Valentine's Day, Michael Jordan style

First off, happy Valentine's Day from your good friend, The Hawg. Here's hoping you've got something special planned with a loved one and will have a great day.

Yes, Valentine's Day may have started as little more than a scam from greeting card companies, but it's turned into something -- a legitimate excuse to eat a bunch of candy and get presents. Who doesn't love presents and candy?

Second, let me relate a little story about Michael Jordan and Valentine's Day that's sure to please. Back around 1993, I was still toiling away at the University of Arkansas and earning that piece of worthless junk I call a law degree (yes, I did practice for four years and hated every minute of it, so hush). Now, law school isn't a very cheerful place. No, it's a place full of dread and bad vibes as you've got a bunch of unhappy, overworked students being tormented by unhappy, overworked law professors.

I, The Hawg, took it upon myself to bring a little cheer to the dreadful scene on Valentine's Day with a batch of what has to be one of the greatest byproducts of he holiday -- Michael Jordan Valentine's Day cards.

Who wouldn't be cheered up by that? Who wouldn't be thrilled to receive a card featuring Michael Jordan in a groovy sweater and affirming their coolness. Who wouldn't be happy to get a card featuring Michael Jordan going up for a patented dunk with slogans and buzzwords such as "cool" and "have a high flying day" plastered all over it?

Those Michael Jordan cards were, indeed, truly great. I offered to buy my 11-year-old daughter a box of them off of eBay so that she could hand them out to students and spread joy throughout the fifth grade, but she refused my offer.

Kids. Go figure.

Horoscope for the week of Feb. 13

I was certain that Dr. Zodiac wouldn’t turn in a horoscope this week. Saturday came and went with no word from the good doctor and the same went for Sunday.

On Monday, however, the mysterious Dr. Zodiac got in touch and delivered both a horoscope and a tale of woe. Yes, it seems Ms. Zodiac got tired of the doctor not having a “real job,” so she threw him out on the mean streets of Little Rock on Friday.

So, he went wandering and, eventually, grew tired. He found himself a cozy park bench near the Clinton Library, fell asleep and was promptly beaten and robbed by a gang of thugs. After recovering from his injuries enough to move on, he found a comfortable spot near the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette building on East Capitol and Scott and was (you guessed it) beaten up again. The beating was considerably more severe that time around as Dr. Zodiac had already been robbed and the new set of assailants became angry because he had no money to steal.

He wound up getting a good night’s sleep a Baptist Medical Center and, more importantly, had access to the want ads in the Democrat-Gazette. We’re proud to report that, by Monday, Dr. Zodiac landed a position as an astronomy professor (yes, he does have a doctorate) at a local educational facility that will remain nameless as the faculty there frowns on the “junk science” of astrology.

At any rate, I’m glad to hear Dr. Zodiac has landed on his feet and has turned in a horoscope even if it is late. While I do believe the good doctor’s current horoscope (or StarCast, as he calls it) has been tainted by his recent experiences, he assures me that every entry comes – as usual – directly from the stars. You can be the judge of that.

Aries

Mar 21-Apr 19

So, Aries, you’re all ready for Valentine’s Day, huh? You’ve got a special evening planned with a special someone, don’t you? Well, here’s a warning, Aries – that love of your life may one day throw you out on the streets. I hope the good times you’re going through now will comfort you was you’re being beaten by thugs while you’re exhausted and just want to be left alone to sleep and think in peace. Your lucky number this week is

Taurus

Apr 20-May 20

Ah, Taurus. The bull. The bull is strong, right? We’ll see how strong you are when you’re thrown out on the streets by the love of you’re life and you’re being beaten by thugs. It’s a harsh, cold world, Taurus. Your lucky number this week is  

Gemini

May 21-Jun 21

You will have a brilliant idea this week, Gemini. One that will make you rich. It could be a simple product that everyone wants and needs or it could be a great marketing scheme, such as a marketing scheme for lawyers to offer cut-rate divorces on Valentine’s Day week. That’s a good one. That idea would be popular. It’s perfect for those who get thrown out of their homes by their spouses and have to live on the street until they can sort out their shattered lives. Your lucky number this week is $1,000,000.

