I simply can’t believe that some so-called Star Trek: Discovery fans living here in America are complaining that they have to subscribe to CBS All Access to watch the new series.
What’s the big deal? It’s, like, $6 a month ($10 if you don’t want commercials) to subscribe to the service and that’s cheap. Yes, it’s common for homes to subscribe to a number of streaming services (Hulu, Netflix and Amazon Prime at my house), so what’s one more?
Now, I realize there are some arguments against the business model CBS is using to distribute this show. I mean, so what if we’re talking about a series that has traditionally struggled for ratings even when people could watch it on television for free? So what if the over-the-air premier of Discovery attracted only 9.6 million viewers as opposed to the 14.54 million viewers that tuned in for the Sunday Night Football program at the same time that featured the subpar matchup of the Raiders and Redskins (check out those state here)? And, so what if Star Trek fans tend to be technically literate and can easily find their way to torrent sites and download Discovery for free like crazy?
All of those facts mean nothing because Discovery is awesome and that means it will totally do well. I mean, Internet piracy isn’t that big of a problem, is it? Just ask the music industry, the movie industry and the software industry. They all figured out how to win the war on piracy, right?
Besides, Star Trek fans wouldn’t steal Discovery, would they? If I caught one downloading Discovery, I would remind him or her that such a practice is illegal and unethical, and I’m sure that would shame that individual into doing the right thing and handing CBS some money for a program that they should be able to watch for free because they’re shelling out $100 a month on cable. The “stealing is unethical and illegal” argument worked well on music and movie pirates, right?
One more thing about CBS All Access – whoever designed that wonderful service did so with its subscribers in mind. Just compare it to Netflix. That service is just boring – it works flawlessly almost every time I use it. CBS All Access, however, tends to lag and display that whirly symbol at people when it’s buffering. That’s time I can use to get a drink, make a phone call or two or visit with my family. Clearly that was all on purpose – CBS wants us to spend more time with our loved ones, so those things that look like technical errors with All Access were brilliantly built into the app on purpose. Genius!
Star Trek: Discovery is out and a lot of people have some dumb complaints about it. One of the of the lamest ones is that the show doesn’t follow established canon.
That’s simply not true. The show totally follows canon. I know the logic of that statement is self-evident, but let me explain a bit further for the 10 percent of the population or so that need to be convinced because they are too dumb to recognize the plain truth.
Let’s take, for example, the lead character – First Officer Michael Burnham (played by Sonequa Martin-Green, who some of you may recognize as the former drummer for the Grateful Dead). She was raised by Sarek, the Vulcan who is also Spock’s father. Now, some people have pointed out that this is a major deviation from Star Trek canon because Spock is totally famous and, as such, we should have heard about an adoptive sister at some point in the past.
Here’s what those fools fail to realize. Sarek is smart. Like, way smart. He knew that the Force was strong with both Michael Burnham and Spock, so he hid them from Darth Vader and the evil emperor so they couldn’t find them and turn them to the Dark Side. Of course, Sarek also kept Spock and Michael Burnham separate, so those two never realized they were raised by the same man.
See? We never heard about Michael Burnham because Spock didn’t know she existed. Point made. Canon followed.
As I’ve mentioned here a time or two, we got four hens last weekend and have been happily raising them since.
However, we almost lost the girls this evening. Fortunately, they are fine and we learned a valuable lesson about hens (i.e., don’t let them wander around unattended). My wife let the chickens out of their coop this morning to forage around the backyard. We’ve been doing that regularly since shortly after we got them – our dogs and cats leave them alone, so what’s the harm?
We were in the house mopping the floors when we hard a commotion (more accurately, a bunch of squawking). We went out back to find Heihei passed out in the yard with feathers all around her. The other hens were nowhere in sight.
My wife checked on Heihei while I looked around for the rest of the hens. Heihei was just knocked out and it seems that chickens will do that when scared. Heihei was in shock, so we stuck her back in her coop and searched for the other birds.
We called our farmer friend who gave us the hens and he said that one of two things probably happened – either a hawk scattered them or an eagle picked one up and the other ones hid (there is an eagle preserve less than a mile from our house). He said the hawk scenario is more likely and that the chickens were probably just hiding – give them a couple of hours and they might return to the coop.
After a couple of hours, we found Paul hiding in some low-lying bushes in our fence line. Chickadee hiding was a few bushes down and we retrieved her, too. We figured perhaps Li’l Peep was a goner, but she showed up a few minutes after we put the two formerly hiding hens in their coop and she wanted to join them.
So, the hens are all safe and it appears that we need to keep a better eye on them. We are concerned about Heihei as she hasn’t moved much since we put her in her coop, although she has taken a few drinks of water and will cluck from time to time. We’re told that the hens probably won’t lay eggs for a few days, but they should come around just fine after the shock wears off.
We don’t exactly live in the country, but we’ve seen hawks and owls in our neighborhood. Hens are pretty vulnerable to predators, seemingly, so we got lucky this time. We’ll keep a close eye on the critters in the future.
I was reading this article earlier this evening in which the author reported that prominent Democrats weren't yet endorsing Hillary Clinton.
Is there anyone out there who really wonders why people aren't lining up to support Clinton? The answer is pretty simple -- the woman is a bitter, old crone with about as much personality as a table. Think of it -- the woman has no emotional warmth, she cackles rather than laughs and one really doesn't have to use too much imagination to imagine her trying to coax children into her gingerbread house so she can toss them in an oven.
Clinton had better hope people stop their analysis of her right about the time they decide she is an old crone because a further examination of her is even less flattering. What has she achieved, really, other than endure her husband and his philandering ways instead of shooting him? Not much. She failed as a secretary of state, her attempts to reform healthcare in the 1990s failed and were treated more like the busy work her husband gave her to shut her up for a year or so and her time as a New York senator didn't generate anything of note.
So, she's having trouble getting prominent Democrats excited. That's no shock. She'll probably have trouble getting voters excited, and I can't help but think she's about to find a way to win the Democratic presidential nomination only to get whipped like a rented mule by Donald Trump and whomever he picks as a running mate.
