A holiday of my very own

A couple of days ago, I was reading this post over at that fun Freaky Frugalite blog about National Grouch Day.

It's only fair to point out that the ladies over at Margie and Edna's basement wrote about the same holiday. At any rate, I ran across those posts around the same time someone else was talking about Wash Your Hands Day. Yes, it seems there's a whole holiday dedicated to spreading the message about the importance of washing one's hands.

That holiday may come hot on the heels of some other amazingly important holidays such as International Wipe Your Butt Day and World Don't Forget to Brush Your Teeth Day.

Anyway, that all got me thinking -- it seems like there are a lot of odd holidays showing up these days. So, I did a bit of research and found that there are all kinds of odd holidays and the United Nations has come up with its fair share of them. Just take a look at that list and you'll be amazed at how many international holidays are recognized by that do-nothing UN.

You've got everything from World Rabies Day to World Sleep Day on that list, leaving one to wonder just what the hell it is they do over at the UN.

Since everyone and their dog is coming up with a holiday, I have decided to come up with one of my own. I'll make my special holiday June 16, which is my birthday (and the day that follows World Blood Donor Day and precedes World Day to Combat Desertification and Drought).

What's my holiday? Why, it's Universal Send Cash to The Hawg Day! Now there's a holiday I can support and I sincerely hope that everyone observes it, has fun with it and sends cash over to your friend, The Hawg.

Now, the rules are simple. If you happen to live in the universe, then you are allowed to celebrate Universal Send Cash to The Hawg Day by, well, shipping a few bucks my way. And remember -- I'll accept cash only as the government can trace and tax everything else.

So, you're probably wondering why you should be bothered to celebrate Universal Send Cash to The Hawg Day. After all, you may be tired out from participating in World Blood Donor Day on June 14, not to mention being exhausted from all the frivolity that takes place on World Day Against Child Labor on June 12.

Ah, but my holiday is an essential one. Why? Because your cash could help me realize my dream of sitting on my front porch every morning, drinking coffee and waving at my neighbors as they head to work. I'm sure that's a cause the universe can get behind and support. I'm enthusiastic about it, at least.

Also, just think of the fun parents can have with their children. Yes, parents could encourage kids to save up their change all year long and send it to me every June 16. Such an exercise will prepare the young children for life. After all, what is paying taxes but sending your cash to someone you don't know and getting very little in return? Participating in Universal Send Cash to The Hawg Day would get those kids good and conditioned to assume their vital role as compliant taxpayers who don't complain about being robbed by the government. That's important stuff, folks.

So, how does one celebrate Universal Send Cash to The Hawg Day? Shoot off fireworks, sing songs about The Hawg's greatness, study up on the history of Arkansas, cook a huge dinner and invite the family over -- that's all up to you. Just so long as the ritual of sending cash to The Hawg is observed, you're free to do whatever you want on my esteemed holiday.

Sound good? I think so.