Well, at least I don’t have to buy a new amplifier yet

I’ve been wanting a new guitar amplifier for the past few years.

See, I used to have a decent guitar amp and a couple of great guitars – a Fender Japanese Telecaster and an Alvarez acoustic.

My amp, wonderfully customized Telecaster and Alvarez were hauled down to the pawn shop over a decade ago when I was practicing law and needed to pay my rent. Yes, people who owed me money put me off back then, but my creditors didn’t extend the same courtesy. Bastards.

At any rate, I’ve since replaced my beloved Telecaster with a Fender Deluxe Stratocaster and have been playing through a Danelectro Nifty 50 practice amp for the past few years. The Danelectro is fine (the thing is an absolute tone monster), but it is very limited.

Rather than spending about $600 on one of those great Vox Valvetronix modeling amps I’ve been wanting for some time, I decided to drop about $40 on eBay for a Behringer Guitar Link. That’s a nifty little device that allows you to hook up your guitar (or bass) through your computer’s USB port and wail away.

The device came packaged with some recording software, an audio editor and some amp models – all of that stuff is OK and is good enough to get you started. The amp modeling phenomenon is great, indeed, in that you’ve got software that will mimic various amplifiers. The very limited package that came with the Guitar Link is made by Native Sounds and mimics three amps – the famed Vox that was used by the likes of the Beatles, what appears to be some kind of Fender tube amp and something that attempts to mimic a Marshall tube amp (Native Sounds, apparently, hasn’t bought the rights to “swipe” the legitimate names of the amps their software attempts to emulate).

Of course, the combo package is limited in that you can try three models for 30 days and can get one for free by typing in a serial number that comes with the Guitar Link. Native Sounds is obviously hoping people will move on up to it’s allegedly good (and certainly expensive) Guitar Rig 3 which contains a ton of amp models, a lot of effects and all sorts of things that sound great.

At any rate, I’ve learned a few things while messing with the Behringer Guitar Link and figured I’d bore you good people with all that now:

1. A lot of critics out there claim that these software modelers will never sound as good as real amplifiers. They’re probably right. Hey, there’s no substitute for owning a huge amp, turning it up as loud as you can without the cops showing up and beating your guitar to death. However, this Behringer stuff is great for practicing and recording some demo tracks. One of my favorite features of the package I’ve got is that I can lay down a rhythm track, play it back and solo over it. My 12-year-old son has asked for a Epiphone SG for Christmas and I’m glad to know he’ll be able to do something I never did – bang out a chord progression and practice playing leads over it. Pretty cool. If the kid gets good at playing guitar, maybe he’ll get a “big boy” Gibson SG and an expensive amp. He’s got to learn to walk before he can run, however, and the Behringer Guitar Link (and his practice amp) will serve him well for now.

2. I suck at guitar and I’m mad about it. As a young The Hawg, I took guitar lessons from a fellow in Benton who was well versed in classic country, another fellow here in Benton who could play anything from classic rock to angry punk noise and an aging hippy in Fayetteville who proved just how intricate, complex and absolutely exciting playing rhythm guitar on a Telecaster through a Fender Twin Reverb amp can be.

I never was a great guitarist, but I could at least hold my own. My timing has gone to hell, my fingers won’t do what I know they can do and my poor Strat sounds like it’s being mangled by a sloppy cat who doesn’t give a damn. Obviously, things are different now -- when I was in college I had plenty of time to play guitar. However, being married, having a job and raising kids changes things quite a bit. Also, I can't exactly justify cranking up an amp when people in the house are doing other things (homework, watching television -- living, you know?)

I haven’t practiced regularly in years, see, but the Guitar Link will (hopefully) allow me to make up for a lot of lost time. Who knows? Maybe I’ll get back in the form I was in back when I sang (yelped?) and played rhythm guitar in my college band – the famed Wacky Savages. Yes, you can here my golden Telecaster running clean through a Fender Twin Reverb by clicking here. Ignore my Johnny Rotten-inspired yelp, though. What the hell was I thinking?

3. The Behringer unit was cheap, but setting up right might cost a bit of money. I’ve already had to buy a 1/8” to 1/4” adapter to plug some headphones into this thing (the unit will absolutely not play through my computer speakers). The headphones sound OK as do my computer speakers when I plug it into the unit, but what about feedback and all sorts of fun racket? That will likely require a decent set of monitors and they don’t exactly give those things away for free. Furthermore, I’ll have to get some decent amp modeling software as the package that came with the Behringer is decidedly limited. That costs some money, too. And what if I want to use a foot pedal to switch from, say, running distortion to running a clean channel? There’s some money as well.

You can wind up spending quite a bit to be able to play your guitar through your computer, mix tracks together and come up with some decent recordings. Is it worth it? Well, I don’t know. For now, I’m just happy I can practice whenever I want and I don’t bother people when beating on a guitar when I’m listening to my sloppy playing through headphones. That’s good enough for now.

The Behringer is a lot of fun and it didn’t cost much. As much as I’ve cussed computers since I got my first one in 1982 (a TRS-80 Color Computer!), I’m still regularly impressed with the applications that come out for the trouble-prone things.

Music Monday – Linda Rondstadt

I never much cared for Linda Rondstadt. This song, however, is nothing short of great.

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Bank of America does us a favor

I’m kind of an odd Republican in that I simply don’t trust corporations.

Yes, I know they have their place and we need them to provide jobs and keep the economy going. However, I’ve spent most of my life with the feeling that some company or another was trying to get its hand in my wallet without providing just a whole lot in return.

For example, my home insurer loves to collect payments but tends to drag its feet when it comes to actually paying claims for damages. My mortgage bank has an annoying habit of increasing my monthly payment on my 30-year, fixed rate mortgage for no good reason. And, back when I was broke, I had my auto financing company swipe two car payments out of my checking account one month.

The company acknowledged its mistake and my bank did, too. Regardless, I was pretty much left to fend for myself – the money was gone and neither my bank or the finance company did a damn thing to help me get it back (and that’s one of the reasons I never let any company set up an autodraft on my bank account).

The company that stole my money, by the way, was Ford and I’ll be damned if I’ll ever buy one of their crappy cars again. I’ve had problems with financing through General Motors, too. Perhaps it’s no surprise that a couple of Toyotas are sitting in my driveway and I figure on buying a Volkswagen in a couple of years when I need a new car.

Yesterday morning my wife woke me up and told me that someone got her debit card number and tried to spend about half the money in our checking account. The surprise here is that our bank – Bank of America – called her, said they suspected there was a problem and offered to cancel her debit card.

Furthermore, my wife will get a new debit card and the bank will put back the money that was stolen from our account. Based on my past experiences with those sleazy bastards who tend to start financial institutions, that’s not the result I expected.