I have just one request of the old crone -- never step foot in my beloved Arkansas again. She cultivated a reputation for hating all of us unworthy rubes in the Natural State when she was forced to live here, so sticking to more "enlightened" areas should be a breeze for her.
I was a skinny kid back in my youth. I graduated high school at about 125 pounds and had managed to beef up to about 135 by the time I received my law degree a mere seven years later.
I hovered around 135 pounds until I hit my mid-30s and started to put on weight. Now, at my mid-40s, I find myself needing to lose about 40 pounds to avoid being labelled a "fat ass." They never warn you about that -- once you hit your mid-40s, you can pack on pounds just by looking at the stuff you used to eat in abundance as a youth.
And, here's another thing -- kicking a 30-year-old smokeless tobacco habit leads to weight gain, too.
I do wish people had warned me about sudden weight gain in time for me to avoid it. But, alas, it's too late and I wind up having to eat junk I hate on a regular basis.
My wife tells me that small snacks are important to appetite control, so I wound up with some junk called Special K Chewy Snack Bars. I wound up with the "salted pretzel chocolate" variety and they are so wretched that I have to wonder what's next. Perhaps the "gum wrapper and potato peels" flavor? How about the classic mix of egg shells and cobwebs?
Heck, Special K should have named this awful things "Garbage Bars" as there is a certain amount of honor attached to advertising things truthfully. These taste like they were made with stuff straight out of the trash and, honestly, probably belong in the trash rather than destroying your taste buds and stomach. In fact, you might be better off just throwing all the Garbage Bars in the trash and eating the box. What is in a Garbage Bar? You get oats, something sticky, trash, 100 gut-wrenching calories and a slightly nauseous feeling that curbs your desire to eat for at least an hour. Perhaps that's the point.
I've also learned that eating these things usually makes me good and angry. In fact, I noticed I could head directly to the Kellogg's Internet site and leave comments about the Garbage Bars. I resisted the temptation to head to the aforementioned site and post "Your product sucks and I hate you."
The lesson here is simple -- be careful about your diet and get plenty of exercise while you are young or you might wind up eating junk like these abominations foisted on the public by those Special K jackals.
Over the past decade or so, I’ve had a lot of dealings with eBay. I’ve bought a lot of items and have sold a lot on the Internet’s largest auction site and have managed to compile a 100 percent user rating after 289 completed transactions.
My experience with eBay has largely been pleasant. I’ve bought a lot of items that just aren’t much sold around here (mainly vintage video games) and have sold quite a few items I had lying around that turned out to be worth a buck or two. In short, I’ve been a fan of eBay for years and love the notion that the site caters to those of us who might collect things that are out of the ordinary and hard to find locally.
Over the past couple of months, however, my eBay experiences have been less than pleasant. Perhaps I’m snakebit and unlucky at times, but things seem to be going wrong over there.
Let me explain. Back at the first of December, my son kept hinting that he’d love to have the Xbox 360 that’s been in our living room since 2009 back in his room. I figured that request was reasonable, so I decided to pick up an Xbox 360 Elite for the living room and give him the faithful, old 360 that’s entertained us for a few years. So, I used the “buy it now” feature on eBay and picked up one for a good price.
The seller said he didn’t have it anymore, cancelled the transaction and refunded my money. Fine. I bought another 360 Elite and the same thing happened – the seller didn’t have the item anymore so he cancelled the transaction and refunded my money. The third time proved to be a charm and I was able to finally get someone to take my cash and send me a 360 Elite.
Two weeks ago, I bought a Sega Genesis game for a few dollars and that transaction was cancelled, too. Why? Of course, the seller no longer had the item. Around the same time, I sold the Samsung Galaxy S4 on eBay for $420 and the buyer didn’t pay me. I contacted the buyer and agreed to give him another week to pay. I opened a “non-paying buyer” ticket on eBay last night since I’ve not gotten my money.
Here’s the main problem I’ve had with all of these cancelled transactions – they were all with people who had high user ratings on eBay. It would seem the site’s attempts to self-police its users has fallen short. It’s irritating to buy items and find out later they are no longer available and it’s infuriating to see an auction go a week, end and then have to deal with a buyer that doesn’t have the cash to complete the deal.
One of the things that has made eBay so effective over the years is that transactions tend to go smoothly. Buyers and sellers close transactions with little trouble. Should the day arrive when that is no longer the case, then what use is eBay?
My situation may be unusual, but I hope the folks at eBay are doing what they can to make sure that buyers and sellers both will hold up their ends of transactions.
There was a time, not all that long ago, when this here blog was updated on a daily basis. There were, indeed, times when I updated this blog several times a day. Why? Because writing whatever the hell I wanted and when I wanted amused me. I never had a huge following, but there were enough people keeping up with what was going on over here to make everything worthwhile.
So, what happened? I tapped into my print journalist roots and decided to put up a serious site over at FirstArkansasNews.net. That site is still going strong and the traffic count over there is healthy. What’s more, the format allows me to write some honest-to-goodness news about stuff I like and that’s dandy fun. However, I do miss the freedom of an informal blog such as this one.
Specifically, I miss the ability to gripe about things just because I feel like it. It’s time to indulge my petulant complaining once again, so I’m starting a new series here at The Natural State Hawg – “Things that Annoy the Hell out of Me.” This series will be in several parts and I’m not sure how many there will be yet because, well, it turns out that a lot of stuff annoys the hell out of me.
So, here we go with Part 1.
1. Politics. Let me make two things perfectly clear. First of all, I’ve got a bachelor’s degree in political science and started to suspect when I was in college that politics was mostly absolute crap. Second, I’m a Republican simply because I hate them slightly less than Democrats. Neither party, frankly, is worth a damn.
What annoys me most about politics is that we Americans have a tendency to identify ourselves by which political party we like. In fact, we tend to take politics personally – anyone who agrees with us is smart and worthwhile, whereas anyone who doesn’t is stupid and, perhaps, evil. The tendency to base the value of an individual solely on which worthless politicians they supported in the last election is a tragedy.
Here’s why – neither party gives a damn about the majority of us. Want proof? Influence-peddling and vote-buying was bad enough before the U.S. Supreme Court decided the case of Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission, thus reinforcing what a lot of us have long suspected – it’s groovy for moneyed interests to have the unfettered ability to purchase votes at will.
