Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Will Foxworthy recognize The Hawg's brilliance?

That Jeff Foxworthy fellow sure is funny with his "you might be a redneck" stuff and all.

Yes, the comedian has built a career on letting people who don't realize they are rednecks know that they are, indeed, a little rosy around the gills. There is always the chance, of course, that Foxworthy's shtick will wear thin one day and that will spell the end of his career.

Fortunately, The Hawg has the redneck joke that will extend the man's career for at least another decade -- if not longer. Here it goes. Careful now. Be sure you're sitting down. If you have a bad heart, this corker might just put you in the emergency room. Ready?

"If you lost your virginity to a Waffle House waitress,
you might just be a redneck."

Yes, Foxworthy could ride that one all the way to a new sitcom! And he wouldn't forget to throw The Hawg a couple of bucks along the way, would he? Of course not! He's a good ol' boy.

Now, I don't want anyone out there to think I'm picking on Waffle House per se as I've dined at that fine establishment for years. Having a bad day? There's nothing like a waffle and a double order of hash browns with everything from onions to mushrooms mixed in there (The Hawg takes his hash browns with some ham diced in them -- breakfast (or lunch or dinner) for champions there).

Provided you don't mind the fact that eating too often at the Waffle House could kill you, it's a great place. I love almost everything about the place, all the way from the classic diner decor of to the private label salsa, Casa de Waffle (you can buy that by the jar from your local Waffle House if you so choose, by the way).

Yes, the Waffle House chain is as common as sin here in Arkansas, so it's very likely that I'm genetically inclined to love it. For whatever reason, when I see the friendly Waffle House fry cook toss my hash browns on the grill, baby I'm home.

I don't know what the Waffle House in your area is like, but if you've been to any of them in central Arkansas -- well, my wonderful redneck joke makes sense more often than not.

The problem with having such a great, career-extending joke is that it's hard to get the thing to Jeff Foxworthy. I found out through this new-fangled Internet invention that all the kids are wild about that he is represented by Maggie Houlehan at Parallel Entertainment (which has offices in both Los Angeles and Nashville, in case anyone cares).

So, I sent her an e-mail asking her to send my redneck joke over to Foxworthy (I'm sure after he reads it, I'll be able to call him something all chummy like "Jeff," "Big J" or "J Man," but I'll stick to referring to him a bit more formally for now). I've included a copy of that at the bottom of this post (just click to enlarge -- yeah, I already know about the typo so don't hassle me or I'll get the feared All Arkie Army after you).

Now that name -- Maggie Houlehan -- is more than a bit suspicious. It's a little too close to Margaret Houlihan, the head nurse on M*A*S*H. That makes me wonder whether this Houlehan exists at all.

Fortunately, I hunted around a bit more on that time-killing Internet thing and was able to find a fan mail address:

Jeff Foxworthy
Parallel Entertainment
9420 Wilshire Blvd.
Suite 250
Beverly Hills, CA 90212

I'm going to write a letter in the morning and send it to him. Hopefully, through either e-mail or snail mail, I'll be able to get my joke over to the man.

Will I succeed in reaching Foxworthy? Will he recognize that my redneck joke just oozes of greatness and send me some money? Will I get a rejection letter or hear nothing at all?

Stay tuned...


Thomas said...

I like it. You could also use IHOP.

The Natural State Hawg said...

Well, but don't you think IHOP is just a *bit* more sophisticated?

Then again, you've got a point...

Margaret said...

Well, your joke is moderately funny -- I've been to a JF concert and your delivery is a bit off -- I'm sure Jeff can polish it up though. It might reduce your payout some.

Waffle House is pretty well established all over the US of A and I'm sure nearly everywhere can relate completely to your joke. Well, except the WAITRESSES at WH. They might take exception -- if I were you I might be watching pretty closely at just what all got put into my covered, chopped, smothered.

Hawksdomain said...

So much I could say to this topic, but think it's better if I don't - My husband will just love this joke tho... :)

lala said...

lol...well, first of all, Mr. Foxworthy actually grew up in a fairly well-to-do family in Atlanta. He's not the redneck he portrays himself to be.

Second of all, I think I saw an interview where he said that he ALWAYS has people come up and give him "then you might be a redneck" lines.

Thirdly, God bless the Waffle House and their AMAZING hash browns. Forget those "southern hash browns" I demand my flat-grilled, greasy, shredded and "make you gotta go to the bathroom when you're done eatin' 'em" hash browns. Just like the Waffle House makes 'em.

However, my redneck jokes would be (and don't y'all be stealin' now)

"If you've made out with your first cousin after a night of snorting methamphetamines, then you might be a redneck."


"If you depend on survivalists to watch over your marijuana patch, then you might be a redneck"


"If you can't go a weekend without talking about toolboxes or muddin', then you might be a redneck"

Best of luck to ya!


Anonymous said...

has to be a winner.. just has to be...nothing like Waffle House Hash Browns to give you a kick start...:))))))))))))

The Natural State Hawg said...


Well, that's Jeff's job to polish it, isn't it. He is, after all, the entertainer and I'm just a PR guy who puts together a sloppy little blog in my spare time. Yeah, he'd have to apply the polish.

I doubt I have to worry about the Waffle House waitresses. I doubt if the two or three people who read this blog regularly work at any of mine fine, local Waffle Houses.

Besides, it's all in good fun, yeah?

The Natural State Hawg said...


Aww, come on. Say what's on your mind!

I hope your husband enjoys my redneck joke -- my wife just shook her head and rolled her eyes when she heard it.

The Natural State Hawg said...


You are right about the hash browns over at Waffle House -- that's comfort food, right there. Love those things.

I won't go stealing your redneck jokes, but perhaps I should -- that first one about meth is harsh! Sadly, there's a heck of a lot of truth to it. This part of the world is just eaten up with that stuff -- I had to defend a few meth heads back in the bad ol' days when I practiced law (pretty sure I got paid with meth money at least twice, too).

Oh, and my brother-in-law talks about tools and his Harley all the time. Close enough...

lala said...

heh...it was harsh, but sadly true. it was worse in Okla. But I remember working with a nurse who grew up with her mom making "bathtub" crank.

It seems to becoming an epidemic of massive proportions all through the south and southwest.

The Natural State Hawg said...


You're not kidding there. Meth production has become a real problem in Saline County, Ark. Keeps law enforcement busy.