Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Take that, Foxworthy!

Folks, I'm one sad The Hawg tonight.

Why? It's been three weeks since I delivered the ultimate redneck joke to Jeff Foxworthy and I've not heard a peep out of the man.

Not a "that's great, The Hawg," "I've seen better jokes, The Hawg" or even a "this is awful, The Hawg." I've heard nothing. Not a thing. It's all terribly sad.

Yes, the joke got altered as detailed in this post and I was certain that my already great joke was even better. Still, no word from Foxworthy.

For the record, the altered joke is as follows:

"If you lost your virginity in a Waffle House,
you might be a redneck."

Oh, he's probably sitting around somewhere right now, cackling over all his money and saying something like, "Look at me! I'm Jeff Foxworthy! I'm all funny and I've got a little mustache."

Yeah. The punk. He's fast becoming (gasp!) my nemesis. So I went and altered a photo of that Foxworthy.

Heh, heh. That'll show him...

18 comments:

lala said...

lol...I told you, he gets TONS of these jokes. Just remember that he is from a "good" family in Atlanta, a fact only a few of us know, and therefore he is not the end all be all authority on redneck culture.

(I bet he was the guy in school with the brand new, gold, t-top firebird trans am pontiac...you know he was...it had that big "firebird" on the hood of the car)

seriously, gather you posts, put them together and while you might not deliver them standing on stage in front of a live audience, that doesn't mean there is not an audience out there for you.

;-)

The Natural State Hawg said...

lala:

Yep. Heh. I just thought going "all juvenile" on a picture of Foxworthy was funny.

Fun at his expense? Oh, yeah!

And I know that Trans-Am very well. Yes, I was a huge fan of "Smokey and the Bandit" when I was a kid.

FishHawk said...

She asked me to send this unto you. Evidently, she was too upset to do it herself.

My dearest Hawg,
Please, just let it go.
Love,
Bella

lala said...

no, that is funny. I particularly like the pee stain down his pants. Nice, subtle touch there.

;-)

The Mad Celt said...

Be not disheartened The Hawg! I'm willing to bet he's too busy on tour to get back with ya's just yet...fire up that Arkansan tenacity and keep biting at his heels!

Da Old Man said...

He's probably busy. My friend has corresponded with him in the past, and gotten back hand written letters of encouragement, and my buddy is an Elvis impersonator, for gawd's sake.
I'm sure Jeff is deluged with mail due to all his TV shows and comedy tours. Between that and searching out a good dry cleaner with the discretion to not mention accidents of the yellowing variety, all his time is taken up. Don't be disheartened.

The Natural State Hawg said...

fishhawk:

I'm just sad that Bella didn't feel comfortable enough to approach me with this on her own.

Oh, I've failed my doggie!

The Natural State Hawg said...

lala:

The Gimp is a wonderful thing, isn't it? There's a piece of free software I use almost daily...

The Natural State Hawg said...

the mad celt:

Will do!

The Natural State Hawg said...

da old man:

I hope you're right. I just had some fun messing with his photo.

And, yeah, finding a good dry cleaners in a town can be difficult.

Sassy Mama Bear said...

Feel better? You definitely made me chuckle.

The Natural State Hawg said...

sassy mama bear:

I feel much better. Much better, indeed...

Michael said...

I sure ain't a redneck, 'cuz I don't get it. LOL!

The Natural State Hawg said...

Aw, come on! That's a hoot.

You need to spend some more time down at the Waffle House...

Laura said...

Great pic!! lol

lala said...

See, I'm going to have to look this "Gimp" up because someone else has mentioned it to me.

I use "old school" Photoshop.

The Natural State Hawg said...

laura:

I felt like an elementary school kid while putting that together. What I really enjoy is the blend of high-tech Sharpie marker and some manipulation on the scanned photo with the Gimp.

Heh, heh. I like the blacked-out teeth, too.

Yes, my 11-year-old son and seven-year-old daughter thought it was a laugh riot. My wife, meanwhile, just shook her head...

The Natural State Hawg said...

Lala:

Oh, you need a copy of The Gimp. It's almost as powerful as PhotoShop and it's open source.

I love it for scaling and cropping pictures and generally goofing off.

On the Foxworthy, photo, I first got a publicity photo of him and then attacked it with a red Sharpie and a black ink pen. I then scanned the photo and opened it with The Gimp. From there, I added the "pee stain" (as my wife shook her head, mind you), cropped the photo and then scaled it so it would load quickly on my blog. From there I simply converted it to a JPEG and posted it.

The Gimp is a powerful tool and every photo I've used here has been manipulated at least a bit by The Gimp. I can even write on photos, draw arrows to point out things I think are funny and generally go nuts.

Get The Gimp. Get a copy right now...