“It looks like someone stole your debit card and took all your money,” I would expect to hear. “That’s too bad. By the way, you owe us $2,000 to cover the fees, costs and the amount of the transactions that cut into your overdraft protection. When do you think you can pay us that?”

Seeing how I expect most banks to figure out new and creative ways to steal from me or throw me to the wolves if someone steals my account information, Bank of America’s proactive, helpful attitude simply shocks me. I don’t care what anyone says about that particular institution – Bank of America has just earned a customer for life.

I’ve found a bank that’s honest and genuinely looks out for the best interests of its customers. What a pleasant surprise.

Wordless Wednesday – animal control and … barbecue grills?

Yes, here's my entry for the esteemed Wordless Wednesday event. Click the link and check out the other entries or submit something of your own.

Health care reform? What happened to this plan?

The news was – as usual – full of the latest information about the health care debate that’s been raging for, oh, at least a few months now.

It seems the Obama administration is backing off the so-called public option – that would put the government in competition with private health insurance agencies – and is looking into setting up a private system of health care cooperatives that work like electric co-ops.

Or, maybe not.

What I’ve been wondering for awhile now is what happened to the Small Business Health Options Plan (SHOP) that was all the rage a year ago. Actually, I first heard about that plan in about 2001 when John Boozman – a Republican congressman from Arkansas’ 3rd District – talked about an early version of it during a meeting at the famed Catfish Hole in Fayetteville, Ark.

Under the terms of that plan, small businesses would be able to band together in statewide or national pools and obtain group health insurance rates that larger corporations currently enjoy. The idea, of course, was that such pooling would bring down health insurance costs and make plans affordable to even businesses with one employee.

A plan that would accomplish just that went before Congress in 2006 and was defeated in the Senate. At the time, senators from Arkansas said that the problem with the bill was that the Republicans blocked any attempts to add amendments to the Senate bill, thus prohibiting members from addressing the very real concerns they had about the legislation. Fair enough.

Last year, U.S. Sen. Blanche Lincoln (D-Ark.) was in Arkansas drumming up support for the legislation, which appeared in the Senate as S.2759 with a companion bill in the House as H.R.5918. After hearing of bipartisan support and support from such heavy hitters as the National Association of Realtors and the National Federation of Independent Business, both bills got stuck in committee and apparently perished there.

Perhaps it’s no coincidence that all the noise over SHOP died almost completely as soon as it was obvious that Obama whipped Hillary Clinton in the primaries and became the Democrats’ presidential nominee. Still, one has to wonder what happened to all that support for SHOP and why aren’t we hearing a peep about it these days?

We’re talking about a piece of legislation that had been worked on for at least seven years and was full of tax incentives for small businesses that offered health care insurance to employees. It was a mature bill and one that appeared to have a solid chance of becoming law. We’re talking about a piece of legislation in which both Democrats and Republicans had the chance to put in provisions they liked and raise hell about parts of the plan they didn’t like. Support was lined up from the private sector and attempts were made to address the concerns of the insurance industry.

All that work, seemingly, has been tossed aside in favor of a plan that just looks rushed and has certainly caused plenty of divided public opinion and hurt feelings.

Here’s the point to all this rambling – the ideas behind SHOP started to form back in the 1990s when Hillary Clinton’s attempt to reform health care failed completely. How did we get to the point when we threw over a mature, comprehensive bill in favor of “the next big thing?”

Furthermore, where the hell are those members of Congress who rallied behind SHOP and why aren’t they saying a thing about the legislation now? If the Obama plan fails, what do our representatives say to the people that SHOP could have helped?

Music Monday – Cheesy Elvis!

For some reason, I’ve always loved some of Elvis’ cheesier movies and Blue Hawaii is one of the worst of the lot. Ignore those critics – this little bit of bliss is one of the funniest things Elvis ever did. So, in honor of the day after the 32nd anniversary of The King’s death, I present one of the worst rock and roll songs from that particular movie and of all time. Enjoy!

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PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

Remembering Elvis...

August 16 marks the 32nd anniversary of Elvis Preley's death. I thought it only appropriate, then, to post a clip from Elvis' 68 Comeback Special. Great stuff.

Sadly, it seems a lot of people have lately been comparing Elvis' legacy to Michael Jackson's. Come on. Seriously? Stop it...

“Highway to Health Care?”

If you want to get annoyed almost daily, get a job and post your email address somewhere on the Internet.

Yes, you’re sure to receive one obnoxious message after another by companies trying to sell you things or convert you over to their point of view. There are times, however, when some of those cheesy messages provide a lot of entertainment. Just yesterday I received an email from the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees that is nothing short of a full-blown hoot.

Here are the relevant parts of that email:

‘Highway to Health Care’ – a rock-n-roll themed RV tour bolstering efforts for health care reform – will make a pit stop in Little Rock on August 18 at 10:30 A.M. to provide Arkansans the chance to climb aboard and contact their Members of Congress to demand real health insurance reform now.

Community leaders will host a press conference at The Arkansas State Capital at 10:30 A.M. to talk about the tour and how health care reform will improve the lives of Arkansans.

The Highway to Health Care tour, sponsored by the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees (AFSCME), features an RV outfitted as a mobile activism center, complete with on-board laptop computers, cell phones and postcards for participants to contact their senators and representatives. The tour includes health care-related posters and literature that pay homage to famous rock musicians and a video that urges local residents to write and call their members of Congress.

Initially, I thought the AFSCME (even the acronym is cumbersome) was against the Obama Administration’s health care reforms. Why else would someone come up with a name for a campaign that is obviously based on AC/DC’s “Highway to Hell?” What's next? "Heal You Like a Hurricane?"

After doing a bit of research, however, the group is obviously in support of those reforms. Odd. Go ahead and read all about their program by clicking here. The AFSCME, by the way, is a union that includes a lot of people working in the health care industry. One can’t help but wonder what the group’s interest is in this – a lot of union dues have obviously been spent on this campaign and you’ve got to believe they’ve got something substantial at stake here.

At any rate, I handle public relations for a living and can’t help but think that a slogan like “Highway to Health Care” is ideal for a group that opposes the Obama plan, but is terrible for one that is in support of it. David Lowery (of Camper Van Beethoven and Cracker fame) once observed that Americans simply don’t have a good handle on the concept of irony. He may be right.

It could be my imagination, but it does seem this health care debate is making people on both sides a little nuts. I’ve seen two doctors in the past couple of days (one for a checkup and one because I’m sick as a dog with a respiratory infection) and I’m kicking myself for not asking them what they think of this whole issue.

Oh well. Here’s a relevant AC/DC video to enjoy:

That black thing under your right foot makes the car move…

While I’m used to being annoyed during my rush hour commute, I noticed a new, terrible trend taking hold while driving home from work the other night.

Now, I’m used to the typical hazards that plague the interstate around here. You’ve got people gabbing on cell phones and completely oblivious to the fact that they’re behind the wheel of a vehicle that’s going 70 miles-per-hour in heavy traffic. You’ve got the punk kids zipping in and out of traffic who seem oblivious to their own mortality.