Cancer

Jun 22-Jul 22

This week you’ll learn that love and happiness are big, fat lies. That’s what I learned. That’s what I – the famed Dr. Zodiac – learned after getting tossed out of my happy home by my mean wife. You know what happened next – I got beaten, robbed, wound up in the hospital and had to get a job that was appropriate to my level of education. What a drag. Your lucky number this week is

Leo

Jul 23-Aug 22

The stars tell me that you might find your fortune this week. The Beatles once sang that “money can’t buy me love.” The hell it can’t. Your lucky number this week is $$$.

Virgo

Aug 23-Sep 22

Get some sleep, Virgo. Yes, there are problems that are plaguing you and keeping you up nights, but here’s the thing – those problems will remain whether you get some sleep or not. You might as well get some rest. You never know when you’ll need it. I, the great Dr. Zodiac, wished I was well rested when my wife threw me out into the mean streets of Little Rock. Learn from my experiences, Virgo. Your lucky number this week is zzz.

Libra

Sep 23-Oct 23

This is the week you will finally take seriously your promise to do your part to be more socially conscious and earth friendly. For example, you will make sure your cigarettes are fully extinguished before you toss them out your car window. And, when you’re driving around town and drinking a beer, you’ll take pains to throw the empty can out of your car window instead of dumping it in a trash can so that someone less fortunate than you can recycle it. If we had more people like you, it would be a better world, indeed. Your lucky number this week is 40.

Scorpio

Oct 24-Nov 21

You will become fascinated with the joys of technology this week, Scorpio! Yes, this digital world allows you to do wonderful things, such as download a copy of that Ishtar movie so you can see for yourself how awful it is. The possibilities are endless, so have fun exploring. Your lucky number this week is 1001001.

Sagittarius

Nov 22-Dec 21

It’s important to be prepared, Sagittarius, as you never know just what will happen to you. For example, if I would have had a premarital agreement, I’d still have custody of my beloved dog, Uranus. You never know just what life will throw at you, so always be ready. Your lucky number this week is ACA 9-12-306.

Capricorn

Dec 22-Jan 19

You’re in a rut, Capricorn, and you’ll realize just how deep that rut is when you find yourself getting excited about the fact that you can easily pick up reruns of Hee-Haw on cable. Your lucky number this week is population 13.

Aquarius

Jan 20-Feb 18

The stars have an odd one for you this week, Aquarius. I asked them about your StarCast for the week and they responded with a cryptic message – “You think you’re pretty cool don’t you, Aquarius?” I’m not quite sure what that means and, therefore, I know you’ll also be baffled. Your lucky number this week is ???

Pisces

Feb 19-Mar 20

This is one of those week’s you’ll ponder life’s bigger questions. How did OJ Simpson go bad? If a tree falls on a lumberjack in the forest and no one is around, will he still make a sound? Should the legal system be abandoned in favor of settling our problems with guns in the street? You’ll not come close to answering those "big questions,” so it’s all a waste of time. Your lucky number this week is 42.

Wordless Wednesday -- Buy American

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Music Monday–KISS unplugged!

Back in 1995, the original four members of KISS performed together for the first time in years on MTV Unplugged (yes, that channel did play music once upon a time). It was dandy fun and led to a massive reunion tour, a terrible album and the unsurprising announcements that Peter Criss and Ace Frehley had left the band again.

Oh, well. The reunion was fun while it lasted and here’s one of the MTV Unplugged performances that helped launch the whole thing. Enjoy!

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Horoscope for the week of Feb. 6

Are you ready for some horoscopes? Well, Dr. Zodiac -- our resident soothsayer, master of the occult and general purpose mystic -- sure as heck is.

Dr. Zodiac said the stars are particularly cranky this week as the majority of them are New England Patriots fans. Why do they pull for New England? Who knows? That’s irrelevant to this discussion. What is relevant is that their team lost the Super Bowl and they’re determined to take it out on someone. Indeed, they’re going to take it out on us, it seems.

Dr. Zodiac says the stars are usually thinking of ways to torment us and they’re more determined than usual to kick us around some this week, so just get ready.

What’s in store for you this week? Find your StarCast that was put together by Dr. Zodiac and find out for yourself.

