis systems (one has the Sega CD attachment), a Playstation 1, a Sega Dreamcast, a Nintendo Game Cube, a Nintendo 64, a Nintedo Wii, an Atari Lynx, a Sega Game Gear and my trusty old Nintendo Gameboy SP.

I used to have a Colecovision until it blew up on me a few years ago (a popping sound followed by a bunch of smoke is a bad sign, seemingly). Damn.

Anyway, none of those newer systems have provided the hours of mindless fun that the Atari 2600 did. And StarMaster was one of those games that I played over and over again. Why? While it is laughably crude by today's standards, it was a bit more complex than other Atari games at the time.

The game is based on Atari's Star Raiders, a game that made a huge splash in the 8-bit computer world. Oddly, Atari's version of Star Raiders for the 2600 was clunky, flickered and required a strange keyboard controller that, used in conjunction with the Atari joystick, helped players navigate through the game.

Activision -- as it often did -- took one of Atari's concepts and improved on it. Rather than a cumbersome keypad to keep up with, the StarMaster player simply toggled the "Color/B&W" switch on the 2600 to switch between a map screen (for navigating) and a cockpit view (for blasting aliens, dodging asteroids and docking with supply-replenishing bases).

The goal in StarMaster is to locate groups of alien ships on the map screen, warp over to them and blast them to bits from the cockpit view (it was a crudely rendered, three-dimensional environment). The aliens, meanwhile, are out to destroy bases by surrounding them and do their best to destroy the only ship defending those basis (that would be the one piloted by you, you lucky soul).

Ah, but one shot from an alien won't destroy your ship as you've got shields. Once those shields are down, however, it's time to warp to a base and have it fixed because an unshielded ship will certainly explode when it's hit by a shot from a dastardly alien. In addition to the shields, other essential components to your ship can take damage -- the laser cannons, radar and view screen can all get knocked out during battles.

Also, you've got to keep up with your energy level in StarMaster as it depletes quickly, particularly when you fire your cannons or take hits from aliens and asteroids. Yes, it seems the aliens can fly around all day without expending any energy, but you're not that lucky. Docking with a base will replenish that energy level, in addition to repairing any damage to the ship.

See? It was complex for a game back then and I spent hours absorbed in it. That game was firmly in the genre of those made popular by science fiction movies like Star Wars in which an outnumbered good guy flies around the galaxy blasting baddies. Being a Star Wars nut (I saw it in the theater at least seven times), how could I resist?

StarMaster is one of those games I'll play for years. If you want to read a bit more about it, head on over to this review I wrote years ago.

And whenever you want to read reviews of classic or modern video games, you'd be a fool not to visit The Video Game Critic where you'll find bite-sized reviews from a guy who knows his stuff. You can't beat that with a stick. Oh, and if you want to pick up some brand new Atari games (yes, there are programmers out there still writing for the entire line of Atari video game consoles), head right on over to the Atari Age Store (and, yes, I do own a few of the titles listed there and, no, this is not a paid post).

Wordless Wednesday -- Brenda and the cow

To see more Wordless Wednesday submissions, click right here.

Music Monday -- Mucky Pup!

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. One simple rule, leave ONLY the actual post link here. You can grab this code at LJL Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.

Rest in peace, Lawnie

Poor Lawnie, our faithful lawnmower, wheezed her last and dropped dead in the yard today.

The old girl could only manage to get through about half the front yard before she called it quits. It's always sad to lose a member of the family, kids.

My wife and I bought Lawnie back in the spring of 2002 after I had thrown a fit. Yes, I was mad as usual and my wife agreed to a new lawnmower to shut me up.

We had this horrible Lawn-Boy mower and I was to the point where I was going to throw it in a lake somewhere. I know people love those Lawn-Boy mowers but I sincerely hate them. They're heavy, clunky, expensive pieces of crap. Oh, and you've got to pour oil in their gas, too. What a drag.

After lugging that awful thing around my yard for a few weeks, I decided I couldn't take it anymore. I hated the thing, in fact, and wanted to go to a smaller, simpler machine. That's when we got Lawnie -- a Murray mower powered by a Briggs & Stratton engine. Not only did that mower allow us to get rid of the hated Lawn-Boy, I managed to keep it running for seven years -- not bad for a machine that cost me $100.

I'm certain my son is even more torn up over the loss of Lawnie than I am. A few years ago, I was thinking about buying a riding lawnmower. But then I realized something -- I've got a son. Yes, I'm sure he loved having the task of mowing the lawn every week during the spring and summer. I'm certain he loves the idea of contributing some effort to the betterment of the household. All that dancing and whooping he was doing when it became obvious that Lawnie had given up the ghost was merely his way of disguising his pain.

His true emotions came to the surface after my wife and I got back from the store and presented our son with his new mower -- another push mower powered by a Briggs & Stratton engine. We named that one Junior and then our son got upset. He was howling about not wanting to mow the lawn and I just know he was only doing that because he didn't feel right about mowing with anything other than his beloved Lawnie.

