Great. Now GM has its hand out

Well, this was predictable -- the federal government agrees to spend $700 billion bailing out the mortgage industry, and we've got more business lined up with their hands out.

It's enough to make one sick.

One of the latest beggars, of course, is General Motors. Yes, GM is broke and is crying for a handout.

The government should say "hell no" to GM, just like it should have refused to spend a dime bailing out mortgage lenders who were struggling. Blowing $700 billion of borrowed money (a good chunk of it provided through bonds bought by the red Chinese, by the way) was a terrible idea and it appears that move set a precedent.

Apparently, it's now just fine for businesses that can't cut it in the free market to ask for help from the government. And, yes, I know that the mortgage industry can make a bit of a case, seeing how they got in trouble due to some goodie-goodie efforts on the part of the feds to make sure everyone who wanted a mortgage got one regardless of whether they could pay them back or not.

Still, companies that can't compete deserve to perish. And GM officials have proven that they are too stupid to compete in the auto industry.

Let's go back a few years ago when it was obvious that gas prices were on the rise and wouldn't be coming down soon. You'll notice that Honda and Toyota both invested heavily in hybrid vehicles and worked on low gas mileage throughout their fleets.

What did GM do? Spent more on advertising for the blasted Hummer and can kept cranking out SUVs like there was no tomorrow. The only time GM really started thinking about fuel efficiency was when it was too late -- other manufacturers had a leg up in the market as they arrived first and established their brands.

GM is in trouble due to its own lack of foresight. The company deserves absolutely nothing from the feds, and when did it become the government's job to bail out companies that are too stupid to compete? What the hell is going on here? Is Matthew Lesko secretly running the government and handing out cash to anyone who asks for it?

Apparently, it became the government's job to engage in that kind of nonsense as soon as the Republican party got rid of most of its conservative members and started spending money like Democrats.

You want to know the problem with government these days? There are few Republicans left who knows what a conservative is and does. Yes, the Republicans of the past would be raising hell about this. It's a pity that fiscal responsibility has gone out the window.

It would be unfortunate, of course, for the autoworkers who rely on GM for a paycheck if the company went broke and filed for bankruptcy. That's too bad for a couple of reasons. First, they'll be out of a job. Second, they work for a company run by idiots who will, no doubt, be just fine even if they run GM into the ground and the company ceases to exist.

They might not have to worry too much, though. Japanese car manufacturers seem to be building plants in the U.S. and hiring like crazy these days. They're reaping the rewards of keeping an eye on the market and adapting to changing conditions. American auto companies used to do that. What a pity it is, then, that they're reduced to begging for handouts.

Want to read more about fiscal irresponsibility? Make sure to check out my take on why the lottery is a bad idea for Arkansas by clicking right here.

Why the Republican party is a mess and how to fix it

Anyone in the United States who has paying attention knows what happened on Nov. 4 -- the Republican party took a flat beating.

Yes, the Republicans lost the presidency and lost seats in the House and Senate. Ah, but it didn't stop at the national level. Republicans in state legislatures, county and city elections throughout the country took a whipping.

And the Republican party deserved exactly what it got.

That's a hard thing to admit as I've affiliated myself with that party since I first saw Ronald Reagan speak in St. Louis in 1980 when I was 11-years-old. My admiration of Reagan grew when I saw him speak in Little Rock in 1984.

Sadly, the party that Reagan reinvigorated back then is weak and woefully out of touch with voters. The party has no focus and its candidates seem uncertain of what, exactly, they do believe. How did we get here from there?

The answer is pretty simple -- the Republican Party has turned its back on the core values that made the party so relevant. And that's a shame as those values -- those ideas -- are the very things that won votes.

At this point in time, it's hard to even define what a Republican is anymore. The thrashing the party took, then, can be viewed as an opportunity. It's time for we Republicans to take a good, hard look at ourselves, figure out what went wrong and what needs to be done to fix it.

Here are a few suggestions:

1. The Democrats won and they got their ObamaNation (heh, heh!) Accept it. In other words, don't run around acting like Democrats for the next four years. Sniveling whiners are irritating, and doubly so when they're crying because their side didn't win an election. Remember what happened almost immediately after Bush won in 2000? Yes, quite a few Democrats moped around claiming that "Bush wasn't their president" and they complained for four years.

When John Kerry was running in 2004, we had Democrats threatening to move to Canada and some of them committed suicide after Bush was declared the winner of that election. Instead of moving to Canada, the Democrats who made that threat chose the option we all knew they would -- staying put and griping for another four years.

Folks, this is a democracy. That means your side won't always win. And, guess what? That's just part of being an American and thank God for that. We want two parties competing for votes. Hopefully, we all understand that one-party governments tend to establish such lovely things as terror filled police states and use the military to crush any opposition. So, losing an election isn't that bad when considered in that context.

We don't have to like Obama being in office, but we don't have to go around outraged and looking like we're sucking on a lemon for the next four years, either. We don't need to hate our government, pout and hope for a rotten economy or war casualties because our candidate didn't get in office.

Besides, there are actually some good things that came out of this election. First of all, more whites voted for Obama than for Clinton back in 1992 or 1996. That's what we call progress on racial issues. Second, Obama reaffirms that anyone with drive and talent can become president. Here was a fellow with a troubled background (abandoned by his father early in life, raised by his grandparents since he was 10-years-old) and he overcame all of that to become president. Third, we're rid of Bush. Everyone should be thrilled that egg sucking bastard is just about out of the White House.

By the way, feel free to remind those Democrats who say it is now time to get behind our president and work out our problems together of what rotten sports they were during the Bush presidency. That'll make for a few minutes of fun at the very least.

2. Conservative ideas win votes. It's time to relearn what those are. One of the major problems of the Republican party is that conservatives aren't in charge anymore. What's the difference between a tax-and-spend Democrat and a borrow-and-spend Republican? Not a whole lot. Both expand the size of government and Republicans ought to fight against that. The fact that a Republican president and a Republican senator who wanted to be president pushed for a $700 billion bailout for the mortgage industry is sickening (particularly when you consider the blasted red Chinese are among the huge investors who bought the bonds allowing for that bailout).

Going back to core values such as low taxes, a small federal government, adherence to the 10th Amendment (remember that one? It's the one that reserves those powers to the states that are not expressly granted to the federal government) and an emphasis on individual liberties are the types of issues that inspire people. Republicans should also remind people that the Constitution was conceived as a way to defend citizens from the government and, as such, is to be interpreted strictly. If the feds want more power and its not granted under the Constitution, it's time to go through the amendment process, right?

If we did have a Republican in office who did support the notion the Constitution protected citizens from the government and that individual liberties are precious, would we have to contend with junk like the Patriot Act? If you think that piece of legislation was a good idea, ask yourself this -- you may trust the Bush administration with the ability to collect information on American citizens, but do you trust Obama? Keeping the kind of power afforded the government under the Patriot Act is the very type of thing that small-government conservatives should fight.