Aries

Mar 21-Apr 19

The stars aren’t going to to much to you this week except afflict you with the case of the “blahs.” That’s better than a case of the blues, so consider yourself lucky. You’ll just feel kind of like a Denver Broncos fan on Super Bowl Sunday all week long and that’s not a good thing. It could be worse. You could feel like a Pittsburgh Pirates fan during the World Series. Yuck. Your lucky number this week is 5.

Taurus

Apr 20-May 20

You will be plagued with dreams all week long. Not nightmares, mind you, but vaguely unsettling dreams of a lost love from your youth. You will wake up wondering whether that lost love ever thinks of you. The answer is a definite “no.” Sorry. Your lucky number this week is 1990.

Gemini

May 21-Jun 21

Taurus gets dreams of lost loves, but you get full blown nightmares. They’ll be those horrifying dreams that will shock you awake and disturb you greatly. Sleeping pills won’t help and neither will liquor, so you’ll just have to learn to cope. You’ve often said you could do your job half awake. You’ll get your chance to find out if that’s true this week. Your lucky number this week is sequel.

Cancer

Jun 22-Jul 22

The stars were vague about their plans for you this week. That’s never a good sign. All I can get out of them is that you will be terrified by the color blue this week. Does that mean you’ll be chased by the police? You’ll spray yourself in the eye with Windex? A Smurfs episode will disturb you I have no idea. Your lucky number this week is 0000FF.

Leo

Jul 23-Aug 22

The stars were vague about your forecast, too, Leo. When their undisputed leader – Big Star – got to your forecast, he merely chuckled and said, ‘Well, it is tax time.” Remember, vague is bad when it comes to the stars’ plans, so be careful. Your lucky number this week is W-2.

Virgo

Aug 23-Sep 22

Oh, Virgo, Virgo, Virgo. You have my sympathy this week. Why? It will suddenly dawn on you that your favorite television show is absolutely terrible. You will regret the time you’ve wasted following it loyally every week. Don’t worry – you’ll find another show to obsess over soon enough. That may be your ultimate curse. Your lucky number this week is shark.

Libra

Sep 23-Oct 23

This is the week you will gain a lifelong enemy, Libra. While it can be cool to curse about someone and refer to them as “your nemesis,” that’s not an altogether great thing. How will you make an enemy? That’s hard to say. However, that’s exactly what you’'ll do as the stars have mandated it. Good luck. Your lucky number this week is 22.

Scorpio

Oct 24-Nov 21

You’ve often said you’ve hated your job and it seems your job will finally take that personally and start to hate you. When your job starts hating you, that means you’ll get twice the busywork, twice the calls at home and twice the number of things that just go wrong. Perhaps you should have been a bit nicer when talking about your job in the past. It’s too late now. Your lucky number this week is 8.

Sagittarius

Nov 22-Dec 21

There are few things sadder than someone who isn’t funny but thinks he or she is. No one wants to be that guy, right? Well, this week you’re going to be that guy and you’ll annoy your friends to no end with your uninspired, unfunny stories and antics. Waka, waka. Your lucky number this week is rubber chicken.

Capricorn

Dec 22-Jan 19

You will become convinced it’s your patriotic duty to buy American-made products. Sadly, you’ll learn that’s a lot harder than you thought it would be. Where were you – and about a million people just like you – a decade ago? Your lucky number this week is a deficit.

Aquarius

Jan 20-Feb 18

Here’s an odd one – cats will love you this week. It doesn’t matter if you’re a “cat person” or not – the little beasties will follow you around all week long. They’ll love you and want to be near you as much as possible. All you can do is get an angry dog to chase them off and make sure to never leave your windows open so as to prevent a strange cat slipping in your home and sleeping next to you. Your lucky number this week is 9.

Pisces

Feb 19-Mar 20

You will become forgetful this week. Let’s hope your spouse or significant other doesn’t have a birthday or anniversary coming up this week or you will be in trouble. The chances are good you’ll leave your car keys in your house and will be very late for work because you locked them in your home along with your house key. Your lucky number this week is ???

Weekend OTR: Jack Benny–“Jack and Mary See Colman’s Movie”

Yes, it’s another weekend and that means it’s time for another old time radio episode.

