One of the fellows in my office just loves to watch Fox News during lunch.
I was watching some news with him when Fox told us to stay tuned as the truth of Area 51 would finally be told! How could I resist sticking around to watch the fun? After all, we all know that the government has been hiding space aliens in Area 51 since the 1950s. That's common knowledge.
Yeah, I've seen the truth about Area 51 revealed in countless movies, including that fine bit of film that always seems to be on television somewhere -- Independence Day (in which the Fresh Prince and that guy from Jurassic Park fight off an alien invasion).
So we hung around waiting to learn the truth of Area 51 when the Fox types came back and started interviewing a former employee of the facility. Yes, we were excited. At long last, the truth would be told!
The former Area 51 employee said that all of the activity can be attributed to a top-secret aircraft. Go ahead and take a look. Take a look at the sad little report in which a former Area 51 employee shares his secrets.
What? Airplanes? Government airplanes based in the Nevada desert were causing all that commotion? We're supposed to believe that? Seriously?
It is well known that aliens have invaded the top levels of government and are out to conquer this planet for -- well, I don't know what they want from us earthlings. Those aliens are sneaky and they're certainly up to no good. That much is clear.
I'm disappointed in Fox for hiding the truth so shamelessly. Fox News has been shooting for credibility for years and I'm sad to say the network has missed the boat with this "alien UFOs are really airplanes" story.
Perhaps the folks over at Fox could learn a lesson or two from that pillar of journalism ethics, the Weekly World News. That fine publication has been revealing the truth for years. Just take a look at these photos of aliens -- courtesy of the Weekly World News -- that I've scattered throughout this post.
That's photographic proof, folks. What's more, the Weekly World News actually wrote and printed detailed accounts of how aliens were directing national and state elections all over the country. If someone bothers to write something down and sell it at every grocery store checkout stand in the nation, it must be true, right?
Aliens have been slowly moving against this great nation (and world, if you want to get technical about it) for decades. The fearless journalists at the Weekly World News get it, but the folks at Fox News do not. That's just a shame.
Want to know a bigger shame? Want to know more proof of this alien-run conspiracy? You'll notice that the Weekly World News -- once as common as sin -- has been reduced to a lowly Internet publication. Why? Why would that be?
The space aliens wanted it that way, that's why. Perhaps the good people at Fox News are afraid the aliens will shut them down, too. Perhaps they're afraid that Raygar (the one I'm told is the alien mastermind) will use his atomic-powered death disruptor® on them. Perhaps they've been promised control over a U.S. state (maybe Nevada or Oklahoma) if they play ball with the invading aliens.
I don't know why the Fox News team is perfectly willing to air the white-washed, government version of what really happened at Area 51 as the truth, frankly. But the fact remains that Fox News has let all of us earthlings down. When those moon men and Martians attack the planet, Fox will share part of the blame.
All of this reminds me of the brilliant rantings of one Reverend Dallas Masterson, a fellow who spread the truth around Fayetteville when I was in law school at the University of Arkansas. It wasn't uncommon to see his literature exposing the dastardly plans of those aliens posted near campus (particularly on telephone poles near bars on Dickson Street, oddly enough).
Masterson's warning were put tossed aside by people who will -- one day -- wish they had heeded his warning before it was too late. Masterson hasn't been heard from in years. Perhaps the aliens nabbed him before someone took him seriously.
Want to hear some of Masterson's fevered wisdom for yourself, do you? Back around 1991, he did howl away on this track by the famed rock n' roll combo, Before I Fall. He knew the truth. It's sad that Fox doesn't (or doesn't want to admit it, at least).
What about Bob?
Have a look at the comment section, folks! Apparently, some fellow named Bob has taken exception to the fact that I, The Hawg, have made light of Barack Obama with this humble little post.
Apparently, taking a couple of shots at a sitting U.S. president is verboten. Unless, of course, that president happens to be one that Bob doesn't like.
Well, phooey on that.
This one's for you, Bob. Enjoy it, ace!