Thursday, March 15, 2012

A chipmunk is loose in my house and my cats are completely worthless


So, there I was – watching a rerun of Black Sheep Squadron and relaxing.

You know, kicking back after a long day while watching Pappy Boyington and his gang of scruffy, fun-loving misfits dogfight the Japanese into submission in the Pacific.

My fun was interrupted, however, as a chipmunk ran out of my kitchen, glared at me and then ran off to hide somewhere. That’s right – a chipmunk.

I probably should have grabbed my iPhone and gotten a picture of the critter, but I was too busy thinking about two things.

First of all, why the hell was a chipmunk in my house?

Second, where the hell were the cats that are supposed to take care of such things?

As I didn’t have a picture of a chipmunk, I grabbed a still of that loveable Chip from Disney’s Chip n’ Dale fame. That’s how chipmunks are supposed to look, see – animated, smiling and wearing Hawaiian shirts. They’re not supposed to be running through my house and looking, well, like real, live chipmunks.

Is there a point to all this rambling? Yes, there is. I’ve long suspected those cats we have are worthless and now I have proof. I’ve got one that can kill the songbirds outside my house well enough (she leaves them on my porch as proof), but she’s nowhere in sight when there’s an honest-to-goodness critter in my home.

Songbirds are wonderful things, see. They chirp happily and – most importantly – say outside. Letting them live would be a good thing to do. That particular cat butchers them like crazy and leaves the poor beasts where I can find them, but she’s nowhere to be found when it comes to taking care of a pest that’s made it inside my home.

The other cats are worthless, too. We’ve had four of them infest my house and none of them are in sight. Perhaps they’re outside resting up so they can be fresh and ready to go when the songbirds emerge.

Except for the one cat, of course, that hides under my bed and only shows up when she wants food or to hiss at someone.

Meanwhile, there’s a chipmunk loose in my home and I suppose it’s up to me to lure it outside. Typical.

Update: Broccoli, our Boston/Rat Terrier mix, caught the chipmunk and toted it outside. Good dog!

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