I'd like to think that, at least.

Oh, and by the way, I will get my riding lawn mower one day. That, however, won't be until my kids are gone and I have to mow the lawn myself. It just wouldn't be fair to let them get attached to Junior and then replace it with something else, would it?

Paid ads at Entrecard

All of you fine Entrecard members are aware by now that the site is accepting paid ads. You'll not find one paid ad on my Entrecard widget here or on the other blogs I control -- Straight Shooting Real Estate and All Arkie Army. Why? My emphasis is on the advertisers who have saved up their credits and have chosen to spend them here. I'll not share that Entrecard widget with anyone who has thrown a few bucks into the system.

And, yes, those paid ads are shared on that widget, meaning people who spend their Entrecard credits on a blog that accepts paid advertisements will only appear half the time on that widget. Want to spend those Entrecard credits here? Good for you! Your ad won't fight for time with a paid ad. Count on it.

On further consideration...

I may just accept some of those paid ads on the All Arkie Army blog. Why? I want to do a little experimenting -- see how that one fares in rank against the two that don't accept them. It's my guess that this blog and the real estate one will be rather ostracized at Epinions while the "good soldier" blog will benefit in some way.

I'll just have to see, won't I?

The Hawg figures out the value of BlogExplosion.com

For the past few weeks, I've been wondering about how to get more traffic.

Now, I'm a member of Entrecard and this little blog owes a lot to that great service (if you've got a blog, get an Entrecard account, by the way -- trust me on this). I've gotten a lot of traffic from Entrecard and was thinking it would be nice to find some other service to drive traffic over here.

A thought occurred to me while I was searching around here and there. The fact that traffic comes over from Entrecard is great, but that's not really what matters. What is important about Entrecard is that the service puts bloggers together and they are naturally inclined to interact -- to leave comments, visit blogs regularly and write content for an audience.

Yes, Entrecard has received its fair share of criticism, but I've run across more quality bloggers through that service than through anything else. Sure, people will say it's one of those "drop and run" sites that encourages people to stick around long enough to grab a credit and then head to another site in an attempt to pump up their traffic stats.

There is some truth to that, but people who simply drop and run without slowing down and reading some great blogs are only hurting themselves. No, the real value of Entrecard is relationship building -- we all blog in hopes of getting and audience, and that's not going to happen if you merely get a credit then zip to another blog without slowing down to read and comment.

Yes, the Entrecard members who stop long enough to read my prattle and leave a comment are the ones I'm more likely to visit often. When enough people react that way, you wind up building audiences and that pushes you to come up with meaningful content which leads to even more traffic. Who wants to take the time to run a blog and update it often if all that work is for naught because people don't bother reading anything?

And, let's not forget the importance of backlinks. I found out about those a few months ago when noticed that both my Alexa ranking and Google Page Rank had swelled. Why? The only thing I could keep up with is that I'm a gabby sort and tend to comment regularly.

BlogExplosion has the same potential to lead to that relationship building if it's used right. I do get a traffic boost by participating on BlogExplosion (if you visit two blogs, you get a credit in the system that's good for a visit to yours), but the traffic is really secondary just like it is with Entrecard.

I might visit 40 sites a day through BlogExplosion, and that's good enough for about 20 return visits. I'm a member on BlogExplosion, primarily, to run across some great blogs, develop some backlinks and find an audience. Getting BlogExplosion to work well for you takes some time, but it's worth it.

After all, it's hard to sift through the blogs out there that are rotten or that I simply don't want to read. Sites like Entrecard and BlogExplosion make it easy to identify great blogs and I appreciate the heck out of that. There's a lot of stuff on the Internet, after all, so having a service to direct you to some blogs you might not have heard of is something I truly appreciate.

Speaking of backlinks, I'll mention that I'm still looking to exchange reciprocal links with some great bloggers. Interested? Want to get on that sidebar o' mine. Send a comment my way and I'll be glad to consider it.

A keyless lock? I want one!

That 12-year-old son of mine (the rascal) gets home from school before my wife and I get home from work every night.

So, he's got a house key. He's had several of them, in fact. That kid would lose his head if it wasn't screwed on tight and he's misplaced a ton of house keys. Yes, he'll come home from school, throw his backpack on the floor, toss his key somewhere and the thing will just vanish (magic!) So we've got a few spares around here.

Now, the folks over at Axxis Biometrics have come up with something that looks downright ideal for Casa de Hawg -- a keyless lock system. As the name implies, there are no keys to worry about when you've got a keyless lock on the exterior doors of your home. The locks pick up on your fingerprint and that's very convenient.

That's right. No more keys to lose. No more buying a slew of keys for your a kid who careless throws his house key here and there. No more worrying that said careless kid dropped left the key at school or in some other public place so that anyone who happened buy could have access to your home.

A keyless lock system, in my mind, is right up there with sliced bread, the tankless water heater, the Fender Stratocaster electric guitar and a host of other technological marvels. Just think about it -- if you've got a finger, you can access a keyless lock system and not worry about keeping up with a house key.