Also, party-wide support of a non-interventionist foreign policy is something else people will rally behind. What's a non-interventionist foreign policy? One that encourages friendly relations and free trade with nations and reserves military action for those times when our nation is clearly in peril. Folks, war is expensive and we get our soldiers killed. It's not to be taken lightly and should only been used when there is a clear threat to vital national interests.

Don't think I'm talking just about Iraq here, kids. I'm talking about Bill Clinton's little jaunt in Bosnia, too. When a threat to the U.S. is clearly defined, the nation should gear up to crush it swiftly and without mercy. If that threat is vague, then our military ought to stay home.

3. Identify those issues that are important and address them. Do you think the average voter really gives a damn about abortion? No, they're mostly worried right now about finding jobs or keeping the ones they have. They're worried about their retirement portfolios and our dependence on foreign oil.

Why, then, does the Republican Party spend so much time addressing issues like abortion? Does that mean it's not an important issue? No. But it does mean voters have more pressing issues in mind. Identify those issues, focus on them and come up with some specific, realistic ways to deal with them.

People want to vote for someone rather than against someone, right? A solid candidate can present those ideas that will excite voters and get them behind him. Why did Obama beat Hillary Clinton in the primaries and McCain in the election? His supporters voted for him, while a lot of us Republicans were simply voting against Obama. Obama's supporters were energetic and enthusiastic, but the same can't be said of a lot of us who were voting for McCain.

4. Credibility is important. Both major political parties rely on making promises they don't intend to keep. Bill Clinton, for example, promised a middle-class tax cut back in 1992 as a way of convincing people to vote for him. After getting in office, his toadies were running around claiming he never made that promise at all.

Republicans can't really condemn Clinton because our candidates are out doing the same thing. Let's take a look at Mike Huckabee, for example. Before he ran in the Republican primary, of course, he was governor of Arkansas.

Prior to his last term, he pushed for the elimination on the sales tax on food in Arkansas. That got people excited and the popularity of that notion helped win him another term as governor here.

Shortly after he was elected, he decided to campaign against an initiative to get rid of the sales tax on food (he said we just couldn't afford it -- knowledge he certainly had even while pushing for it). It is pitiful when our candidates engage in such behavior. If a Republican candidate makes a promise, he'd better be ready to make good on it.

5. Get rid of the bums. There's been some talk about Jeb Bush and Mike Huckabee being the future of the Republican Party. No. God no. Hell no!

We've had two Bushes in office so far and they both sucked. We don't need a third. Huckabee, meanwhile, spends money like a Democrat and just isn't trustworthy.

The party needs to be led by conservatives and truthful ones, at that.

6. Don't be afraid of third parties. Should the Republican Party refuse to return to those core values and continue down the path of catering to corporate interests, policing the planet, spending money like drunken sailors on shore leave and virtually ignoring the needs of the middle class, it's not a party worth supporting.

Wordless Wednesday -- The Ramones!

Dig everyone's favorite teetotaler and Reaganite, Johnny Ramone, banging those wicked barre chords out of his Mosrite Ventures II!

Make sure to visit the other Wordless Wednesday entries (or submit something of your own) by clicking right here.

The Hawg gets a response from IHOP

A couple of days ago, I sent a note to IHOP asking them to bring back that fantastic boysenberry syrup.

I grew up with boysenberry syrup and have been dismayed because my IHOP here in Benton, Ark., no longer carries the stuff. Yes, choking down a stack of pancakes with common maple syrup, butter pecan (which is just nasty), blueberry or strawberry just isn't the same.

IHOP e-mailed a reply to me earlier today. Here's a copy of it:

Dear Mr. Nobles:

Thank you for taking the time to contact IHOP. Boysenberry syrup is an available option at our restaurants. Most IHOP Restaurants are franchised by individual business owners. We strive to balance the consistency of a national chain with the flexibility of allowing our franchise owners to customize the menu to meet the needs of their customer base.

To do this, we require all restaurants across the county [sic] to offer a core menu of items. The restaurants are also able to add to their menu any approved optional items. We suggest that you contact the franchise owner or general manager of the IHOP you frequent and let them know of your desire for Boysenberry syrup on the menu.

Thank you for your interest and thank you for your patronage.

Sincerely,

Don Miller
Guest Services Representative
IHOP Restaurant Support Center

That note tells me a couple of things. First of all, IHOP has some great public relations in place. Second, I need to go pester the manager of my local IHOP.

It's always good to have a cause.

Meanwhile...

Like a lot of Americans, I've been watching election returns tonight. Now we've got to put up with Barack Obama and his crap for four years. It was pretty clear months ago that whoever won this thing would be a lowdown, filthy bastard. It appears that the lowdown, filthy bastard the Democrats picked won this time around.

The fact that America has sunk so low that our choices boiled down essentially to Obama or John McCain ought to be enough to make anyone paying attention absolutely sick.

I'm not going to talk about that. What I will talk about is that the Republican party, which I've supported for 20 years, is a mess. How bad is it? The party should have easily slapped down a goofy leftist like Obama. The party is losing seats in Congress and appears extremely weak right now.

Here in Arkansas, we had races for all four seats in the House of Representatives and one seat in the Senate. Three of the House seats are held by Democrats and the Republicans didn't bother to field candidates (the Green Party ran for two of them and one went uncontested). The Senate seat, also held by a Democrat, also drew opposition from only the Green Party.

What the hell is going on here? The Republicans aren't even bothering to field candidates for Congressional seats? Pitiful.

I'm convinced, now more than ever, that it's about time for some strong third parties to arise. The Republicans have abandoned those of us who are fiscally conservative and socially moderate -- the clods that George W. Bush surrounded himself with spend money like drunks on shore leave and tend to swing way right on social issues (many of which a lot of us don't give a damn about).

The Democrats, meanwhile, continue to trick the middle class into voting for them (anyone want to bet we'll see that promised tax cut? Clinton promised the same thing, too) and appear to be in love with what America should be than what it actually is or has been. If you think for a second that the sweeping (and expensive) changes the Democrats are howling for won't be achieved without robbing the middle class, you're living in a fool's paradise.

National health care, for example, isn't cheap and history have shown that such social programs fall on the shoulders of the middle class. We're not wealthy enough to buy the influence to keep the feds out of our pockets and we're not poor enough to pity in the least. In fact, we're little more to the federal government than a revenue source that is relatively defenseless. Unless you're rich enough to buy influence, poor enough to have no money or get paid in cash and keep your money in The First National Bank of Mason Jar, prepare to get robbed.

A good number of us, I suspect, want low taxes and to, essentially, be left alone. Neither party gives a damn about us and they haven't for some time.

Both of these parties are, quite simply, obsolete in that neither represents a sizable majority of the country. Scrap them both. It's time they both went the way of the Federalists and the Whigs. Both parties should have been tossed in the trash at the turn of the century.

Meanwhile, Arkansas voters have approved a lottery amendment and the folks on ABC mentioned that people in Kenya are thrilled by the prospect of Obama being president of the U.S. Things just keep getting worse.

The Hawg avoids picking a fight

Here is a photo of my seven-year-old daughter, Brenda.