If you want to know the disgusting details of Citizens United, just click the link above and get ready to be furious. Here’s why that case is such a slap in the face to us insignificant voters – groups and corporations are allowed to raise, essentially, as much money as they want and fling it at candidates. The National Association of Realtors (NAR), for example, passed a $40 dues increase in 2011 in response to Citizens United and that move means that the trade organization has $40 million more to spend on candidates (add that to the $11.47 million spent by the NAR federally in the 2010 election cycle and you’re talking about some serious money).
And, let’s not just pick on the NAR here. Trade organizations, corporations and other groups were flinging money at politicians before Citizens United and now they can throw even more cash at the government. So, who do you think our elected officials are listening to – the lobbyist backed by millions of dollars or you and your pitiful little vote? Under that system, who benefits – the voters and society or the selfish interests of an organized few?
Getting too wrapped up in politics is pointless and the notion that we should dislike people for sticking with their piece of trash politicians instead of our ineffective politicians borders on insanity. We’ve gone from a representative republic to a government that’s up for grabs like an eBay auction, and being overly loyal to either major party in such a system is a waste of time. In a perfect world, lobbying would be a felony punishable by something truly terrible (an Orwellian “Room 101” scenario comes to mind).
2. The overly sensitive. Have a look at this story from Martinsville, Va. You may have heard about that one – a city councilwoman made a 16-year-old girl cry because the alleged adult was offended by a stick figure on a quilt that was the result of a project taken on by students at Piedmont Governor’s School in that city. Hit the link for details – the whole account is disturbing.
Sadly, groups and individuals getting offended and ruining a good time for the rest of us has become par for the course. Over the years, I’ve seen fist-fights break out on the grounds of the Arkansas State Capitol over flag burning (a practice I find abhorrent, by the way), churches blocking MTV in the 1980s in some cities in this state (I can block programming I don’t like on my own, thank you), atheists throwing hissy fits about Nativity Scenes at on the Capitol grounds and a law professor who circulated a list of words we students weren’t allowed to use in the school during the early 1990s.
I’d wager we’d all get along a lot better if we didn’t go out of our way to find reasons to be offended. If you live in a free and open society, the chances are good you’re going to be bothered by something, Grow up and learn to deal with it.
3. Arkansas’ damned state lottery. Not long ago, I was standing in line in a convenience store and was there for some time as a lady bought about $400 worth of lottery scratchers. She made her purchase then the woman behind her had to waste a couple of hundred bucks on those things.
“What on earth is going on?” I asked when I got to the register.
“It’s Tuesday,” the clerk said.
“Yes, it is Tuesday. So what?”
“That’s when the new lottery tickets come out. They’re released every Tuesday because that’s when people get their support checks.”
“So, people are taking the cash the government is giving them to live on until they find jobs and blowing it on lottery tickets?”
“Yep.”
That’s just great. So, we’ve got people taking money meant to pay bills, buy food and those little conveniences and buying lottery tickets instead. The worse part of that scenario is that the state of Arkansas is in on it. Good grief.
I voted against the statewide lottery when it was put on a ballot and now I think it’s even a worse idea. Yes, Arkansas kids can get scholarships through the cash the lottery raises for the state, but colleges here have responded by raising tuitions in line with those scholarships. It’s looking more and more like we’ve gained nothing from the lottery and that should surprise no one.
I almost didn’t buy Major League Baseball 2K12 for the Xbox 360 because the title got so many so-so and/or poor reviews.
One review started off referring to MLB 12: The Show for the Playstation 3 and then bashing the 2K Sports title without mercy after that. Another did talk up the improvements made to the series, but ended up touting The Show.
Here’s the thing – if you have an Xbox 360 and you want a baseball game, you don’t have much choice in the matter. You can grab a copy of MLB 2K12, pick up an old copy of The Bigs (complete with larger-than-life plays and all) or throw a fit. Cruise through an Xbox-related message board or two and you’ll find plenty of people complaining that Xbox 360 owners deserve more choice when it comes to baseball.
They may have a point, but here’s the thing – if you want a better baseball game, rush right on out to the nearest Target or Best Buy, pick up a Playstation 3 and grab a copy of The Show. If you don’t want to do that, at least give MLB 2K12 a shot because, truly, it’s not a bad game at all.
Besides, what’s so horrible about having just one game from which to choose on a system, anyway? Back when I was a kid with an Atari 2600, we had one baseball game for years – an abomination called Home Run (1978) that was so awful that Mattel Intellivision commercials used to ridicule it. It couldn’t even properly be called baseball because Home Run was to baseball what Pong was to tennis – a simulation so primitive that it aped a sport only on its most basic levels.
In other words, we’ve only got one real choice in baseball games when it comes to the Xbox 360 but it is at least a solid game. MLB 2K12 features some pretty innovative stuff such as a pitching mechanic that utilizes the right analog stick and requires the player to get some timing down so as to not throw a bunch of rotten pitches. The batting is solid, too, and also requires the skillful use of the analog stick (well, you hit the “X” button to bunt). That also requires great timing that is truly hard to get down effectively.
The fielding is solid, too, in that a hit from an opposing team will put the player in charge of the fielder with the best play on the ball. The player can dive for catches, scale walls to rob hitters of home runs and pull off a lot of other nifty tricks. And, yes, there is a timing element in fielding, too – if you don’t flick that ball to a base when the “throw meter” is in the right spot, you’ve just committed an error or blown a double play.
There are some other elements about the game worth mentioning. The presentation is outstanding and the developers did a good job of mapping the major league stadiums around the country. You view the game in a familiar “television broadcast” format and commentary keeps the game active. Online play is smooth and players can opt to develop their own players and develop them from the minors through the majors in the game.
In short, MLB 2K12 is nothing less than a solid baseball game that allows players to concentrate on winning games, diving into the management aspect of running a franchise, etc. You can, in other words, become as immersed in the game as you want to be – while checking on rosters can be a nice diversion, I prefer to let the computer AI handle it while I concentrate on winning games. Still, those who love the management aspect of a baseball sim won’t be disappointed.