And, get this -- the systems from Axxis can be programmed to allow temporary access when necessary. That's right -- set it up so the cleaning service, the neighbor feeding your pets when you're on vacation and other people can access your home temporarily.

It's a nifty little device, to be sure. I need to get one at some point.

Shameless self promotion!

Folks, every now and again something good happens and you've just got to mention it so many times that you get annoying.

I'm doing that right now.

Last month, I agreed to do some freelance real estate reporting for the Daily Record here in Little Rock, Ark. That move, of course, has caused much rejoicing in Little Rock. Riots between The Hawg fans and our less enlightened citizens have broken out throughout central Arkansas, too.

Well, that's not true. However, it has netted me some extra cash and I've gotten to use my long-dormant skill of reporting. Yes, I've spent most of my career writing for newspapers and I've missed working in journalism. I get to keep my toe in that world, at least, while still holding down my more lucrative public relations job. That's not a bad deal.

And the Daily Record gig is perfect for me as work in public relations in real estate. So I do pick up on a lot of great stories. Here is the latest batch of them so click away like crazy:

* A profile on Greenbrier Realtor Rhonda Rowlett

* An article about the joys of refinancing mortgages at low interest rates

* Home rentals on the rise?

Meanwhile, should anyone be interested in real estate markets in Arkansas, I've posted the February market report on behalf of my employer (the Arkansas Realtors Association) and I've talked about it a bit, too. Read all about that by clicking right here.

The Hawg gets fooled

Yes, I went ahead and pulled my April Fool's trick on my wife -- I hid her soap last night because she's the first one to take a shower in the morning.

She wasn't happy. She told me I wasn't funny at all, in fact. I emailed a picture of a bar of soap to my wife while she was at work today just to annoy her a bit (she's ex-Army and that's playing with fire). Ah, but she got me back by taping down the handle on the kitchen sink sprayer. I got soaked and laughs were had by all.

I think she's won this round, but I'll be back next year with something bold. All I need is a minister, a paramedic, an undertaker, a totaled car that is the exact replica of mine and a policeman with a sense of humor.

I'm still working out the details. I'll fool my wife but good next year.

Meanwhile, some wacky blogger went and pulled an April Fool's trick on me. I was looking at the traffic stats on Today.com for another blog of mine, Straight Shooting Real Estate, and noticed that my blog had been stumbled.

Great news, right? Well, kind of. Yes, my real estate blog is listed at StumbleUpon as a pornography site. Ah, someone out there has a sense of humor, seemingly. That's funny as hell.

Lessons learned

As I mentioned right here, I bought a shiny new bicycle. Rather than going to a bicycle shop and purchasing one, I bought it online.

That was a stupid mistake. Why? The gears weren't set right when the bike arrived, meaning I could only use 12 of my 21 gears. I didn't want to mess with setting everything up because I read that my chain could fly off if I got something wrong. That would be a problem.

So I took it to a bicycle shop tonight and should have it back tomorrow. I'll be out some money for that and I also bought a new seat because the one on my bike is terrible. I started adding everything up and figured out that I could have spent just a little more money at the bicycle shop and would have something that was already set up and ready to go.

I'll be glad to get my bike back so I can start zipping around the neighborhood again, but I'll be heading to the bike shop when it's time to buy something new (I saw a couple of bikes from Fuji and Giant that I'd love to own).

Oh well. I did order a couple of bells so my wife and I can go around the neighborhood on our bikes and annoy people with them. Maybe we should ride around, ring our bells and yell at kids.

"You kids think you're pretty cool with your rock n' roll and your funny books," we could holler. Great fun.

My daughter learned something new this week, too. She's on a softball team again this year (the appropriately-named Maniacs) and had a game last night. My daughter had the ball and was running to tag a girl that was running to second base.

She looked like she was tired of chasing that kid, so she stopped, rared back and pegged the poor child right in the back with the softball (yes, she's about as aggressive as my wife). My daughter learned that merely hitting a kid with a ball isn't enough to get her out -- you've got to tag the base runner or get a force out, seemingly.

I told my daughter she simply wasn't allowed to hit a kid in the back with a softball.

"I didn't hit her in the back, daddy."

"Yes you did. I was watching you!"

"I didn't hit her in the back. I hit her helmet."

Maybe she hasn't learned as much as I'd hoped.

Now, my daughter is on a team for seven and eight-year-old girls. The opening session was the other night and we were treated to a parade of the softball teams here in Saline County. The division for five and six-year-old girls is a hoot.

Now, a lot of the teams for older girls have fairly aggressive names -- the Maniacs, the Callahan Crushers, Chaos, etc. That's not the case for the teams for the youngest girls, one of which is called the Pink Ponies.

I couldn't help but think that's not exactly a name that strikes fear in the hearts of opponents, is it? The Pink Ponies? I hope those girls form a great team and stomp everyone who opposes them.