Brenda told my wife something today that made me seriously consider going to my daughter's school and raising hell with someone.

Now, I won't mention the school or the particular teacher at issue as I've learned something over the past couple of weeks. After getting called in to visit with my boss a couple of times due to some complaints that had been lodged about things I've written, I've concluded that the quickest way to get people to read this blog is to give them something to gripe about.

Ordinarily, that's fine with me. However, I've decided that work and anything that could come back on one of my children is taboo.

So what got me riled up about my daughter's school? They've got a mock presidential election in the morning and Brenda's teacher was extolling the virtues of Barack Obama. I don't pay taxes so my kids can get indoctrinated.

I was making plans to wander down to the school in the morning and yell at someone, but I figured that would do more harm than good.

Now, I know some of you are thinking, "Oh, come on, The Hawg. You're only mad because that teacher didn't endorse John McCain."

Nope. I'm firmly opposed to my daughter's teachers pushing any of their politics on my children. Those institutions are in place to teach kids how to think and not what to think. My kids will figure out their political ideas when they mature, do some research and figure out what views appeal to them. I'd rather not see that maturation process tainted by a bunch of teachers who are convinced they're right and want to pass their revelations on to my kids.

Furthermore, I'd rather avoid the herd mentality which seems to influence most voters these days. If those kids get knocked in line early, how much more difficult will it be for them to think for themselves when they're adults?

I don't want teachers pushing their political views on my children any more than I want them pushing their religious views on them (we're Methodists in an area dominated by Baptists, after all). The same goes for abortion, the death penalty and most things that kids ought not be bothered with.

Besides, I don't much trust the schools here, either. When my son was in the second grade, my son's teacher and the principal of his school decided that he was suffering from ADHD and needed to be put on Ritilin. It turns out that an alarming number of kids in that school were on Ritilin and I got into a spat with my son's teacher when I told her that there was no way in hell I was letting them drug my kid.

Now, Ritilin is definitely needed in some cases, but I do believe it's been overused. My son's main problem was that he was bored. Yes, schools teach to the slowest kids in class these days, and my kid would get his work done early. He was just plain bored and decided to act out (not much of a surprise when we're talking about small children, is it?)

My son is in the sixth grade now, he gets all A's and B's and is still suffering from boredom. His behavior is improving, however, as teachers have learned to give him more work to do to keep him busy

The folks who are running schools these days are coming up with some screwy ideas, see? I'll be damned if I'll let them get away with imposing them on my kids.

Where the heck is my boysenberry syrup?

There are times when it's time to stand up, look the kaiser straight in the monocle and say, "Nien!"

And, yes, I'm aware I stole that line from Mr. Burns on The Simpsons.

Folks, this is one of those times. For about a year now, I've been missing IHOP's boysenberry syrup. Yes, IHOP has removed the iconic boysenberry syrup from their tables.

I've been waiting for it to come back, but I'm afraid it's all in vain. I do ask about it from time to time and get the same response from the waitresses at the IHOP here in Benton, Ark. -- the restaurant chain has removed boysenberry syrup and it's not coming back. Ever.

Your good friend, The Hawg, can take a lot of things. Oh, I can stand my beloved Benton Panthers struggling away and can even tolerate the Arkansas Razorbacks playing like absolute garbage.

But choking down a stack of pancakes covered with some miserable trash like plain old maple syrup, that nasty butter pecan, blueberry or even strawberry is simply more than I can take. An IHOP pancake without wonderful, wonderful boysenberry syrup is like a dog without fur or a bicycle without a chain. It's just plain wrong. WRONG!

However, we still live in a consumer-driven economy and, as such, we have the power to change the minds of those people at IHOP who decided to cruelly do away with that wonderful boysenberry syrup. Yes, people -- you and I don't have to sit back and let this happen.

"But, The Hawg. I, too, am upset about IHOP's cruel actions. Maple is far too common and that butter pecan is just nasty. What can I do about it? I'm only one person?"

What can you do? Let IHOP know how you feel! Just click right here, pick the appropriate area of IHOP to send an e-mail to and fill out the form. Here's a copy of the e-mail I sent mere moments ago:

"I've been patiently waiting for about a year for IHOP to wise up and bring back that fantastic, iconic boysenberry syrup. Where's my boysenberry? If I have to choke down another stack of pancakes covered with common maple, blueberry, strawberry or that wretched butter pecan, I may lose my mind.

Besides, it's just sad that we're on the verge of raising an entire generation that won't get to experience the joys of boysenberry. That's a shame, folks. A true shame.

Please bring back boysenberry. Do it for my sanity. Do it for the children."

Ah, yeah! That ought to get some response, huh?

I hope everyone reading this will join me in asking IHOP to bring back boysenberry. Together, we can make a difference.

Top Entrecard droppers for October

Entrecard has been extremely good to me since I joined back in July.

Yes, I saw my traffic jump overnight and it has grown steadily since then. If you want to boost your traffic, head on over to Entrecard and get an account. You won't regret it.

At any rate, here are the 10 most frequent visitors from Entrecard in October. I appreciate all the visits, folks, and hope y'all keep on coming by to visit The Hawg:

1. Picture to People

2. Computer Aid

3. Rambling Stuff

4. Authority Directory

5. Crotchety Old Man Yells at Cars

6. Rants, Thoughts and Other Things

7. Kid Tech Guru

8. Stud Kickass -- The Webcomic

9. The Way I See It

10. WTF Do You Blog About

Join the Army!

I routinely recruit people to join another blog, the All Arkie Army. If you are an Arkansan or have ties to this wonderful state, I invite you to take a look at the site and ask to join.

For some idea of what we're up to over there, click right here and read all about it.

In essence, the All Arkie Army exists as a forum through which members can promote the stuff on their blogs and submit some new material, as well. Have a look, join up and get the word out about your blogs.

The Hawg helps his kids hunt the big candy

My wife simply doesn't appreciate the beauty and majesty of Halloween.

Sadly, she just doesn't see the appeal of running around collecting scads of free candy. Fortunately for our children, The Hawg well understands the joys of Halloween.

So, I'm the one who takes the little darlings out on Halloween night. I've got a seven-year-old daughter and an 11-year-old son and am fully aware of the importance of grabbing all the candy possible on that dandy holiday.

This year was probably my son's last to participate in trick-or-treating, so I do hope we made it special. Both of my kids got enough candy to rot the teeth of at least a dozen children, so I figure I did my job.

We're lucky in that our neighbors are very generous when handing out candy. Yes, in a mere 1.5 hours of wandering through the neighborhood, my daughter's bag was so full that I had to carry the candy that had fallen out of the top of the bag. Don't worry -- my son's bag was close to full. He made out just fine.

Sadly, we live in a part of the world where some people just don't participate in Halloween. Yes, they declare it a "the devil's holiday" and avoid it. That's a true shame -- I don't know how Satan figures into a holiday which is built around the practice of children running around grabbing free candy.

So, my son put on his camouflage, my daughter dressed as the "spider queen" and we had a great time. More houses are dark than when I was a kid as not as many people participate in the holiday, but I was glad to see the folks who did take part were as enthusiastic as ever and dropped liberal amounts of candy in my kids' bags.