Is the game perfect? No. No it is not. For one thing, the players are rendered fairly well but they are stiff and tend to lurch around, zombie-like throughout the games. They are almost always scowling, too – it’s hard to imagine that people who get paid very well to play a game would look that miserable, but 2K Sports seems to think so. Also, you’ll notice the occasional framerate dive that can be a real drag at times and there are some graphical glitches that pop up from time to time. Yes, it is creepy to see bats floating through midair as they’re whirling around on-deck circles or making themselves to the plate. While 2K Sports may eventually deliver a patch to clear up that particular problem, I hope they don’t – the phantom bats are a hoot.” Another graphical shortfall is that the crowds are made up of about 20 distinct people that are repeated – clothes an all – throughout the stands.
The computer AI is also a problem because it does idiotic things at times. Here’s a scenario. Let’s say I’m up to bat. I’ve got two outs and a man on first. My player hits a grounder to the shortstop and the second baseman is covering his bag. The shortstop, by the way, is maybe a yard away from second base. The logical thing for the shortstop to do in that situation is to either flip the ball over to second or simply step on the base and force the runner out, thus ending the inning. In that situation, I’ve seen the computer choose a third and stupid action – make a terrible throw to first so the batter is safe and the runner is on second wondering how he got there safely. The computer AI seems to have trouble with the concept of throwing a ball home when runners are on base and a hit lands in the shallow outfield. More than once, I’ve sent a runner from third all the way to home while a fielder is holding the ball and acting like the play has ended. Strange.
The biggest flaw with this game, however, is that there is no tutorial mode. That oversight is glaring when one considers there’s a steep learning curve to MLB 2K12 and getting the timing necessary to play the game is essential. Bear in mind that every button, both analog sticks and the control pad are mapped to do something and the pitiful instruction manual (actually, it’s more of a pamphlet that sums up the control) isn’t much help. Yes, 2K12 does offer players the option of downloading the “full” manual (a cheap move when one considers this game retails for $60), but that online PDF isn’t much more detailed than the awful black-and-white pamphlet that comes with the game.
The solution to that problem becomes obvious after a time – set the difficulty level to “rookie,” set up your favorite team in a franchise then play through spring training to learn how master timing and the controls.
Once I invested some time in spring training, I found the controls to be intuitive, the pitching mechanism to be a blast and the overall game to be very enjoyable. The Show might be a better game, but that’s not an option for me as I’ve got enough video game systems plugged up to my HDTV set as it is and don’t need a PS3 adding to the clutter (buying another gaming system might cause my wife to throw a fit (yes, I do still have my old Atari and at least one console from every generation since)). MLB 2K12 is more than good enough for Xbox fans wanting a solid baseball game.
There are a lot of PS3 games that have made me question my decision to purchase an Xbox 360. The Show isn’t one of them – MLB 2k12 is a very good game and I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything by not having another title available for my system.
If you want to read a review of MLB 2K12 that concentrates on that title rather than how inferior it is compared to The Show, click here.
Yes, it has been hard to update this blog lately. That’s been going on for the past few years, actually.
Why? Well, I’ve been busy. While I do have a regular gig, I spend a lot of time writing for a lot of online and offline publications. I even have the good fortune of laying out a quarterly journal for a trade group here in Arkansas in Adobe InDesign.
I was thinking about these things earlier when trying to bring myself to update this little ole blog. About the time I was thinking about a topic, the phone rang – a local radio station wanted to interview me about the reversal of a Bankruptcy Court decision that had slowed down foreclosures in Arkansas. I talked about that issue a bit in this article for an online publication just yesterday (I got called for another interview).
The point? I’d like to update this site more, but I’ve been busy as heck with other things. That’s a true shame. I’ll try to do better. Promise.
There’s a lie out there suggesting that televisions are great at keeping kids quiet.
That’s only partially true. I’ve learned a couple of things over the years about kids and TV shows. For one thing, some of the programs are as hard to bear as nails on a blackboard. For another, there’s a good chance your kids will want to watch their favorite television shows with you.
Obviously, then, it’s in your best interest to steer your kids toward shows that don’t stink and toward those that you might actually enjoy.
I first became aware of all this when my daughter was about seven-years-old (she’s 11-years-old now). I stayed home with her when she was sick one day and she wanted to watch a Hannah Montana marathon on the Disney Channel.
“You can watch it on the TV in your room,” I suggested.
“No.”
“Well, there’s a TV in my bedroom. You can watch it there.”
“No, daddy. I want to watch it with you.”
So, I wound up watching Hannah Montana. Hours and hours of that slop. I learned to detest Miley Cyrus, her father and everything associated with that miserable program.
That established a pattern, it seems. There are shows she likes and she wants to watch them with me. While she still watches some stinkers, I try to steer her toward the ones that won’t drive me insane.
Want to employ the same tactic? Here’s a guide that will hopefully help.
Kids’ shows you might actually enjoy
1. Phineas and Ferb (Disney) – Is this show for kids or adults? Considering the off-kilter humor and fun of it all, I suspect it was written for both. This cartoon features a couple of inventive brothers who spend their summer building everything from time machines to roller coasters that put everything at Six Flags to shame. The series also features their older sister, Candace, who is obsessed with busting her brothers to their mother and getting them in trouble (she always fails).
The true star of the production is, arguably, Perry the Platypus, a deceptively docile creature who turns into a super agent and battles the vaguely evil Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz.
The show is certainly “child friendly” and parents will appreciate the humor, puns and the creators’ obvious love of the 1980s. Watch the below episode to see all the elements that make this show great come together and pay particular attention to the song at the end (there’s an original song in each episode and it’s typically a gem). Warning – there’s a good chance you’ll get hooked on it and might pester your kids to watch it with you.
2. Good Luck Charlie (Disney) – here’s one that was allegedly created so that entire families could enjoy it, and it shows. This is a live-action comedy centered around the Duncan family of Denver, Colo. The premise of the show is that Teddy, a high school girl, maintains a video diary for her little sister, Charlie, so that she might pass on solid advice to the toddler.
