Monday, August 25, 2008

Jerks causing car wrecks and more Jeff Foxworthy

The other day, I was in a car wreck.

Now, don't get concerned. I'm fine. Don't start crying and offering to send money.

Well, if you want to send money...

Anyway, I was driving home from work on Friday afternoon down Shackleford in Little Rock on my way to Interstate 430 to make my journey to beautiful, beautiful Benton. I didn't even make it a mile from my office when I got hit from behind by a Honda Accord (I refuse to use the term "rear ended" as the phrase has taken on a disturbing connotation over the years).

The Accord was pushed into my by a bastard in a pickup truck. How do I know he was a bastard? He looked like one when I saw him in my rear view mirror, that's how.

Besides, he fled the scene of the accident. Yes he managed to inch away in bumper-to-bumper traffic and make it to Interstate 630 before the cops got there. The nice lady in the Accord and I never got his license plate number because we were busily dodging cars and trying to get off the road so we could call the police.

Fortunately, my car suffered no damage and I wasn't hurt. I feel terrible for the woman who hit me (well, she was shoved into me, actually) because the back end of her Accord was a complete mess.

Now, I used to be a lawyer and I had a golden opportunity because of that accident. When you're in an accident -- even a minor one -- you're supposed to milk it for all its worth and get a nice, fat settlement. That, sadly, has become the American way. Get in an accident that's not your fault? Fake like your hurt, take that ambulance ride to the hospital, run up some chiropractor bills, miss some time at work so you can establish a claim for lost wages and stick it to an insurance company.

But I just couldn't follow my lawyerly instincts on Friday. I noticed I wasn't hurt, my car wasn't even scratched and the jerk who caused everything would probably get away with the mess he'd made. Had I made out like I was hurt, the woman who was shoved into me -- the same one that was on her way to her second job -- would probably have been stuck holding the bag and her insurance rates would have skyrocketed.

So I didn't even bother calling my insurance company and told the police that I was fine and my car was OK. I also told them I hoped they got their mitts on the guy who caused the accident and beat him senseless with a billy club.

Perhaps I got a nice reminder of why I only practiced law for four years. That self-interested bastard who caused an accident and then fled the scene might make a pretty good lawyer, however. He's got the ethics for it.

More Jeff Foxworthy

I know some of you are sick of hearing about Jeff Foxworthy, but I have but one more tale to tell of the great comedian and then I'll shut up about him. Of course, I sent Foxworthy the ultimate redneck joke about a month ago and received a response last week. Rather than go through all of that, it's summed up pretty well right here if you want to plod through the story once again.

Along with a very nice letter, Foxworthy sent along an autographed photo. My wife went out to Wal-Mart, got one of those simulated woodgrain, plastic picture frames and slapped the photo in it. She then came up with her own redneck joke:

"If you have an autographed photo of Jeff Foxworthy hanging in your living room, you might be a redneck"

That's doubly true if you bought the frame from from Wal-Mart.

My wife does have a sense of humor every now and again after all.


Da Old Man said...

I think the Mrs. is bucking for her own Foxworthy autographed picture. Glad you came out of the accident ok. In NJ, people who saw the accident would claim injuries.

The Natural State Hawg said...

They would in Arkansas, too.

"Oh, it was terrible! Little junior is learning to drive and he's been to scared to take the wheel since seeing that accident."

Great world we live in, yeah?

shaxx said...

Gald that you are ok but too bad that nobody got the plate number of that bastard!

That happened to me once before and the same thing the bastard did, which was, ran away from the scene... luckily nobody was hurt but my car was badly wrecked and my insurance rate for the year after increased....

The Natural State Hawg said...


And there's something terribly wrong about that. You get in a wreck that's not hour fault. The irresponsible jerk that caused the wreck runs off and you get to pay for it.

Just plain rotten.

Theresa said...

Even if you did manage to get the guy's plates, track him down and get his insurance info, you'd still have a great deal of fighting left to do with his insurance company. I had a big pickup head on collide with mine, and the insurance jerks actually had the cajones to deny my claim with the police statement of the woman who did it admitting it, scene proof and the whole nine yards. I had to threaten to sue before the insurance company finally, finally sent a check to the body shop. I finally go my truck back 6 weeks after the accident.

Hawg, I hope they catch that guy, and I am so glad that you are ok. The woman in the Honda was ok?

And, I think your wife is right. You are now officially promoted to Redneckdom.

Toni said...

I just posted about an accident and lawyers. Glad you are okay! Hope the little lady is okay and hope they catch the bastard!

Sogeshirtsguy said...

Good on you for not being a faker. Glad you and the lady are ok. Pretty weak that the guy bailed. I got hit once and the dude tried to blame it on me even though he ran a stop sign. After it was found that it was his fault he left the country cause he had two previous duis. I was stuck footing the bill for the damages to my car.

mcangeli said...

That is pretty redneck... but then again, you're from Arkansas

The Mad Celt said...

Glad you weren't injured. As to Senior, The Hawg, are a funny, funny guy! Thanks for the laugh. said...

Shackleford is a nice little stretch of drive in Little Rock, isn't it?

The guy who caused the wreck may have not been caught, but he didn't get away. God sees everything.

Glad to hear you were not hurt. By the way, our son plays varsity football for Conway. I believe the Benton this year is an away game. Maybe we'll see you there.

If you're at the game, make sure you bring your newly framed Foxworthy picture. Your wife is a hoot!

The Natural State Hawg said...

theresa -- I figure that fellow is long gone. Thank goodness everyone involved was OK. The only real damage was to the Honda. By the way, it sounds like you got in a spat with Allstate (the worst insurance company on the planet). Am I right?

I would agree with your "redneck" assessment, but remember this -- my wife is the one who bought the frame and hung up the photo. So, maybe we're just made for each other.

Toni -- I really wish I would have read that after I woke up this morning. My point still applies in the comment I wrote, however.

Sogeshirtsguy -- I don't thing I've ever talked to anyone who was completely satisfied with how damages were handled after a wreck. However, your situation sounds downright miserable. Some people just won't take responsibility...

McAngeli -- Yep. Proud of it, too. Love this little state of mine. Things have only gotten better since those rascal Clintons took off for New York.

That Hillary is a hoot, by the way. "New York's nice. I like it here. Think I'll move here and run for Senate!"

Funny stuff.

The Mad Celt -- Glad to oblige. My wife thinks her redneck joke is actually better than mine. What do y'all think.

paulshealthblog -- You are right about God seeing everything. Justice might not be immediate, but it does catch up with everyone.

My dad and I go to every Benton home game we can as we love to watch our alma mater play. We always sit on the visitor's side, too. You'll have to stop in and say "hello." I'm afraid Conway may kick the hell out of Benton this year as it doesn't look like the Panthers will be that good.

Regardless, dad and I will be hospitable.

crazy working mom said...

Well, I'm glad you (and your car) were unharmed. Can you believe that jerks can and would leave the scene of an accident! Sheesh!

You are too cool having your photo in the wal-mart frame, redneck or not. ;)

Anonymous said...



Just kidding lol

wow... thats pretty cool you had a signed autograph by him!

Just want to let you know ive added you to my google reader so I can read your blog when you update :P

~ Christopher ~

The Natural State Hawg said...


Thanks for that! And, your joke may not be too far from the truth ;)