I should mention a conversation I had with my little brother this week about Halloween. He came up with the perfect costume for my daughter, see. He said she should dress up as Mother Teresa.

She could run around the neighborhood collecting candy during the first half of the evening and then spend the second half giving it away. Yes, that's certainly in the spirit of Mother Teresa, but I doubt my daughter would have gone for that at all.

Every Halloween I also think of a story about my brother-in-law and sister-in-law. The belonged to one of those churches that hated Halloween. The pastor decided to have a "fall festival" on Halloween one year and encouraged the parents to dress their children up as Biblical characters.

My brother-in-law and sister-in-law, smart-asses they are, dressed their two sons up as crusaders. The pastor loved it. That, folks, is funny on at least four or five different levels.

Finally, my poor cat, Itchy, hates Halloween as we make her stay inside. Itchy is a black cat and, unfortunately, those tend to vanish on Halloween. We'll let her out in the morning, however. She'll just have to deal with being angry, staring out the window and yowling at us until then.

I hope everyone had a great Halloween.

My plan to keep politicians from bugging me

Don't worry. I'm not about to engage in another "my political party is great and the one you like is full of idiots" rant.

No, I'm just annoyed as hell about the presidential elections and the local ones here in Saline County, Ark. I can't get away from those damned people and it's frustrating.

Here's what I mean. For the past month, we've had the "Obama channel" running on my Dish Network service (channel 73 for those keeping score at home) for the past month. That channel has been home to an infomercial that's just plain lousy.

To make matters worse, the World Series was delayed this evening to make room for Obama's prime time, infomercial extravaganza. Apparently, the lads in the Obama campaign haven't heard of overkill.

And just the other day, I had some local politician beating on my door at about 8 p.m. trying to get my wife and me to vote for him. If I can remember who he is, I sure as hell won't vote for him. I'm bothered by people all day long and I don't need more aggravation when I'm relaxing at home with my family.

Fortunately, Arkansas is small enough to avoid some of the more obnoxious aspects of political campaigns. I haven't had any of the "robo calls" from the Obama or John McCain campaigns and that's a good thing. What's more, I've got a DVR so I can forward through the lie-packed television commercials that both presidential hopefuls are dumping on the air.

The local politicians, however, still go door to door and beg for votes. I have a three-step plan to stop that nonsense and I figure on putting it in place during the next election.

Step 1 -- a big dog who looks mean

See that dog at the top of this post? That's Winston, our boxer/St. Bernard mix who weighs in at around 140 pounds. He's a very friendly pup, but he's a limping, drooling hulk of a dog who likes to bark at things. He looks mean and has scared the meter reader from the city utility company and a few neighborhood children.

My plan, then, is to chain him to a tree in my front yard during campaign season when I'm home. He wouldn't bite anyone, of course, but look at him -- he could do a lot of damage if he decided to attack someone. Hopefully, that bluff will be enough to scare of politicians. The only flaw here, of course, is that any sleazy politician who gets up the nerve to approach Winston will find out that he's a big baby who just wants to be petted.

Ever had a dog put his paws on your shoulders and give you a hug? Winston does that whenever he can. A hugging dog isn't exactly a mean dog, is he?

Ah, but Winston is only my first line of defense.

Step 2 -- more campaign signs than you can shake a stick at

In addition to my mean-looking dog, I intend to ward off those obnoxious politicians with a bunch of campaign signs. Before even the primaries begin, I figure on taking a look at all the contested races, choosing the candidates I support and then sticking their campaign signs in my yard.

Here's my logic. Let's say John Doe is running for King of Benton against Sneaky Pete. I decided to support John Doe so I get one of his signs and put it in my yard.

John Doe won't stop by and pester me because he's already got my vote, whereas Sneaky Pete might decide to pass my house by and bother my neighbors. After all, what's the point of wasting time talking to a voter who is already committed to a candidate?

The flaw here is that my wife might choose to support a candidate I oppose. In that case, there would be no campaign sign supporting any candidate in a particular race. The lack of a sign, then, might be interpreted as an invitation to show up and beg for votes.

Step 3 -- ask candidates to do menial tasks

If a candidate isn't scared off by the big, barking dog or deterred by a yard full of campaign signs, then I'll resort to a trick I used in college to get rid of vote seekers.

Back when I was a freshman, I was ironing a shirt. Some fellow stopped by who was running for student senate. He started to tell me why he was great and his candidate was an egg-sucking fascist when I interrupted him.

"I'll vote for you if you come in and iron my shirt," I said.

"I'm not ironing your shirt!"

"Then I'm not voting for you."

I shut the door in his face, leaving him standing out in the hall of the dorm. He didn't bother me again. Oh, and I made good on my promise not to vote for him.

A similar tactic would work with these people oozing around my neighborhood and begging for votes.

Conclusion

Follow The Hawg's three-step plan and you, too, could avoid getting pestered during campaign seasons. Of course, I'll be glad when election day has come and gone and we can get back to the business of simply hating the government as a whole instead of despising individuals begging for votes.

Wordless Wednesday -- Election Edition!

Yes, just in time for the elections next week. If this doesn't sum it all up, I don't know what does. Crank up that volume so Henry Rollins can yell at you.

And for a bonus, here's Beavis and Butt-Head watching the video!

Some fun, huh? Make sure to visit the other Wordless Wednesday participants by clicking right here.

Where the hell were these things when my daughter was small?

No, this isn't a paid post -- just a few scribbles about something I wish would have been around when my seven-year-old daughter was a wee baby.

Some products are just so cool that you've got to mention them, see?

Here's the deal. When I married my wife, our son was two-year-old (I've adopted the little stinker). So I was totally unprepared when my daughter came into the world.

Young Brenda drove me up the wall with her constant howling. If there's anything that makes one want to reach for a bottle more than a squalling infant, I'm not sure what it is.

Of course, you can't sit around drinking when you've got a young life that's depending on you for, well, everything. So, what can you do?

Ah, put that kid in a smart-alecky Onesie in hopes of laughing away all those frayed nerves, sleepless nights and all the fun that comes with raising an infant. So I found these things over at Blonde Designs while searching for a gift for a baby that would annoy a parent.

I don't know about you folks, but I would have been thrilled to get one of these to slap on my daughter when she was an infant because it pretty well sums up the joys of having infants around, doesn't it?

Yes, they scream all the time and can't do a thing for themselves. A good number of the early photos I have of my daughter, in fact, feature her wailing about one thing or another. And, of course, she couldn't tell me what was wrong -- that just added to my frustration.

By the way, mothers shouldn't be left out -- you can get a "Mommy Drinks" Onesie and join fathers in saying "God help me!" to the world. Fun, fun!

Indeed, that Onesie might be horrible, but it compliments my odd sense of humor just fine. I should point out that I really do enjoy being a parent -- something I must mention as some of my childless friends tend to look nervous and scared if they're on the verge of parenthood and hear my relate some tales of raising children.

