The Pirates set a record!

In case no one noticed, the Pittsburgh Pirates now have the longest consecutive losing streak of any team in the MLB, NBA, NFL or NHL.

On Monday, the Pirates earned their 82nd loss of the season in a game against the Cubs. With that loss, the Bucs clinched a dubious honor -- 17 consecutive losing seasons.

They came into the season tied with the Philadelphia Phillies -- a team that managed to lose 16 consecutive seasons from 1933-1949. Pittsburgh hasn't had a winning season since 1992 and seems doomed to consistent failure in the foreseeable future.

How bad is Pittsburgh? Read all about it right here. That article sums it all up better than I ever could. Besides, I'm too tired to give a damn. I've rooted for the Pirates for years and I'm about sick of caring how the team does.

In fact, the rotten Pirates are one of the reasons I don't follow baseball liked I did once upon a time. In fact, the last time I watched a full Pirates game was a few years ago. After hurling a few empty beer cans at the screen and cursing the team for being so clueless and awful, I pretty much quit watching Pittsburgh and haven't paid much attention to baseball since.

I've just about concluded that the way to get a team to turn rotten is to convince me to room for it. I've pulled for the Pirates since about 1977 and look what's happened to them. Around that same time I started rooting for the Denver Broncos and they've been getting worse since John Elway retired a decade ago.

Oh, don't get me started on Denver. They fired Mike Shanahan and alienated quarterback Jay Cutler until he made up his mind to leave. Shanahan was replaced by a punk, nothing kid of a coach named Josh McDaniels and Cutler was traded to Chicago for Kyle Orton -- a loser who is so anonymous that Denver might have been better off pulling a fan out of the stands and making him quarterback.

Denver will suck this year. Count on it. In fact, I'd be stunned if the Broncos did anything but stink up the field over the next few seasons.

As for Basketball, I followed the Bulls quite a bit. The Bulls, of course, ran off Phil Jackson, Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen and haven't done much since then. Even my beloved Arkansas Razorbacks -- once a force to be reckoned with in the 1960s through the 1980s -- have been reduced to a fair-to-middling team since joining the SEC.

Hell, even my beloved Benton Panthers are terrible at football these days.

My wife isn't a huge sports fan. I'm starting to think she's got a point.

Pittsburgh Pirates in good shape to set a record!

As I've whined about on this here blog before, I'm a Pittsburgh Pirates fan.

Generally, that is a cause for great shame. The Pirates are terrible and show absolutely no signs of improving one whit.

Ah, but the very source of that shame has turned into a reason for Pirates fans around the nation to feel great pride in that terrible team. Why? Pittsburgh is knocking on the door of destiny -- that little team is on the verge of officially being saddled with the honor of being the worst franchise in professional sports.

How? Pittsburgh has had 16 losing seasons in a row and, as such, is tied with the Philadelphia Phillies for having the worst record in baseball. That's right -- we've not seen a record that horrible since the Phillies piled up 16 losing seasons from 1933-1949. No team in the NBA, NFL or NHL has put up that many consecutive, losing seasons.

If Pittsburgh manages to turn in another losing season, the team will be the only one on professional sports to have 17 horrible seasons in a row. The record-setting Pirates are well on their way to earning the recognition for doing what they do best -- playing really, really terrible baseball.

How bad are they? The Pirates ought to get the word "suck" copyrighted as no one is as terrible as Pittsburgh. Think your team sucks? You're wrong -- Pittsburgh owns the word. If the team was an auto manufacturer it would be Chrysler. If the team was a presidential candidate it would be Mike Dukakis. If the team was a world power in World War II it would be France.

Ah, there were some that thought the Pirates wouldn't make it to that magical 17th season of suckitude. The team started off the year with an 11-7 record, causing some to express doubt that they'd fulfill their destiny of being the worst pro team in the country.

I always had faith in the Pirates, however, and they've silenced all the mean-spirited doubters by quickly dropping the past 12 of 13 games leading them to the current 12-19 record and their well deserved, last place position in the NL Central. Way to stink it up, Pirates! I knew you could do it.

Besides, Pittsburgh has started off hot in a few seasons over the past 17 years and it always end the same. That should come as a surprise to no one. Just have a look at the nobodies that dot the Pirates' roster and you'll understand why I'm certain the team won't disappoint all of us who believe the team will set a record this year. With a bunch of players like that, there's almost no way the team won't fail miserably and achieve immortality in the process.

I'm going to be so bold as to predict that the Pirates will not only blow this season but will tank next year and probably fail a few more times before actually stringing enough wins to finish up above .500. The Pirates have that losing formula down and I can't imagine they'll do a whole lot to change it.

That golden, losing formula works like this. Let's say Pittsburgh has an outstanding player. They will trade that player for, say, three prospects. Let's assume two of those prospects are terrible and one turns out to be spectacular. The terrible prospects will become franchise players while the spectacular one will be traded for more prospects.

The pattern repeats itself every year, thus insuring that Pittsburgh will remain inept almost every year. Such dedication to sucking is to be applauded -- most clubs merely want to win games and reach the World Series, but those lads in Pittsburgh have a different agenda.