Closely related to the punk kids with fast cars are the motorcycle riders who also love to dart in and out of traffic. Oddly, the Harley-Davidson riders seem to be among the most level-headed bikers on the road – the reckless 20-somethings who go for those “crotch rocket” motorcycles are the ones you just know are accidents waiting to happen.

Ah, but a new kind of maniac has hit the roads. I flew by a Toyota Prius the other day that was going about 50 miles-per-hour while traffic was streaming into Saline County at around 70 MPH. The driver wasn’t old and straining to look over the steering wheel. The driver didn't appear to be in pain and heading to the hospital. No, he was just clogging up traffic and didn’t seem to mind that two lanes of cars full of angry drivers were zooming past him.

I know for a fact a Prius will hit 70 MPH as I once test drove a hybrid and noticed that it moved along pretty well. I figured the driver was just a random nut until I ran across another Prius doing the exact same thing. A bit later, I came across another one. I’ve noticed some other drivers employing the same obnoxious technique since then.

A friend of mine tells me that some of these folks are purposely driving like it’s Sunday morning because they’re trying to maximize their fuel economy. I won’t call those folks “hypermilers” as I understand the people who engage in that practice are rarely a safety hazard.

Hey, if I can drive my Toyota Matrix like a bat out of hell and average 35 MPG on a long, highway trip, then someone in a Prius ought to at least be able to at least acknowledge that there is a speed limit and try to get somewhere close to it. What kid of smug bastard would tool around at 50 MPH, get in the way of other drivers and feel perfectly justified in doing so?

The fact of the matter is I do like the Prius and hybrid technology. Higher gas mileage means that fewer dollars are going to those rascals at the oil companies and people in the Middle East who don’t like us all that much.

But come on – show some consideration and get close to the speed limit, huh? If this kind of nonsense continues, I’ve got the solution – simply designate one of those three lanes on the interstate as the “slow ass” lane and arrest any crawler that refuses to stay in it. They can drive along without annoying the rest of us and everyone will be happy, right? It would be like building a wading pool to keep the kids and the adults segregated.

That’s a hell of an idea, actually.

No more vegetables (or why I stay in trouble at home)

Want to get in trouble with your wife? Just get a blog and post something like the story I’m about to relate.

That ought to do it.

My wife goes to bed before I do, see, and I was getting ready to go to sleep the other night. Before I crawled into bed she started talking in her sleep.

“No more vegetables,” she said.

“What?”

“No more vegetables.”

Then she stole my pillow.

What the hell?

Blasted fleas…

Back when we lived in northwest Arkansas, the place was just crazy with fleas.

Every year we had to go to war against the things. They itch, they’re a health risk and I despise the little critters. Unfortunately, coming up with a good flea control plan is essential if you have pets (we do).

We don’t have as much trouble with fleas these days as we did in the past and that’s largely because we developed a plan to combat them over the years. Want to develop a plan in a hurry and skip past all the “hit and miss” stuff my wife and I had to try? Head on over to the Flea Control Guide, then, and pick up some great advice in a hurry.

To pick up an extra dose of inspiration, visit the pics of fleas section so you can get a look at the nasty beasts you’re fighting. Yuck!

This is the kind of thing that just drives me nuts

The newspapers in Arkansas have been buzzing as of late – U.S. Sen Blanche Lincoln (D-Ark.) was quoted as saying unruly demonstrations at town hall meetings are un-American.

Lincoln later retracted her remark and I’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. I’ve voted for her and she has – for the most part – done right by my state and is generally receptive to ideas that fall outside the accepted canon of the Democrats (it’s a pity we can’t say the same about our other senator and that mumbling, mustached congressman from the 2nd District).

What I do take exception to, however, is the notion that people raising hell about what Barack Obama and his ilk are trying to do are somehow un-American. Apparently, that “patriotic dissent” that the left loved to howl about during the Bush years is only acceptable in certain instances (i.e., when a Democrat isn’t in power).

In this latest round of pooh-poohing, we’ve heard a lot about the “manufactured dissent” that the right has engaged in to cause trouble at town hall meetings. We’ve heard about how the extreme right is keeping the uneducated masses in a state of fear when it comes to healthcare reform through exaggerations, half-truths and outright lies.

In short, the right is being blasted to bits for using the same tactics that MoveOn.org celebrates and brags about proudly. The very idea that one group of organized rabble-rousers is patriotic while another one is un-American would be laughable if we didn’t have so many people willing to advance that notion.

I can’t say I agreed with a lot of the shenanigans from the left that we had to put up with during the Bush years, but they certainly had every right in the world to make their views known. It is an extreme example of hypocrisy for some of those same people – folks who were so vocal about how their protests were born of a love for their country – are the very ones declaring that howling conservatives are un-American.

It is more distressing to hear that very sentiment advanced by a U.S. senator. Sure she took her comment back, but one can’t help but wonder how many in her party think the same way.

Why there’s still room for a professional, independent press

As I’ve mentioned before, I make my living as a public relations guy.

I started out in the newspaper business, practiced law for a few years, went back into journalism and eventually would up with a PR gig. I visit with our friends in the press on a regular basis and have heard more than a bit of concern from some of those folks over the direction in which the media seems to be heading.

Specifically, the newspapers, television and radio news outlets have been laying off an alarming number of people here in Arkansas and it seems newspapers are actually shrinking in size as their owners try to figure out ways to combat shrinking revenue. That’s a true shame because the simple fact is that we need a healthy, independent and professional group of journalists out digging up stories and reporting.

Otherwise we’re looking at the grim prospect of the news being generated by the government, corporations, trade associations and other groups with a vested interest in what information the public has and what it doesn’t. With fewer reporters out there these days, there are a lot of people getting their news directly from those aforementioned outlets and that’s simply no damned good at all.

If you want to know how bad things are getting out there, I know of one organization (which shall remained unnamed) that has concluded that balanced, fair reporting is balanced or fair at all. The theory here is that there can only be one correct side of certain stories – the aforementioned organization is always right and any opinion to the contrary is simply wrong. What value is there, after all, in letting an incorrect opinion get loose in the public? If the highly-stylized “we’re right and everyone else is wrong so they should shut up” theory seems particularly arrogant, well that’s just because it is. Unless you’ve got a well-organized corps of journalists out to fight such well-organized conceit, who else with any credibility can do it?

Of course there’s always the argument that bloggers can somehow fill the role traditionally occupied by the mainstream media, but that’s only partially true. How many people are seriously going to make a career out of blogging and covering everything from what’s happening at the local city hall to what legislation is pending in Congress? There are some people out there attempting to do just that and some of them do a fine job, to be sure, but there are always questions of bias (for example, name one political blog out there that’s truly neutral). Besides, how many people can make a living out of blogging? If someone is going to pursue such a “citizen journalism” route and sell advertisements, will their revenue stream be strong and diversified enough to tell a major advertiser “no” when pressured to write a certain story or slant things in favor of a certain company?

