Thursday, August 14, 2008

Searching for The Hawg

I've only been blogging for a few weeks and I've run across a bunch of articles about SEO.

It took awhile to figure out what the the term SEO means because a lot of folks who talk about how important it is rarely bother to explain what it means. That SEO thingie is just an acronym for search engine optimized. Once I figured that out, I concluded that it's a bunch of crap as far as I'm concerned.

My blog isn't magically optimized so that search engines can find posts on it easily and that's fine with me. People who throw around terms like SEO tend to run blogs that tell people how they can get rich by running blogs telling people how they can be rich. That's not my game as I'm just goofing off and rambling about random crap with this blog.

Still, it's fun to look at my Feedburner stats and see just what searches are bringing people over to my blog. Based on some of those searches I almost feel like I ought to be running an advice column in that the queries that drive people to this blog look like they were typed in by people looking for some advice to life's complex questions (as you'll see in a bit). I felt bad because a lot of those questions couldn't be answered from my site, so I thought I'd address some of the more interesting ones.

So, what follows is a list of questions that brought people over here, a bit of clarification of what those queries must mean (I listed them verbatim here) and some answers from me, trustworthy The Hawg.

"Should I go to law school? Married?"

I take that one to mean "should I go to law school if I'm married?" Still, I'll treat that like a two-parter because it's more fun.

The answer to the first part of that question is "no." Hell no. Uh-uh. No, no, no, no, no. God no. Never, jamais, nunca, nie. Don't do it.

Yes, I have a law degree and have made reference to it a few times (which is probably why a search engine led someone over here). Law school sucks. The only thing that sucks worse than slogging through three years of law school is going out and practicing law.

Unless dealing with peoples' weird problems all day long, trying to beat money out of clients who resent having to hire you in the first place and working about 60 to 70 hours per week is your idea of a good time, find another career. Most people practicing law aren't exactly what you'd call wealthy, so forget about the "all lawyers are rich" fable, too.

As for the second part of the question -- should I go to law school if I'm married -- that's a bad idea, too. I know a lot of people who were married when they started law school who got divorced by the time they graduated. Practicing law tends to ruin marriages, too. Most spouses don't react well to being married to someone who is always working and is exhausted and snarling when not at work. Go visit the best trial lawyers you know and ask them how many times they've been married. That little survey will tell you all you need to know.

"Rat terriers do they make good house dogs?"

Do rat terriers make good house dogs? You'd better believe it. Miniature rat terriers weigh in at around 15 to 18 pounds and standard ones aren't just a whole lot bigger, so you've got a fairly small animal there. They're small, but scrappy enough to not fall into the "sissy dog" category. They do require a lot of attention, however, and the male ones tend to sneak around and pee on things. So, get ready to keep an eye on that very sociable little dog.

See the miniature rat terrier in the photo to the right? That's my dog, Cobb, and he's worked out OK as a house dog.

Another search that led someone over here was "bug eyed rat terriers." That would be the toy rat terrier and I'd suggest not getting one of those. A miniature rat terrier is small enough and it doesn't look like a Chihuahua that has something vaguely wrong with it.

Actually, the search phrase "rat terrier" brought a lot of people to my page. That, of course, is because I wrote a heart-felt dedication to my beloved dog. They really are great little dogs and every good American should own one. Go get one today. You'll be glad you did.

"What did Angela Lansbury call Elvis in Blue Hawaii?"

That's easy. She called him Chadwick. I explained why all good Americans love Blue Hawaii in an earlier post, but didn't bother with that little trivia question because I figured it was common knowledge.

Come on, people ought to know Lansbury called Elvis "Chadwick" in Blue Hawaii just like they ought to know the first president of the United States was George Washington; the Beatles were John, Paul, George and Ringo; income taxes are due on April 15; and the writers of Smokey and the Bandit put the real city of Fayetteville, Ark., in the fictitious Decent County.

If for some reason you haven't seen Blue Hawaii go buy it, watch it and love it.