Meanwhile, you’ve got an older brother who is kindhearted but none to smart, a younger brother who is a holy terror and a couple of bewildered parents who try to keep up with their four kids (yes, a fifth one is on the way). Parents will identify with the sneakiness and mayhem provided by the kids, while children will enjoy the antics of the Duncan siblings.
This one earned my “not suck” rating during a season two episode in which the mother, Amy, was caught on tape chasing a jerky teacher through a high school with a mop:
3. So Random (Disney) – this one is all about live action sketch comedy. Some if it is rotten and the lip-syncing musical guests will send most people over the age of 14-years-old running out of the room. Most of the bits, however, are at least mildly amusing and you’ll find one from time to time that’s an absolute hoot:
4. The Regular Show (Cartoon Network) -- I'm still not sure if the creators had kids in mind at all when they created this surrealistic cartoon. Still, there’s nothing too harmful about it and, besides, High Five Ghost is one of the greatest one-dimensional characters in ages.
The show is all about how a lazy blue jay and raccoon slack around and cause trouble. From that premise, all else follows. Have a look:
Shows to avoid
The descriptions of these shows will be somewhat brief as it’s too easy to get sucked into ranting about awful they are. Instead, I’ll just briefly mention why they all suck and stress the importance of staying away from them and distracting your children should they start to watch any of this stinkers.
1. Victorious (Nickelodeon) – this one is all about kids attending a high school of performing arts. The problem here is that the words “creative” and “obnoxious” are synonyms. The result is a bunch of characters that are supposed to artistic but are just jerks who might actually benefit from the ass-kickings they’d surely receive at a “regular” school.
2. Shake it Up (Disney) – Two junior high school girls dance on a Chicago cable show. And they dance. And dance some more. They’re probably dancing right now, in fact. The redhead is slightly stupid while the brunette isn’t. When they’re not dancing, they’re doing things that are supposed to be funny. That’s pretty much it. Yuck.
3. A.N.T. Farm (Disney) – here’s another one about genius kids. They’ve got advanced talents at various things, but the whole thing comes across as a backdrop for China Anne McClain who has an apparent talent for launching into annoying songs far too often. Don’t watch it. You’ll hate it. Your kid might watch it and enjoy it.
4. Essentially, all live-action tween comedies on Nickelodeon except iCarly are painful to watch. There’s a catch-all for you. Truthfully, iCarly is OK, but the show has really gone downhill over the past season or so (i.e., the iCarly girls are now “legal” and the producers seem uncomfortably aware of that fact from time to time).
So, there I was – watching a rerun of Black Sheep Squadron and relaxing.
You know, kicking back after a long day while watching Pappy Boyington and his gang of scruffy, fun-loving misfits dogfight the Japanese into submission in the Pacific.
My fun was interrupted, however, as a chipmunk ran out of my kitchen, glared at me and then ran off to hide somewhere. That’s right – a chipmunk.
I probably should have grabbed my iPhone and gotten a picture of the critter, but I was too busy thinking about two things.
First of all, why the hell was a chipmunk in my house?
Second, where the hell were the cats that are supposed to take care of such things?
As I didn’t have a picture of a chipmunk, I grabbed a still of that loveable Chip from Disney’s Chip n’ Dale fame. That’s how chipmunks are supposed to look, see – animated, smiling and wearing Hawaiian shirts. They’re not supposed to be running through my house and looking, well, like real, live chipmunks.
Is there a point to all this rambling? Yes, there is. I’ve long suspected those cats we have are worthless and now I have proof. I’ve got one that can kill the songbirds outside my house well enough (she leaves them on my porch as proof), but she’s nowhere in sight when there’s an honest-to-goodness critter in my home.
Songbirds are wonderful things, see. They chirp happily and – most importantly – say outside. Letting them live would be a good thing to do. That particular cat butchers them like crazy and leaves the poor beasts where I can find them, but she’s nowhere to be found when it comes to taking care of a pest that’s made it inside my home.
The other cats are worthless, too. We’ve had four of them infest my house and none of them are in sight. Perhaps they’re outside resting up so they can be fresh and ready to go when the songbirds emerge.
Except for the one cat, of course, that hides under my bed and only shows up when she wants food or to hiss at someone.
Meanwhile, there’s a chipmunk loose in my home and I suppose it’s up to me to lure it outside. Typical.
Update: Broccoli, our Boston/Rat Terrier mix, caught the chipmunk and toted it outside. Good dog!
It seems that Space Jam – that 1996 movie staring the great Michael Jordan and a bunch of Looney Tunes characters – isn’t exactly held in high regard in some quarters.
That’s a real shame. Well, it might not be a shame and it might be totally understandable. But, here’s the thing – Space Jam is entertaining when viewed under the right circumstances.
Let me explain. Back around Christmas of 1996, my immediate family was all together and spending time at my parents’ house. We decided it would be dandy fun to head to Little Rock for dinner and then take in a movie.
Ah, but what movie? We debated that at length and my brother pointed out that if we paid to see Mars Attacks!, we could watch the following showing of Space Jam for free at one theater. Two movies for the price of one? Why that was too good of a deal for us cheapskates to ignore.
So we headed off to the theater for an evening of fun. Ah, but there was one problem with that plan – Mars Attacks! is a dreadful film. Frankly, I can’t remember a time when I’ve been so angry during a movie and felt so cheated.
Mars Attacks!, for those unfamiliar with it, is one of those Tim Burton things that was apparently supposed to be a parody of cheesy, low-budget science fiction flicks from the 1950s and 1960s. It failed on every level. Not only did it lack the low budget charm of the films it was making fun of, it was darned annoying as well. I don’t remember a whole lot about the film, frankly, other than it irritated me and seemed to go on forever. To this day I still think of Mars Attacks! when contemplating the things I absolutely hated about the 1990s. Yes, folks. The film is that bad. Don’t dare watch it. You’ll regret it. It’s absolutely worthless and couldn’t even be made entertaining by the crew at Mystery Science Theater 3000.
Although the film was horrible, we toughed it out. We groaned. We complained. We threatened to give my brother a well-earned beating in the parking lot after the movie had finished. When that dog of a movie finally ended, we tried to decide whether to pack it in and write the evening off as a loss or see is Space Jam was any better.