Rookies. There's just no way to understand the mixture of joy and frustration that come with children until you've actually been there, is there.

So, what do y'all think? Are these Onesies great or absolutely monstrous?

Arkansas' severe image problem

Back when I was in law school at the University of Arkansas, I lived next door to three Palestinians.

They were all engineering students and one of them, Sam, was raised in a Catholic, English-speaking part of his country. One of the most popular shows there was The Beverly Hillbillies.

Sam and his family watched the Beverly Hillbillies for years. When he told his parents he had chosen to attend the University of Arkansas, his mother started crying and was afraid her son was heading off to Hicksville, U.S.A.

Yes, she assumed that the people poor Sam would deal with would be like the unrefined rubes on the Beverly Hillbillies and she was afraid for her son. Even among some people in the United States, Arkansas is regarded as an area crawling with gun-wielding hicks who are racist, violent, lacking even in the most rudimentary social skills and dumb as posts.

Now, Sam's mother and father came to Fayetteville to visit their son and see how he was holding up in college. They were pleasantly surprised, as are most people who bother to spend any time here.

I'll put it this way. The very reason I lived next door to three Palestinians is that all of them were engineering students at the University of Arkansas. I met a ton of international students while in Fayetteville and most of them were earning their degrees in engineering.

Why? Because we've got one of the best engineering programs anywhere and it represents a phenomenal value -- reputation and price bring a lot of international students to the UA. That engineering school, see, is something that people not familiar with Arkansas simply wouldn't expect to find here.

They probably wouldn't expect to discover that the University of Arkansas has the top creative writing program in the nation and the only masters in agricultural law in the nation. I earned my bachelor's degree at Hendrix College in Conway, a school that manages to fly under the radar in spite of the fact that it has a great academic reputation (the fact that it's located in the middle of Arkansas causes a lot of people not to give it a second look, sadly).

That's pretty typical, really. There are a lot of great things about Arkansas that can be regarded as well kept secrets. People who have spent some time here know what the state is all about, and the rest of them can keep looking down their noses at us for all I care. I enjoy our low cost of living, an economy that tends to expand even when other parts of the nation are in financial chaos, a relatively sparse population, the citizens' almost universal distrust of the government and the charming habit of people to keep their noses out of others' business.

A little business

Actually, that's commonly pronounced "bidness" here in beautiful Arkansas.

"I started my own bidness last year, so now I am a bidnessman," someone might say.

"School was rough today," you might hear a child say. "Man, the other kids were really giving me the bidness!"

Enough of that. Every now and again, it's important to take care of a little housecleaning here at The Natural State Hawg. So, I'll do that now. Don't worry -- it should be relatively painless and there's even an audience participation part of this post, so stay tuned.

The Super Blogger Award!

Theresa over at A Bumpy Path was handing out awards, and I couldn't resist the urge up one of the little darlings. So, I'm now the proud owner of the Super Blogger award. To be honest, Theresa's instructions on this award are fairly vague -- "If you're a regular visitor, help yourself."

So, I have helped myself to this award and I'm inviting all you regular readers (you know who you are) to do the same. I like that method of giving out awards as there are more than a few of them out there that have a lot of strings attached.

That's fine with me, of course, but I always appreciate a no-hassle award, and that's exactly what The Super Blogger award is. We have approached an award on another blog in which I'm heavily involved, The All Arkie Army, the same way. Handing someone an award and saying "good job" is a wonderful thing -- it's a sincere honor.

By the way, Theresa is one of the nicest bloggers out there. She is a member of the All Arkie Army and is one of those people who gave me a lot of encouragement, advice and technical tips when I started blogging about three months ago. Check out her blogs if you haven't already done so -- she runs A Bumpy Path and Eyebald.

Paid posts?

Now, here's the audience participation part I mentioned earlier. I've been thinking about writing more paid posts, something I haven't done just a whole lot of in the past. Why? I spend a hell of a lot of time writing for and promoting this blog and the aforementioned All Arkie Army. It would be nice to make a little cash here and there.

Initially, I thought some passive advertising was the way to go, but Google AdSense simply isn't getting the job done. I mention Google AdSense because that's the only service that has actually made me any money (the rest of them have been duds).

Here's the breakdown on how rotten that service has been. I started running AdSense three months ago and, during that time, have recorded 40,899 page impressions (those ads have popped up on my blogs that many times), yet have only gotten 207 clicks. To date, then, I have made $79.49 -- I haven't even hit that $100 mark yet and I can't cash out until I do.

And, that's the most lucrative service I've tried. Here's the problem -- no one wants to click on the AdSense ads. I can't say I blame them. I rarely click on them, either, unless I'm dealing with a blogger that I really like and that individual has put up a fantastic post (kind of like a tip, see). Usually, however, I just ignore those ads and I'm sure that is what's happening on my blog.

So, my question to you good people is this -- does it seem cheap and mercenary to get more paid posts? Would that discourage people from visiting my blog? Are there better alternatives to making a little cash here and there than paid posts?

I'd love to hear some honest responses to those questions. I get a lot of traffic over here and I'd like that to continue. People stop in and comment and that makes blogging worthwhile.

A sort of apology to Entrecard visitors

If you want more traffic and don't have an Entrecard account, click right here and get one. Don't ask questions. Just do it. The amount of traffic you'll get will amaze you.

One thing about Entrecard is that you can only drop cards on 300 blogs per day. I've been passing 300 visitors through Entrecard lately, so I've not been able to reciprocate on some blogs. I do apologize for that. I've been a reciprocal dropper since I started at Entrecard, but the site has worked so well for me that I've not been able to return visits as often as I'd like.

If I don't pay your blog a visit, then, it's not because I don't like your blog -- I simply can't keep up with everyone right now.

Digg kind of sucks

I'm going to scale back on my participation in Digg as the site requires a lot of work for very little reward. These days, I get about 100 shouts from people wanting me to Digg their stuff. In return, I get about 20 to 30 Diggs (on a good day!) on my articles.

I'd rather use Entrecard for social marketing. It seems to work much better. If you put in some time on Entrecard, you will be rewarded with a lot of traffic. That's pretty well guaranteed.

I am impressed with Reddit, however. Danny over at the Mortgage and More Blog was kind enough to submit this post of mine to Reddit earlier tonight and I got about 90 visitors in around 3 hours. That's phenomenal and it beats the hell out of anything I've ever gotten through Digg. Maybe I should start spending some time over at Reddit.

Over the past couple of days, I've learned that writing about popular topics will absolutely drive search engine traffic to your blog. Over that All Arkie Army, I submitted this post about the tragic death of Anne Pressly, a morning anchor at KATV in Little Rock (you can read about the whole sordid mess by clicking right here and heading to the CNN story about it).

I should point out that I wrote my little blurb simply because Pressly was a very good person who fell victim to the raging crime problem in Little Rock. I didn't go searching for keywords that would drive traffic to the All Arkie Army -- I figured there were enough things floating around on the Internet about Pressly that my little post would get lost in the shuffle, in fact. However, that post did hit the search engines and the Army received a ton of traffic.

