Saturday, April 11, 2009

Are Twitter's days numbered?

I'm sick of hearing about Twitter.

Everyone and their dog seems to be using Twitter these days and I can't, for the life of me, figure out why. Why in God's name would anyone want to keep up with the most mundane details of anyone's life? I'd argue there is no one interesting enough to deserve an audience that cares about short updates such as "I just got out of bed -- great day ahead" or "I'm waiting in line to buy tickets to go see St. Louis vs. Pittsburgh at the new Busch Stadium."

Furthermore, I can't see myself going around sending out "tweets" to people. Is there anything more effeminate than that? Plus, an avid fan of Twitter is Arkansas State Rep. Robbie Wills. That petulant, glad-handing, hatchet-faced little bastard wormed his way into the position of the Arkansas Speaker of the House and uses Twitter to send in such fantastic updates such as when he's taking his kids to ball games and that kind of rot.

If Wills is in support of something, the chances are good I'm going to hate it. That's certainly true with that latest in obnoxious fads, Twitter.

Ah, but I believe in jumping on trends and making some cash on my own. I plan on developing a system that's even more sissified and obnoxious than Twitter -- I'll call it Pretty Pink Pony and people will just love the hell out of it.

How will Pretty Pink Pony be even more obnoxious and sissified than Twitter? For one thing, Twitter users send "tweets" all over the damned place, whereas Pretty Pink Pony members will send "neighs."

While a lot of those neighs will be the familiar, short messages full of nothing that you Twitter fans love so much, Pretty Pink Pony will have an additional feature -- video neighs.

Yes, through Pretty Pink Pony, you will be able to send a short, video message that's absolutely worthless rather than just relying on text (reading is so 2008, after all).

Think of it. Let's say you were one of my fans (I'll still have think of what fans are called -- maybe I'll just call them fans and then can sign up to play in my stable or something) and you logged onto Pretty Pink Pony to see what I was up to. You might see a short video of me shaving, eating a sandwich, dropping my daughter off to school or maybe even something more exciting (like me talking on the phone at work while sending a neigh of me talking on the phone at work -- bonus!)

Yes, I'll take that self-worship that drives Twitter to a whole new level with Pretty Pink Pony. You may hate the idea now, but you'll love it soon enough. When all your friends start calling you a Luddite because you're not on PPP, you'll cave in and go for it.

And, yes, I'm aware that "PPP" is the common acronym for PayPerPost -- I might as well piss them off, too, while I'm out stomping on toes.

So, look for me to inflict Pretty Pink Pony on an unsuspecting world soon. You'll love it, dammit.

15 comments:

BernardC said...

Twitter?

I use Plurk anyway

The Natural State Hawg said...

Bernard -- I'd advise you to scrap that stuff and get ready for the Pretty Pink Pony revolution. The pony will trample over everything!

Apollo said...

LMAO...I love the idea...haha. You know, there will be plenty of people which jump all over Pretty Pink Pony...and before you know it Google will over you $3 Billion for it.

JD at I Do Things said...

I think you're on to something here. Make it pink, make it pretty -- better add some sparkles -- and cinch the deal with a cute and jaunty mascot.

All you need is a Fail Whale.

The Natural State Hawg said...

Apollog -- That would be the ultimate plan -- sell it to Google before it was exposed as the fad it is.

JD -- A fail whale, huh? I could add that.

Hopefully you're right and my cute and jaunty mascot will carry the day.

Da Old Man said...

After being on Twitter for 2 days, I'm ready for PPP. All I learned was some of Kevin Smith's bathroom habits, and that most folks have nothing to do all day but jabber incessantly about nothing.

Sherry said...

I take it that you're not a fan of Robbie Wills and his tweets don't mean a whole lot to you. Right? :)

chris said...

funny thing is i don't think they ever expected twitter to be used as it is. way back when it was sold basically as a way to mass text message your friends. why you couldn't just send out a mass text, i don't know but that's what it was for.

these days you've got celebrities and people pretending to be celebrities telling you how they're cleaning their ears with qtips. yay.

personally i dig it not as a social network, but as a way to microblog. (thinking about it, that sounds really pretentious) i have it on my sidebar and toss up 1 sentence posts if i think something is interesting but not enough for a blog.

that said i'm ready to be a charter member of PPP...though sadly both prettypinkpony.com and ppp.com are taken.

The Natural State Hawg said...

Da Old Man -- I'm not surprised. You -- a self proclaimed "manly man" -- simply can't cope with the effeminate Twitter. It's OK...

Sherry -- What gave you that idea?

Chris -- Fortunately, prettypinkpony.org is available. And, you're right -- I doubt Twitter was meant to become the obnoxious thing that it has. Some people have found a good use for it, but I fear you folks are rapidly becoming a minority.

orient-lodge.com said...

I think you missed your opportunity. Check out 12seconds.tv.

(I can't believe your not already on it.)

The Natural State Hawg said...

orient-lodge -- Never heard of it. But I've noticed that's more of a clunky add-on to Twitter.

Phooey. My obnoxious Pretty Pink Pony service will have that stuff built it. It'll rule.

Kelly said...

I kind of like the idea of the PPP! I grew up with horses AND watching my little pony! :D

I think twitter is silly unless promoting something. Comedians, musicians and the like....I use it to promote my blog....not sure how well it works, but I try....

I think your PPP will appeal to many generations too, my 7 year old niece would LOVE that!

~Kelly
30somethingandsearching.blogspot.com

The Natural State Hawg said...

Kelly -- My eight-year-old daughter would love it, too. Yes, I could see it now -- "Making the Internet a little friendlier for your daughters..."

Might work.

Maureen said...

OOOOH! Pretty Pink Pony!

Sign me up! I'll even customize my very own PPP page.

Since that's about all I've really done over at Twitter...

The Natural State Hawg said...

Maureen -- We'll make sure to have plenty of cute ponies, sparkles, hearts, rainbows and maybe a kitten or two for people to use when customizing their sites.

It'll be purty...