Wednesday, September 17, 2008

If you rob a Waffle House, you just might be a redneck...

Honestly, I didn't figure on posting anything today except for that dandy Screeching Weasel video.

I'm home sick for the week, so I figured on sleeping most of the day away and ignoring blogging. Ah, but there are just some stories that are too good to leave alone.

Early this morning, two Waffle Houses in Little Rock were robbed. Go ahead and read the story at the link if you want, but I'll provide the synopsis.

Just after midnight, the Waffle Houses on Bowman and Shackleford were filled with diners who were relaxing after the Eagles concert in downtown North Little Rock. Now, those two Waffle Houses are within a couple of miles of each other (the one on Shackleford is near my office, in fact) and they were both robbed within five minutes of each other.

They got the guy who robbed the Shackleford Waffle House and police are trying to figure out if the two felonies are connected (Waffle House employees say they certainly are seeing how the two restaurants were hit one after another). In both instances, the robber held customers at gunpoint and cleaned the store out of whatever money was in the cash register. Oh, and customers were robbed, too.

At the Shackleford location, the robber took time to order a sandwich while he was waving his gun around and terrifying customers. He then ran outside, got shot in the butt by the police, went to the hospital and is now behind bars. Serves him right. The little punk.

Here's why I couldn't leave this one alone -- the whole thing seems to line up very well with a redneck joke I sent the great Jeff Foxworthy not long ago. That joke, of course, is -- if you lost your virginity to a Waffle House waitress, you just might be a redneck.

Considering the events of this morning, it seems that it's almost as funny to say, "If you rob a Waffle House, you just might be a redneck."

Works for me, anyway.

And I should point out that the whole robbery thing bothers the hell out of me. That Shackleford Waffle House is right near my office. See, look at this photo taken from one of the offices in my building.

Scary, huh? I've eaten lunch over there quite a bit as I love the Waffle House. Yes, there's nothing like some hash browns with chunks of ham in them and a big ol' butterscotch chip waffle to really pep up a day (they don't have butterscotch chips anymore, but I remain hopeful that they'll return).

Now, that's not the only time something scary has taken place near my office. A couple of years ago, there was a dead guy in a ditch outside of my office -- he was shot at some early hour and tossed out of a car.

West Little Rock is turning into a damned circus. Glad I live 22 miles away in Benton and commute to work every day.

Extra special thanks to the incomparable David Hudson for superimposing Squidbillies characters on the Waffle House photos. I appreciate it, man!


shaxx said...

got shot in the butt! good ending! said...

How does a guy have the presence of mind to order a sandwich during a robbery?

We stopped going into Waffle House years ago, because we couldn't stand the smoking. But now we have to be concerned about getting held up too?

Will the next robber want our eggs, because they're over easy?

The Natural State Hawg said...

shaxx -- That's my favorite part of the story!

Paul -- That robber will probably stop and order his own eggs. That's a hell of a thing, isn't it? Making an order in the middle of a robbery and all.

I don't think you have to worry too much about getting held up in Conway. That's a Little Rock thang...