That probably won't happen very often as I ramble on about all kinds of random junk and not much of it is exactly popular. Regardless, I was schooled in what some good key words can do for you.

That's all, folks!

How to make soccer popular in the U.S. (Part 2)

A few days ago, I posted a plan -- a brilliant plan that would make soccer popular in the United States.

If you haven't seen it yet, you need to take a look at it by clicking right here. Why do I say it's a brilliant plan? Because I thought of it in conjunction with my little brother (hereafter referred to as The Defector because he left Arkansas to be an optometrist in North Carolina) and he's smarter than your good friend, The Hawg. He graduated first in his class after earning his degree in chemical engineering from the University of Arkansas and graduated second after earning his optometry degree from Chicago. The kid's smart, so any plan in which he participates is automatically brilliant.

Anyway, I was visiting with The Defector just the other day as he was reviewing The Hawg/The Defector plan for making soccer popular in the U.S. The Defector said it all looked good, but he had a few more suggestions. So, we visited and I, The Hawg, have decided that our additions to the original plan are well worth mentioning. Here's what we came up with:

The XSL

Originally, The Defector and I, The Hawg, had talked about turning our blueprint over to Major League Soccer (MLS), the group that is in charge with pro soccer in the United States. But we realized that MLS was part of the problem -- that group sticks with the brand of soccer that just hasn't gained traction here in America.

No, we need to make soccer popular through a new league. Thus, the concept of the eXtreme Soccer League (XSL) was born. It is very important to have our brilliant plan implemented by a new league for at least a couple of reasons.

Now, the MLS is a league that has stuck to its original game plan in spite of the fact that soccer is now about as popular as the WNBA. That's right. The MLS has been around for 15 years, and soccer is no more popular now than it was back then. The group has failed in its hope to promote soccer and is, therefore, useless. The MLS seems hell bent on sticking with the idea that soccer as it is played in the rest of the world will catch on here.

We don't need the MLS. We don't need a group that would pervert or modify our reforms based on pure stubbornness. And, yes, the MLS is stubborn -- what else would you call a group that hasn't modified its plan in spite of the fact that it is promoting a product that interests almost no one?

Also, there's something to be said for good marketing. This is America, and even no-talent trash like Britney Spears can be successful with good marketing. I, by the way, predicted years ago that Britney's career would hit a wall and she'd be reduced to starring in porn flicks with provocative titles such as Britney Speared to make a living. It turns out I was only half right. That no-talent tart's career has been extended through some great marketing.

Anyway, The Defector and I figured the XSL brand would be an easy thing to market well. For one thing, people just love sports that are "extreme," and we could certainly promote the hell out of that angle. So, we're taking a few cues from the short-lived XFL.

We will approach the XSL differently, although we'll steal some ideas from the XFL. Yes, we'll allow players to put whatever they want on the back of their uniforms. Remember Rod Smart, the running back for Las Vegas? He had "He Hate Me" plastered on the back of his uniform and became an overnight celebrity, as a result. That's pretty cool stuff, and it's exactly the type of thing we'd promote in the XSL.

And you'd better believe we'd have a "He Hate Me" in our new league. There's no doubt about that.

Also, let's not forget that the XFL was competing against a sport that was pretty violent. It simply came up short in the "extreme" department. The XSL, on the other hand, is competing against a sport that's pretty tame, so the extreme nature of the sport will be offered as a clear alternative to the decidedly tame soccer that's available now.

Furthermore, we can demonstrate the differences in our soccer by running marketing campaigns that touch on the idea that the "XS stands for eXceSsive violence." That's a winner, kids.

The two-point line

What's the most exciting development in the NBA over the past couple of decades? The three-point line. That has led to more points and the emphasis on drafting players who can hit a shot from beyond that line. The game, as a result, has become more exciting.

Ah, The Hawg/The Defector improvements call for something almost as exciting -- the two-point line. Yes, just imagine the thrill. Your team is down by 1 point and the end of the game draws near. Suddenly, He Hate Me takes the ball down the field, holds up just beyond the two-point line, kicks the ball and scores a goal, thus securing a win for the Central Arkansas Butt Kickers. The crowd goes wild!

What could be better than that? A two-point line would be invaluable to a game in which scoring is rare. It would add a whole new dimension to the game! Ah, that's an innovation, to be sure.

Conclusion

Give us a chance. We'll change soccer and make it more popular in the United States. We promise!

If you haven't done so already, check out Part 1 of this nonsense by clicking right here.

Arkansas loses -- again

Yes, it's true -- the Arkansas Razorbacks lost to the Ole Miss Rebels on Saturday by the score of 23-21.

That puts Arkansas' record at 3-5 (1-4 in the SEC) and Ole Miss at 4-4 (2-3 in the SEC). I won't even pretend to claim this was a monumental battle in the SEC West because the truth is that both teams suck this year and are going nowhere. If you want to read a detailed report of this game, you can find a good recap right here.

No, what' s more important is that this game marked the return of Arkansas' immediate head coach, Houston Nutt, to the Natural State. Nutt, by the way, is that charming figure in all his glory in the photo at the top of this post.

Nutt was here for 10 years and a lot of us in this state came to hate him. He was replaced by Bobby Petrino who is busily dealing with the mess Nutt left. Petrino has a young team with a shaky quarterback, a secondary that lacks confidence and an offensive line that is porous on a good day.

What irritated me last year when the buzzards were circling around Nutt and has bugged me over the past week is that there are still members of the press who feel bad for poor, picked on Houston. The worst of the lot remains Gregg Doyel, who's latest bit of ass-kissery can be found right here.

Comments from Doyel and his ilk reinforce my notion that people who are wholly unfamiliar with a situation ought to shut the hell up about it. Frankly, I'm glad we're rid of a coach who comes across as a subliterate hick every time he opens his fat mouth, manages to lose bowl games to scrubby teams such as UNLV (the Hogs completely folded in 2000 in the Las Vegas bowl against that team) and consistently kept Arkansas in the middle of the pack in the SEC.

Most of the Nutt apologists seem to hit on the issue that Arkansas kind of sucks, so we're fools to expect to do well at anything. In other words, Nutt might not be great, but he's the best we can do so we should have been nicer to him. Yes, we hear things such as "Nutt did less with more" from his defenders, and I'm sick of it.

I'm sick of it for a couple of reasons. First of all, Fayetteville isn't a backwater and is, in fact, a very nice, small Southern city. I'm certain it's as least as great a place to be as Lincoln, Neb., or Norman, Okla., but you didn't see the colleges in those towns settle for second best. No, the universities of Nebraska and Oklahoma built solid programs because they wanted solid programs and didn't give a damn about where those colleges were located. Top-notch players line up to go to Oklahoma and lined up at one time to go to Nebraska because they were winning programs that were nationally competitive.

There's no reason Arkansas can't establish a winning tradition, as well. The University of Arkansas simply wasn't going to get there with Nutt. He couldn't recruit worth a damn and he's a fair-to-middling coach at best.

