Monday, February 20, 2012

Horoscope for the week of Feb. 20

It's a new week and you know what that means – it's time to turn to the wisdom of the mysterious and wise Dr. Zodiac to see what the stars have in store for us in the coming days.

Dr. Zodiac – our resident soothsayer and general purpose mystic – said the stars are all suffering from what can only be described as a case of the winter blahs. They were almost too lazy to talk to him this week and that is a good thing – if they’re too lazy to commune with Dr. Zodiac, they probably haven’t spent a lot of time figuring out ways to torment us this week.

Let’s find out, shall we?


Mar 21-Apr 19

You always scoffed at the idea of being prepared, Aries, but you’ll wish you had heeded that advice this week. While the stars weren’t specific, they said you will find yourself in need of various things at different times this week – specifically, a roll of duct tape, a set of jumper cables, a picture of a frog (yes, you read that right) and a dime. Don’t ask questions. Just get those items ready. Your lucky number this week is 10.


Apr 20-May 20

Big Star – the undisputed leader of the stars – said you will be worked to a frazzle this week. Yes, your enemy will be sapped, so make sure to keep plenty of Red Bull (appropriate, huh?) on hand for when the going gets tough. When I, the famed, Dr. Zodiac, asked Big Star about what would keep you busy this week, he just shrugged and said, “You know, a big project or something like that. Just tell him to be ready to be tired.” So, there you have it Your lucky number this week is frantic.


May 21-Jun 21

Have you ever wondered why pairs of socks don’t stay together? Regardless of how hard you try, it just seems your short one sock per pair every now and again. This week, you will find out what is behind that bizarre phenomenon. It’s not the most exciting fortune, but you could walk away with some knowledge that will make you a hit at parties. Your lucky number this week is 2.


Jun 22-Jul 22

Get ready, Cancer – it’s going to be one of those “romantic” weeks for you. Get ready to be punched in the gut by love. Get ready to become all twitterpated. In short, you’ll get nothing done this week as you’ll be too preoccupied with mushy, lovey stuff. It happens to be the best of us. Your lucky number this week is 3rd times a charm.


Jul 23-Aug 22

You schedule will become a complete mess after you remember you forgot to account for leap year. Yes, that’s right – 29 days in February, meaning March 1 starts a day later than you expected and that will throw your life into chaos. Hey, at least you caught it early. Your lucky number this week is 28.


Aug 23-Sep 22

You’ll be fully in grips with election fever this week. Indeed, you’ll worry that the entire nation will fall into chaos if you’re favorite candidate doesn’t get elected president in November. The sooner you realize that politicians don’t care one whit about you, me or the guy down the street, the better off you’ll be. Your lucky number this week is apathy.


Sep 23-Oct 23

Electricity is your enemy this week. The stars weren’t clear on what that means, but I would avoid contact with anything having to do with electricity for the next few days. While that means you’ll have to sit in the dark, can’t drive your care or really do anything but sit in fear and worry, it’s better to be safe than sorry. Your lucky number this week is 60 Watt.


Oct 24-Nov 21

It’s a real drag when all that technology upon which you rely doesn’t work, isn’t it? Yes, that’s a shame and it’s exactly what you’ll have to deal with this week. Your computer will give you fits, the television will annoy you and your cell phone will drop calls so much you’ll swear it was made by Apple (and it might just be, in fact). Hey, it’s only a week. Your lucky number this week is 16.


Nov 22-Dec 21

Got a few sick days stored? You might want to take them. Why? This is one of those weeks where you will be bombarded with annoying meetings and pointless ceremonies at work. There are few larger wastes of time than meetings and you’ll be hit over the head with them. So, if you’ve got a few sick days in the bank, you might as well take them – you’re not going to get anything done at work this week, anyway. Your lucky number this week is 101.


Dec 22-Jan 19

An old friend will reenter your life this week and annoy the heck out of you. You’ll be so aggravated, in fact, you’ll remember why that individual is an old friend and not a current one. Good luck. Your lucky number this week is 1991.


Jan 20-Feb 18

Your car will smell bad this week and you’ll never figure out the reason why. You’ll not find any food under the seat, a dead animal in the undercarriage or anything else. You’ll not be able to combat that stench, either, but here’s what’s really odd – it will go away next week and the “car smell” will return to normal next week. Hey, that just happens from time to time. Your lucky number this week is 7.


Feb 19-Mar 20

It’s getting close to tax time, and the stars have but one question – are you ready? You probably won’t be, much to the stars’ amusement. Here’s some advice – don’t put off your taxes until the last minute. You’ll regret it. Trust me on this. Your lucky number this week is W-2.

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