Bias has always been a problem in the traditional media, of course, but the better journalists I’ve known have always tried to fight such favoritism. Further, the better newspapers I’ve worked for have kept their advertising and editorial departments separate. When I was a reporter and had advertisers call me and try to convince me of the merit of a certain story, I had the authority to refuse and know that the newspaper would back up my decision. That is a luxury that you just don’t have when you rely on just a few advertisers and they become very interested in what news is being distributed to the public.

The answer, I think, is to merge (for want of a better term) what professional journalists do with what bloggers do. Again, there are some publications taking that route but they are running into problems – how can an organization make money by distributing news over the Internet? Is there really enough advertising revenue out there to support a slew of intensely local and national media outlets on the Internet?

How journalism will look in a few years is anyone’s guess. However, I do believe one thing is clear – we need a professional corps of journalists who make a living by nothing but reporting the news and trying to be impartial about it.

Music Monday – Oingo Boingo!

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. One simple rule, leave ONLY the actual post link here. You can grab this code at LJL Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.




PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

My life would be better with a laugh track

I’ve thought about it a lot and I’ve decided that life would be much better if I only had a portable laugh track.

Let’s face it. Being a husband, father and working stiff can get a bit mundane. What is needed here is a laugh track to emphasize those daily events that are actually a hoot.

I’m not just talking about a laugh track, really. I’m talking about something that could transform my everyday experience into one long situation comedy. My laugh track (for want of a better term) would include applause, the mass “oooo!” sound that audiences make when they see something particularly tantalizing, etc.

Here’s how it would work. Let’s say I come home from work:

The Hawg – Walks through front door. “Honey, I’m home.” (applause)

The Hawg kisses Marci Kay (cue that “oooo!” sound effect)

Brenda SueCarol (our young daughter) – Wrinkles nose. “Eww! Get a room!” (laughter)

Now, what could be more fun than that. I could use my laugh track at work, too, for those events that just beg for one. For example, my rat terrier – the famed Cobb – was tossed in the pound a couple of years ago and I had to bail him out.

Cobb ran into trouble about a year after that when the animal control folks stopped by my house because a neighbor had been complaining about Cobb’s barking. Now, you need to understand a couple of things. First of all, there’s an ordinance in town that prohibits dogs from barking from 10 p.m. to 7 a.m. (or something like that). So my barking dog wasn’t breaking the law.

Also, this particular neighbor who sent animal control our way (and probably had Cobb tossed in the pound in the first first place) hates my dog. This individual’s way of dealing with unruly animals is to starve them to death and/or let them die of heat exhaustion by chaining them up out of the shade and giving them no water in the summer (I just wish I was kidding). So I don’t give a damn if that individual likes Cobb or not, frankly.

At any rate, I related the story of animal control showing up at my house to my friend Dave at work. He made a quip that is worthy of a laugh track:

Dave – Shakes head. “Man, they’re just picking on Cobb because he’s got a record.” (insert laugh track)

Now I just have to figure out where to get a laugh track and how to carry it around with me wherever I go. I will caution you – this is my idiotic idea and you’ll be a big doo-doo head if you steal it.

Wish me luck!

Midget wrestling and minor league baseball? Seriously?

A friend of mine was excited at work today because he received an email notification that there would be midget wrestling last night in North Little Rock at an Arkansas Travelers game.

No. You really can’t make up stuff like this. Here is the relevant part of that aforementioned email:

“The show you definitely don’t want to miss…MIDGET WRESTLING makes its final appearance of the 2009 baseball season presented by Midtown Billiards, The Edge, CW Arkansas and Fox 16. L’il Kato and Puppet ‘The Psycho Dwarf’ will battle for the World Heavyweight Midget Wrestling Championship at 6:45 p.m. in the squared circle at home plate!”

My friend called me from the game, declared the event “awesome” and shot some video on his iPhone that I can watch at the office on Monday. Sadly I couldn’t make it out to see some midget wrestling and I’m not sure whether L’il Kato or Puppet ‘The Psycho Dwarf’ won the event.

It doesn’t matter that much, really. I just feel I missed out on something unusual and more than a bit entertaining. I’ve been an Arkansan my entire life but some things that happen in this state still surprise me.

Midget wrestling before an Arkansas Travelers baseball game. Wow.

Foreclosed – a few words about my Wordless Wednesday entry

Yes, it seems like just yesterday (in fact it was just yesterday) when I submitted the photo on the left as my Wordless Wednesday entry.

I didn’t take that photo or come up with the nifty “speech bubble,” but I had to share the picture. Why? I make my living as a public relations guy (I prefer the term “media cat” but that hasn’t caught on) and have heard a lot about foreclosures over the past couple of years.

That photo was sent to me by a fellow in my office (the technology cat, to be precise) as he’s heard a lot about foreclosures, too.

There are a couple of things about the foreclosures topic that are worth mentioning. For one thing, we’ve had our share of those things in Arkansas, but our troubles have been few compared to a lot of other states. One of the primary reasons for our good fortune in that regard has to do with the conservative nature of our lending institutions.

The National Association of Realtors tells us that the majority of foreclosures involve subprime mortgages. A lot of banks in this state simply refused to deal with those mortgages, so we’ve not had as many defaults as some other areas. Arvest – the largest bank in Arkansas – is one of those that simply refused to deal with subprime mortgages.

Second, I’m sick to death of the bickering over whether Republicans or Democrats are to blame for the collapse of the subprime mortgage market. The simply truth is that this mess has been brewing for 30 years and both political parties had a hand in it.

Yes, back in 1977 the Jimmy Carter administration pushed through the Community Reinvestment Act to encourage more relaxed credit standards so as to make it easier for people to take out mortgages. The thought was that poor folks and minorities were being discriminated against by banks that wouldn’t give the money. Equity, seemingly, demanded a remedy.

Some of that risky lending, as you might recall, was a contributor to the savings and loan crisis that beat the hell out of the financial system from the mid-1980s through the early 1990s. Rather than learn from the mistakes made, Bill Clinton announced in 1999 that everyone has the right to own a home and his administration pushed through measures that further relaxed lending standards for Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.

Jump forward to the first term of the George W. Bush administration and you may recall that the only thing going well in the economy was the housing market. In an attempt to keep that rolling, lending standards were relaxed a bit further. They might not have been actively pushed for Bush, but you’d better believe his administration didn’t have much motivation to say “boo” about the alarmingly lax standards.

The key to the whole mess, of course, is the mortgage backed securities market. A mortgage backed security is exactly what it sounds like – an instrument that behaves like a bond and is backed by mortgages.

