Here we go with another installment of the most accurate horoscope of the planet.
What makes it so accurate? It’s written by the mysterious Dr. Zodiac – our in-house psychic, mystic and master of the occult. Yes, he speaks directly to the stars through the Crystal Ouija Rune Board – a device of his own invention which he hopes to sell to Wal-Mart, Walgreens and other fine retailers if he can find some investors to help him develop a slick, marketable prototype.
Sadly, Dr. Zodiac has learned the stars hate us all and are generally out to make our lives miserable. Sure, some people will find good fortune from time to time, but that’s mostly driven by purse spite.
At any rate, let’s see what the stars have in store for us in the coming week: