Friday, May 29, 2009

An inspiration to troublemakers everywhere

My 12-year-old son, Michael, is in the sixth grade.

This year, he made the honor roll and learned today that he is in advanced band next year. Oh, and he also won a math award this year and has been assigned to every available advanced placement class next year.

The kid is an inspiration. Why? Because he's proven that a student can spend roughly half the year in the vice principal's office and still do well in school.

Am I exaggerating? A bit, of course, but this year he's been paddled, suspended, sent to detention hall, sent to Saturday school and has generally raised hell.

Oh, there have been many incidents this year, but the best (worst?) of the lot involved him pulling an Eric Cartman routine on a kid. Yes, we've tried to keep the kid away from South Park, but it appears we've failed as young Michael flipped off a kid this year and yelled "suck my balls!" at him.

That whole incident put me in a terrible position. That's funny as hell, but I couldn't exactly pat Michael on the back, could I? That's one of those times I had to do my parental duty of telling the boy I was disappointed in him for behaving in such a manner.

I should have known what we were in for back when Michael was in kindergarten. He was at recess going across the monkey bars when two older kids started to mess with him. He kicked one in the face then jumped on the other kid and started beating on him.

And this child is an honor student? Believe it. His teachers have been routinely frustrated by him as he's misbehaved, corrected them when they've gotten facts wrong, disrupted more than a few lectures and he still keeps those grades high with little effort.

No, Michael simply won't sit down, shut up and do what he's told. He may well grow up to be something other than a corporate drone, lackey or whipping boy one day. I can't help but think that's not altogether bad.

Go get 'em, kid.

A joke in poor taste?

I told my wife a joke the other day and she didn't like it one bit. Here it is:

The Hawg: What's the difference between Mary Tyler Moore and a lawyer?

Marci Kay: I don't know, most wonderful husband on the planet. What is the difference between Mary Tyler Moore and a lawyer?

The Hawg: Mary Tyler Moore never passed a bar.

Now, Marci thought I was being mean by throwing out a joke that makes fun of a recovering alcoholic. I responded with some logic my dad passed on to me years ago -- nothing is too mean if it's funny enough.

What do y'all think?


Denford said...

So, chip off the block then?

I hope not many youngsters read your blog, otherwise they will get ideas into their heads and start imitating your genius. Which will most likely get them expelled or something, since, clearly, they will just want the reputation without the genius.

All the same, my congrats to both you and the son!! said...

Congratulations to Michael for making the honor roll and advanced band.

Sounds like you have your hands full.

Hopefully, he'll grow out of all this.


Eat Well. Live Well.

Don said...

When I read the first part of your post I thought, "Oh brother, poor kid. No life." Way to go kid!!!
I managed a lot of the school paddlings and visits to the principal's office but none the grade "issues" you're having. Keep it up! Both ends of it. Sorry mom and dad.

Sherry said...

As a former teacher, former troublemaker and parent of former troublemakers, I think your son is destined for greatness!

Sherry at EX Marks the Spot

JD at I Do Things said...

Oh, man, I don't envy you having to keep a straight face after "Suck my balls"!

(And I agree: Nothing is too mean if it's funny enough.)

Anonymous said...


I just spit water all over my desk with the mary tyler moore joke

LOL NSH, you are so bad LOLLLLLL!

PADUUUUUSH ( symbol and drum)

-- Christopher

The Fearless Blog said...

Well done Michael!!! I have an eleven year old that sounds a lot like Michael and yes he has a rather "raw" personality. He says he just "can't be normal no matter how hard he tries." I sometimes wish for normal, but then I quickly realize he is hard to fool and is way too astute for many who are much older than he is. Deep down inside I admire his individualism and stubbornness, his courage and his determination. He knows exactly what he wants and can spot "b.s." a mile away.

Your Micheal and his achievements make me hopeful....

The Natural State Hawg said...

Denford -- He is a chip off the old blog, indeed. And, you're right -- Michael is bright enough to temper some of his behavior with good grades and being pretty intelligent. That helps things.

Paul -- We do have our hands full. Now, we were rather hoping he'd develop an interest in football, but no such luck. We're proud of what he has accomplished, actually, so no regrets there.

Don -- I'm sure he will keep it up. That boy will never change, I figure. Hopefully, his intelligence will keep him on a good path.

Sherry -- I hope you're right!

JD -- I figured you'd agree. And, yes, keeping a straight face was hard.

Christopher -- Sadly, my wife hate's that joke. Makes her irate, in fact.

Fearless -- You have a right to be hopeful. Bright kids, I figure, will be successful if they put their minds to it.

One sad thing, however, is that Michael's school wanted to get him put on Ritalin when he was in the third grade. That didn't happen as Michael's my wife and I have some very strong feelings about drugging kids when its really not necessary.