Tuesday, August 4, 2009

No. No. No!!!

EvilKissMMsAs if I didn’t have enough to be mad about, I read the confirmation from KISSonline.com that one of my favorite bands had agreed to do an ad campaign with those filthy, filthy charlatans at M&M’s.

I haven’t been this mad since Nike was trying to sell me some shoes by pimping out the Beatles’ “Revolution” in an ad campaign that only a corporate stooge could love. Sadly, it’s not surprising. After Gene Simmons’ decades of hawking everything from Kiss Kaskets to his own wife’s tell-all memoirs, he apparently had enough of his soul left to sell to M&M’s – this generation’s great evil.

Yes, my outright hatred of M&M’s is well documented. I’ve got another reason to hate them now – that cheap, rotten Mars bunch is now going to get a little fatter off the legacy of a band that used to be great.

Yeah, laugh it you want. But Kiss did, indeed, used to be a great band. They suck these days and it’s somehow fitting that they’re banking on their makeup days in public appearances and in that filthy M&M’s ad, but two of the members that made the band great – Ace Frehley and Peter Criss – are nowhere to be found.

No, Criss has been replaced by Eric Singer and Tommy Thayer is filling in for Thayer these days. Singer and Thayer can wear the makeup, but it’s not the same thing no matter how much Simmons and Paul Stanley want us to believe that it’s just like the good old days.

Frehley and Criss are lucky in a way – at least they aren’t around to see themselves portrayed by stinking, talking M&M’s.

Speaking of Frehley, he’s got a new album coming out on Sept. 15 (click here to stream the track "Outer Space," by the way -- rocks!) Here’s hoping his new record blows the one being slopped together by Kiss out of the water. They’re probably too busy playing with M&M’s to record anything worth a damn, anyway.

Still, the very idea of pairing one of my favorite bands from my childhood with cheap, nasty M&M’s is nauseating. At least Nike makes decent shoes and that removed some of the stink of that “Revolution” faux pas. The M&M’s bunch can’t even fall back on a decent product.

It’s worth mentioning that there is supposed to be a “special KISS edition” of that barely edible M&M’s candy before long. Were it up to me, I’d call the Kiss version of that junk “Extra Krappy.” Heh, heh.

Phooey on Kiss and M&M’s both. Just plain phooey.

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