Frankly, I've never been a big fan of Valentine's Day.
It's kind of a let down, coming on the heels of Christmas and all. Want to talk about a commercial holiday? You can't beat Valentine's Day for that as it was made up by greeting card companies for the express purpose of guilting people into celebrating their love.
Still, I well remember a Valentine's Day back in 1992 when I had a lot of fun. I was in law school at the time and picked up a box of Michael Jordan Valentines.
Yes, those were those small ones similar to the ones that we passed around in school. The difference, of course, is that they featured the great Michael Jordan blurting out inappropriate phrases.
For example, there was one that pictured Air Jordan in the middle of a slam dunk and saying something like, "You're cool!" What the heck was that about?
Those cards were great because the company that put them out appeared to have grabbed some photos of Jordan and simply plastered phrases that sounded "chummy" on them. Because of the absolute randomness of it all, those cards were even funnier than one I bought for my ex wife that featured a snake celebrating Valentine's Day by trying to buy a rat out of a vending machine.
So, I passed them out to friends. The men thought they were either stupid or funny while the women seemed downright confused that I bothered to waste my money on those things and then hand them out. Regardless, I had fun because people either loved them or hated them.
Now, I was a good boy this year as I bought my wife some roses. I've learned a couple of things about flowers over the years. First of all, buying flowers isn't enough -- they must be sent to a woman while she's at work so she can show them off to other women and, ideally, make a few of them jealous. If you purchase flowers and send them to a woman's home, she can't show them around to people. Also, it seems there's a certain thrill attached with having someone show up and deliver a bunch of flowers to a woman.
My wife and I have been married for 10 years, see, so I've learned a few things such as how to have flowers delivered. The old "send them to work" approach has always worked out well for me.
By the way, I'm a little disappointed that I couldn't send a teddy bear along with the flowers that had the sappiest phrase of all printed on it -- "I love you BEARY much." That phrase is a real rib tickler. A real knee slapper, in fact. The bear I sent along with Marci's flowers is just holding a heart. That's not as kitschy as one that has "I love you BEARY much," of course, but that doesn't matter because my wife likes the bear I picked out just fine.
Second, I've learned to quit wondering why my wife likes flowers so much. Hey, those things are expensive and the die in a hurry, so what's the point?
The point is this -- flowers make my wife very happy, so that's all I need to know. Who wouldn't want a happy wife who is so giddy over receiving flowers that she giggles a bit? Who wouldn't want a wife who is so thrilled at the gesture that she makes something great like cupcakes (hint, hint, Marci) on Valentine's Day?
At any rate, happy Valentine's Day to everyone. I hope you all get to spend the day with someone you love.