While some in our party decided they’d been tormented enough and decided to go back to my parents’ house, a few of us remained and decided to give Space Jam a chance.
I’m glad we did. It was rather like the clouds parted, the sun started to shine and we all forgot about how miserable we were while suffering through Mars Attacks! While no one will claim Space Jam is one of the finest movies made, it was pure gold compared to the film we saw before it.
Watching Michael Jordan run through around with a bunch of cartoon characters, seeing basketball players try to act and everything else was legitimately entertaining. The notion that Michael Jordan quit playing baseball and went back to the Bulls because of a game he helped Bugs Bunny and company win is a hoot, too.
Had I seen Space Jam under different circumstances, I might not have enjoyed it so much. However, just about anything would have been an improvement over Mars Attacks! Space Jam was so much better than that awful piece of trash that I still watch it from time to time and enjoy it about as much as I did when I saw it in the theater.
Looking through that good old junk mail folder from time to time can be a hoot.
I wandered over to my junk mail folder and guess what I found? Yes, I discovered what my well be the best Nigeria scam on the planet. Click here to have a look and judge for yourself.
The brilliant thing about that particular email is that the scammer represents himself as someone who is part of an anti-fraud unit wanting to offer (get this) money to people who have fallen victims to Nigeria scams. That’s a sleazy, ballsy move, but I can’t help but admire the gumption.
Yes, the recipient of the email is identified as a victim of an implied Nigerian scam and, as compensation, there’s an ATM card with $950,000 on it just waiting to be delivered. All the victim has to do is send along $60 (and, of course, some personal information to be abused later) and the card will be sent right along.
Hey, that’s not a bad deal, right? Send in $60 and get $950,000? You just know there are some people in this world willing to take that gamble.
Michael Wasserman needs to stay in Texas and keep the hell out of my state.
Who is Michael Wasserman? He’s this fellow who keeps trying to get the voters of my beloved Arkansas to grant him a monopoly so he can build casinos all over the damned place.
He tried to get proposals on ballots back in 2006 and 2009 that would allow his company – and only his company – to set up casinos in Arkansas. Neither proposal made it to the ballot.
Now he’s back with a new proposal that would allow him to put up his sleazy little casinos in Boone, Crittenden, Garland, Jefferson, Miller, Pulaski and Sebastian counties. In other words, he wants voters to allow him to set up some mini Pottersvilles and lining his Longhorn pockets with our cash.
To hell with Wasserman and greedy little gnats like him.
I’ll admit up front that I hate casinos. In my mind, the only good casino is one that is empty, on fire and not covered by insurance. I don’t want them in Arkansas any more than I want the two current state-sanctioned gambling dens in Arkansas – Oaklawn (horse racing and a bunch of things that look like casino games but aren’t classified as such) in Hot Springs and Southland Greyhound Park (which has more of those casino lookalike games) in West Memphis. If you want to throw your money away, go blow it at one of those two filthy eyesores or (better yet) send it to me.
Yes, I’m simply opposed to casinos as I don’t want to live within 200 miles of one of the nasty things. However, my objection to Wasserman goes beyond moral concerns – as much as I detest casinos, the idea of giving someone a state-sanctioned monopoly so he can run one is simply ludicrous.
Why should Wasserman have the right to operate a profitable business when no one else can? If we’re going to let him show up in Arkansas and open one, how can we exclude the next guy or the one after that? How can we – as Arkansans – possibly allow a situation to exist where a guy can build a business that is absolutely free of competition?
If the people of this state won’t casinos, then let’s allow the things. Don’t just allow one guy to come in, build seven of them and not let anyone else compete. The way I see it, we either allow casinos or we don’t – monopolies are nasty and we ought not have them sanctioned by state law.
And, yes, that means that Oaklawn and Southland ought to be forced out of existence or forced to deal with the prospect of (gasp!) having to deal with competitors for a change.
Wasserman will, apparently, start his “Let Me Rape You, Arkansas” tour soon by trying to get enough signatures on petitions to put his self-serving proposal on the ballot. I do hope Wasserman and his flunkies get a chilly reception from my fellow Arkansans.
Like a lot of other Americans, I absolutely hate the idea of the federal government wandering in and taking over the nation’s health care system.
But I’ll be damned if the insurance companies don’t make us understand just why some people are claiming the health care system is broken and is in need of radical repair. Here’s the problem – health care insurance companies are simply brimming with some of the most impersonal and money-grubbing decision makers to be found anywhere. Indeed, it’s hard as hell to cozy up to them and argue – with a straight face – that they’re out to do little more than collect premiums and deny as many claims as possible.
It’s rather like being bullied by a mean, fat kid in school. Everyone hates the mean, fat kid who pushes people down, takes their lunch money and generally makes their lives hell. If a fatter, meaner kid shows up and promises to beat up the bully, then it’s no surprise that the newcomer has his share of fans.
Of course, it could be that the fatter, meaner kid will simply depose his rival and make everyone more miserable than they already are, but the hope is there that things will somehow improve. People might be better off with the original bully, but who the hell wants to rush and defend him?
Those of us who oppose the health care reform being shoved through Washington right now face the same dilemma. Sure, we can argue all day long about the erosion of freedoms, the questionable constitutionality of having the government force everyone to have some kind of insurance, etc.
But we’re really just defending a despicable bully. Yes, we may be better off letting that fat bastard continue to bilk the American population instead of letting the feds hang us out to dry, but that’s not the kind of argument that resonates with people, is it?
It’s hard not to understand why a lot of folks hate the health insurance industry as it is today. Let me tell you folks a story.
Last year I had the greatest health insurance plan on the planet. We’re talking about something that covered everything with no co-pays. A fairly high deductible was part of that package, but my company paid the deductible, meaning I had one hell of a benefit. Health care insurance that treats everything and costs absolutely nothing is more than appealing to a cat like me who has ulcerative colitis and spends a ton of cash on medication every month.
Ah, but that former plan is expensive. With businesses cutting back everywhere, the office started looking for less expensive alternatives to the plan we had.
Arkansas Blue Cross and Blue Shield slimed its way into our office one day and promised to offer the same plan for a lot less money. Yes, it would be great! We were assured that all would be well with the company’s wonderful plan – we’d save money and everything would be covered just as it had always been.