For awhile, investors lined up in droves to buy those things. Local banks generally didn’t have much call to scrutinize loan applications to closely – all they knew was that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac would guarantee those mortgages. Meanwhile, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac could simply dump those loans on the mortgage backed security market and everything would be dandy.

Well, it didn’t turn out so dandy, did it? When you float a bunch of risky mortgages out there with terms that are too much for borrowers to bear, you wind up with a lot of foreclosures. Some of the mortgages being written just a few years ago were downright odd. We’re talking about thing like mortgages on which borrowers paid interest only for a period of a few years. When those few years ran, borrowers had to pay both interest and principal and simply couldn’t afford mortgage payments that went up by hundreds of dollars overnight. Adjustable rate mortgages often contained such unfavorable terms (i.e., locked in at a low rate for a few years then the mortgage would float) and we saw a lot of foreclosures from that end, too.

So a lot of the subprime mess was brought on by government interference and downright greed on the part of a lot of the financial industry. Borrowers, too, jumped in over their heads and were convinced the could sell their homes for a profit before the unfavorable terms of their subprime mortgages took hold. As we’ve seen, that was just not a safe bet – housing values plummeted due to overbuilding, downward pressure on prices, a souring economy and a host of other problems.

Oh, and here’s more great news – default rates on prime mortgages have increased dramatically this year according to the Federal Reserve. Great.

The good news here is that banks seemed to have learned a thing or two over the past couple of years. They’re looking hard at credit reports and are generally insisting on down payments from people wanting to take out mortgages. It’s worth mentioning that Arvest – and a lot of other banks that didn’t take any bailout money – had those policies in place for years.

Perhaps other lenders – and the federal government – can learn a thing or two about the value of conservative lending and taking as few risks with investors’ money as possible.

This post is part of the oh-so-dandy Tell Me Thursday event. Bump the link to find out more about Tell Me Thursday!

Lou Holtz for Congress? Heck yeah!

Here’s some news that ought to make any Arkansan proud – Lou Holtz might run for a seat in Congress.

You heard me right – he may run as a Republican and challenge central Florida incumbent U.S. Rep. Suzanne Kosmas, a Democrat.

For those of you unfamiliar with Holtz, he was the head coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks until he was run out of this state by a pack of morons in 1983. He went to a little college called Notre Dame in 1986 and led the Irish to a national championship in 1986.

I’m all for Holtz for at least a couple of reasons. For one thing, the man is a hoot. I have said – time and time again – that we ought to be electing better leaders to national offices. The American public doesn’t seem to interested in that as evidenced by the rotten candidates that have run for president since Ronald Reagan left office (yeah, the Democrats and Republicans have both scraped the bottom of the barrel for candidates since 1988).

Seriously, folks. The last presidential election featured a grumpy old man who didn’t seem to know what he really wanted to achieve and a fellow who stole his campaign slogan from Bob the Builder. We quit worrying about quality candidates and responsible government years ago.

Yes, you could expect Holtz to always be up to something wacky and popping off about this, that and the other. Holtz has a big mouth and it often gets him in trouble. If we can’t expect much from government, then we can at least be entertained, right?

My view of politics is – I realize – cynical as can be. I explain my point of view to people by relating a story from my days as a student. When I was a freshman at Hendrix College in scenic Conway, Ark., I was ironing a shirt in my dorm room (I have always hated ironing). I heard a knock at the door, yelled “come in!” and a fellow wearing a coat and tie entered.

“Hi!” he enthused as he handed me a pamphlet. “I’m blah-blah and I’m running for student council! I would really appreciate your vote.”

“You really want my vote?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“Then get in here and iron my shirt.”

“I’m not going to iron your shirt!”

“Then I’m not going to vote for you.”

The poor slob looked like he wanted to say something but just couldn’t manage it. He wandered off in a huff, leaving me with my ironing and a great story that I’ve been telling for over 20 years now.

Here’s the point – if I would have gotten that guy to iron my shirt, I would have received more benefit from an elected official than most people receive in their lives.

If we can’t expect the government to do much, then there’s nothing wrong with voting for someone who could at least make political news interesting. Yes, I’d expect his speeches from the House floor to be littered with all sorts of sports analogies.

“It’s third and long, but we’re not giving up,” Holtz might say. “We’ve hit the two minute warning but I know we’re mounting a comeback that will be one for the books.”

Another reason I like Holtz is that he might actually get something done. The man is a loose cannon who says what he means and isn’t afraid to back down from a fight. Compared to that mealy-mouthed Vic Snyder who represents Arkansas’ Second District (my district, sadly) in the House, a hell-raising, straight shooter like Holtz would be a refreshing change of pace.

Snyder mumbles the party line through his mustache while Holtz tends to get angry and yell what’s on his mind. Of course, Holtz’s tendency to disregard the consequences of his words might be the thing that would cost him enough votes to keep him out of Congress. That would be a shame.

Now, I know a lot of people like to talk about experience when it comes to politics these days. The notion, of course, is that someone who hasn’t served in an elected office just isn’t as effective as someone who has.

That’s a bunch of crap. Look here – Holtz managed to lead the Razorbacks to a stunning victory over the Oklahoma Sooners in the 1978 Orange Bowl, has a national title under his belt and is in the College Football Hall of Fame. He’s achieved more than 95 percent of the careerists in the House or the Senate. That’s good enough for me.

I like this notion of Holtz running for office so much I might just make a contribution even though he’d be representing Florida rather than Arkansas. You want change? Just put Holtz in office and you’ll see some change.

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday – foreclosed?

Why not visit Wordless Wednesday to check out the other participants or submit something of your own?

No. No. No!!!

As if I didn’t have enough to be mad about, I read the confirmation from KISSonline.com that one of my favorite bands had agreed to do an ad campaign with those filthy, filthy charlatans at M&M’s.

I haven’t been this mad since Nike was trying to sell me some shoes by pimping out the Beatles’ “Revolution” in an ad campaign that only a corporate stooge could love. Sadly, it’s not surprising. After Gene Simmons’ decades of hawking everything from Kiss Kaskets to his own wife’s tell-all memoirs, he apparently had enough of his soul left to sell to M&M’s – this generation’s great evil.

Yes, my outright hatred of M&M’s is well documented. I’ve got another reason to hate them now – that cheap, rotten Mars bunch is now going to get a little fatter off the legacy of a band that used to be great.

Yeah, laugh it you want. But Kiss did, indeed, used to be a great band. They suck these days and it’s somehow fitting that they’re banking on their makeup days in public appearances and in that filthy M&M’s ad, but two of the members that made the band great – Ace Frehley and Peter Criss – are nowhere to be found.

No, Criss has been replaced by Eric Singer and Tommy Thayer is filling in for Thayer these days. Singer and Thayer can wear the makeup, but it’s not the same thing no matter how much Simmons and Paul Stanley want us to believe that it’s just like the good old days.