No, the owners of that team obviously want to suck worse than any club in the history of professional sports in the United States. They set their goals way on back in 1992 after the team that almost reached the World Series disbanded through free agency. Thanks to those visionaries, the Pirates will -- without a doubt -- set a record that will stand for a long, long time.

Good luck, Pirates! You stink like no one else can or probably ever will. Good job, lads!

Apparently, I root for the wrong team from Pittsburgh

It's official -- the Pittsburgh Steelers became the first team to win six Super Bowls by beating the Arizona Cardinals in what will go down as one of the great NFL championship games.

I'm a Denver Broncos fan and I was rooting for the Cardinals, but it's really hard to not be happy for the Steelers. That is, without a doubt, one of the finest and hardest-working franchises in the NFL and a team that has earned the respect of football fans everywhere.

Having said all of that, I've come to the conclusion that I root for the wrong team from Pittsburgh. yes, I have the great misfortune of being a Pirates fan and I'm still not sure why I expect the team to do anything but stink and upset me.

It's the same thing every year. I start out following the Pirates closely and then start watching the St. Louis Cardinals in late April or May when the Bucs are mathematically eliminated from the World Series.

How bad are the Pirates? The team hasn't had a winning season since 1992 and hasn't won a World Series since 1979. Rooting for a team like Pittsburgh will cause one to look at fans of the lowly Chicago Cubs and mumble, "Lucky bastards."

Cubs fans, see, have hope and pull for a team that actually manages to post a winning season from time to time. The Pirates, on the other hand, are the Detroit Lions of the MLB.

So, after watching the Steelers tear through the AFC once again, set an NFL record for winning six Super Bowls and generally being the envy of football fans everywhere, I've got to ask one question -- what the hell is going on with the Pirates?

I've heard about enough of that "small market team" nonsense and I'm almost sick of hearing about salary caps. Hey, I'd love to see a salary cap in baseball as I do believe it will lead to more competition -- it's certainly worked out that way in the NFL.

Still, let's take a look at the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, a scrubby team that can afford to pay their starters a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon and a 1973 Ford Pinto. That's a team that went to the World Series last year in spite of being underfunded and stuck in a small market.

One can only conclude the Tampa Bay management has at least a casual interest in winning, whereas the same can't be said of Pittsburgh. Here's how things go with the Pirates. Let's say Pittsburgh has a great player. The team will trade said great player for, perhaps, three prospects.

Out of those three prospects, let's say that one turns out to be a great player. That one will be traded for more prospects whereas the other two will become franchise players. The Pirates, see, just seem to slit their own throats every year and it's maddening. It's hard to build a solid franchise when you're constantly dealing your talented players away for prospects that will get dealt if they turn out well. I've been watching that perpetual cycle for the past few years and I'm sick of it.

I hope this is the year that the Pirates will learn a lesson or two from their cousins across town and even the Devil Rays. We Pirates fans are just about out of patience.

One more season and Pittsburgh sets a record

While baseball fans around the country are looking forward to the playoffs and the World Series, we Pittsburgh Pirates fans at least have something in common with our favorite team.

Yes, we'll be watching the games in our living rooms and wondering if next year will be any better. Unfortunately, Pittsburgh is terrible and there aren't any signs the team is improving.

How bad is Pittsburgh? The team hasn't had a winning season since 1992 and is tied for the most consecutive losses of any team in professional sports. By closing out this season at 67-92, the Pirates never got close to the magical .500 mark.

If the Pirates turn in another rotten season next year, they'll set an undistinguished record -- 17 losing seasons. No team in any major American pro sport has been able to achieve that level of suckness. Well, at least they've got a shot at doing something rather well. If you're going to stink, why not go all out, right?

The Pirates are so bad that Foxsports.com named the Pirates the worst franchise in American pro sports way on back in May. There were 10 teams on that list, and the Pirates edged out some real stinkers such as the Kansas City Royals, Arizona Cardinals, Los Angeles Clippers and Detroit Lions.

That's terrible, folks. That's so bad that the Pirates might want to consider changing that "P" logo on their caps to read "Pee."

The obvious question, of course, is how did the Pirates get so bad. Just what the hell happened to a team that played in the first World Series in 1903 and picked up World Series victories in 1909, 1925, 1960, 1971 and 1979? What happened to the team that was one rotten inning away from the World Series in 1992?

Simple -- the Pirates have adopted a strategy of fielding young, inexperienced and cheap players. After the 1992 season, for example, the Pirates lost Barry Bonds. That trend of getting rid of solid players has plagued the Pirates, a team that was once the home to the likes of Aramis Ramirez and Jason Kendall.

The Pirates, oddly, have adopted the confusing habit of trading good players for a bunch of prospects, then trading the prospects that develop into solid players for more youngsters. Let's say, for example, that Pittsburgh trades a standout player for prospects A, B and C. The following season, A and B develop into fair-to-middling players, while C is outstanding.

What happens? The Pirates keep their mitts on A and B and trade C for some more prospects. And the cycle continues. It's no wonder, then, that we loyal Pirates fans would go absolutely insane if the team managed to win 81 games and enjoy something that seems impossible to us -- a .500 season.