I’ve got two prescriptions that I’m supposed to take until (I suppose) I drop dead or they jerk my colon out due to cancer or something equally vile. I refilled them and went to pick them up tonight. My pharmacist told me that Blue Cross – the company that promised us the moon, of course – had denied one of my medications and recommended some over-the-counter garbage. I'm actually surprised the wise folks at Blue Cross didn't suggest buying a bottle of Tums and hoping for the best.
There are two things fascinating about all of that. First of all, it appears that the Blue Cross rep who sold us her particular bill of goods was lying through her teeth. She was told what my medications were when we signed up (I’ve saved an email through which her company asked about some particular information about those drugs) and I was told all would be well under the wonderful Blue Cross plan. Unless things have changed dramatically since I quit practicing law 10 years ago, one can make the argument that she bound her company to the promise she made to me. I’ll take that up with her (very loudly, I imagine) in the morning.
Second, we’ve heard a lot about how one of the problems with the government running the health care industry is that the days in which medical decisions are between patients and their doctors will come to an end. When an insurance company interferes with that process the way they’re trying to do in my case, couldn’t we argue that those days are already dead and gone?
For folks wondering about the illustration at the top of this post, that’s BlueAnn Ewe – the cute and cuddly mascot of Arkansas Blue Cross and Blue Shield. BlueAnn Ewe. Like “Blue and you.” Get it? Yes, Arkansas Blue Cross has presented itself as our partner in good health by dreaming up a cutesy sheep.
Beware of companies that hide behind cute mascots. They tend to have a lot to hide.
At any rate, defending jackals like Blue Cross and Blue Shield is hard to do. Whether we wind up with the same rotten system we’ve got or some federal-run monstrosity, I figure most of us folks who work for a living are still going to take a beating. We’re ultimately just arguing over whether to substitute one misery causing bully with another – an uncomfortable situation that should be painfully familiar to anyone with presidential elections since 1988.
Go ahead and take a look at that abomination over to the left.
What is it? Why it's the Winter Solstice display put up on the State Capitol grounds by some group of malcontents calling themselves the Arkansas Society of Freethinkers. I do believe the group was originally called the Arkansas Society of Crybabies Who Got Their Asses Kicked too Much in High School, but that was overly long.
Now, all you have to do to be a freethinker is be an atheist. Atheists, as a matter of course, run around thinking freely while we Christians are dogma-addicted imbeciles who lack the capacity to string two original thoughts together.
At any rate, the requirements to become a freethinker in this state are incredibly low. All you have to do is declare God to be a lie and be looking to join a group of freethinkers so you can all think freely together. Oh, it also helps if you adore the idea of engaging in antics that get a good number of Arkansans pissed off at you.
At any rate, our free thinking friends tried to put up a Winter Solstice display last year on the Capitol grounds as a way to (let's just admit it) irritate people. They were allegedly trying to make a point, seemingly, about the fact the state has displayed a Nativity Scene at the Capitol for years while Christian beliefs aren't represented. Their request was turned down. It got turned down again this year, so our freethinking chums filed a lawsuit and won.
It's no surprise the group won, of course -- Secretary of State Charlie Daniels' policy on temporary displays on the Capital grounds is so vague that just about anything can be made to comply with it. The fact that something that looks like a gaudy port-a-potty now shares the limelight with a Nativity Scene is evidence of that.
It's fascinating, by the way, that freethinkers all over the place have chosen to celebrate Winter Solstice. While it might appear to be a dead, pagan holiday to some, the more cynical among us view it as a convenient kind-of-holiday to adopt by those who simply want to spite Christians. It's worth mentioning that one enterprising fellow out to make a point about the freethinkers' got permission from Daniels' office to put up a Festivus pole. Read about that by clicking here -- that display was not to be taken seriously, of course, as it wasn't intended to belittle anyone or mock religion.
So, what's on the freethinking monument to Winter Solstice? Click here and have a look to be treated to a history of Winter Solstice and quotes from a bunch of people who are defined by their comments against organized religion (Einstein would be thrilled with that -- to hell with his theory of relativity and all that, he questioned the existence of God, man!) It's particularly interesting that Bill Gates is identified as a freethinker on the display (apparently, he once said something to someone that atheists like). His company's shoddy products have caused more than a few people to take the Lord's name in vain over the years -- maybe that is actually why he's a featured freethinker on the free thinking monument to Winter Solstice and free thought.
At any rate, the monument is trashy, horrid, laughably cheap and looks like it was an art project slapped together by a disgruntled junior high kid. Regardless, it's on display at the Capitol because a federal judge rightly applied the law and ordered the state to allow it. Take that, non-freethinkers!
During the middle of their "nyah, nyah, nyah" celebration, the predictable happened -- an Arkansas legislator filed a resolution objecting to the court ruling allowing the freethinkers to put up a display that openly mocks Christianity. Now the freethinkers have both the privilege of annoying people and being able to do what they do best -- collectively whining about a mean ole society that wants to deny them the ability to think freely and be all individualistic-like.
Here's the thing -- I absolutely hate it when Christians run around bashing people over the heads with their beliefs. It's obnoxious and, at times, does more harm than good -- people who aren't religious don't want to hear about how they're going to hell and will feel much better if they fall into the "converted" camp.
Similarly, it's obnoxious when atheists run around howling about how nonreligious they are. By sticking a hideous display up on the Capitol grounds, they're doing just that and annoying people, to boot. Apparently, it's not enough for the Society members to get together and free think into the wee hours of the morning -- they've got to go out of their way to pester people with their enlightened ways, too.
Want some respect, freethinkers? Take your trashy display down and go home. Y'all may be right in a legal sense, but you've managed to turn a lot of people who may have been neutral to whatever you're up to solidly against your free thinking group. The only thing you've proven is that you folks are a collective nuisance.
What’s got me worked up today? Cell phones. Hate the things. The world would be better off without them. I figure that Satan developed them to torment us poor humans, anyway. That’s just the kind of thing that devil would do. Damned pest.
Actually, I wouldn’t be too worried about lobbying against all cell phones if I could just be rid of mine. Since my wife and employer won’t let me get away with refusing to carry one, I figure I’m stuck until I complete a successful campaign to get rid of all of the nasty things.
