The wife gets jury duty

My wife, the lovely Marci Kay, found out today that she gets to serve on a six-day, civil trial in circuit court here in Benton.

That'll teach her to register to vote. Actually, I'm wondering when it will be my turn to serve on a jury. I'm dreading it. I'm also annoyed that Marci won't tell me anything about the case because the judge has prohibited her from doing so. I'll have to be nosy later on, I suppose.

Marci was telling me this evening that she had some fun at my expense during voir dire -- the process through which attorneys attempt to sort through members of the jury panel in hopes of finding 12 people they can manipulate.

"Do any of you have a relationship with anyone in the legal community?" a lawyer asked.

Marci raised her hand and said that I, The Hawg, used to be a lawyer. The attorney asked her what kind of cases I handled and if I ever discussed them with her. She said, "No, he quit practicing before we got married."

"Why did he quit practicing law?" asked the attorney.

"Because he hates lawyers," she said.

And a good time was had by all.

So my wife got stuck with jury duty. She didn't follow my advice. Want to know how to get out of jury duty? Just say, "I've been following this case closely and I have some strong opinions about it."

Keep that in mind the next time you get jury duty. Had my wife used that answer, she wouldn't have to sit through a six-day trial. At least she gets her full pay at work, $25 a day and a coffee mug with the judge's seal on it. No, I'm not kidding about the coffee mug.

Speaking of lawyers, here's one you can use in the winter months. You'd better be sitting down. This one's a corker. A real knee slapper.

"Man, it's cold out there today. So cold, in fact, that I went downtown and the lawyers had their hands in their own pockets."

Tell that one to an attorney you know and love (or loathe).