Frehley and Criss are lucky in a way – at least they aren’t around to see themselves portrayed by stinking, talking M&M’s.

Speaking of Frehley, he’s got a new album coming out on Sept. 15 (click here to stream the track "Outer Space," by the way -- rocks!) Here’s hoping his new record blows the one being slopped together by Kiss out of the water. They’re probably too busy playing with M&M’s to record anything worth a damn, anyway.

Still, the very idea of pairing one of my favorite bands from my childhood with cheap, nasty M&M’s is nauseating. At least Nike makes decent shoes and that removed some of the stink of that “Revolution” faux pas. The M&M’s bunch can’t even fall back on a decent product.

It’s worth mentioning that there is supposed to be a “special KISS edition” of that barely edible M&M’s candy before long. Were it up to me, I’d call the Kiss version of that junk “Extra Krappy.” Heh, heh.

Phooey on Kiss and M&M’s both. Just plain phooey.

Pronounced ‘You-Sneb-Bitch’

I love this band. Why? Because these lads go out of their way to be really, really horrible. Check out the glory of King Uszniewicz & the Uszniewicztones for yourself by watching the below video (and read more about this disaster of a band over at Norton Records).

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. One simple rule, leave ONLY the actual post link here. You can grab this code at LJL Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.

New and different? Really?

My wife and I were watching Burn Notice the other night (truly a great show) when something not so great happened.

Yes, it seems there was a very obvious product placement ad for one of those 64 calorie light beers that was awkwardly inserted in the episode we were watching. Well, it was 64 calories or something close to it and I think it was Michelob, but I was too irritated to care.

Now, I don’t mind people out making a buck and I’m not to irritated by very obvious product placement ads in the middle of television shows. What does annoy me, however, is when someone takes an idea that has been around for years and tries to market it as something brand new.

That level of conceit relies on the notion that we just aren’t paying attention. Bugs the hell out of me.

Here’s the thing. A lot of these breweries have been howling about their 60-some-odd calorie beer lately. Folks, this is absolutely nothing new. Every hear of Pearl Light? It weighs in at 68 calories and has been around for decades.

The thing about Pearl Light, however, is that it’s kind of hard to come by these days and absolutely no advertising revenue is spent on it. Pearl was established way on back in 1883 and is still brewed in Fort Worth, Texas. Read all about Pearl here.

Pearl Light is cheap swill that costs about $7 for a 12-pack around here and it’s hard to find it (I’m told) outside of Texas, Arkansas and Oklahoma. Still, it’s low calorie cheap swill and seems to have beaten those other brewers of cheap, diet beer to the punch by several decades.

Still, these other brewers have the marketing bucks so I guess they can howl about their “new” beer all they want. Some of us, however, know better.

By the way, I can’t stress enough how great of a show USA’s Burn Notice really is. It’s got Bruce Campbell in it and anything with that guy in it is automatically great.

Apparently we can’t drive in the rain, either

I don’t know if people have gotten worse at driving in the rain here in Arkansas over the past couple of decades or I’ve just become impatient over the years.

It’s a well established fact that we Arkansans are absolutely clueless when it comes to driving in the snow. Folks who move down here from up north tend to marvel at our complete inability to drive on snow but that’s not totally our fault. We can’t help the way we slide around on frozen roads for a couple of reasons – we haven’t had the practice and we don’t have the equipment.

Here’s what I mean. Let’s say a foot of snow falls on a town in Iowa. What do they do? City workers get up early, plow the streets and then drive around like nothing happened.

Here in Benton, Ark., a snow flake hitting the street and sticking might be enough to shut down the town. Yes, schools let out and a lot of us just stay home until the snow melts.

It doesn’t snow here that often so we haven’t had much practice driving on it. Also, we don’t have a lot of the equipment necessary to clear the streets when we get snow or ice. That actually makes sense – that equipment is expensive, so why buy it if you’ll use it (at most) about a week a year?

At any rate, I noticed today that a lot of us stink when it comes to driving in the rain, too. I headed off to work this morning in what I’d describe as moderate rainfall (i.e., it was raining too hard to get by with using the “mist” setting on my windshield wipers) and my 25-minute commute took about 45 minutes.

Why? Well, a wreck on I-30 slowed things down quite a bit. I noticed  the wreck, really, when I ran over a piece of Oldsmobile on the interstate.

That’s right. A piece of Oldsmobile. I ran right over it. It was a rubbery chunk of that stuff that covers bumpers or something like that.

I assume it was a piece of Oldsmobile I hit, however, because it was sitting near an Oldsmobile that was in terrible, terrible shape. The front in was bashed in and the hood had that accordion look to it that’s typically reserved for Saturday morning cartoons.

A wreck that’s severe enough to cause pieces of one of the cars involved to back up traffic is something that delays things quite a bit. From the looks of things, the Olds clearly skidded into an SUV (that vehicle didn’t have pieces falling off of it) and one can only guess that the rain caused that wreck.

In fact, the rain caused wrecks all over central Arkansas today – according to the traffic reports on the radio, at least. I came across the battered Oldsmobile and saw another truck that had went into the median on I-430, too.

The truck one was interesting in that the vehicle was clearly bogged down in the median and it was being connected via a tow strap to another truck that looked like it was on its way to getting stuck in the mud. So, yeah, there was another delay – people had to drive by it slowly and look at it.

So we can’t drive on snow or ice. We can’t drive in the rain. People are getting in wrecks during rush hour constantly because they’re chatting on cell phones rather than paying attention to what’s going on around them. I’m amazed I haven’t yet been in a wreck during my commute.

Some other neighborly reminders from your old friend, The Hawg

For my Wordless Wednesday post yesterday, I put up a picture of the nifty sign over to the left.

That’s one of the more disturbing signs I’ve seen in some time. My wife and I were out shopping in Little Rock on Saturday and stopped by a Cracker Barrel to grab some lunch.

Oddly, I didn’t feel too secure when we stepped out of our minivan and were advised to lock our vehicle and remove our valuables from it. Oh, what could be more neighborly than that? I know Little Rock has a crime problem but are thieves really lurking around a Cracker Barrel in one of the safer parts of town?

Now I – your old friend The Hawg – am the helpful sort. I was inspired to come up with a few more signs to be posted around Little Rock (the last one should be posted in every city in the country, but that goes without saying). Y’all enjoy and be sure to read the plug for Tell Me Thursday after you look at the dandy signs.

This is my submission to the fantastic Tell Me Thursday event. If you participate in the weekly Wordless Wednesday thing, you really should give Tell Me Thursday a look.

A neighborly reminder?

This post is part of the famed Wordless Wednesday event. Head on over to see other entries or submit something of your own.

First United Church of Dude?

Folks, I knew it would happen – I turned 40-years-old in June and became, like, old almost overnight.