In other words, I’m irritated and intent on making everyone suffer. So there.
Anyway, I started thinking along these lines around 1997 when I was driving back from a friend’s funeral. I was practicing law at the time and my cell phone rang – it was an angry client who figured I ought to be in my office working on his something-or-other instead of wasting my time at a funeral.
I responded by pitching my cell phone out of my car window when I was driving about 75 MPH. I immediately got angry for two reasons. First of all, that phone cost around $400 and I reduced it to a pile of garbage that was scattered down the Interstate. Second, I wanted to call my secretary and yell at her for giving some lunatic my cell number.
I couldn’t call her, of course. I had just pitched my phone out the window of a speeding car.
So I didn’t carry a cell phone for years. Oh, I was a happy, happy The Hawg! People could reach me at work only when I was actually at work. I could be alone from time to time and not have to worry about a nasty ringtone shattering my solitude.
Ah, but then I got married and my wife made me carry a cell phone. Sure, that one got destroyed after it went through the washing machine and my wife got me a new one. I gave that one to her after I started my current job and my office bought me yet another phone.
I got rid of the phone my office bought me when I threw it up against a wall a few times, kicked it for good measure and stomped on it for the sheer hell of it. My employer rewarded me with yet another cell phone.
I can’t get rid of the things, seemingly -- I'll destroy one and wind up with a new phone. Furthermore, I’ve got to leave it on in case there’s an “emergency” and someone needs to get in touch with me. Emergency? There are some other things I could carry in case of an emergency – a shotgun, a life preserver, road flares, rope, a canteen, SCUBA gear, etc. I don’t carry any of that junk around with me constantly, but I am required to carry my cell phone in case some phantom emergency pops up and I have to deal with it.
Do I get any emergency calls? Hell no. What I get are work-related calls when I’m at home or on vacation from people who always ask me if “it’s a bad time to talk.”
Well, yeah it’s a bad time to talk. A good time to talk is when I’m in my office during working hours – not when I’m at my mother-in-law’s house on a Thanksgiving vacation.
I also get calls from my wife while I’m weaving through rush-hour traffic because she wants to know if I've left the office yet. You know, one of those calls could cause an emergency...
You’d think mankind hadn’t managed for centuries before the advent of the cell phone. How could people get in touch with each other if an emergency popped up? What on earth did they do?
Oh, yeah. They managed just fine.
I’m convinced there are few of those “cell phone” emergencies to which people like to refer. That fellow surfing the Internet on his iPhone in the middle of a movie theater I was at a few weeks ago didn’t have an emergency. That freaky chick I saw texting away while driving down the road a few weeks ago wasn’t dealing with an emergency. Those cell phone gabbing maniacs who lollygag around while getting in my way on the freeway during my morning commute aren’t in the middle of emergencies.
No, we’d all be better off by simply taking up our cell phones and running them over with our cars a few times, thus freeing ourselves of that demonic evil. Just imagine a world where lunches with friends aren’t ruined by cell phone calls, people actually pay attention to the road while driving, obnoxious ringtones are unheard of and crumbs don’t wander around in a haze while checking their Facebook accounts on their phones.
I do believe my dad has the right idea about how to carry a cell phone. He resisted one until my mother finally convinced him he needed one with him. What’s my dad’s cell number? I have no idea.
Why? He doesn’t want to be bothered and he’d rather talk to me in person, anyway.
During our Thanksgiving break in scenic northwest Arkansas, I noticed something odd going on up there -- a lot of ads for the Hummer.
"The Hummer is back," declared an ad from some car lot in the part of the world as some announcer spoke excitedly about the virtues of owning one of those nasty things.
Wait a minute. I thought the Hummer had become as outdated as the pet rock and the AMC Gremlin. I figured the Hummer had one foot in the grave and the brand's vehicles had been relegated to used car lots around the country.
Here in Benton, Ark., the Hummer lot in town is little more than a parking lot for econo-boxes offered up by Chevrolet.
The Hummer is back? The symbol of everything that was wrong with the U.S. auto industry is making a comeback? People feel confident enough in the economy to blow thousands on vehicles that burn gas like it's still $1 a gallon? Really?
I'm not sure if that's true or not, but here's the truly ironic thing -- GM is in the process of selling Hummer to Sichuan Tengzhong Heavy Industrial Machinery, a Chinese company (of course).
Actually, that makes sense. China is in the process of buying everything else (and holds more U.S. government debt than will ever be repaid in my lifetime (if at all)), so why shouldn't it own Hummer, too?
Let me start off by saying that not all of those Black Friday fans are nuts.
In fact, my wife gets up bright and early every Friday after Thanksgiving and hits the stores. And who can blame her? Some of the prices are incredibly low and everyone wants to save money, right?
No, the Black Friday shoppers I'm talking about are of a special breed. A crazy breed. A perhaps dangerously insane breed.
Who are the insane Black Friday shoppers? I saw a report on the news the other night about people who started camping out in store parking lots on Tuesday. That's right -- Tuesday.
So, some people went and missed out on Thanksgiving entirely so they could sit in a parking lot and save a few bucks when all hell broke loose on Friday morning. What would drive someone to do that? I honestly don't know. Well, perhaps I do know -- it's insanity that drives some people to such lengths.
My wife, I think, did it the right way. She enjoyed Thanksgiving and made a list of items she wanted in advance. She got up at around 3:30 a.m. (far too early for me, I'm afraid) and hit the stores. While she didn't camp out overnight, she did manage to grab everything she wanted except for one item -- a new HDTV set for our bedroom.
That's not a bad deal. She got to enjoy Thanksgiving with family and will have to make do with the 20" tube television set in our bedroom until we get around to replacing it. Meanwhile, our Christmas shopping is now all but finished. Not a bad day's work.
By the way, we spent the Thanksgiving holiday in northwest Arkansas with my wife's family. The news outlets were all covering Black Friday shopping. My brother-in-law was out with the Black Friday shoppers and he got interviewed by two different television stations. My mother in law recorded the broadcasts on her DVR and, sure enough, he was all over television today.
