Hurricanes are inconvenient

Hurricanes may well be the biggest pains in the ass of all those acts of God.

If a hurricane was a party guest, it would be the guy who shows up uninvited, gropes the host's girlfriend, drinks all the beer and throws up in the fish tank.

Those hurricanes things are pests and darned dangerous ones, at that. The world is mostly water, but far too many hurricanes aren't content to wander around the ocean and not hurt anything. No, some of them turn Nazi Germany and break out of their territory, tearing the hell out of anything that gets in the way.

Why am I so particularly down on those things right now? They've worn out their welcome.

Over the past few days, we've had a flood of Louisiana residents head to Arkansas to escape that obnoxious Gustav hurricane. Ah, but Gustav is a spiteful one and the pesky thing has followed them here.

Central Arkansas is a mess right now, and I hear tell that the southern half of the state is almost flooded. Here in God's country (the Benton area), we've got the Saline River rising out of its banks and trees down all over town.

Two of those trees fell on my parents' house and put a hole in the roof. My neighbor's tree is now resting comfortably on my privacy fence. I didn't think that was such a big deal until my dogs figured out the fence had a couple of holes in it -- they escaped and went terrorizing the neighborhood.

Yeah. That's right. You suck, Gustav.

The folks I feel truly terribly for are the evacuees. I feel particularly sorry for a couple that fled the hurricane to Pine Bluff. According to a report I heard on the radio today, that particular couple got a hotel room, checked in, went to bed and some sneaky character broke into their car.

That's just great, isn't it? You're already worried about your home being destroyed by a hurricane and someone comes along and makes things worse by breaking into your car.

Of course, we always welcome people fleeing hurricanes to scenic Arkansas, but I've got a word of advice for everyone who comes here -- avoid Pine Bluff. There's a reason that town is consistently ranked one of the worst places to live in the country. When someone comes to visit Arkansas, we often hope they'll like it enough to want to come back. If a stay in Pine Bluff serves as someone's introduction to Arkansas, that just plays hell with tourism.

Yes, we've all seen photos of people robbing and looting in areas that have been hit by hurricanes. They don't need such excuses to engage in such indiscriminate thuggery in Pine Bluff. Keep that in mind.

The rotten weather that that nasty Gustav spawned should, fortunately, be out of my beloved Arkansas by tomorrow. Hopefully, the next hurricane won't be such an insufferable bastard.