Less with more? Let me explain that sentiment away like this. Arkansas had the best backfield in the nation last year with Darren McFadden and Felix Jones. The Hogs went nowhere with those two backs, who are rookies in the NFL and have turned heads this year.

Nutt replaced Ed Orgeron at Ole Miss, a coach who couldn't win games but could recruit extremely well. Ole Miss is loaded with more talent than that school has seen for years, yet the team is 2-3 in the SEC and just had trouble pulling off a win over the worst Razorbacks club in terms of talent and experience that has taken the field in over a decade.

And that, folks, is why Nutt was run out of the state. His teams will pull of an upset every now and again, but he'll never coach a consistent, upper-tier team in the SEC or any other major conference.

The national sports writers that are in love with the guy need to shut their damned mouths about Nutt's history at Arkansas. We're well rid of him, and we don't need anyone to tell us we made a mistake. We didn't. We're right, they're wrong and they need to keep their noses out of our business.

To read about one of the few Benton Panthers' victories this season, go right here!

How to make soccer popular in the U.S. (Part 1)

Americans, as a whole, have never embraced soccer.

My brother and I were discussing that just the other night. Now my little brother left Arkansas a few years ago and headed to North Carolina to establish his career as an optometrist. Henceforth, then, I shall refer to him as The Defector.

Anyway, The Defector and I came up with a few simple rules changes that will help soccer achieve popularity here in the United States. When The Hawg and The Defector put their minds to something, you can just bet that sheer genius results.

The problem, as we figure it, is two-fold for soccer. First of all, we've already got a couple of slow moving, boring games in the U.S. -- baseball and pro basketball during the regular season (we all know those NBA fellows run at about half speed until they get to the playoffs, right?) I love baseball, but the pace is decidedly slow.

Soccer has the same problem -- pass, pass, kick, pass, shoot on goal, miss, kick, kick, pass. Yes, it goes on forever and scoring is rare. If you want methodical strategy and a relaxed pace, baseball is your game here. For the people who can't handle all the fun and excitement of baseball, you've got golf. I won't really address golf here. Golf on television sucks.

Second, soccer has a lot to compete with, doesn't it? Football, baseball, hockey, basketball, NASCAR, golf, arena league football, tennis -- the list goes on and on. In order to compete, a sport really has to stand out from everything else, right?

The Defector and I have come up with a few, simple modifications to make soccer the fun, riot-inducing game we know it can be. Here, briefly, are the suggested changes that will make soccer as popular in the U.S. as it is in the rest of the world:

Tripping and kicking are legal

That's right. Players are allowed -- hell, encouraged, to trip and kick each other. What could be more exciting than that? No longer will the player he purposefully trips an opponent be greeted with some sissy referee waving a little card around. No, that player will be cheered!

Just imagine. Player A is kicking a ball down the field. Player B arrives, trips Player A and then steals the ball. What's more, Player B pauses long enough to kick Player A when he's down. Who wouldn't get excited over that?

Of course, players would be discouraged from using their hands -- that's just keeping with tradition. Still, just about all kinds of contact would be allowed, yet outright punching would be discouraged.

The key word here, of course, is discouraged -- punching wouldn't be illegal per se, but one player hitting another would lead to some nasty consequences that would thrill audiences but likely run up players' hospital bills. What's that consequence? The mandatory brawl.

Mandatory brawling

So, let's say one player does punch another. What happens? Why, the mandatory brawl rule comes into play. As soon as one player punches another (with the exception of goalies -- more on that in a bit), both teams are required to fight each other.

Yes, as soon as a punch is thrown, a bench-clearing brawl is to take place immediately. Any players that don't join in the brawl are heavily fined and the team with the most number of players not participating in the fight automatically forfeits the game.

Goals and goalies

One of the major problems with soccer, of course, is that not enough points are scored. Everyone loves to see high-scoring games, after all. Just look at how much people prefer home runs in baseball to the "old" game in which teams strategically hit singles and doubles in order to advance runners.

So, we make the goals in soccer big. Really big. Big enough to cover the entire end of the field, in fact. Yes, we'll see plenty of goals scored then.

Ah, but we need more people to defend those goals, right? So we have two goalies instead of one and those goalies have an additional ability -- they can punch other players with no consequence. Goalies have always been able to use their hands, after all, so let's take that ability to the logical extreme.

Taunting and celebrating

To hell with good sportsmanship. Under the proposed The Hawg/The Defector rules, players will be encouraged to taunt each other. Going back to our Player A/Player B example, let's say that Player B wants to gloat a bit over his victory.

"You suck and your mother is a filthy whore!" Player B yells as Player A is lying on the ground.

There's no problem at all there. In fact, if fans are lucky, Player A would get angry, get off the ground and punch Player B, thus bringing the mandatory brawling rule into play and giving fans a real treat.

Also, players are more than free to engage in excessive celebrations after scoring goals. They can sing, dance and openly mock the other team. Riling the opposing team will likely result in punches being thrown often, thus enacting our mandatory brawling rule once again.

Conclusion

If these rules were put in place for soccer in the U.S., you'd players would become celebrities over night and the sport would start to dominate in this country.

Yes, The Hawg and The Defector may have just saved soccer's future in America. Hopefully, we'll be compensated well as soon as our plan is enacted. Moreover, those soccer riots in other countries will look like tea parties compared to the outright wars fans will start here as they react emotionally to the extreme violence on the field.

Want more nonsense? Check out Part 2 by clicking right here!

Worldess Wednesday -- The Call!

Ah, there are times when The Hawg just misses the 1980s and that has a lot to do with the music back then.

Here's one from The Call from way on back in 1983. There was a great band that never got the credit it deserved, and "The Walls Came Down" was the best thing the Call recorded.

Turn up those speakers, enjoy, and check out the other Wordless Wednesday participants (or submit something of your own!) when you're done listening.

...And Tuesday was always A-Team Day!

Let me tell you folks something -- approaching middle age sucks.

I don't give a damn for it, in fact. Furthermore I've gotten sick of people laying one of that insufferable, annoying shred of pop philosophy on me -- "Well, it beats the alternative."

If I hear that one more time, I may haul off and pop the alleged philosopher who's spouting that thread worn nonsense. The Hawg doesn't like aging one bit and I'm mad about it. So there.

I turn 40-years-old next year and was discussing aging with a friend of mine from college not long ago. We were talking about friends who have been divorced a couple of times, classmates that have dropped dead, the fact that most everyone we know seems to have wound up with one health problem or another since hitting 30-years-old and other cheery topics. We sounded like two old hens who were combing through the obituaries and checking to see who died while carping about our latest surgeries.

He said, "Ethan, it's ridiculous that we've gotten this old."

I agree.

Here's the thing. I'm looking forward to getting old as you can retire when you're old. You can be a raging eccentric when you're old and no one cares. Yes, I'll be the guy wearing a hunter's orange vest, a pair of shorts with black, knee-high socks and walking a little dog on a thin red leash. I might even grow a flowing ZZ-Top beard and loudly gripe about the government at the Waffle House every morning. No one will say a blasted thing to me about my erratic behavior, either, and I wouldn't care if they did.