"Obama Arkansas"

Anyone who thinks Obama has a snowball's chance in hell of carrying Arkansas is living in a fool's paradise. Hillary Clinton might have had a chance had she won the Democratic primary because she has Arkansas ties. Sure, she hates us and regards almost all of us Arkies as uneducated white trash, but she does have some support here.

Mike Huckabee, our former governor, got whipped in the primaries, but he probably would have carried the state had he made it through the Republican primary. He wasn't much of a governor, but he is one of our own and that would have been good enough for the average voter here.

With both Hillary and Huckabee gone, there are no candidates in the election with strong ties here. And Arkansans tend to shy away from screaming liberals, which is what Obama effectively declared himself to be before suddenly sounding like a moderate in order to pick up some votes. Just count on McCain to win the Natural State. Obama's supporters in this state must love futility because they're totally wasting their time.


I love keeping an eye on what searches are bringing people here. The SEO strategy might make searches too targeted and where's the fun in that?


The Mad Celt said...

Be it my humble opinion...there isn't a man or woman on the ballot worthy of leading our fine Republic.
We have, again, a very sad state of affairs. We are a Republic divided too many ways, apathetic and ignorant...choosing to believe what the monkeys on television tell us. Sigh. The Mad Celt would cast his vote for Clint Eastwood (who unfortunately is not on the ballot).

Anonymous said...

Dear TNS Hawg,
I am so thankful that you are now posting an advice column of sorts. For I have this son who is starting up his own beer brewery in our barn, and he wants to call his beer "Foxworthy" because he thinks that guys will buy lots of the stuff in the hope of attracting foxy girls. Now, I've called him an idiot before, but this time I think he's done gone past the point of no return on greased roller skates. What do you think?
Concerned loyal reader with an enquiring mind

The Natural State Hawg said...

the mad celt:

I agree with you. A representative republic only works when quality people wind up as our leaders.

I, too, might be inclined to vote for Clint Eastwood. Of course, I'm always hoping for the John Elway/Alton Brown ticket, but I doubt that would come to pass.

The Natural State Hawg said...

Dear Anonymous:

This is just another example of how that Foxworthy is corrupting our youth. Oh, that Foxworthy. He thinks he's so cool, but he's not.

Of course, if your mislead son called his beer "Foxworthy," he might be looking at a host of lawsuits, too.

I would suggest that your son finds a name that's good, wacky and gives a nod to where the stuff is made. How about "Mrs. O'Leary's Barn Burnin' Brew?"

That'll do!

Da Old Man said...

I get notes from Google to optimize. I just get confused.

By the way, I noticed, based upon the advice given to anonymous, not only do you have a knack for naming cats, but you seem to have the brew naming ability also.

Marci Nobles said...

Oh Lord!!! Watch out world my husband is giving advice, we are all in trouble... duck and hide the walls are going to start crashing in...

Love you dear!!!

The Natural State Hawg said...

da old man:

I get that "optimize" junk from Google, too. I don't worry too much about it.

And I'd certainly buy a bottle of Mrs. O'Leary's Barn Burnin' Brew. How about you?

The Natural State Hawg said...


Be nice, wife, or I'll rename all of your cats!

Except for The Cheat.

That's a fine name...

Sogeshirtsguy said...

ha nice post NSH. Those are some interesting searches that got people to your blog. I hope my buddy who just finished law school and his bride make it but from what i've heard being a lawyer isn't such a rosy path. Agree Obama won't win Arkansas.

Marci Nobles said...

You don't scare me... and you will NOT rename my cats... Peco and Itchy are fine names...

The Natural State Hawg said...


Good luck to him. Practicing law hella sux. What an awful career.

No, I mean -- your friend will love it! It's all action, excitement and adventure all day long.

The Natural State Hawg said...



FishHawk said...

Please forgive this intrusion. For I certainly do not want to get in the way of a husband/wife disagreement that has the potential to reach Arkie proportions, but while you are still giving advice, I would love to find where I can get some of that good ol' "Mrs. O'Leary's Barn Burnin' Brew." Can you help me??? Come on now, hook a brother up.