Exciting, huh? Of course it is! What’s on tap this weekend? A Jack Benny episode that’ll make you laugh so hard you’ll break all your furniture (yes, it is that funny).

As usual, this weekend’s episode is courtesy of our friends at OTRCat.com. If you’re a fan of old time radio, you owe it to yourself to pay The Cat a visit. Of course, OTR fans should also head over to First Arkansas News every Sunday to check on the latest Lum and Abner comic strip. Yes, that’s an original series over there and you don’t want to miss it, ace.

Having said all of that, click the below link to listen to this weekend’s OTR episode.

Jack Benny – Jack and Mary See Colman’s Movie (2/1/1948)

DS9 is the finest ‘Trek’ series of them all and I’ll fight any man who doesn’t agree with me

When you get a bunch of Star Trek fans together, the conversation will often devolve into a bunch of squabbling over which series in the franchise was the best.

Such wrangling is pointless as we’re almost always talking about subjective opinions. Here’s the only objective opinion that carries any weight in those discussions – Deep Space 9 was the best series of them all. Don’t get me wrong – I’ll gladly agree that every series in the Star Trek franchise has merit. The original is simply classic, The Next Generation was the series fans had wanted for years and had a deservedly long run and who could resist the Gilligan's Island meets Lost in Space vibe of Boyager? Even Enterprise and that animated version of Star Trek and Enterprise had something to bring to the table.

Still, DS9 tops them all. Anyone who disagrees with me on this is simply wrong and begging for a fight. And we’re talking about a particularly nasty fight in a gravel parking lot.

What makes DS9 so great? The character development is incredible as is the continuity of the series. Yes, other Treks typically featured people wandering around space, dealing with creepy aliens for an hour, resolving some problems and then warping off to a new destination. In short, it was no problem missing a few episodes and then coming back to it later. That wasn’t the case on DS9 – they didn’t have to look for trouble as trouble came looking for them. Furthermore, the crew was generally in a static environment, so it was easy for recurring characters to stick around for several episodes.

Also, the location of the station was important. The thing was of Caradassian design and that sneaky bunch clearly wanted it back. Of course, the Cardassian station became the property of the Bajorans after that world booted the occupying Cardassians off their planet. The Federation came in to help administer the station and rebuild the Bajoran economy. It was obvious there were millions on Bajor that didn’t appreciate the Federation’s appearance.

So, there was more than enough resentment and political intrigue to go around. Complicating matters further was a stable wormhole discovered near the station and Bajor that made travel to the distant Delta quadrant a breeze. All sorts of species popped through that wormhole and the station played host to plenty of people wanting to travel through it and go to the Delta quadrant.

The wormhole itself was the home of an advanced race of beings that operated on, well, a higher plane. The Bajorans worshipped those aliens, thus bringing in the concept of gods that were demonstrably real and interacted regularly with those that worshiped them. Intriguing stuff.

Here’s another thing. The notion that the Federation was a perfect organization governed by optimism and fair play was tossed out the window during the season. The Federation spied on its own people, engaged in questionable moral behavior to win its generation-changing war against the Dominion (a race of shape shifters from the Delta quadrant.

In other words, the series was dark and cynical as apposed to touchy-feely and that was a refreshing change of pace.

Besides, DS9 was run by the coolest captain to ever show up in a Trek series. Avery Brooks is the man. Period.

There you go. Disagree with me only if you’re willing to get into a fight on a gravel parking lot.

Wordless Wednesday–Broccoli’s baby picture

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Music Monday–Plastics

Let's see how well you cats remember the 1980s!

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.   PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

Horoscope for the week of January 30

I was a bit concerned about the mysterious Dr. Zodiac this week as I figured he was going to skip the horoscope altogether.

The good doctor was always punctual when he was posting horoscopes (or StarCasts as he calls them) over at First Arkansas News, so I wondered if something terrible had happened to him. He doesn’t have a cell phone and rarely checks his email, so I had no real way of getting in touch with him (over than driving up to Little Rock and trying to find his home, of course). When all seemed lost, he came through with a horoscope and the following explanation:

I am so sorry this is late. I was called on by the stars to help them settle a dispute. It seems they were considering rearranging themselves so as to confuse mankind even more than they already have. I talked them out of it.