Ah, but this middle age stuff is rather like being in limbo. You still feel young, see, but your body tells you that's a bunch of crap. I look like an idiot banging on my Fender Deluxe Stratocaster and churning out distorted barre chords while pausing long enough to pull a wave of fresh feedback out of my amp. I was setting up a tennis game with a friend of mine not long ago and we were both feeling too down to schedule anything for at least a couple of weeks (he griped about his bad back, I groaned about ulcerative colitis and we both realized things had changed for us since high school). Fortunately, most of the people I've known for years who are approaching middle age are about as bewildered about it all as I am.

One thing that happens when you get older is that you get downright sentimental about your childhood. Lately, for some reason, I've been thinking about those somewhat carefree days in junior high when every Tuesday was A-Team Day.

Ah, yes. I would wander around throughout the day at Eastside Junior High in Benton, Ark., just waiting for Tuesday night as I would get to see those fun-loving mercenaries from the A-Team evade the military police and right wrongs. The early 1980s were a golden time, indeed, and I'll fight anyone who says a cross word about the A-Team. Don't be like a friend of mine who referred to it as the Gay Team just to rile me. That's not cool at all.

If you're not familiar with the A-Team, I'm amazed at your lack of knowledge of our great pop culture. Click right here (in shame!) and educate yourself.

Yes, B.A. was always irritated by the crazy fool Murdock, Hannibal loved it when a plan came together and that suave Face was always running one con or another. It was all great fun and I loved every episode.

Was it junk television? Of course it was. Regardless, there's something to be said about a show that represented the best of 1980s escapism.

Did the fun-loving lads in the A-Team sit behind a desk while wearing suits and shuffling papers around all day long? Hell no! They wore fatigues, carried guns and their office was a ridiculously customized van. How do you like them apples?

Did the A-Team bow to authority or compromise their beliefs in hopes of staying employed? No! The stayed one step ahead of the law and ran around the world correcting wrongs and shooting up things.

The lads in the A-Team didn't get stuck in ruts and there wasn't a problem in the world that couldn't be solved with either automatic weapons fire, fisticuffs or the sheer innovation that allowed them to do things like rummage around in an abandoned garage for spare parts and build a Sherman tank out of rusty sheet metal, some coat hangers and spit.

What brought on all this decidedly shallow introspection? I was putting together an icon for another blog I run -- The All Arkie Army -- when I got the impish idea of modeling it after the A-Team visual at the first of every show. Go ahead and have a look. See that stenciled "A" on a red background? That's all A-Team, baby.

I also decided I'd head over to eBay before long and pick up those Marvel A-Team comic books that were around for just a bit in the 1980s. Yes, as soon as my Google Adsense account hits $100 (quit laughing -- it'll get there one day) I'll be blowing some of that fat (thin?) cash on all kinds of junk as that will be irresponsible, guilt-free money. A-Team comic books will certainly be included in the pile of loot I'll get with all that Adsense cash.

Now, don't go getting the idea that The Hawg is broke. I make a pretty good living, but we're building up our savings at Casa de Hawg because we've got this wacky notion that having some money around things like retirement and sending the kids to college is a good idea. Running around and buying junk seems, well, inappropriate in that setting. Ah, but Adsense cash is completely guilt-free, so why not go nuts, yeah?

By the way, does anyone really go and click on those Adsense ads? If anyone has any success stories about how Adsense worked for them, I'd love to hear them. I've been stuck at around $80 since the first of October and have gotten one whole ad click this entire month. I'd be amazed if Adsense worked terribly well for anyone, frankly, but I suppose there are some people out there who love it.

Oddly, thinking back on those A-Team days made me realize that I had a pretty great childhood. While some kids were dealing with divorces, abusive parents, poverty, ostracism and the other things that plague youngsters, I had it pretty good.

Ultimately, I hope my children look back on their childhoods and get as sentimental as I have been lately. Only time will tell, I suppose.

Hogs lose a heartbreaker

Everyone but the most deluded Arkansas Razorbacks fans knew that the Hogs were going to have a terrible season.

That knowledge didn't make the Hogs' 21-20 loss to Kentucky on Saturday any easier. Why? The Razorbacks had that game won -- the team had a 13 point lead with 5 minutes left in the game and blew it.

That's right -- the team absolutely folded and Kentucky won. How the hell do you blow a 13-point lead in the last few minutes of a game?

Folks, it's almost too much for The Hawg to take. Arkansas has been rotten this year, but that Kentucky game hurt more than than the drubbings the Hogs have taken at the hands of Alabama, Florida and Texas combined. To make things worse, Arkansas looked decent against Auburn last week, so a lot of us were hoping the young Razorbacks were finally coming around and learning how to play a little football.

Simply put, the Razorbacks (3-4, 1-3 in the SEC) failed and gave the Kentucky Wildcats (5-2, 1-2 in the SEC) their first conference victory. It would appear, then, that the Wildcats were very wise in scheduling Arkansas for the homecoming game.

The most revealing thing about the game is just how much former head coach Houston Nutt emphasized the running game. Folks, running back Michael Smith is the Razorbacks' offense. How solid was Smith? He rushed for 192 yards and a touchdown and received for 33 yards and a touchdown. That's 225 total yards and 2 touchdowns -- not bad when you consider the rest of the offense contributed 105 yards and two field goals.

Now, here's the kicker. Smith is now listed as day-to-day due to a concussion he sustained while being run to death in the Kentucky game. There's a chance he might not be able to play on Saturday. Without Smith, the Hogs are done.

Anyway, back to the Kentucky game. Struggling quarterback Casey Dick threw for 94 yards, a touchdown and two interceptions. Thanks to the dreadful offensive line, Dick was sacked three times and was hurried into at least one of those interceptions.

It was a hard game to watch. The offensive line seems adept at opening up holes for Smith, but can't protect Dick (yeah, I chuckled when writing that -- it's true in both a figurative and literal sense). Nutt went and recruited players for a running offense and it shows.

Did anything good come out of Saturday's game. Actually, yes. Petrino may have finally found a field goal kicker in Shay Haddock, who managed to boot a couple of balls through the uprights on Saturday. Perhaps Petrino has solved that problem.

Also, the team is improving. We've got a bunch of kids on that team who were playing high school ball this time last year, and that bunch almost beat Kentucky on Saturday and did manage to beat Auburn the previous week.

Here's hoping the team is very improved, indeed, when Houston Nutt and Ole Miss come to Fayetteville next week. Of course, we all hate Houston Nutt and, fortunately, Ole Miss plays like a Nutt-coached team. Ole Miss, having lost to Alabama on Saturday, is also 1-3 in the SEC. I hope Arkansas stomps Nutt into the ground.

I also hope Arkansas fans boo Nutt throughout the entire game and throw garbage at him. It's better than he deserves.

Next year the Hogs will be better. Still, watching this team struggle through the current season is difficult, indeed. I'm certain this season has increased liquor sales at package stores around the state.

My beloved Benton Panthers aren't holding up too well, either. Read all about it right here.