I became aware of that last Wednesday afternoon. My 12-year-old son was wearing a pair of gym shorts and a tee shirt.

“G’bye,” the boy said.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“Church. With my friend blah-blah.”

“Dressed like that?”

“Yeah, that’s how everyone dresses there.”

“Where? The First United Church of Dude?”

Apparently, things are very casual at that church on Wednesday nights and I suppose that’s fine. However, I was raised to observe at least a bit of formality when it comes to church. The big hubbub when I was a kid was whether people ought to show up in Wednesdays in jeans.

Apparently, that issue was resolved years ago and people are now wandering off to church dressed like they’re ready to mow the lawn. Perhaps that’s OK, but I could just imagine the sermon.

“Dudes and dudettes,” the pastor might say. “That Jesus cat was gnarly, man. I mean, like, way gnarly. Whoa!”

That image has plagued me for a week now.

Music Monday – Revolution

One of my favorite Beatles songs…

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. One simple rule, leave ONLY the actual post link here. You can grab this code at LJL Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.

It’s just a shame about the Dreamcast…

One of the game consoles I still enjoy as much today as the day I got it is the Sega Dreamcast.

Why? That system was years ahead of its time in 1999 and the games still look great on my HDTV thanks to the innovative (though odd) VGA box I bought for the system. You’ve got games to satisfy just about anyone there ranging from arcade hits (Hydro Thunder is particularly great) to a couple of outstanding role playing games (Pirates of Arcadia is so good it makes owning the system worthwhile) to sports titles (anything from the NFL 2K series compares well to the famed Madden lineup) to innovative titles that used fishing rods, etc.

By the way, you can get Skies of Arcadia for the Nintendo GameCube and it’s every bit as good as the original. Heck, it is almost the same as the original save for a few more wrinkles thrown in and a soundtrack that was compressed too much for my liking. If you own a GameCube (or a Wii and a GameCube controller), Skies of Arcadia is a title you absolutely need. I still prefer the Dreamcast version because the soundtrack is noticeably clearer, but the GameCube port is certainly worthwhile.

When the Dreamcast hit the streets in September 1999, it simply blew the Nintendo 64 and Sony Playstation out of the water in terms of technological sophistication. By 2001, Sega pulled the plug on the system in the U.S. and got out of the console hardware business completely.

So, what the heck happened? Why did such a great system just up and die? The answer is two-fold at least.

For one thing, Sega had a rotten reputation when the company released the Dreamcast. This was the same company that released the Sega CD add-on for the Genesis and then discontinued support of it in a hurry. This is the same company that released the 32X add-on for the Genesis and cut that one loose shortly after it was released. By the time the Sega Saturn was released, the company had a terrible image problem and that plagued the poor Saturn.

That horrible reputation spilled over to the Dreamcast. Sega worked hard to earn it’s reputation as a company that would dump hardware on the market then not support it well enough. Gamers, apparently, didn’t want to get burned again.

In 2000, the Playstation 2 was released and gamers tended to flock to that console rather than the Dreamcast. Why? The Playstation 1 was a major hit and people expected even greater things with the PS2 (they weren’t disappointed). Furthermore, the Playstation 2 was backward compatible with those great PS1 games and it had a DVD player.

Yes, oddly, that was a big deal back in 2000. The Playstation had a DVD player and the Dreamcast didn’t. That lack of a DVD player, believe it or not, had an impact on sales.

At any rate, the Playstation 2 clearly dominated that generation of consoles to such an extent that Sega simply took its ball and went home.

That is a true shame on a number of levels. The Dreamcast is a great system that had a lot to offer, but Sega had lost the trust of consumers and people were upset that a blasted GD-ROM drive didn’t play DVDs.

The saddest part of the Sega story, perhaps, is that its absence from the market left a bit of a power vacuum. With only Nintendo and Sony left standing in the console business, that left room for Microsoft to slither in and introduce the Xbox.

God. Microsoft. Haven’t they ruined enough already?

At any rate, I still play the heck out of my Dreamcast. For people who love emulation, you’ll find plenty of support for the Dreamcast. People have written emulators that run everything from Atari 2600 to Neo Geo titles on the Dreamcast. Fortunately, the old Sega system has life in it yet.

Ace is back (almost)

Yeah, I know -- I ramble on about Ace Frehley around here far too much.

However, I just had to post the above commercial for Ace’s new album, Anomaly. The album is due out on Sept. 15, and Ace was absolutely brilliant for tapping into his 1970s roots and putting out a wonderfully cheesy commercial that is reminiscent of the time.

And, by God, why shouldn’t I be excited about a new Ace album? He wrote some of KISS’ finest songs (“Parasite,” “Shock Me,” “Cold Gin” and “Rocket Ride,” to name but a few) and hasn’t released anything in a couple of decades.

So, enjoy the commercial. Appreciate Ace’s snide reference to that Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park movie and get ready to pick up an album from a true legend.

Oh, yeah. KISS is recording something new, too. Oddly, I just don’t care.

Remember, kids -- “It’s OK, Uncle Lumpy. Ace won’t let us down.”

A great, Arkansas-based moving company

Moving stinks.

When we moved back home to God’s country (Benton, Ark.) back in 2004, we rented a couple of moving vans, loaded them up and drove them down here. It was awful, but it was a cheap way to go.

When we moved to our new home across town a couple of years ago, we hired a full-fledged moving company to pack up everything and move it. That was a good way to go, but it was expensive. I also noticed that I still did a heck of a lot of packing.

I wish I would have known about something that takes the pressure of driving an unwieldy moving truck off of me but didn’t cost an arm and a leg. Sort of a middle ground, as it were.

That’s where ABF U-Pack Moving comes into play. Instead of going through the whole truck rental process, you get a cube from ABF that you load at your leisure. The trucking company then shows up, picks up the cube and hauls it to your knew home.

The cost is very nice, too, and you're dealing with a trucking company with a great reputation. ABF is based in Fort Smith, Ark., and is one of the premier less-than-truckload carriers in the nation.

The U-Pack service is a great one for people who want to economize a little bit but aren’t opposed to doing a little packing and loading. Click here and see for yourself how favorably U-Pack’s prices stack up against traditional truck rental. It’s a great program, folks.

The best of The Hawg…

Just the other day, I posted a little something acknowledging the one year anniversary of the Natural State Hawg.

I was content to leave well enough alone with that post, but that wacky Steve from The Axis of Stevil suggested I post some highlights from my one whole year of blogging.

I have decided to go ahead and do just that for at least three reasons – I’m a bit vain; I’ve got a devastating head cold right now and am medicated enough to make questionable decisions; and I’m lazy.

Yes, remember how all those sitcoms would air a “best of” episode every year? Whenever I saw those I believed them to be the result of writers who are very lazy and not afraid to admit it.

“Well, we’re under contract to do another episode, but we’re just not feeling it,” I imagined the writers saying. “Let’s go ahead and repackage some old clips and present them as something new!”

