Monday, February 2, 2009

The next fashion craze?

Back around 1994, I had to get a pair of glasses.

Yes, it seems that reading all of those books in law school had caused some problems. For some reason, a lot of legal texts are printed in the smallest font available. Those books will cause eyestrain when they're new and get worse with age.

The law library at the University of Arkansas is filled with old books printed in small type that will just ruin the eyes. So I wound up with some trouble in my right eye before I graduated from law school and wore glasses for a couple of years after that.

For some reason, my stellar vision returned a few years later and I got rid of the glasses. But I've always been curious about something -- why did I have eyeglasses when I only had trouble with one eye? Why did I have one lens that corrected my vision and one that did almost nothing? Wouldn't it have made more sense to just give me a monocle?

If I every have the "one bad eye" problem again, I'm going to insist on a monocle and I'm not sure why more people don't wear them. My only guess is that monocles are associated with Nazis, cartoon owls and Mr. Peanut.

Folks, it's time for those vicious stereotypes to fall. I don't give a hoot for them and neither should you. It's time for the monocle to make a resurgence and this is the perfect day and age for that to happen.

Why? Think about it. Everyone is all earth happy these days. "Let's save the earth," they say. "We shouldn't throw junk all over it and pollute it. We need to conserve earth's resources and blah, blah, blah."

For the tree huggers, then, the monocle is the perfect thing to adopt. Why? You use fewer resources that way as you only have one lens instead of two. You've got less metal to worry about, too. That makes, sense, huh?

Besides, monocles are fun. Just imagine this. Let's say I'm wearing a monocle and you come in and tell me something shocking. My eyes go wide in surprise so the monocle pops out and dangles from the little cordy thing that keeps it from hitting the ground. Ah, now that's comedy!

A monocle is the sign of a dapper, well-dressed man, too. Who wouldn't want to be dapper? A monocle is at last as dapper as a pocket watch and even as slick as a pipe.

Hey, here's how I could look extra dapper -- put on a monocle, a tweed jacket and pipe and a vest and pocket watch. Tie all that together with a pair of black and white saddle shoes (red soles, of course) and I'd out dapper everyone in the state. Hell yes!

So, I'll get a monocle if one eye goes bad. Let's say, however, that one eye goes really bad because it gets plucked out by a hawk or something. In that case, I'd get an eye patch and I wouldn't feel bad about it.

There's something to be said for a man who doesn't feel bad about going around looking like a pirate, right? I could refer to everyone as "matey" and listen to sea shanties all day.

So if an eye goes bad or I lose one, I'm covered either way. My brother is an optometrist, so perhaps I'll put him to work on that monocle thing.

The day the music died

Tomorrow, Feb. 3, marks the 50th anniversary of Buddy Holly's death. As everyone ought to know, Holly went down in a small airplane on Feb. 3, 1959 at the young age of 22.

In my opinion, popular music has never recovered from that loss. Holly was one of the rockabilly greats and truly pushed the limits of what could be expressed through rock and roll.

The Beatles worshiped the man, he was part of a generation of entertainers who became popular by writing, playing and singing his own songs and he proved that even someone who was awkward and wore ugly glasses could make the ladies swoon. Hell, one of the reasons the Fender Telecaster is still a popular guitar is that Holly practically made that thing a cultural icon.

How great was Holly? Check out this demo (one of the last things the man recorded) and see for yourself. That's just him sitting in his apartment with a guitar and some recording equipment.

8 comments: said...


I think you are on to something! For sure, you could be the next Colonel Klink!

You already favor him. All you need now is the accent and the monocle! Ha! Ha! Ha!

The Natural State Hawg said...

Paul -- Woah. Ouch!

Patricia said...

Monocles are very British and very sexy! Make you look like a Lord or Earl or something. Go for it.

The Natural State Hawg said...

Patricia -- Lord The Hawg, huh? I like it!

Sara said...

The bigger question for me is why is the pirate in a knitting shop?

The Natural State Hawg said...

Sara -- Didn't you know? All pirates just love knitting shops!

That was a question I had, too. That's why I chose the photo.

HebsFarm said...

Sara, Hawg - I was stumped about the pirate too, and then it hit me: He needed some YAAAAARRRRRRN.

The Natural State Hawg said...

HebsFarm -- Oh, if only there was a comment of the year award.

That's absolutely beautiful!