Superheroes that didn't make it

My but this summer has been stuffed with superhero films, hasn't it?

That genre, in fact, has been booming for the past few years. Everyone from Bat Man to Spider-Man to the X-Men has been cashing in on America's love of superheroes.

Ah, but we only get to see the exploits of successful heroes. What about those costumed crime fighters that failed utterly? You don't hear anything about them, do you?

So, my loyal reader, I submit to you a list of superheroes that didn't make it. Or, at least, a list of the most reprehensible superheroes I could dream up while bored. At any rate, here it is:

ReichStar

Achtung, evildoers! It's ReichStar, the master race mauler, and he's setting crime back 1,000 years!

Superpowers: The strength of 10 men, thanks to being the product of rigid racial purity; highly disciplined; slavishly obedient to The Leader

Weaknesses: Waning enthusiasm when out of contact with The Leader for long periods of time; heavily inbred, thus prone to disease

Enemies: All but a chosen few

Super Weasel Lawyer Team®

Evil may object when up against the fury of the Super Weasel Lawyer Team®, but it will be overruled every time. And what is evil? That all depends -- what's most profitable to fight?

Superpowers: SuperKwik Suing, RapidFire Objecting and advanced fee inflation techniques. Also, each member slogged through case after case in law school and managed to pass the bar exam, so they are, like, way smart.

Weaknesses: They aren't as smart as they think. Also, grow weak in the face of tort reform and personal responsibility.

Primary Enemy: The Masked Tortfeasor

Kap'n Klan

Here's a hero that died right out of the gate, leaving little behind but the promo that preceded the release of the sole issue of the comic:

"Kareful, Kiddies! It's Kap'n Klan! Be on notice, darky -- Kap'n Klan is the hero for whites only, just like that drinking fountain over there! Look for the Adventures of Kap'n Klan this fall, only from Krossburn Komics!"

Enemies: A better question might be, who isn't the enemy of Kap'n Klan? White folks, and only a few of those. However, the primary enemy is the Darky Knight, a character with the incendiary catch phrase, "Where are all the white women at?"

Weaknesses: The cowardice that plagues men like Kap'n Klan; free thought; logic

Postcript

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