Saturday, December 26, 2015

Hillary Clinton is a bitter old crone

I was reading this article earlier this evening in which the author reported that prominent Democrats weren't yet endorsing Hillary Clinton.

Is there anyone out there who really wonders why people aren't lining up to support Clinton? The answer is pretty simple -- the woman is a bitter, old crone with about as much personality as a table. Think of it -- the woman has no emotional warmth, she cackles rather than laughs and one really doesn't have to use too much imagination to imagine her trying to coax children into her gingerbread house so she can toss them in an oven.

Clinton had better hope people stop their analysis of her right about the time they decide she is an old crone because a further examination of her is even less flattering. What has she achieved, really, other than endure her husband and his philandering ways instead of shooting him? Not much. She failed as a secretary of state, her attempts to reform healthcare in the 1990s failed and were treated more like the busy work her husband gave her to shut her up for a year or so and her time as a New York senator didn't generate anything of note.

So, she's having trouble getting prominent Democrats excited. That's no shock. She'll probably have trouble getting voters excited, and I can't help but think she's about to find a way to win the Democratic presidential nomination only to get whipped like a rented mule by Donald Trump and whomever he picks as a running mate.

I have just one request of the old crone -- never step foot in my beloved Arkansas again. She cultivated a reputation for hating all of us unworthy rubes in the Natural State when she was forced to live here, so sticking to more "enlightened" areas should be a breeze for her.

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Why I'm voting for Trump and you should consider it, too

Yeah, I know. Donald Trump is as blunt as a crowbar and, by this point, may have said something to offend a majority of people in the United States.

But, so what?

Here's the thing about Trump -- love him or hate him, he could lay the template for politicians to follow in the future. That is, ultimately, a good thing.

Why? Think about how the political process works right now. Special interests buy and sell elected officials who are supposed to be representing us voters and the result has been the wreck of a government that we have right now. Banks darn near bankrupted the country through irresponsible lending a few years ago and they had enough pull to convince the government to bail them out. That's right -- they ran through our money and got more from the government thanks to their influence. That's just great.

Want another example? How about bankruptcy reform? Citibank managed to buy some legislation that Bill Clinton had the good sense to veto twice, only to have George W. Bush rubber stamp that horrible reform legislation as soon as it hit his desk. The result? It's a lot harder to file for a Chapter 7 bankruptcy than it was before 2005, meaning consumers get dumped into Chapter 13 cases and wind up paying back a lot of their debt.

That sounds like a good thing until you realize that credit card companies such as Citibank lost a lot of unsecured debt in Chapter 7. That was the reason, the credit card industry told us, that interest rates were so high. Advancing credit to everyone with a pulse, seemingly, was risky. You'll notice that the reform that the credit card industry bought shoved more money in their pockets but interest rates haven't dropped. And, of course, their reckless lending practices continue unabated. In other words, they are as irresponsible as they were before bankruptcy reform, but they're making more money and are hitting consumers as hard as ever.

You can thank lobbying for that sad state of affairs and a whole lot more. Heck, we can't even address terrorism in rational ways anymore because groups like the Council on American-Islamic Relations will get bent out of shape and there's a group that has been amassing power like crazy as of late.

But, what does all of this have to do with Donald Trump? He is the one candidate out there who has a shot of winning and isn't in the pockets of a bunch of special interests who think the government exists to get stuff for them. I'd rather have a loudmouth who shoots from the hip like Trump than a puppet like Jeb Bush or Hillary Clinton any day of the week.

And the fact that the establishment Republicans hate Trump so much makes me like the man even more. Want to know why GOP leadership dislikes Trump so much? Because he can't be bought and that terrifies them. If you want to see the lengths they'll go to to deny him the Republican nomination, just read this Washington Examiner article and pay particular attention to how little special interests care about what's good for the country or for us poor slobs who happen to live here.

And, then, ask yourself one question -- what's more offensive? A loudmouth who says what he thinks or a politician who panders to you for your vote but will jump whichever way his donors pull his strings? Love Trump or hate him, wouldn't it be great if he kicked off a trend in which what we voters want actually mattered to people who beg us for our votes?

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

I'll pay Trump $50 to punch Bush in the mouth

I don't know about anyone else, but I've grown tired of Jeb Bush.

Ole Jeb has decided he wants to be the president. He calls himself a Republican even though he's not a whole lot different than Hillary Clinton (well, he's more effeminate than Hillary, but that's another story). Ole Jeb has also decided to ridicule Donald Trump (the guy whipping Jeb like a rented mule in the polls right now, remember?)

I've got a proposal that we can all get behind. It doesn't matter if you are a Democrat, Republican, socialist, Nazi or bomb-toting ISIS member -- I'm willing to bet you'd support an effort to put Donald Trump in a position to punch Jeb Bush right in the mouth.

To that end, I will offer a whopping $50 to Donald Trump if he will punch Jeb right in the mouth. And I mean, I want to see a busted lip, a fair amount of blood, and Bush crying like a miserable sissy.