So that’s exactly what I’m doing here. You can blame that Steve fellow. Here are the very few highlights I can find, presented in no particular order:

1. That whole thing with Jeff Foxworthy. I sent Foxworthy a redneck joke last year and got mad when I heard no reply from him after pestering him through email. I got mad and posted a tantrum. Not too long after that, I received a letter and autographed photo from him.

The photo is hanging up in my living room in a cheap frame I got from Wal-Mart (and, yes, I do realize how funny that sounds). I also learned a valuable lesson about blogging – if you do something idiotic and then write passionately about it, people will visit your site.

2. Proving to the world how great rat terriers are. After this post,  who could argue against the notion that the rat terrier is the finest breed of dog on the planet? That post was – and still is – dedicated to my dog, Cobb.

3. International The Hawgmania! I learned another lesson about blogging from this post – bragging about how great you are is very funny, particularly if people think you’re serious.

4. Presidential Candidates. This post gets better with age because I was totally right. McCain and Obama both sucked as candidates – you had an old wishy-washy fellow and a man who stole his “yes we can” slogan from Bob the Builder. We’d be better off with the likes of Alton Brown, Patricia Heaton, John Elway, Mr. T or George Lopez in the White House right now.

Political posts are always great fun because I – by and large – hate the people who are running (ruining?) the country. We haven’t had a great president in this nation since Ronald Reagan and I get a kick out of mentioning that as often as possible. For extra double good fun, check out my “Hillary Clinton is a filthy, stinking liar” post. Beating up on Clintons is always fun as we Arkansans aren’t as sleazy as those rascals. Seriously.

5. Colonel The Hawg? ‘Nuff said.

6. The Benton Panthers won and I met two great bloggers. While at a Benton Panthers game, I met two Conway, Ark., residents and fellow bloggers – Paul and Laura Eilers. Nice folks, those Eilers.

7. My own holiday. Since the UN recognizes a holiday for about every damned day of the year, what’s wrong with establishing Universal Send Cash to The Hawg Day? It would give everyone the chance to dig deep and send some money and that would bring me closer to my dream of quitting my job and watching television all day.

8. How to make soccer popular in the U.S. My brother and I discussed soccer and we came up with the plan to make the sport catch on in the U.S. The key to the whole thing revolves around random and indiscriminate violence. Part 1 of our plan is here and Part 2 is here. Read them both and you, too, will be a believer.

9. Where is my boysenberry? IHOP doesn’t sell boysenberry syrup in central Arkansas. What? I’m understandably upset. So I sent the company an email and even got a response.

10. My cell phone was garbage. The thing broke because it was too flimsy to survive being thrown a few times, kicked and stomped. I hate cell phones. Absolutely hate them.

11. Avoid this shampoo. The Hawg gets a new shampoo. The Kitten goes nuts for it.

12. The Christmas Wrench. What would you do if you had to repair a sink on Christmas eve. Would you do the smart thing and borrow a wrench from a neighbor or sneak past a Wal-Mart employee trying to keep people from entering the store right before it closed? Sneaking around is fun, kids…

13. The end of Twitter? Like Twitter? Get ready for something even more obnoxious – Pretty Pink Pony! Why? Because sending tweets just isn’t sissified enough.

14. Why is Fox News hiding the truth? I love this post primarily because someone got very, very upset over it and made an idiot of himself in my comments section. Here’s the thing about politics – neither party gives a damn about folks like you and me, so going out of your way to defend any bastard politician is generally a waste of time.

15. What the hell is going on here? Sick of all those “LOL cats” photos? I am.

That’s about it. Thanks for a great year, folks. I’ll get the hang of this one of these days. I promise!

I was always rotten at algebra…

Back in school math was never my strongest subject (and that’s putting it mildly).

Over the years, I’ve learned to master the evil number through sheer focus. I lacked that focus in school, of course, and it seems to me it would have been a very good idea to have had a little help in that regard.

Some algebra 2 help would have – in retrospect – been particularly useful. Thanks to the wild, wonderful world of the Internet, finding some algebra help is much easier now that it was once upon a time.

For some free algebra help, TutorVista.com is a good place to start. The convenience of it all is sure to be much appreciated by struggling (or lazy) students and their parents. Pay the site a visit, folks.

Are you ready for Sept. 15?

So, what happens on Sept. 15? The famed Ace Frehley’s new album, Anomaly, will be released. Read this Rolling Stone interview with Ace Frehley and click the video below to see a vintage performance of “Rip it Out” (a song from the man’s first solo album). Get ready, folks!

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. One simple rule, leave ONLY the actual post link here. You can grab this code at LJL Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.

Oh, Lappy – I hardly knew ye…

Just this weekend, my work laptop – a Toshiba (hereinafter “Trashshiba”) Satellite A215 dropped dead.

Yes, the thing won’t boot at all. Our technology cat at work tells me that it’s probably a hard drive issue meaning that a lot of the data I had stored on that thing is gone. Yes, another cheap, piece of crap hard drive is all I need to get it up and running again.

Ah, that’s a shame but it’s no surprise. As I’ve ranted about before I’d prefer to have a Macintosh. However, my employers love Windows PCs and my wife has blocked my attempts to purchase one for the house (she claims they’re too expensive).

The thing I hate about Windows is this – there are an awful lot of cheap Windows PCs and notebooks out there. There are some expensive ones, too, but Microsoft has spent a lot of time and money convincing everyone that cheap hardware is just great.

That’s the entire premise of Microsoft’s latest advertising campaign, isn’t it. “Don’t get a Macintosh! This cheap piece of crap has everything you need and it runs Windows! Don’t be a sucker!”

So people get suckered into buying substandard hardware because they’re convinced it’s just dandy. Take that Trashiba of mine. I asked for a Macintosh a couple of years ago and got a cheap Windows notebook instead.

“Look at what you get for the money,” I was told. “A Macintosh is just unreasonably expensive.”

So, instead of a durable Mac I wound up with something that dropped dead after a couple of years because I had the audacity to use it regularly. Hell, I even carried the laptop around and used it as a portable computer – certainly it wasn’t designed to be mobile, was it? That's awful hard on a computer -- you know, carrying it around and all.

There’s a reason some Windows boxes are dirt cheap – they’re built with the shoddiest, crappiest components on the planet and fail in a hurry.

The truth of the matter is this – you can get certainly get a durable PC made with top notch components but it will cost about as much as a comparable Mac. Don’t think a $500 laptop can hold a candle to one that costs $2,000 one that’s running either Mac OS X or whatever flavor of Windows is popular this week.

Yes, Windows can be a good operating system – but you’ve got to be willing to buy some decent hardware and that costs money. You don’t hear Microsoft talking much about that, do you? If you take the “this computer is great because it’s cheap” argument from the company, what does Microsoft really have left?