That Jeff Foxworthy fellow sure is funny with his "you might be a redneck" stuff and all.
Yes, the comedian has built a career on letting people who don't realize they are rednecks know that they are, indeed, a little rosy around the gills. There is always the chance, of course, that Foxworthy's shtick will wear thin one day and that will spell the end of his career.
Fortunately, The Hawg has the redneck joke that will extend the man's career for at least another decade -- if not longer. Here it goes. Careful now. Be sure you're sitting down. If you have a bad heart, this corker might just put you in the emergency room. Ready?
"If you lost your virginity to a Waffle House waitress,Yes, Foxworthy could ride that one all the way to a new sitcom! And he wouldn't forget to throw The Hawg a couple of bucks along the way, would he? Of course not! He's a good ol' boy.
you might just be a redneck."
you might just be a redneck."
Now, I don't want anyone out there to think I'm picking on Waffle House per se as I've dined at that fine establishment for years. Having a bad day? There's nothing like a waffle and a double order of hash browns with everything from onions to mushrooms mixed in there (The Hawg takes his hash browns with some ham diced in them -- breakfast (or lunch or dinner) for champions there).
Provided you don't mind the fact that eating too often at the Waffle House could kill you, it's a great place. I love almost everything about the place, all the way from the classic diner decor of to the private label salsa, Casa de Waffle (you can buy that by the jar from your local Waffle House if you so choose, by the way).
Yes, the Waffle House chain is as common as sin here in Arkansas, so it's very likely that I'm genetically inclined to love it. For whatever reason, when I see the friendly Waffle House fry cook toss my hash browns on the grill, baby I'm home.
I don't know what the Waffle House in your area is like, but if you've been to any of them in central Arkansas -- well, my wonderful redneck joke makes sense more often than not.
The problem with having such a great, career-extending joke is that it's hard to get the thing to Jeff Foxworthy. I found out through this new-fangled Internet invention that all the kids are wild about that he is represented by Maggie Houlehan at Parallel Entertainment (which has offices in both Los Angeles and Nashville, in case anyone cares).
So, I sent her an e-mail asking her to send my redneck joke over to Foxworthy (I'm sure after he reads it, I'll be able to call him something all chummy like "Jeff," "Big J" or "J Man," but I'll stick to referring to him a bit more formally for now). I've included a copy of that at the bottom of this post (just click to enlarge -- yeah, I already know about the typo so don't hassle me or I'll get the feared All Arkie Army after you).
Now that name -- Maggie Houlehan -- is more than a bit suspicious. It's a little too close to Margaret Houlihan, the head nurse on M*A*S*H. That makes me wonder whether this Houlehan exists at all.
Fortunately, I hunted around a bit more on that time-killing Internet thing and was able to find a fan mail address:
9420 Wilshire Blvd.
Beverly Hills, CA 90212
I'm going to write a letter in the morning and send it to him. Hopefully, through either e-mail or snail mail, I'll be able to get my joke over to the man.
Will I succeed in reaching Foxworthy? Will he recognize that my redneck joke just oozes of greatness and send me some money? Will I get a rejection letter or hear nothing at all?