So, how about it Donald? You know you want to punch Jeb Bush, so why not act on that urge and get $50 in the process? That's a heck of a deal!

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Trump for president? Why not?

Ever since Donald Trump announced that he was running for president, he's faced ridicule, predictions that the country will fall to pieces if he gets in office and all sorts of nonsense.

Here's the thing -- at this point, I figure about the only thing we can expect from the government is sheer entertainment. And, Trump is nothing if not entertaining.

Am I voting for the man? You'd better believe it. Has The Hawg lost his mind? I don't think so, but I'll let the two or three people who will actually read this nonsense decide for themselves.

The first thing you have to realize is that we voters have almost no power left thanks to lobbyists and a Supreme Court that seems content to let people buy influence at every level of government. Face it, junior. Your government doesn't give a damn about you, me or the guy next door. Our elected officials are more interested in what people will pay them to vote for instead of what is actually good for the nation.

In this environment, anyone who is interested in the government doing anything worthwhile is in for bitter disappointment. That being the case, why not go for someone who is simply entertaining? If the government will continue to take our money and not listen to us, at least we can have someone in the White House who will say outrageous things and keep things interesting. Honestly, entertainment is about all that we can expect anymore.

And, perhaps an entertaining government rather than an efficient, helpful one is about all we deserve. Think about it -- the past two presidents have gotten put in office because voters are more interested in spite than effective leadership. That's right. Bush voters wanted to irritate Democrats and angry Democrats responded by putting Obama in office. And those two, awful presidents were each granted two terms The only way to explain why such horrid leaders lasted so long is that their supporters were more interested in the "spite factor" than actual ideas or leadership qualities.

Why not, then, vote for someone who will be more entertaining than goofy and spiteful? Trump, then, might be a step up.

So, come on, folks. Join me in my decision to vote for Trump. You know you want to.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Special K Garbage Bars -- yet another reason to stay thin

I was a skinny kid back in my youth. I graduated high school at about 125 pounds and had managed to beef up to about 135 by the time I received my law degree a mere seven years later.

I hovered around 135 pounds until I hit my mid-30s and started to put on weight. Now, at my mid-40s, I find myself needing to lose about 40 pounds to avoid being labelled a "fat ass." They never warn you about that -- once you hit your mid-40s, you can pack on pounds just by looking at the stuff you used to eat in abundance as a youth.

And, here's another thing -- kicking a 30-year-old smokeless tobacco habit leads to weight gain, too.

I do wish people had warned me about sudden weight gain in time for me to avoid it. But, alas, it's too late and I wind up having to eat junk I hate on a regular basis.

My wife tells me that small snacks are important to appetite control, so I wound up with some junk called Special K Chewy Snack Bars. I wound up with the "salted pretzel chocolate" variety and they are so wretched that I have to wonder what's next. Perhaps the "gum wrapper and potato peels" flavor? How about the classic mix of egg shells and cobwebs?

Heck, Special K should have named this awful things "Garbage Bars" as there is a certain amount of honor attached to advertising things truthfully. These taste like they were made with stuff straight out of the trash and, honestly, probably belong in the trash rather than destroying your taste buds and stomach. In fact, you might be better off just throwing all the Garbage Bars in the trash and eating the box. What is in a Garbage Bar? You get oats, something sticky, trash, 100 gut-wrenching calories and a slightly nauseous feeling that curbs your desire to eat for at least an hour. Perhaps that's the point.

I've also learned that eating these things usually makes me good and angry. In fact, I noticed I could head directly to the Kellogg's Internet site and leave comments about the Garbage Bars. I resisted the temptation to head to the aforementioned site and post "Your product sucks and I hate you."

The lesson here is simple -- be careful about your diet and get plenty of exercise while you are young or you might wind up eating junk like these abominations foisted on the public by those Special K jackals.

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Humble suggestions for new mascots for Benton

Earlier this month, Benton Mayor David Mattingly unveiled a new mascot for our fair city of Benton, Ark.

The mascot, which cost $2,500 to produce, is simply named “Ben.” He is supposed to be a businessman who will be trotted out at various events and economic development opportunities (no, I’m not real sure what that means and I’m not sure that anyone else does, either).

I’ll avoid the argument that suggests folks in this town already identify with the Panther – the Benton High School mascot – well enough to render poor old Ben redundant at best. Instead, I’d like to suggest a few ideas for mascots that are about as inappropriate and creepy as a balding businessman with arms growing out of the sides of his head. Here goes:

* Ben Ton – he’s a big, fat guy that weighs 2,000 pounds. A ton. Ben. Ton. Get it? Heh, heh!

* Genghis Fonz – sure, he’s a bloodthirsty killer but he’s also also as cool as they come. He can thrill audiences by showing off his finely honed combat skills as well as jumping over parked cars at the Sonic on his horse on Friday nights.

* Black Hitler – the names says it all.

There you go, and I’m willing to license any of those mascots to the city for a mere $100.