You, too, can cuss like Ty Cobb!

A few months ago, I promised to either come up with a new interjection or revive an old one as my gift to the world on my 40th birthday.

At long last, I'm ready to reveal the results of months of intensive research and thought. I should first mention that I'm unleashing this interjection on the world a bit early -- my 40th birthday is June 16, but I'll be out of town on business that day so I doubt I'll be blogging much on my actual birthday.

So, what's my new interjection? I've borrowed from one of baseball's greatest players, Ty Cobb, that hasn't been used in some time -- fee simple.

Yeah! That's one that you can really get a hold of and spit at people. For example:

That Ty Cobb was one fee simple son of a bitch!

Out of town and working on my birthday? Those fee simple bastards!

Oh, yeah! That Ty Cobb was a complete mess, but he knew how to cuss and his "fee simple" modifier just makes any obscenity or interjection infinitely more vile. Of course, one question must be answered -- what does it mean?

I appreciate the modifier because of my legal background, see. Let's say I own a fee simple estate in a plot of land. That means I own it absolutely and my claim to it is superior to any other.

So, let's say I call someone a fee simple bastard. I am claiming, then, that individual owns the title of bastard and that all others who are called bastards are mere pikers compared to the "fee simple" one. That particular individual is a Bastard (note the capital B) in a world full of bastards.

Besides, phrases such as "fee simple bastard" and "fee simple son of a bitch" are just fun to spit at people through clenched teeth.

So, there it is. And, by the way, contemplating turning 40-years-old is a fee simple bitch. What a fee simple suck-ass age. Damn.