That's just pitiful. How many baseball fans would consider 81 wins a failure? A lot of them, to be sure, but we Pirates fans might get so excited that we'd start burning couches in our front lawns.

I know at least one blogger out their shares my pain when it comes to the Pirates -- Brian McElhinny at Raise the Jolly Roger. There's a man who's keeping the faith. Good for him.

Should you want to see when I gave up on the season, see an earlier post of mine right here.

"Harrrr, matey! We're terrible!"

It's that time of year again -- time to give up on the Pittsburgh Pirates and just accept another rotten, stinking season from the Bucs.

I was reading a post earlier at PoemOfQuotes Blog about the pain of being a Kansas City Royals fan. Yes, it's hard rooting for the Royals because they stink. The Pirates, alas, are actually worse.

I've been a Pirates fan since 1977, meaning I've seen a lot of bad baseball over the years. Truth be told, I haven't seen the Pirates play on television for a couple of years, primarily because my wife caught me throwing beer cans at the television screen, standing on a chair and yelling as the lads made idiotic play after idiotic play.

But, I still do read up on them to see what kind of shenanigans are going on and the stats don't lie. This season might not be as bad as most as the team actually could break .500, but it's doubtful given their past history.

My wife and I were supposed to take a trip to St. Louis earlier this year so I could go watch the Pirates lose in person. That trip didn't pan out as she got sick and we stayed home. It was probably just as well.

Yes, baseball season is rough for a Pirates fan, meaning I tend to get mad enough at the boys to start rooting for the Cardinals by around the middle of June. Oddly, however, few people realize how much they stink.

Let's go through a bit of history, shall we? The Pirates haven't won a World Series since 1979 and haven't had a winning season since (get this) 1992. Yes, that's 15 seasons below .500 and the team is gearing up to stink again this year.

That's pretty rotten, indeed, and it reminds me of an old joke about the Pirates:

This man walks into a bar and he's got this feist dog with him. The bartender says, "Hey, you can't bring a dog in here. You'll have to leave him outside."

The man begs, "Please let him stay. He's a Pittsburgh Pirates fan and he just wants to watch the game. If you let him stay, I promise that he won't bother anyone."

"He's a baseball fan? I'd kind of like to see that," the bartender says. "I'll let him come in, but if he bothers anyone, I'm throwing you both out of here."

So, the dog sits on a bar stool and watches the Pirates game. One of the Pirates hits a single and the dog jumps up on the bar and runs up and down it while yipping, wagging his tail and high-fiving the patrons.

"Hey, he really is a Pirates fan," the bar tender says. "Does he do that every time someone gets a hit?"

"Yes he does," the man says.

"What does he do when one of the Pirates hits a home run?"

"I don't know. I've only owned him for five years."

And that, folks, pretty well sums it up. But the team does have an impressive history in that the Pirates played in the first World Series in 1903 (lost to Boston) and won its first World Series in 1909 against the Detroit Tigers. By the way, the 1909 series pitted the Pirates' legendary Honus Wagner against the even more legendary (and at least twice as insane) Ty Cobb. The Bucs also picked up World Series wins in 1925, 1960 and 1971 and have produced a lot of Hall of Famers, including the aforementioned Wagner and the great Roberto Clemente (a player that makes the Pirates ownership wish that cloning was a reality 40 years ago).

Ah, but the team has -- honestly -- been almost uniformly terrible since that 1979 World Series victory. In the 1980s, they were awful until Lim Leyland took over as manager and started to build a club. It appeared in 1992 the Pirates would make it to the World Series, but they blew it against the Braves in the final inning of the last game of the National League Championship game. Yes, I remember it well because there were two outs in the bottom of the ninth and the Pirates were ahead by one run. They blew that one pretty severely just about the time I was gloating to a Braves friend of mine. As soon as the Pirates lost and that ridicule started to turn around on me, I hung up the phone and threw beer cans at the television screen (a common practice when watching the Pirates play).

So, what's been the problem for Pittsburgh? There are a couple, really. For one thing, the payroll is miserable and that means its hard to keep good players. Apparently, baseball players expect more than a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon and a 1972 Pinto for a season of work. Barry Bonds (I really do despise that man) was a Pirate, but he took off after the 1992 season for more money as did a lot of the real talent on the team. Sad.

Also, even when Pittsburgh does manage to land a good player, they trade him off for some prospects. Thus, a viscious circle is created in which great players are traded for prospects and those new players are traded for more prospects if they develop their talents and can contribute to the Bucs.

After all this griping, complaining and beer can hurling, you're probably wondering -- why does the Hawg still root for Pittsburgh. Probably for the same reason that I stuck with the Arkansas Razorbacks during the dreadful Danny Ford and Houston Nutt years.

Besides, I do like the underdogs. I'm reminded of a conversation I had with my uncle a few years ago.

"Uncle Don -- dad and granddad are both Yankees fans, so how did you wind up rooting for the Orioles?"

"Ethan, I used to watch the Yankees with your dad and grandfather, but it always seemed liked rooting for the Nazis against Poland in 1939."

Great point, but it doesn't make rooting for a bad team any easier.