That whole business took some time and they were more interested in scheming than talking to me, so this StarCast was delayed. Sorry about that. Enjoy!

What do the stars have in store for us this week? Read on and find out for yourself.

Aries

Mar 21-Apr 19

You just never learn, do you Aries? Whenever you figure a project won’t take much time and you plan accordingly, things go terribly wrong. Once again you will find yourself in trouble be engaging in such wishful calculations. It’s all your own fault, Aries. Maybe you’ll learn from your failed time-management mistake this time, but I doubt it. Your lucky number this week is 10 minutes past your deadline.

Taurus

Apr 20-May 20

Well, here we go again, Taurus. Staying up all night might have been great fun when you were younger, but you need more sleep these days. A person can’t function off of three hours of sleep a night, but you keep trying. Remember – sleep is good and necessary. Now, go to bed on time at least half the nights this week. You’ll feel better. Your lucky number this week is 3 a.m.

Gemini

May 21-Jun 21

Don’t do it. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? That’s right – a new collectible you are convinced will make you rich. Beanie babies didn’t pan out for you and comic books didn’t, either. This thing you’re considering now – whatever it is – will do nothing but cost you money and take up space in your home. Trust me on this. Your lucky number this week is 75.

Cancer

Jun 22-Jul 22

You will find out for sure and certain that evil isn’t just some vague concept dreamed up by religious types. No, some people are just rotten and up to no good. You’ll learn for yourself that there is such a thing as pure evil and it is a nasty thing, indeed. In case you haven’t guessed by now, someone you wouldn’t suspect of foul behavior will plot mightily against you this week. Watch out! Your lucky number this week is 666.

Leo

Jul 23-Aug 22

You kept telling yourself you’d clean out those gutters, but you never did it. No, you just figured you’d wait until next fall and everything would be fine. It won’t be fine, Leo. You’re in for some serious roof trouble. The good news is that it might not be too late to take action and get busy on those gutters. Don’t delay! Oh, Leo! Your lucky number this week is 3 hours.

Virgo

Aug 23-Sep 22

You’ll give some change to someone in need this week and – absolutely nothing good will happen to you because of it. Hey, life isn’t a fairy tale, ace. Still, give that unfortunate soul a bit of change, anyway. It’s the nice thing to do. Your lucky number this week is 63 cents.

Libra

Sep 23-Oct 23

A song will get stuck in your head and drive you batty all week long. It’ll be a song you hate, too, and that’s absolutely worse. It might be a jingle, something embarrassing like one of those “tween hits” that are all over the place, an Eric Clapton song or something equally dreadful. It’s only for a week, so it could be worse. Your lucky number this week is No. 1 with a bullet.

Scorpio

Oct 24-Nov 21

You will finally decide who you want to vote for in the upcoming presidential election. If you’re a Republican, that means you’ll finally pick a favorite out of the primary candidates. If you’re a Democrat, well you know who to back, don’t you? It doesn’t really matter much – you’ll likely be unhappy with the election results regardless of which candidate actually wins. We do live in interesting times, I’m afraid. Your lucky number this week is Nov. 6.

Sagittarius

Nov 22-Dec 21

A fool and his money are soon parted and the stars tell me you will be a fool this week, indeed. I would tell you to watch your spending habits, but the stars assure me you won’t be able to help yourself. Still, it can’t hurt to exercise some restraint, so you might give that a try. Your lucky number this week is a penny saved is a penny earned.

Capricorn

Dec 22-Jan 19

I once knew a man who got struck by lightening and went on to live a full, happy life. That, I’m sure, is a rare thing. What does this all mean for you this week? Well, I’d stay indoors as much as possible this week if I were you. Your lucky number this week is 13.

Aquarius

Jan 20-Feb 18

You’re in for a week of head-slapping annoyances. You’ll forget to take the trash down to the curve, not set your alarm clock, leave your cell phone at home, mail a bill a day late and deal with the consequences of all manner of things. Hang on there, baby – Friday’s coming. Your lucky number this week is just almost 31.

Pisces

Feb 19-Mar 20

No one likes a trash mouth, Pisces. Either clean up your language or stay away from people all week long. Where did you learn to talk like that? What would your mother say? Shame, shame. Your lucky number this week is $&*@.